Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Not so good

Yesterday Tom and I went to see my oncologist in Little Rock.  We got back the results from the scans on Friday and they were not so good.

The scans showed progression.  Some of the old cancerous spots had grown some, plus there were new spots...the pelvic bones, both left and right, and my femur bones, both left and right.  Also, they examined the liver and they could see the 2 spots that were "zapped" in Sept. and they looked "zapped", no growth.  But 10 new spots were found on the liver, and a couple were larger than the others.  Overall...progression.

The new plan....(is this Plan C or D or T?)....is 1) get my calcium down.  I will go today to get fluids to help that.  Then 2) I will visit the radiologist here in Searcy at CARTI and she will assess what spots we might zap with radiation to relieve pain.  Then 3)  I will once again try a new chemo drug, starting on January 2, if all systems are go.

Yes...we are sad.  This is not what we were hoping to hear.  But we still are walking with hope that God is the Healer and can still rescue me.  I know the reality of this and I am not dismissing it.  What I'm doing is trying to see the facts but then turning my heart and eyes to Jesus and saying "so, what about these facts? What do you want me to do?"  I know at least part of His answer is to "not worry about tomorrow" but to live one day at a time.  Another response is to keep close to Him in my heart and mind.  He will not leave me alone.  Beyond that, I will seek His message for more.

Gotta go get fluids.  THANK YOU for your amazing prayers!  They were heard, I believe that.  We cannot see what is happening in the unseen world of God.  I'm trusting Him even when I can't see it or understand.

Oh God,
Take this heaviness and lift my heart.  I do not want to waste today with sorrow, but to live and walk through today with Your strength.  I will hang on tight to Your strong hand all day, like a child grabs the safety of their parents loving hand.  I am Your child and You are my God.  I praise You and love You even in this place.  You are holy and tender and right here, surrounding my presence.  I love You.  Always.
Your daughter,
Lisa

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Scans on Friday

This Friday, December 14th, I have CT scans and a bone scan scheduled for around 10:30 am.  The purpose is to look inside and (1)see how my liver is doing 3 months after the ablation and (2)to see the other bones and how the chemo has addressed the cancerous lesions on various bones, vertebrae and ribs. 

"On the one hand"  (as Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof said)....I want to know what things look like inside.  I want to see how the liver is healing and to see the chemo's work.  BUT, "on the other hand"...it may not be good news.  My role is to stand before God and ask for His peace day by day and just wait till I hear the results.  Not easy.

I would like to ask you all to pray along with our family tomorrow... Thursday, December 13th, throughout the day...maybe even fast if you feel called to do so.   I went to our elders last week and asked for their prayers.  They anointed me with oil and boldly prayed for healing with great love.  I asked for prayer in our small group and they were so sweet to gather around me and pray for healing.  I know there are many, many people praying and I am SO thankful!  Thank you to all of you for your powerful love and prayers.

"All things are possible with God."  I do believe that and continue to hope for the impossible.  I confess that there are times when the tears break through and express the questions that I have deep in my heart.  Did the chemo work? What if it progressed? What would be the next step? When will I hear? What is God's plan? What if I do "go home" early?  What should I finish here?   The questions slide into fear and loss of hope.  I usually ask friends to come and pray for my mind to be filled with peace, and that I would keep my eyes focused on Jesus, talking to Him about all these things and then letting it go, giving it to Him.  As I approach the scan day, my mind begins to think "I must let go, there is nothing I can do to control this...it belongs in God's hands."

It is Wednesday night. Tomorrow I'll pray and worship the Lord. Then Friday I'll walk in the strength of the prayers of family and friends.  Then I'll lie down one more time and see what the Lord has done. 

Oh God,
One more time...hear our prayers.  Send Your Spirit to fill us with peace that passes understanding.  This looks like a mountain, Father.  Really high and wide and giant.  Father, please, move this mountain.  Not because I have such perfect faith. You said I just need a little mustard seed's size.  I've got that much Father.  Please, move this mountain. My hope is in You.
I love You.
Lisa

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Thanksgiving and Round Three

November was a wonderful month. Truly a time to be thankful to God!  Even though I was still on the chemo schedule, the highlight of November was that I got to go home... to see my parents, sisters and son in Nashville. Yay!!!  Our son has been home to visit many times through the year, and one of my sisters, Diane, has been to AR twice...but my parents and my sister Judy couldn't travel and I had not been over to Tennessee since March.  I think I mentioned it last time that in March I was in a wheelchair.  That was the last time my parents and sister saw me.  I was so glad to get out of the car and run to them.  We hugged and cried and hugged some more.

It was SO good to go to Tennessee.  I needed to see my family and they needed to see me.  I didn't know how my strength would be traveling like that, but once again, God took care of me.  I mostly stayed in, having quiet, hanging out time with my family.  I had a few surprise visits from friends.  They were wonderful and encouraging.  I also got to see my niece, nephew and great niece.  It was all truly good medicine.  And then, during the three days around Thanksgiving, my husband's family gathered at a state park for a reunion.  That was a sweet blessing as well! So thankful to God.

When I returned to Arkansas, that Monday was round three of Carboplatin.  I went in about 11 and finally finished about 3:30. Once again, I had a dear, longtime friend come and sit with me for a good while and had such a nice catchup time with her!

The biggest thing that happened Monday was that my doctor set the dates for scans.  I will be going for CT and bone scans on December 14th.  That is a big day.  Right now I am not looking ahead, but trying to keep my eyes on Jesus TODAY.

The other Carboplatin chemo treatments have had mild side effects that usually started on Wednesday or Thursday.  But this time, I started feeling yucky, flu-like symptoms early,  Tuesday afternoon.  I hunkered down, took meds, slept, didn't eat much until the cloud lifted Thursday night and definitely Friday. Yay.  I was surprised by the early attack, but just glad when it was over.

Thank you for the prayers you have prayed, not just for my trip to Tennessee, but for the whole year!  I've been overwhelmed with faithful prayer warriors...praying for me but also for our whole family.  It's been incredible!  Thank you so much.

I'll write some more soon regarding the scans.  In the meantime...I praise God for today and for His glorious love over our family hour by hour.  He is good.