Christmas Week

This past week was wonderful and very full. Mary's birthday was on Saturday, turning 12. I can't believe she's 12! Then Sunday night our family opened gifts to each other (the six of us) as we traditionally do on Christmas Eve. We had such a sweet time together. Monday, Christmas Day, we got up and had our stocking time...digging in the stockings, seeing what was in them. Then I made cranberry sauce, mashed sweet potatoes and a big salad to take over to Jim and Susan's for Christmas dinner. I was very thankful to feel well enough to hustle around and make those things. We had a very nice time with all the extended family. Tuesday was a quiet day, cleaning up some of the celebrations. Then Wednesday was Jesse's birthday...23 years old! We had dinner at home. I even made my mother's famous Danish meringue birthday cake for Jess, although I still have a long way to go before it tastes like hers. Wed. was also a day of getting Jesse packed up to leave for Nashville. Thursday Tommy took off with the girls to Nashville in the morning. Then Jesse finished packing around noon...and Jamie and I said goodbye to him.
That was hard. This is a first...a child going off, leaving home. Even though I know it's time and he is ready, it doesn't make it easy to let go.

So by Thursday afternoon Jamie and I were the only ones here. We've had a quiet time, cleaning up more of Christmas, watching some movies, making big trips to Hastings or Big Lots (we know how to have fun). Quiet time. He is being so sweet and helpful...I'm glad he ended up staying here with me. I thought maybe I would like the alone time, with everyone gone. But I think the Lord knew I needed someone here, or it would have been too quiet.

I'm approaching the fourth treatment...Jan. 2. I'm learning the pattern. Right about when I start to feel normal, health-wise, it's time to go back and start all over. I am eating normal, sleeping normal. The only symptom in the past week is just mild fatigue. The physical part is fine during this third week. As I approach the next treatment I have to deal with the emotional part...the dread of going in. One part of me knows that the chemo is a good thing...it's the medicine that attacks the evil cancer cells. But another part of me has to face the truth of knowing I'm about to feel sick all over again. I don't know what else to do except to take one day at a time, ask the Lord to hold me up...I mean, really, hold me up, so I will walk forward, and not retreat....even though forward is hard. When the Israelites were in the wilderness He was a cloud by day and a fire by night...so they were never without His light. I love that part of their story. Maybe when I get at the end of this whole thing I'll look down and realize my shoes never wore out. But, for right now, I can't look down. I have to keep looking forward. One day at a time, one step at a time.

Thank You, Holy God, for being with all the huge life events of the past few weeks. Thank You for all the ways You show Yourself in the middle of this time in my life. You continue to show me You are here, with me. I still have some questions...the how question and the why question, but I don't have to have the answers. Not now or even in this lifetime. I know eventually You'll explain it. I just pray that I can be faithful, to trust You no matter what comes my way. I choose to trust You, O Lord. In Jesus' Name.