It's Sunday night. This is the 8th time I've come up on the Sunday night syndrome... "the night before chemo". I thought this time that it would not be a big deal, since I've done it seven other times! And afterall, I should be rejoicing because, Lord willing if all goes as planned, it will be my last big chemo treatment. I hope it really is my last one.
But I still find myself emotionally dreading tomorrow. Again. What am I dreading? Hmmm...it's really simple, I think. I dread sitting there, watching all the meds go into my port, one after the other. When I sit there I am physically faced with the reality that I have cancer. I know I have cancer...but at home, I'm still me. I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter,a sister, a friend. When I am there, I'm a cancer patient, sitting and talking to other cancer patients. It's a long, long day.
So I will go tomorrow...with my Tommy by my side this time. I'm so glad he is coming. I'll also go with Jesus by my side. That is not a nice, religious saying that I am throwing out. I really do depend on the fact that Jesus is going with me tomorrow. He's been there for the other seven, I know He'll be there tomorrow. I believe Him when He said " I will never leave you."
I do hope it will be my last chemo treament.
2 comments:
Praying for you today!! And praying that this will be the LAST ONE!!! :) Love you.
Lisa, I do pray today for your peace as the chemo infuses into your port, and that those medicines will stop the division of ALL the malignant cells in your body. I pray all the healthy cells get stronger within your body, and that leads to healing. And again, I pray peace and endurance for you through this process.
Arlene
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