Sunday

Only five left...Monday through Friday.

You would think that it's like coasting downhill at this point. Coming into the final stretch and seeing the finish line ahead, running across with ease.

But something happened Friday and Saturday to me. It was a major attack from Satan. Once again, the physical is so connected to the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of my body. Up until last week the radiation hasn't been too hard. I'm not saying it was easy, but it was not as physically taxing until last week. Last week my skin really reached the "sunburned" level everyone talks about. Plus, I was just tired, so tired. By Friday afternoon I was pretty teary. Then I woke up Saturday morning with tears ready to fall. They sprinkled on and off through the morning. Then about 1:30, there was a downpour.

Tommy came in to check on me, I was lying down on the bed. He asked how I was doing and I just started sobbing. Tired of all of this. So tired. I felt hopeless and discouraged. I just felt dark and sad and completely weary. I asked him to pray over me, which he did... he prayed for peace to pour over me and for Satan to leave. He kept praying and immediately I calmed down and felt all the heaviness lift. I felt completely different. Life was light again. Peace did pour over me. It was amazing and very much from the Lord.

Why such an overt enemy attack at this point in the race? I imagine someone sticking their foot out and tripping the runner right before they cross the finish line. They are so close to victory something drastic has to be done to stop them! I got tripped, but I didn't get stopped. Once again, it was my sweet husband that the Lord used to come to my rescue, to intercede in prayer, and send me forward again. I am so, so thankful for my husband. I'm moving forward again.

And I as so grateful to God. Over and over again He has rescued me, getting me back on my feet to run. "I love you, O Lord, my strength". Psalms 18:1

There is the big question that everyone wonders...if He is such an awesome and loving God, why did He let this happen in the first place? Honestly...I don't know. I really don't. I have some ideas why but since I'm not God, I do not really know why. What I do know is that He is in control of all things. I believe that, for some reason, He allowed this cancer to grow in my body. Not that He wanted me to suffer, but that He allowed it for His own reasons. I can't see the big picture, all I see is today. I also know that He loves me and has called me to trust Him day by day. I love Him so much...enough that I do trust Him, even with my life and my body. SO...even though I don't know the "why", I am okay not knowing. The things that I do know are enough for me to follow Jesus. Suffering seems to be a part of the discipleship of being a Christian. I haven't had much of it in the other 49 years, but now I have a piece of understanding that aspect of discipleship. There are many others I know who have had more than a piece; they've suffered for the Lord years and years and years and still praise His holy name. I'm just learning. I still have plenty to learn.

"Finally be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. (not mine)
Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the tricks of the devil. For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:10-12