Nothing is Impossible

It's been hard to sit and write this blog...and I guess that's why I've taken so long to do it.  We received the results from my scans last week and they were not what we wanted to hear. There was more progression of the cancer in my body.

The CT of the brain did not show any lesions/tumors. That was good.  But the bone scan and the CT of my chest and abdomen areas were not good.  My doctor said I had a mixed response.  Yes, some of the tumors on my vertebrae had actually shrunk.  But there were other old spots that grew bigger and there were new spots we had not seen before.  The worst news we received was that there were 2 spots on my liver, each one is 1 cm.  Not good.  Overall assessment...progression...again.

SO....the big question...what next?  Our oncologist said we have lots of options that we have not tried yet, chemo treatments that I have not used that were considered good options.  She suggested an oral drug called Xeloda that is actually taken at home. It has very difficult side effects, but she said not everyone has them.  Another option is a different I.V. chemo called Carboplatin that is used for metastasized breast cancer.  We also talked about a medical procedure where they go in with radio frequency and zap (with heat) the lesions on the liver.  That sounded good...to get rid of the spots.  Right now, our doctor's plan is to do the liver procedure very soon...possibly this week and then, as soon as I can, start the chemo.

BUT...Tom and I have been talking and praying about exactly what to do, trying to make wise decisions in the middle of this new information.  So many people have said "go to MD Anderson" or go here or there...BIG cancer centers. The truth is there are still standard procedures that have been used for years that we have not tried yet.  We decided to get counsel from some medical people.  We called a friend in Texas who is an oncologist. He gave us great counsel and things to consider.  We also decided to try and get hold of the doctor  we talked to in February that is at Vanderbilt University Cancer Center. (See blog 2-6-12 called New Plan). He is a world renowned breast cancer doctor and researcher. I was surprised when he actually called me Friday evening and we talked for about 20 minutes. (That is unheard of for most doctors to call the patient at home!)  He thought both drugs that my doctor suggested were great options and he suggested a third option. He told me again that there were no clinical trials for my particular situation at this time.   He was complimentary of my oncologist's care and decisions.  It was so encouraging to speak with him. He is a researcher and oncologist, really on top of current information.   I was shocked that I had made contact so quickly, but very grateful.  It was definitely a blessed call.

So...we will talk to our doctor again on Monday with a couple of questions and then begin some new plan as quickly as possible.  That is the medical scoop.

Physically, I'm doing a little better about food/appetite since I've been off the chemo. I still need prayers for that.  My hair has thinned out quite a bit, but is not gone.  I have been wearing baseball caps here and there but haven't started wearing the wig.  My pain is about the same and continues to be managed by the pills I take twice a day.  My strength is better than 3 weeks ago, but I still feel tired overall.

Then there's the whole other part...heart, soul and mind.  We heard the results on Tuesday over the phone, then saw the doctor on Wednesday.  Tuesday was emotionally VERY hard.  We were sad, so disappointed that it had not worked.  It was especially hard to hear that now the cancer was on the liver.  I know that is not a good thing.  We wiped away tears and talked and processed it all day. But when we saw the doctor on Wednesday, we felt a little better.  She said "we still have options".  That was huge.  Options. Yay!

Our family and friends have quickly reminded us that God still "has options".  Nothing...NOTHING is impossible with God.  Many of the miracle stories in the Bible show God intervening in the last moment.  Abraham sacrificing his only son, the promised heir, on an altar...and God sent an angel at the last possible moment and stopped it.  The woman who had the issue of blood had spent all she had on the doctors and nothing had worked.  She was desperate and had run out of options.  Except for Jesus.  The Perfect Option.  We have decided to continue with medical options, Western medicine.  But we KNOW that, ultimately, it is God Who is the Healer.  We will continue to ask Him to swoop in and rescue me.

I feel like the woman that touched the hem of the garment.  Not in the sense that we've spent everything we have or that she had no other options medically.  We are blessed to still have options that are considered great and wonderful.  But I feel like her in the sense that I must rely on Jesus Christ.  I am pushing through the crowd, reaching out to just touch that hem one more time.  He has healed me before...twice.  I give God all the glory for those healings.  But here I am ....reaching out again for that hem.  I know God is more than able to heal me.  My job is to keep looking to Him for daily life and strength.  He is in charge of my life...yes, and my death.

There is a wood decoration in our kitchen that says "Give Thanks in Everything". That is what it says in Philippians 4.  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  Wow.  Don't worry about anything?  That's what Jesus said too in Matthew 6.  "Don't be anxious about tomorrow.  Tomorrow's anxious for itself.  Today's own troubles are enough for today."

So...that's where I am, I'm trying to live one day at a time...trusting God with my life...hanging on to hope in Christ Jesus...and walking in His strength, not mine.  I pray constantly for my family, that God will give them comfort and strength to face this with me.  And He has.  He has held us all up hour by hour, minute by minute.

The battle is still on.  I haven't given up, even though I'm tired of this.  I want to keep fighting for life.  I want to keep my eyes on Jesus.  He is good and full of love for us all.  When we have struggles and suffering that we are facing...God will not abandon us. Actually, He feels closer when it is hard.  He is so real and faithful and good.

Oh God,
Thank You for being with our family this past week.  This is hard. We don't understand.  But we love You and we trust You with everything in our lives.  Please give us faith, to believe in what we cannot see,  and give us hope and courage to believe in what looks impossible.  I know ALL things are possible with You.  That is where our hearts land, believing in Your decisions and trusting You wholeheartedly.
In the Name that is full of love and power, Jesus,
Amen.