This afternoon I go to the oncologist's office to visit with her and then start a new chemo I have not used before. Let me try to catch up.
It has been awhile since I've written, almost a month! I am sorry for being slow but there has been a lot going on in that month. Now Christmas and New Year's have come and gone, plus two of our sweet children's birthdays. God was right there, celebrating with us and holding us up...with strength, with joy, with laughter, delicious meals, music and family time. We even got to go see our Tennessee family after Christmas, which is always special. Very sweet time.
Right after Christmas I had an appointment with the radiologist in Searcy. We discussed radiation treatments to relieve some progression of pain in my hips. ( My Little Rock doctor suggested we look into that.) The Searcy doctor took some more pictures and decided that, really, my right hip bone was the most at risk situation. She decided to give me 5 radiation treatments (one per day) to kill the cancer in the zone. SO...that's what I did. She said the dosage was high but they were trying to get the radiation done to get started back with chemo. I started Thursday January 3rd, and finished on Wednesday January 9th . I haven't had any bad side effects. Fatigue did come into the picture but I'm so grateful for a lot of other things that did NOT happen at all.
Which brings us to today. Chemo this afternoon. Starting a new one, and praying, once again, that this one would kill the cancer. I am trusting God with all of it...getting the chemo, side effects (hopefully none) and strength for this body that is depending on God's strength, not mine.
Emotionally? Lots of peace that passes understanding. Some moments of tears. Since the last report was very difficult, my heart and my mind have worked overtime to decide minute by minute hopeful response. Most the time, daily, I have to intentionally "capture my thoughts" to say to myself..."this is not over yet. There is still time for God to do a mighty work in this body. I choose to watch Him fight. I choose life. I choose hope!" If I don't wrestle with those thoughts, then it is hard to hope. Then my mind wanders to thoughts that are not filled with hope. NOT good. So...the choice before me is to keep choosing to be encouraged by the words of God like "nothing is impossible with God" and walking in the hope of Christ Jesus OR to choose to walk in despair. I choose life. It's an easy choice but a hard one to actually do. If the time comes when I do not see my victory happening on earth, then I will trust God in a new way, to transition me gently to my victory in heaven. Healing will come one way or the other.
Oh Holy God,
You are SO magnificent and great! I've come to see a New Year arrive again, and I thank You greatly for this gift of time. Thank You for all the loving support from my family and from hundreds of friends! They've cared for me, fed me, prayed for me, encouraged me over and over. I feel extraordinarily blessed.
Father... save me. However You choose. Please lift up my chin day by day and let my heart and mind dwell on Your goodness and love. Pour more of Your Holy Spirit into my life and be my Comforter and Counselor. And let me continue to praise You and trust You to watch over my life.
"We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our Help and our Shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy Name.
May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in You." Psalm 33:20-22
In the powerful Name of Jesus I pray,
Lisa
2 comments:
My dear Lisa, I pray God can bring comfort at this time & his mighty healing powers to you. I know you have been so strong through all this. It is great to know we are God's children & he will never forsake us. Prayers for your journey once again. Love, & God Bless. Your sister in Christ, Shirley B.
Lisa,
I continue to lift you up in prayer and I hope I can see you for a visit (if you're up for it) sometime when I'm in Searcy next.
One blessing that comes from this struggle is that through it, God is providing you with an opportunity to demonstrate unwavering faith to your children... it is something they will never be able to shake.
Watching our mom battle cancer and witnessing her grow closer to the Lord and more confident in his power day by day, we kids were forever changed. (Even at the young ages of 7,9, and 11.) That faith is burned into us. We cannot/will not ever deny that our God, He is alive! How can we, having witnessed Him through our mom?
Can there be any greater gift than to know that your children have seen you cling to the Lord through your struggle with cancer, and that it has forever changed them? Their memories are imprinted with the stamp of your faith. One does not easily turn away after witnessing such things. What peace it must give you to know that you've been able to give them such a gift. I pray that I will be able to live out such a convicting example to Elsa... one that will draw her nearer to the Lord.
Love to you!
Carissa
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