That Monday, June 17th, we went in to see my oncologist for the results from the PET scan. Overall, they were not good. The scan showed that there were some spots that had gotten better, one being the tumors on the liver had reduced in size. But...there were lots of places that the cancer had progressed...in the pelvic area, some of the spots on the vertebrae, ribs and various spots. Not good news. We had already discussed with her possible options if this was the case, so she named yet another chemo for me to begin (something that I haven't tried yet). She wanted me to start it immediately. I went on into the chemo room and received treatment that day. This chemo, she said, needs to be given once a week, if my counts are high enough. That was the new plan.
Once again we had received disappointing news and once again we had to call family and friends to tell them the cancer had spread. In one way, it is very, very hard to make those phone calls. But in another way, we have faced this same difficult news many times in the past year and have become experienced in it. Not that it makes it easier, just that we don't feel as frozen in shock. We hear it, our hearts grieve, then we cry out and pray, asking the Lord to revive our hope one more time. And He does. Truly, in our weakness, we become strong, because of Him. When I'm completely without strength, He comes to the rescue. Hope is revived one more time as we take a deep breath and look into His eyes. It is a path we know well.
All that week Tom and Mary prepared for their trip to West Africa. My two Tennessee sisters arrived on Thursday to take care of me for one week while Tom and Mary were gone. On June 21st, Tom and Mary left for Ghana. That weekend, I started not feeling so well. I was having quite a bit of pain in my lower back and sides so I thought maybe something was wrong with the new stent in the right kidney. We hung in there over the weekend by taking extra pain meds. On Monday I had another test to check the kidneys. On Wednesday morning, the stent doctor said everything was fine, so it wasn't the stent. That afternoon I saw my oncologist and she said my blood counts were pretty low plus some other problems and she decided I needed to be admitted to the hospital.
I wasn't expecting that. I hadn't packed a bag or anything. My sister and I went on to the hospital and I stayed until Friday. My daughter brought some of my personal things from home that night. (She also brought a whole lot of party food, balanced of course with grapes.) :-) I received two units of blood on Thursday and Friday, IV fluids, etc. Seems like I was put in for a sort of medical "tune up". On Thursday, my dear friend Carol flew in from Texas. She and my sisters swapped duties. Diane and Judy went home on Friday and Carol stayed at the hospital with me. We went home from the hospital on Friday. Carol was my caregiver for the second week. I wasn't exactly at a spunky-party level, but Carol and I had a restful time together as I needed to recover from all the hospital events of the previous weeks.
Finally...Tom and Mary got home on July 5th! I was SO thankful for their incredible adventure and safe return! God really watched over the two weeks...over them AND over me at home!
Which brings me to this past week. I went in on Monday and my blood counts were the best they had been in a long, long time! Praise to God!!! I was given the second chemo treatment. I did not have severe side effects this week, but I had some nausea and especially noticed fatigue. I've tried to spend my days quietly at home, getting a few things done, but mostly trying to be restful. I go back this morning at 9 am. If the counts are good, I'll get another treatment. If not, then I will wait a week and try again. One main prayer request is that my blood levels would stay strong enough to get the chemo each week. Bottom line, I need to get the chemo to stop the progression and growth.
My heart and mind have had a lot to process over the past month, as well as just all the physical things I've gone through. When I heard that the PET scan showed the cancer had progressed...again...my heart was sad. Another treatment had failed. The cancer is spreading? Lord? What does this all mean? Do I get ready to go home (death and then rising to see Jesus) OR does He mean for me to keep fighting? What does God want me to do in all of this?
After praying and crying out to the Lord, the words I heard from Him were "keep your eyes on Me". That took me back to when I was first diagnosed and God had me look at the story from Scripture of Peter walking on the water. The waves were crashing and the water was deep enough to drown in. Peter was doing fine, walking miraculously on the water, as long as he kept looking at Jesus and walking toward Him. But Peter looked down. It is the natural response, I believe. Relating that to my life...my natural response is to pay attention to all the medical tests and scans. But if I do, then sinking occurs quickly. I need to look up, to look into Jesus' eyes and remember His words "nothing is impossible with God".
The waves really are crashing, and the waters seem to have gotten deeper and deeper. What I am finding is that the more impossible this looks...the more I surrender. I cannot pull myself out of the water. I can't. If I'm going to be rescued, then it will be by Jesus' intervention. Just like Peter. My job is to keep my eyes on Jesus...and to put my trust in Him. Whatever the outcome. And I do mean that...whatever.
My prayer requests: for this treatment to work, for the cancer to die, for my body to be healed of disease...all by God's mighty hand and His merciful love. And, of course, always, for God to take care of my precious family and give them strength for each day.
God,
Thank You for sustaining our family's strength day by day. You have never left us alone on this journey. AND, You've shown us how to walk this road...one day, one hour at a time. It is all we can do. You were right when You told us to live that way...one day, one hour at a time. I give You thanks and praise, forever and ever. And.... one more thing....I love You, O God.
Your daughter,
Lisa
1 comment:
We have been eating "party food" this week too Lisa. Love all these pictures, you look gorgeous! Continuing to pray,
Carissa
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