Yesterday Tom and I went to my oncologist. She told us that the MRI showed that I have metastatic bone cancer in my shoulder. It is actually in two places...my humerus bone and my scapula (the upper arm bone and the shoulder blade).
Yesterday was pretty much a roller coaster of emotions and shock. I really went in with full hope that it was NOT cancer. SO...I had not prepared my ears or heart enough I guess to hear her say that it was.
She told us that of all the places for the cancer to move to in my body this would be her first choice because bone cancer is very treatable. I didn't know that. There are a lot of good meds that work successfully in treating this cancer.
My next step is to go back on Monday for a CT scan of my shoulders and brain. The MRI showed the length of the lesion (an eating away of the bone) that was 6 cm long, but they don't know the depth of the lesion. The CT scan will show that. The brain scan is just because that is the only area they haven't scanned in the past couple of weeks...she said she doesn't expect a problem there.
She will be taking me off of Tamoxifen and I will begin a bone strengthening med plus some other endocrine med. I will be meeting with an orthopedic surgeon so he can assess the stability of my arm. In the meantime she told me not to lift anything weighty, as we don't want a break on top of everything else.
She also told us that I am now stage 4. When you have recurrence you automatically move to that stage. She also said that nowadays there are lots of people who continue to live for years in stage 4 cancer. They are managing cancer with treatments, like addressing a chronic disease. She felt hopeful that I would be a candidate for treating this successfully. We can treat it, just not cure it.
Last night after Betsy got off work we sat down in the living room with all four children and told them everything. We talked, cried, read Scriptures and prayed together. I am SO blessed to have such an incredible family. My sweet husband is, once again, amazing and strong, although he did have a hard day yesterday. When you are in prayer for all of this please remember Tommy and the children too.
Once again I am asking the Lord for a radical healing of my shoulder. He said we could ask Him anything...so let's all ask. If the miracle healing doesn't come, then I will, again, trust Him with any road he will takes me down. He is an awesome, faithful and loving God. The Scripture that says God's ways are not my ways, His thoughts are not my thoughts has been on my heart since yesterday. I do not see the "why" in this, but I trust God to see much further than my eyes can see...so I will trust in Him.
It is Thanksgiving Day. I am thankful...for my sweet husband and 4 children, for my other family members, for so, so many friends, for good doctors and caretakers, for living in a nation with great medical knowledge and care, for our home and food and the simple basics of life, for this day...today...which is the only day I'm promised, and most of all, for my wonderful God. He is Savior, Friend, Comforter, Truth and Life itself.
Today I choose to wear a "garment of praise and not a spirit of heaviness".
Today I am thankful.
Thank You, O God, thank You for all that You are and all that You have given to me!
In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Friday, November 16th
Friday was a busy day. My friend Lisa and I drove to Little Rock for a full schedule. I was very thankful to have her with me all day.
We went to the Fashion Show luncheon for CARTI at 10. They set up my keyboard on the stage and got everything ready. The room had round tables with gorgeous centerpieces that were all different, because each one was for sale. The luncheon itself was great food and very lovely. There were about 400 people there, 98% women.
They introduced the governor's wife, whom I met before the luncheon started, and then they introduced me. I talked a little and thanked them for what they were doing today (raising money) and how it had blessed my life. Then I introduced the song and said that God had been my strength in the past year and that was what the song was about. Then I sang it. I wasn't too nervous, which was great.
One fun side note was that Tommy got to come. He had to pick up something in LR anyway, so he slipped in and surprised me. I could see him standing in the back of this huge room...which was comforting and sweet!
After I sang I did have some women come up and say they were survivors and that they couldn't have done it without God either and they enjoyed the song. That's always encouraging...to feel like the song actually did bless the hearers. They gave me a standing ovation, but I don't think it was because I was so spectacular. I do think they liked the song, but mostly I think they were applauding surviving cancer and fighting cancer and I happened to be the cancer patient they could see. Whatever it was, my hope was that God was given His glory!
After the luncheon, Lisa and I went on over to Baptist hospital. I got right in for the test at 3:00. There are no shots or IV's with an MRI. They just put a blanket over you, give you some earplugs, slide you into a tube and then do the test. It's VERY LOUD!!! I could've had a nice nap if it had been just a little quieter. We left at 4:30.
I do not know any results right now. My appointment with Dr. Wilder is on Wednesday, so I will probably not hear anything until I meet with her.
Emotionally? I have moved from feelings of fear, worry, and crying out to the Lord to feeling total peace, hope and trust. I consider that a road trip from my natural response feelings to the Spirit of God taking over my feelings. The calm is Him, not me. So I know He is walking with me and inside of me, as I wait for the results. I am learning, forever learning, that the sooner I hand these heavy things over to Him, which means I say "I will trust You God with this test and what it means", verbally and mentally handing it over to God, then the peace arrives.
Thanks for your prayer cover. I am so grateful for your continued prayers. Thanks for not getting tired of me asking for them.
I'll write again when I hear some news.
We went to the Fashion Show luncheon for CARTI at 10. They set up my keyboard on the stage and got everything ready. The room had round tables with gorgeous centerpieces that were all different, because each one was for sale. The luncheon itself was great food and very lovely. There were about 400 people there, 98% women.
They introduced the governor's wife, whom I met before the luncheon started, and then they introduced me. I talked a little and thanked them for what they were doing today (raising money) and how it had blessed my life. Then I introduced the song and said that God had been my strength in the past year and that was what the song was about. Then I sang it. I wasn't too nervous, which was great.
One fun side note was that Tommy got to come. He had to pick up something in LR anyway, so he slipped in and surprised me. I could see him standing in the back of this huge room...which was comforting and sweet!
After I sang I did have some women come up and say they were survivors and that they couldn't have done it without God either and they enjoyed the song. That's always encouraging...to feel like the song actually did bless the hearers. They gave me a standing ovation, but I don't think it was because I was so spectacular. I do think they liked the song, but mostly I think they were applauding surviving cancer and fighting cancer and I happened to be the cancer patient they could see. Whatever it was, my hope was that God was given His glory!
After the luncheon, Lisa and I went on over to Baptist hospital. I got right in for the test at 3:00. There are no shots or IV's with an MRI. They just put a blanket over you, give you some earplugs, slide you into a tube and then do the test. It's VERY LOUD!!! I could've had a nice nap if it had been just a little quieter. We left at 4:30.
I do not know any results right now. My appointment with Dr. Wilder is on Wednesday, so I will probably not hear anything until I meet with her.
Emotionally? I have moved from feelings of fear, worry, and crying out to the Lord to feeling total peace, hope and trust. I consider that a road trip from my natural response feelings to the Spirit of God taking over my feelings. The calm is Him, not me. So I know He is walking with me and inside of me, as I wait for the results. I am learning, forever learning, that the sooner I hand these heavy things over to Him, which means I say "I will trust You God with this test and what it means", verbally and mentally handing it over to God, then the peace arrives.
Thanks for your prayer cover. I am so grateful for your continued prayers. Thanks for not getting tired of me asking for them.
I'll write again when I hear some news.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Test Day
Today Tommy and I drove to Little Rock for my tests. I had a CT scan first, around 9:00am. Then they gave me a shot with some radioactive stuff. It has to circulate in my blood system for a couple of hours. So we left for a while, then came back at 11:30 for the bone scan. After that we went to lunch, then to my doctor's office at 1:30. We finally got home around 5.
My doctor said the CT scan came out fine. There were no problems in my chest area or my abdomen area. That was great news!
There was a problem with my bone scan. They found a spot on my right shoulder that was highlighted on the scan. My doctor said they can't tell from the bone scan what the spot is but they will need an MRI to identify it. She did mention that it could be arthritis or some other things besides cancer.
SO...I'm going Friday afternoon at 3 for the MRI. I would love for you all to pray for me...again. Please pray for complete healing, that whatever it is will be gone. I'm going to be praying that it's just not there AT ALL on Friday. That would be awesome and exciting. Beyond that, I'm praying for God's will to be done.
Pretty tired. Heading for bed.
O God, this is not how I thought this day would look, but You have Your own thoughts. Your thoughts are not my thoughts and Your ways are not my ways. You are holy and just and all-knowing. I am not. So I come to You and once again say that I love You and I trust You, O God. Where else would I go but to You?
In Jesus' Name. Amen.
My doctor said the CT scan came out fine. There were no problems in my chest area or my abdomen area. That was great news!
There was a problem with my bone scan. They found a spot on my right shoulder that was highlighted on the scan. My doctor said they can't tell from the bone scan what the spot is but they will need an MRI to identify it. She did mention that it could be arthritis or some other things besides cancer.
SO...I'm going Friday afternoon at 3 for the MRI. I would love for you all to pray for me...again. Please pray for complete healing, that whatever it is will be gone. I'm going to be praying that it's just not there AT ALL on Friday. That would be awesome and exciting. Beyond that, I'm praying for God's will to be done.
Pretty tired. Heading for bed.
O God, this is not how I thought this day would look, but You have Your own thoughts. Your thoughts are not my thoughts and Your ways are not my ways. You are holy and just and all-knowing. I am not. So I come to You and once again say that I love You and I trust You, O God. Where else would I go but to You?
In Jesus' Name. Amen.
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