Thursday I got the call I had been waiting for since Tuesday. They called late in the afternoon. The nurse said that it was cancer, and said it was "breast cancer from the primary source", which means it appears to be the same lobular cancer from the very beginning diagnosis in 2006. Which means metastasis. Which means Stage 4. She said the protocol is to change hormone therapy and we already did that in December when I switched to Arimidex. They will watch my blood tests, looking at the tumor markers to see if they go back to normal levels, 30 and below. (The last check was 32, which was good.) And then I will have scans done again in a couple of months. I go to see my oncologist this Tuesday to talk about all of this.
Obviously, this is not what we wanted to hear, nor what we had asked everyone to pray for. Specifically, we were praying that the spot would not even be there when they looked for it during the biopsy.
I think I was expecting a replay of my story from 3 years ago...when the biopsy was the joyful answer to our prayers...no cancer seen under their microscopes! But the Lord often does not repeat His answers in our lives in the exact same way. He is a Creative God, ready to show His children all the various ways that He can move.
I've had a couple of days to process this news. The first hour after the phone call was basically shock...just wasn't expecting to hear it. The second hour had lots of tears. Then...I started moving to a swirl of emotions and thoughts: solid faith (God can still move mountains!); lots of questions (Lord? What are You doing here?, etc); concerns for my husband, my children, my family and friends and how this was affecting them; analysis of every possible piece of information that was spoken to me; Scriptures that pointed me to hope...and on and on and on. Serious swirling. I will share some of those thoughts on future blogs. But today...I just will share one that came to my mind yesterday.
I was reading Psalm 40.
Psalm 40:1-3 says I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.
I have waited on the Lord. He has heard my cry and the prayers of so many others as well. He has lifted me from many pits. He has set my feet on the solid Rock. He has given me songs to praise Him. And I hope I've encouraged others to "put their trust in the Lord"... to trust this Living Hope, Jesus. God has faithfully answered these words of David in my own life. Praise God for His gracious love and mercy!!!
Then I thought about King David.
God did not just rescue David once. God set a precedent for David's life when he rescued him from the lions and the bears. David knew He was the God who rescues us over and over...and that's why he was not afraid of the giant, Goliath. We see in the Word how God continued to come to David's rescue even after the victory over his enemy Goliath.
Why do we think there is a quota in these heavenly matters? Like... "this is all, you've hit the max, sorry...no more rescues." There is not one psalm that says "O God...I know You rescued me that glorious day from the mighty Goliath, so I don't want to bother You with anymore requests."
I don't see that in the Word of God. Just the opposite. Our God is compassionate and loving and wants to rescue and bless us everyday.
Matthew 14:14 says "When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick." His compassion is real...and still a part of Who He is.
I have been rescued twice from the disease cancer. The first time...I cried out. He rescued me by using medical treatments. The second time...I cried out again. He rescued me quickly, just took away the disease, snatched me from the fire. I didn't know there would be a third time...but here I am, again. I believe I will be rescued. He is The Healer. He will show me day by day how to walk out His story for my life. My job is to simply trust Him.
So...
Lord, here I am. Raw and honest...this is not what I thought would happen. With every cell of my body...I surrender. To You. To Your plan. Not mine. BUT...I will not surrender to the enemy's plan to "steal, kill and destroy". I will resist the enemy and run to You, O Lord, to rescue me once again from this fire. You are my God, and I am Your daughter.
I trust You.
I praise You.
I love You.
In the Name of Jesus, the Compassionate One,
Amen.
8 comments:
Our God is good all the time, even when He doesn't answer our prayers the way we asked Him to. You are such a good example of trusting God and waiting on Him in faith. This is something you do very well. Maybe God is asking you to be that example one more time, to show others what real faith and trust looks like. We will pray for you and with you as you continue on your journey.
Lisa you have such a great faith and are such an encouragement to me. I will continue to pray for you and have our mission team praying for you and Tom as you and your doctors decide on the right path for you.
Lisa,
I love you insights about King David and repeated rescues! What a beautiful, powerful observation that needs to be heard. I'm so sorry for this recent unexpected news -- and yet I see you steadfastly pointing to our LORD. Rev. 12:11 -- you are an overcomer by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of your testimony. God is being glorified. Thank you for pointing us to Him again and again and again.
Lisa, I am so sorry to hear that you once again will need to battle the monster. Your faith in God and love of family and friends will get you over the rough road ahead.
I will definitely keep you on my prayer list. I know God has a reason for creating a rough road at time; I just wish I could understand. I frequently ask him why, although I have yet to know the answer I do feel he is not the responsible for causing the pain, he just did not prevent it. Our overcoming will make us stronger and our love pure. Take care.
Annette
If you would like to email me the specifics on the type of lobular cancer it is; I would be happy to check and see if there is any research being conducted currently at work. We have patients come from all around the world. If you would like to check out the web site, it is www.mdanderson.org. take care.
Thank you for being so honest with God and with those of us who love you. Your faith is an example to me (as it has always been, from the first time we met, SOOOO long ago!).
What a great insight about how God had to keep rescuing David. I, too, have been rescued time and time again. But every time a severe trial comes, it's so hard to trust God anew and turn it all over to Him. You amaze me! May the Lord continue to give you strength along with the healing. May our Father treat you with sweet tenderness, and pour out his peace on you and your family.
I love you, dear friend.
Dear Sweet Lisa,
You are in my prayers. I thank you so much for sharing your story.
I wanted to thank you also for the CD you sent me via Sarah. I have decided to pass it on to my mom who has also been battling breast cancer. I know it will speak to her. After going through chemo and radiation last year, she just found out that her cancer is back.
You are greatly loved by many and I know many petitions are being sent to God for you.
Love you,
Kathleen
I'm sorry to be reading this UNgood news, but your faith shines brightly through the dark clouds. I will remain in prayer for you and your whole gang and hope that God will see fit to bring you safely through this new valley. It's at His feet.
Lisa, You are very much in my thoughts and prayers as you continue on through this journey. I am so glad you are blogging to keep us informed of what is going on. I will email you after I finish this. with my love...
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