Her first words were "Well...we have progression..."
The PET scan results showed 6 new areas that lit up. What that actually means is that there is rapid cell growth in those areas. The "uptake" is measured by the degree of intensity that it lights up. And from the standards they use to measure all of this...it looks like cancer. With the additional facts that my tumor markers have been elevated and that I'm experiencing severe pain...all this adds up to cancer. BUT...other things do make the uptake happen...trauma to the area or infection. So, to be sure...she has ordered a biopsy of the new spots, as well as an MRI to get greater detailed images. The areas that lit up are: the clavicle head, rib #1 and rib #6 on my left back, and L1, L3 and L5 vertebrae on my lower back. The vertebrae are the ones causing my lower back and right leg pain.
First, she addressed the pain. She changed my med from percoset to a pain patch that stays on for 3 days, plus a different pill for any breakthrough pain. Second...she suggested that I go for radiation on these hot spots. The radiation will kill the cancer cells in those spots and that will relieve the pain. Then, something needs to be done to attack the systemic issue of cancer cells still roaming around. That will probably be chemotherapy. She wants Tom and I to go to a cancer center to discuss a new game plan. She suggested, of course, MD Anderson, but also Vanderbilt in Nashville, or any other ones we are interested in. We will continue to use her office as our "home base" but she wants us to find out all possible avenues that are available and knows the cancer centers will have that information. We went to Vanderbilt in 2007 for my post treatment plan after the original breast cancer treatment was finished, and had a very good experience there. Since so much of our family is in that area, geographically it is a better choice but we will still think about which is the best choice for us.
I asked why my CT scan and bone scan were so good and this has all happened in 2 months. She said it was probably developing but did not "register" yet on that type of scan, but the PET scan detect any unusual rapid cell growth.
I guess that is all the information about the report.
What about my mind, heart and soul report?
Of course...it was devastating to hear once again that the cancer was back...but I've been down this road before. I am not a rookie. I know there are lots of responses to choose. I think this time I went through them all in about 2 hours.
The "no, no, no...not again!" feeling.
The questions..."but how? but what about this or that? But..."
The ticked off anger feeling for a bit. Then I thought "who am I angry with?" I adamantly believe that God did NOT give this to me. He is good. Period. I decided the anger thing is a waste of time and energy and set it aside quickly.
Then I was just sad...sad to have to step back into the World of Medicine again. And very sad for all my family and friends, especially my immediate family, for having to help bear this load...again.
There were lots of other emotions swirling in my mind and heart...but I think I landed last night on this passage from Romans 8.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
He loves me. I love Him. Nothing will separate us.
Here's my game plan...
* take one day at a time
* keep my heart pure and faithful to my God
* trust Him with my heart, soul, mind and even my body
* "lean not on my own understanding"
* receive His generous support and manna from His children with a grateful heart
* and continue fighting with God in me, beside me, before me and behind me.
Oh Father,
I will praise You today and always. That's it. I'm not budging.
My hope is in You. I praise You God for being my shelter and my strength. Where else would I go?
With all my love,
Lisa
20 comments:
Lisa,
I am so encouraged by the Holy Spirit through your blog today. "Thank you, Lord, for your WORD to Lisa (and to all of us). Our hope is truly in You. Thank you for pouring out Your Spirit of comfort and encouragement and healing on Lisa, her family, and friends, as we, yet again, seek You for ALL of the answers and provision on her behalf. You are Love. You are Good." Gloria
You are such a beautiful woman of God. Your love and life minister to so many. Even in the selection of your treatment facility, God will lead you. Who is to know how He will put those in your path who need to hear your message, and those hand-picked for your encouragement. We were so blessed by Whit's treatment at MD Anderson and recommendations for his oncologist and radiation oncologist here. I will be praying for Tom and you to have "your place" confirmed in your hearts. Isn't God so good to confirm it in our hearts! Romans 8 is more than mere words, isn't it! It is God's Promise for us for always. My love and prayers.
Lisa, I am with you in heart and soul. I will continue to pray with you and for you, and you will make it through this! Thank you for the example you are to me, to always rely on God, to not BLAME Him!! To find comfort in His Amazing Love. I love you! -Lisa L
Your faith is a continual encouragement to me. I know God can heal you and I pray that Vanderbilt will have a new plan for you. Love you!
Lisa, we all love you and your example to us is amazing. Manna round #1 is on its way.
Lisa, the passage you posted is one of my favorites--it is so uplifting! It is wonderful passage to dwell on in difficult times. Good choice, my friend.
I know God will help you decide which place to go for treatment. My two cents is that it is important to be at a place where you feel comfortable and uplifted emotionally as well as get good care--or at least consider that factor in the mix when making your decision.
Wow--going through the stages of shock, denial, anger, and acceptance in the course of two hours must be some kind of record! :) But oh I know so well the feeling of sadness for one's family, though my health issues were not quite as serious as yours. It can be heart-wrenching. Still, they also have God to rely on, thankfully. Just as He comforts you and supports us, He will comfort and support them, too. We have to trust Him in that as well, though I know we still wish they didn't have to go through it at all...
We will be praying for you daily, for the cancer, the pain management, and you hospital decision.
Love, hugs, and blessings,
Julie (E.)
Um, that would be YOUR hospital decision. I really should proofread BEFORE I post, not after. Oy. :)
JE
Once again, Lisa, I wish I could be there today. I know you are surrounded by your family and friends, but I just want to put my arms around my sweet dear friend. I just want that. I know that the spirit is real power that he is wrapping his arms around you and me both now, so I guess we are together after all. love love love,
kim
For some reason, I thought of that song, "I shall not be moved" The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. Psalms 9:9 The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. Psalms 18:2 I love ya, God Bless I wish I could be there to help you. Hugs, Baird
Lisa,
Just read your blog...don't really know what to say other than, I'm sorry. Your faith and steadfastness are such an encouragement. Even though we don't see y'all much I think about you and Tom quite often. God bless you in this next phase of the journey.
Rusty
Fervently praying, Lisa!
Libby
Love you Lisa. Praying!
Lisa,
You are in my prayers. My dad has been treated at MDAnderson since 2002. He's currently battling stage 4 melanoma. We have loved MDAnderson and have no complaints. I also know that they will often come up with a treatment plan for you which can be followed up at home so you don't have to stay in Houston.
Blessings, Marisa
Lisa
Your thoughts encourage those of us who want the Holy Spirt to make you well, now! You are a beatiful lady of God and I pray that this plan for healing will take the cancer from your body and that you will be free of the dreaded disease and all the worries that accompany it. Your faith is inspiring and I believe God hears you. He is still incharge and nothing is impossible with Him. We love you
Mary Ann Arnett
Lisa-You are such a warrior and inspiration to me. I love you!!
Stacey H.
I was forwarded your blog to pray for you. But my friend doesn't know I have just started chemo for breast cancer. So of course I am praying! But I am also crying; in agreement of your plans and prayers as they echo my own, and crying with the feelings raging through my own body now as I think of the journey you're facing. We have been singing a song at church that I have taken for my own and want to share with you;
What joy, what joy
for those whose hope is in the name of the Lord.
What peace, what peace
for those whose confidence is Him alone.
God bless you, dear unmet sister!
You said it, "Where could we go but to the Lord?" It is such a mysterious world in which we live, but it IS HIS world.... and HE certainly knows the answers. Trust and Hope are your beautiful blankets of Love.... keep warm. Our family loves and prays for your family.
Wow, Lisa....I loved what you shared with all of us in this blog. You were able to really express so many feelings, emotions and reactions with the perfect words. I really was understanding how fast the various emotions and reactions to the latest news were being processed in your brain. I believe you settled on a most excellent way of thinking. And that you were able to process all that in a couple of hours is amazing to me. As you said.....you're no rookie! My thoughts and love and prayers continue to include you my dear friend. I'm praying for you and Tom to come to a feeling of peace with whatever decisions you make about which hospital to work with. I'm praying for your entire family as they also process this latest news. And I'm praying that your pain will ease and that today is a good day. You are an amazing woman. I am so grateful to have you in my life. You, my friend, are an incredible example to soooo many people. Your faith astounds me and makes my faith grow stronger. Sending you a big gentle hug.I love you.
Lisa,
I am continuing to pray for you every night. You are in my thoughts so often. Don't give up; none of us knows the whole game plan; only God.
Dearest sister, I am both humbled and uplifted by your words! I was reminded of Joseph as I read. Sold into slavery by his brothers, imprisioned by Potiphar...yet he never voices any doubt. He lives with a confidence that the Lord is with him in all of this. His heart's desires stay pure. He gives God the credit for all he is able to do. All who know Joseph KNOW who his God is!
Joseph is twice slammed by evil intent...but his faith does not falter. God lifts him up out of prison! I am praying for the walls of this "prison" of illness to be torn down and gone and in it's place YOU are the stack of stones reminding "... all the peoples of the earth may know the hand of the Lord, that it is mighty..." Josh 4:24 Love you so much!!
Post a Comment