Just Being Honest

Just being honest...this past week I haven't felt so well. 

Since I'm receiving chemo treatments, it makes sense that my feeling bad probably has to do with the side effects of the chemo.  I have had some nausea this week,  I've felt very tired,  but there has been some pain creeping in that I don't like, nor do I want. 

The question is what is the pain about?  Is it the chemo attacking the cancer?  It's kind of like a war is going on inside my body chemically and medically.  Or... is the pain the cancer progressing?  Anyone who's fought cancer will tell you that those are the kind of questions you ask yourself.  Yes, this battle is very physical, but it is also a battle of the mind, a battle of perspective.  As I live day by day,  hope can quickly be diminished when I physically don't feel well.   I have to regain perspective to regain hope, mostly by going to the Word of God, reading His perspective one more time, and then choosing to hope in His Words as truth.

     “Have faith in God,” Jesus answered.  “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.  Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.   from Mark 11 

It is hard to read this all inclusive "whatever you ask" statement and not think about those who prayed with every ounce of faith possible, and their prayer was not answered as they had hoped.  The Scriptures bring me back to where I have landed in my heart, mind, soul over and over again.  I do not understand all that is happening, or the why behind it....but I choose to trust God and love Him even when I don't see or understand it all. 

I'll continue to take one day at a time...and sometimes, it is more like one hour at a time.  When I start to lose hope, He comes and restores it.  How?  Different ways.  Sometimes I just start to feel better, more hopeful...and I know His Spirit has come to rescue me again.  Sometimes it is a timely phone call from a friend.  They listen, we pray, and my heart is restored.  Sometimes it is a verse in the Bible that comes to life and comforts me in a new way.  Sometimes it is the arms of my sweet husband who surround me and his strength somehow transfers into my heart, and hope is revived.  Sometimes it is my children, who stop and sit and share all their latest news of everyday life, and it encourages my heart to hear that they are doing well and living life fully. 

     "In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help.  From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.  He reached from on high, he took me, he drew me out of deep waters.   It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
from  Psalm 18:  6, 16, 32 

Good morning Lord!
Thank You for a new day, fresh with Your mercies.  Thank You for coming to rescue me over and over...and for renewing my heart with hope.  Please bless my appointment tomorrow...that my blood counts will be high enough to receive the chemo treatment...IF that's what You want for me.  Please order my steps today and let this day be to Your praise and glory.
With my love forever,
Lisa