It's hard to believe that my last blog was over a month ago. I've had some of you write to me or I've seen you in person and you asked me to "update, update".
First, let me say thank you to those of you who have read this blog and have followed me down this road. It is very humbling to think of people taking the time to stop and read these journals. I really have no idea how many or how few are reading, but right about when I think "why am I doing this?" someone will tell me they just read it and somehow it encouraged them. I'm so glad, but it surprises me that they are encouraged, when I am the one who feels encouraged that they were reading it in the first place! Thanks again for reading along, for praying for me, for caring so much. I have been very blessed!
So...to update...August was busy. Betsy came home from Springdale, Tom got back from Africa and Bets, Jamie and Mary all started school on exactly the same day. When school started, our family's pace of busyness increased even more.
As far as my health...I left off when I visited my oncologist and she said to continue with the Tamoxifen for now. Physically, the last month has not been as difficult, like when I was doing treatment. But mentally I have had a major battle going on.
Right after that appointment I went through a time of anxiousness. All of a sudden I wasn't going to the doctor! No appointments, no treatments. I had read about this stage...a post treatment stage where you feel kind of worried because you're just going solo now. When I saw my radiation doctor about a week after that, she was great, very encouraging. She assured me that this was a normal feeling that patients go through after treatment.
I then started to move out of that immediate "no appointment" syndrome to struggling with what was going on in my body. Was it coming back? Am I really healed? My next scan to check for cancer is not until November. SO...I've been fighting this mental battle. It is a ping-pong conversation in my head...back and forth..."hooray, I'm healed, it's gone!!!" to "Is it really gone??? What if... I wonder". I have to send away the thoughts that I consider negative and instead think of words of encouragement, either from the Bible or from things people have said to me.
What IS going to happen to me in the next 6 months or 1 year or 2 years???I don't know. That is the truth, the real bottom line. I don't get to know today. So the lesson that God is teaching me is the same one He's tried to show me before over and over again, just in different ways: "Don't worry about tomorrow, today's own troubles are enough for today. Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you".
I'll write some more soon, but that's all for tonight. God has continued to hold me up and give me strength day by day. Praise to the Lord for His love and faithfulness!
