The last two weeks I have been hopping here and there, trying to do different treatments. I have been getting my legs wrapped for getting fluids out of my legs (lymphedema) on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Then everyday, at the same time, I would go to the radiation place, CARTI, and get treatment on the upper right arm area and the T-7 spine area of my body. We had some bad weather that cancelled some of the appointments, but overall, I was plugging away going somewhere getting treatment.
This coming week is busy. I will have surgery tomorrow, Monday, on replacing the stents that were put into my ureters 2 months ago. I really need to have them replaced, there are symptoms that show it is overdue. SO...outpatient surgery tomorrow, early in the morning. If I feel pretty good, I will also fit in a radiation treatment in the late afternoon. Busy, busy. That will FINISH ALL the radiation treatments...13 !!! Yay!
Tuesday till Friday will be finishing the lymphedema treatments...maybe. We will see how my lower legs are doing. The swelling has to go down.
My heart is weary again, but not without hope. I am trusting the Lord to carry me through....one day at a time. That's it. All I can do.
Please pray for our family during this very special season of love...that God will clear our eyes to look only at him...the Savior of the world, come to rescue us from our messy lives and be forgiven by His love.
BIG NEWS in our Family !!!! Our son Jamie (23) just got engaged last Sunday !!! :-) We are SO happy to have a beautiful, loving daughter-in-law join our family next summer. God orchestrated their love and it's all come together so sweetly. Yay God!!!
That's all. Please continue to pray. I am so grateful for your faithful prayers.
Lord, thank You for walking with us for 2 more weeks and keeping our hearts strong. Please let the stent surgery go well, no side issues, no complications, please. We need You every hour, most holy One. When I whisper Your name in prayer, no matter how quiet the whisper, You hear me. And if I am crying out in need, You are there. Thank You, for loving me. I love You God.
Yours for all time,
Lisa
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Sunday, December 1, 2013
December Already
December 1, 2014. Time is flying, zooming to finish the 2013 year. Thanksgiving has gone by, and our hearts have turned to the season of Christmas. Wow. I am SO thankful to be here...living today. Thank You God for sustaining me month by month, day by day. In June, at the time of the wedding, I wasn't so sure about what Thanksgiving would look like, but I got to celebrate with my precious family, eat too much (yes, even for my appetite) and talk and laugh with loved ones all weekend. God is good!
Last Monday I started radiation treatment at CARTI in Searcy. Excellent doctors, excellent staff. My doctor set up a plan for where they were going to radiate. Both days they worked on marking the spots with Sharpies... (a nice version of tattoos for cancer fighters.) I also had radiation treatment on those spots both days. They are amazing... trying to get it all going quickly in order to back off some of the pain in weeks ahead in those areas. They are treating my spinal T7, the head of the humerus and the humerus, some nodules in the chest area, and my right clavicle. I went back on Friday with our oldest son, Jesse, who was here for the weekend. I will be going this coming week to get the radiation daily, and then part of next week. I think the total number of treatments will be 13.
Last week I also saw the urologist. He wants to schedule my next stent replacement surgery right when I finish the radiation. That is an outpatient event, every two months.
Lots going on with me physically right now. Here are some specific prayer requests:
*Radiation this week and next will go well. No damage to those areas, and
especially no damage to the trachea and the lungs. Healing will come.
*Going to begin lymphedema treatment on the fluid in my legs this week.
Three times a week I will get a special massage and wrapping treatment
on my legs. This is an 8 week schedule.
*Next week I will have stent surgery. Please pray for kidneys and stents to
be healed.
*After the radiation, I may begin chemo again. We will re-evaluate then.
There's also lots going on with my heart, emotions and my mind too.
When I first heard the news about the scans not being good, I was certainly sad. I felt an urgency to do what I need to do to leave this world. Write some important letters to loved ones. Think about what needs to be paid attention to and what needs to not be given attention. Saying what needs to be said. Keep my eyes on Jesus and Life, not focusing on death. Such a balancing act! Too big for the flesh to carry out. Only can be done with the Lord's Word clearly resounding in my ears. I am going to the Scriptures constantly for hope, for His Peace, for answers, for His promises, for His holy perspective vs. my earthly eyes, and more.
Daily, I am trying to manage the medical and walking by the Spirit. I am leaning on the prayers of SO many dear family and friends to hold me up, night and day, helping me not lose heart. That is a huge, huge blessing from God and all of you! Thank you!
Father,
Thank You. You have faithfully brought me this far on this difficult journey. I love You. You have helped my whole family. Thank You. You have given us answers to questions, wisdom for our doctors, guidance for our home. Thank You. You have sent troops of prayer warriors to step into the fight. Unafraid to join the battle, they have been such encouragers to our family, Lord. Thank You for sending them to fight and encourage. I'm so, so grateful. Thank You again and again. I love You, O God. Help me with life today...and to not get too far ahead, but to "lean not on my own understanding, instead trusting in You, O God." I love You.
Your daughter,
Lisa Carol
Last Monday I started radiation treatment at CARTI in Searcy. Excellent doctors, excellent staff. My doctor set up a plan for where they were going to radiate. Both days they worked on marking the spots with Sharpies... (a nice version of tattoos for cancer fighters.) I also had radiation treatment on those spots both days. They are amazing... trying to get it all going quickly in order to back off some of the pain in weeks ahead in those areas. They are treating my spinal T7, the head of the humerus and the humerus, some nodules in the chest area, and my right clavicle. I went back on Friday with our oldest son, Jesse, who was here for the weekend. I will be going this coming week to get the radiation daily, and then part of next week. I think the total number of treatments will be 13.
Last week I also saw the urologist. He wants to schedule my next stent replacement surgery right when I finish the radiation. That is an outpatient event, every two months.
Lots going on with me physically right now. Here are some specific prayer requests:
*Radiation this week and next will go well. No damage to those areas, and
especially no damage to the trachea and the lungs. Healing will come.
*Going to begin lymphedema treatment on the fluid in my legs this week.
Three times a week I will get a special massage and wrapping treatment
on my legs. This is an 8 week schedule.
*Next week I will have stent surgery. Please pray for kidneys and stents to
be healed.
*After the radiation, I may begin chemo again. We will re-evaluate then.
There's also lots going on with my heart, emotions and my mind too.
When I first heard the news about the scans not being good, I was certainly sad. I felt an urgency to do what I need to do to leave this world. Write some important letters to loved ones. Think about what needs to be paid attention to and what needs to not be given attention. Saying what needs to be said. Keep my eyes on Jesus and Life, not focusing on death. Such a balancing act! Too big for the flesh to carry out. Only can be done with the Lord's Word clearly resounding in my ears. I am going to the Scriptures constantly for hope, for His Peace, for answers, for His promises, for His holy perspective vs. my earthly eyes, and more.
Daily, I am trying to manage the medical and walking by the Spirit. I am leaning on the prayers of SO many dear family and friends to hold me up, night and day, helping me not lose heart. That is a huge, huge blessing from God and all of you! Thank you!
Father,
Thank You. You have faithfully brought me this far on this difficult journey. I love You. You have helped my whole family. Thank You. You have given us answers to questions, wisdom for our doctors, guidance for our home. Thank You. You have sent troops of prayer warriors to step into the fight. Unafraid to join the battle, they have been such encouragers to our family, Lord. Thank You for sending them to fight and encourage. I'm so, so grateful. Thank You again and again. I love You, O God. Help me with life today...and to not get too far ahead, but to "lean not on my own understanding, instead trusting in You, O God." I love You.
Your daughter,
Lisa Carol
Monday, November 18, 2013
Mustard Seed Faith
I've been pretty slow about writing this blog...with reason. Not because I could not tell you medical details, but because I don't know quite how to share my heart this time.
On Monday, November 4th, I went to LR with our daughter Betsy to get scans. First, I received CT scans of my head, chest, abdomen, and pelvic areas. Then I also received a bone scan from head to toe. We were told we would hear the results the next day or two.
Finally I did hear the results on Wednesday morning, November 6th . The summary of both the CT and the bone scans were not good. The summary was "progression". Again.
The CT scans all showed progression (growth) of the cancer in various places. Most were in places we already knew had cancer, some were new spots. There were two new spots on my liver, small but new. Then the bone scan showed progression as well. some in the old areas, but a couple of new spots were found on the skull. (Not in the brain, but the bone which is the skull.) There are more details, but certainly that is enough for you to see overall my body has metastatic, progressive breast cancer.
Our hearts were very sad when we hung up with the oncology nurse. That is NOT what we were all praying for, but totally the opposite of our request before God. So many questions for the Lord. And lots of tears dropping off my face. Since we heard the scan results, we have been going through a continual time of processing this in our hearts and our minds. We are trying to think what to do next, or do we stop "doing" things. What does our doctor, who, by the way, I've been with for 7 years now and totally trust, what does she think at this point? There's a boat load of questions swirling around in our thoughts. All of these leading to the main question..."How long O Lord? How many more days, weeks, years of life do I have O God?"
King David was asking the same question. Psalm 39:4 "Lord, let me know my end, and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting life is!"
We have been leaning into the Word of God, which has always been our source of truth, knowledge, understanding. and comfort. We are leaning on the Scriptures that say "Nothing is impossible with God.", and "All things are possible with God." We don't need a perfect dose or a huge truckload of faith. We only need faith the size of a mustard seed. I know Tom and I have that much, by God's grace and love.
How am I doing? Okay. Just talking to God daily and OFTEN. One day at a time. I don't know my future, but I am all about trusting Him with each day.
Tomorrow I go to get a blood transfusion. Takes about 5 hours from arrival to departure. Then on Wednesday morning I will see the radiation oncologist here in Searcy to see if she can zap a few of spots. This should help with pain in those areas. Then Wednesday afternoon I see my oncologist to discuss radiation and other treatment choices.
O Father in heaven,
Your Name is holy and You are so wonderful. Thank You for walking me through this day. It certainly was You that helped keep my heart strong, the tears tucked away for now. Please restore my strength. Please wash away all side effects from fighting this disease for so long. And, please completely come and rescue me from this battle. I love You, Father. Forever and always.
Your daughter,
Lisa
On Monday, November 4th, I went to LR with our daughter Betsy to get scans. First, I received CT scans of my head, chest, abdomen, and pelvic areas. Then I also received a bone scan from head to toe. We were told we would hear the results the next day or two.
Finally I did hear the results on Wednesday morning, November 6th . The summary of both the CT and the bone scans were not good. The summary was "progression". Again.
The CT scans all showed progression (growth) of the cancer in various places. Most were in places we already knew had cancer, some were new spots. There were two new spots on my liver, small but new. Then the bone scan showed progression as well. some in the old areas, but a couple of new spots were found on the skull. (Not in the brain, but the bone which is the skull.) There are more details, but certainly that is enough for you to see overall my body has metastatic, progressive breast cancer.
Our hearts were very sad when we hung up with the oncology nurse. That is NOT what we were all praying for, but totally the opposite of our request before God. So many questions for the Lord. And lots of tears dropping off my face. Since we heard the scan results, we have been going through a continual time of processing this in our hearts and our minds. We are trying to think what to do next, or do we stop "doing" things. What does our doctor, who, by the way, I've been with for 7 years now and totally trust, what does she think at this point? There's a boat load of questions swirling around in our thoughts. All of these leading to the main question..."How long O Lord? How many more days, weeks, years of life do I have O God?"
King David was asking the same question. Psalm 39:4 "Lord, let me know my end, and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting life is!"
We have been leaning into the Word of God, which has always been our source of truth, knowledge, understanding. and comfort. We are leaning on the Scriptures that say "Nothing is impossible with God.", and "All things are possible with God." We don't need a perfect dose or a huge truckload of faith. We only need faith the size of a mustard seed. I know Tom and I have that much, by God's grace and love.
How am I doing? Okay. Just talking to God daily and OFTEN. One day at a time. I don't know my future, but I am all about trusting Him with each day.
Tomorrow I go to get a blood transfusion. Takes about 5 hours from arrival to departure. Then on Wednesday morning I will see the radiation oncologist here in Searcy to see if she can zap a few of spots. This should help with pain in those areas. Then Wednesday afternoon I see my oncologist to discuss radiation and other treatment choices.
O Father in heaven,
Your Name is holy and You are so wonderful. Thank You for walking me through this day. It certainly was You that helped keep my heart strong, the tears tucked away for now. Please restore my strength. Please wash away all side effects from fighting this disease for so long. And, please completely come and rescue me from this battle. I love You, Father. Forever and always.
Your daughter,
Lisa
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Prayers for Monday
Sunday. It's the beginning of a new week. Beautiful fall colors are outside. The air has become chilly and crisp, but it warms up in the afternoon. Blue skies. Just lovely. Another day of life.
Thank You God!
I left off telling you about October 18th, my 7th year milestone, which was a Friday. The week that followed started out simple, one appointment. I saw my oncologist on Wednesday and she decided my counts were strong enough to get chemo, so I did. Which was great. No side effects Thursday or Friday. Great again. But then... around midnight Friday night I started having severe stomach pain and also began getting sick (throwing up), continuing all night long. Tom I went to the ER Saturday morning at 8 am, then checked into the hospital. The problem was dehydration, low potassium, nausea and other troubles. I finally got home Monday night about 8. Yay! Home again, home again.
Tuesday I found out that I was going to have scans Monday, November 4th. (That's tomorrow.) You know...I'm not sure how many times I've been through this kind of a day... getting scans. I realize that there seems to be a pattern to my emotions. When I first find out, my heart sinks. Sad. It's thinking "oh no...what will happen this time?" Then a day or so goes by, with prayer and processing with my personal counselor, Tom Carr, and the Lord lifts me up again, restoring hope. This past week I asked our elders to pray about the tests. On Thursday I felt a huge dose of peace. Prayer really does work.
I spent the rest of the week resting. My heart feels sustained and prepared for tomorrow...for the most part. Then, something will surprise me emotionally, and the tears start to fall. Today I heard a song that touched me. The lyrics had to do with "don't forget this (whatever it was)when I'm gone." Oh dear. Tears came.
My thought progression starts..."SO...am I going home Lord? What IS ahead? God, please, help me." Then I try to "take every thought captive". I remember to go back to the only safe battle plan I know...to look to God and say over and over "I trust You and I love You. I trust You and I love You, with all my heart. I give this to you, again."
Have you noticed that when you have something BIG in your life that is going to be a difficult event, that the closer you get to it there seems to be this surrender of control. The truth is our control really is gone or limited anyway, but for awhile we think we still have some control. We don't. So as it approaches, the more we say "I give this to You God. I surrender all of it. I trust and love You.. Amen."
I go in tomorrow at 11 am. Please pray for healing, for strength and for peace from the Living God.
Father, This is a simple prayer. Please come and heal my body. Restore my body and my heart. I know ALL things are possible with You. I trust and love You, always and forever.
In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen. Your daughter, Lisa Carol
Thank You God!
I left off telling you about October 18th, my 7th year milestone, which was a Friday. The week that followed started out simple, one appointment. I saw my oncologist on Wednesday and she decided my counts were strong enough to get chemo, so I did. Which was great. No side effects Thursday or Friday. Great again. But then... around midnight Friday night I started having severe stomach pain and also began getting sick (throwing up), continuing all night long. Tom I went to the ER Saturday morning at 8 am, then checked into the hospital. The problem was dehydration, low potassium, nausea and other troubles. I finally got home Monday night about 8. Yay! Home again, home again.
Tuesday I found out that I was going to have scans Monday, November 4th. (That's tomorrow.) You know...I'm not sure how many times I've been through this kind of a day... getting scans. I realize that there seems to be a pattern to my emotions. When I first find out, my heart sinks. Sad. It's thinking "oh no...what will happen this time?" Then a day or so goes by, with prayer and processing with my personal counselor, Tom Carr, and the Lord lifts me up again, restoring hope. This past week I asked our elders to pray about the tests. On Thursday I felt a huge dose of peace. Prayer really does work.
I spent the rest of the week resting. My heart feels sustained and prepared for tomorrow...for the most part. Then, something will surprise me emotionally, and the tears start to fall. Today I heard a song that touched me. The lyrics had to do with "don't forget this (whatever it was)when I'm gone." Oh dear. Tears came.
My thought progression starts..."SO...am I going home Lord? What IS ahead? God, please, help me." Then I try to "take every thought captive". I remember to go back to the only safe battle plan I know...to look to God and say over and over "I trust You and I love You. I trust You and I love You, with all my heart. I give this to you, again."
Have you noticed that when you have something BIG in your life that is going to be a difficult event, that the closer you get to it there seems to be this surrender of control. The truth is our control really is gone or limited anyway, but for awhile we think we still have some control. We don't. So as it approaches, the more we say "I give this to You God. I surrender all of it. I trust and love You.. Amen."
I go in tomorrow at 11 am. Please pray for healing, for strength and for peace from the Living God.
Father, This is a simple prayer. Please come and heal my body. Restore my body and my heart. I know ALL things are possible with You. I trust and love You, always and forever.
In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen. Your daughter, Lisa Carol
Friday, October 18, 2013
Seven Years
Seven years ago today, October 18th, 2006, I was diagnosed with lobular breast cancer, advanced stage 3. I went to the appointment in Little Rock by myself because Tom and I didn't think anything would happen at that appointment. We knew I was seeing the breast cancer surgeon, but we thought that she would say something like "yes, I can feel something but let's get some scans to be sure." She was sure enough to tell me right then and there, last appointment of her day, that she was sure it was cancer. I was in shock. (The next day the scans, biopsy and general testing began hurriedly.) It was the last time that I went to doctors alone. I could barely drive home, going about 45 miles per hour from Baptist hospital area through North Little Rock and on to Searcy. I got off on the exit for Cabot, pulled into the parking lot for Home Depot, called Tom with tears falling off my face. He said he would come get me in Cabot, but I said "no" and kept going. I made it home.
Seven years ago I was shocked with this news. Tears were plentiful.
But today...there were some tears in the first part of the morning, but as the day went on, God lifted my heart. Tom encouraged me, prayed with me, and took me to get mums and pumpkins for decoration. A sister called to check on me, to lovingly listen one more time. Then, a dear friend came to sit and visit with me, quietly listening to me talk and gently sharing her encouraging words as we sat outside in the sunshine. While we were sitting there another friend delivered a beautiful bouquet of flowers from another friend who lives in Fayetteville, AR. Perfect timing. Then we went out to eat with Jamie and Natalie...nice visit time! All the quiet, precious moments. In those seven years I learned that every action of love...listening, phone calls, flowers, gifts, pumpkins, hugs, and much, much more are all Jesus showing up in my day. His Presence is felt. I believe it is God, not random acts of kindness, but purposeful acts of love. Thank You God!
The seven years have been hard, full of opportunities to learn life lessons and to receive lots of strength from God. Here I am seven years later...not knowing what I have to face next week, or the next week, much less next month or year. I am walking in trust and hope and faith...one day at a time. That's the biggest lesson I have learned...to live ONE DAY AT A TIME.
"Don't be anxious about tomorrow. Tomorrow's anxious for itself. Today's own troubles are enough for today. And put away all your yesterdays. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you."
Seven years. I am grateful for every one of them. God has blessed me so much to witness important milestones. I've lost friends in those years, not understanding all the questions of why. I miss them. I don't wear pink ribbons or bracelets except in the month of October. I'm wearing them this month, as a remembrance of those that lost their battle but won the war. And I thank God over and over for this gift called life.
Tomorrow is October19th. Life will continue. I will awaken and slowly get going for the day. The words "thank You God for another day" are prayed in the first hour of the day. I'll look for the sweetness of God in the quiet events of my quiet but full life. I'm thankful for this day and I thank God for October 19th as well.
God,
This has been a day of remembering but not lingering over the past. I do not want to "remember" all the difficult milestones. They are too much. BUT I do want to celebrate today! Life is from You, and I am thankful for today. Please continue to hold us up with Your amazing love. Please give us strength and joy as our family, together, fights this battle. Pour hope into our minds. I do not want to lose hope, O God. You alone are the source of that hope. Thank You! I love You, forever, dear God. I am trusting You to cover me with Your powerful Love.
In the Name of Your Son, Jesus,
Amen.
Lisa
Seven years ago I was shocked with this news. Tears were plentiful.
But today...there were some tears in the first part of the morning, but as the day went on, God lifted my heart. Tom encouraged me, prayed with me, and took me to get mums and pumpkins for decoration. A sister called to check on me, to lovingly listen one more time. Then, a dear friend came to sit and visit with me, quietly listening to me talk and gently sharing her encouraging words as we sat outside in the sunshine. While we were sitting there another friend delivered a beautiful bouquet of flowers from another friend who lives in Fayetteville, AR. Perfect timing. Then we went out to eat with Jamie and Natalie...nice visit time! All the quiet, precious moments. In those seven years I learned that every action of love...listening, phone calls, flowers, gifts, pumpkins, hugs, and much, much more are all Jesus showing up in my day. His Presence is felt. I believe it is God, not random acts of kindness, but purposeful acts of love. Thank You God!
The seven years have been hard, full of opportunities to learn life lessons and to receive lots of strength from God. Here I am seven years later...not knowing what I have to face next week, or the next week, much less next month or year. I am walking in trust and hope and faith...one day at a time. That's the biggest lesson I have learned...to live ONE DAY AT A TIME.
"Don't be anxious about tomorrow. Tomorrow's anxious for itself. Today's own troubles are enough for today. And put away all your yesterdays. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you."
Seven years. I am grateful for every one of them. God has blessed me so much to witness important milestones. I've lost friends in those years, not understanding all the questions of why. I miss them. I don't wear pink ribbons or bracelets except in the month of October. I'm wearing them this month, as a remembrance of those that lost their battle but won the war. And I thank God over and over for this gift called life.
Tomorrow is October19th. Life will continue. I will awaken and slowly get going for the day. The words "thank You God for another day" are prayed in the first hour of the day. I'll look for the sweetness of God in the quiet events of my quiet but full life. I'm thankful for this day and I thank God for October 19th as well.
God,
This has been a day of remembering but not lingering over the past. I do not want to "remember" all the difficult milestones. They are too much. BUT I do want to celebrate today! Life is from You, and I am thankful for today. Please continue to hold us up with Your amazing love. Please give us strength and joy as our family, together, fights this battle. Pour hope into our minds. I do not want to lose hope, O God. You alone are the source of that hope. Thank You! I love You, forever, dear God. I am trusting You to cover me with Your powerful Love.
In the Name of Your Son, Jesus,
Amen.
Lisa
Saturday, October 12, 2013
He's Forever Faithful
Thanks so much for your prayers for last Wednesday! The stent surgery went well, no complications or problems. Tom and I went to the hospital at 9:30 am and came home around 3:30 pm.
When we got home, we were bracing ourselves for the recovery but Thursday I woke up feeling fine, and continued to have a great day. Friday was the same. We have been praising God for making this surgery recovery easier than the last surgery in August. I think the last one was difficult because it had all started with a traumatic situation...renal failure. I spent a total of five days in the hospital trying to get all my numbers back to normal, plus just recovering from the surgery. This time has been completely calm. Yay God! I believe it's the prayers. Since this is a surgery I have to have every 2 months, it certainly has given me less dread of the next time. That is a huge mental/emotional blessing on the side.
Right now the battle issue, (besides the overall war with cancer), is that I am having problems with swelling in my legs and feet. People say "what's causing that?"
My lymphatic system in the pelvic area is effected by cancerous spots in that area. Because the lymph nodes are not doing what they're meant to do, pulling the lymphatic fluids out of my lower body, the fluid is in my legs and my feet. Both are puffy and stretched larger than they should be. That makes it a little difficult to walk now. I also am still fighting the celluitis in the right foot with antibiotics. It appears to be pretty much gone. Hooray!!! But the foot is still tender, with kind of a bruised feeling underneath the skin. My prayer request for this week is for the swelling to go away! Please pray for the lymph nodes to be healed. That sounds big, but I believe in praying big. Yes, continue that prayer with an overall "no more cancer" prayer. Nothing is impossible with God.
This coming week I don't have any appointments (woohoo!). I'm supposed to finish recovering and then I'll get back to chemo treatments the week of the 21st.
Thank you so much for praying about last week...and for being ready to continue week after week. There is one event that is happening this coming week. Friday, October 18th, marks the day I was first diagnosed in 2006. I don't want to rejoice that I got cancer, but I will celebrate that I have lived 7 more years of life. I'll write more about that on Friday. I'll use this coming week to be thankful to God for being with me every day of those 7 years. He is forever faithful.
God,
Thank You for being with me last week, especially on Wednesday! I'm so grateful to You that it went smoothly, no problems. Thank You! Thanks for the rain this morning, for the sunshine this afternoon. Thanks for my dinner date with my true love last night. Thank You for all the sweet ways You walk with me everyday. Thank You most of all, for loving me. Thanks. Because of that love, I can walk forward, unafraid of the days ahead. I know that no matter what will happen, You will not walk away from me. That brings incredible peace that I could never just muster up...it's from You.
With much, much love,
your daughter Lisa
When we got home, we were bracing ourselves for the recovery but Thursday I woke up feeling fine, and continued to have a great day. Friday was the same. We have been praising God for making this surgery recovery easier than the last surgery in August. I think the last one was difficult because it had all started with a traumatic situation...renal failure. I spent a total of five days in the hospital trying to get all my numbers back to normal, plus just recovering from the surgery. This time has been completely calm. Yay God! I believe it's the prayers. Since this is a surgery I have to have every 2 months, it certainly has given me less dread of the next time. That is a huge mental/emotional blessing on the side.
Right now the battle issue, (besides the overall war with cancer), is that I am having problems with swelling in my legs and feet. People say "what's causing that?"
My lymphatic system in the pelvic area is effected by cancerous spots in that area. Because the lymph nodes are not doing what they're meant to do, pulling the lymphatic fluids out of my lower body, the fluid is in my legs and my feet. Both are puffy and stretched larger than they should be. That makes it a little difficult to walk now. I also am still fighting the celluitis in the right foot with antibiotics. It appears to be pretty much gone. Hooray!!! But the foot is still tender, with kind of a bruised feeling underneath the skin. My prayer request for this week is for the swelling to go away! Please pray for the lymph nodes to be healed. That sounds big, but I believe in praying big. Yes, continue that prayer with an overall "no more cancer" prayer. Nothing is impossible with God.
This coming week I don't have any appointments (woohoo!). I'm supposed to finish recovering and then I'll get back to chemo treatments the week of the 21st.
Thank you so much for praying about last week...and for being ready to continue week after week. There is one event that is happening this coming week. Friday, October 18th, marks the day I was first diagnosed in 2006. I don't want to rejoice that I got cancer, but I will celebrate that I have lived 7 more years of life. I'll write more about that on Friday. I'll use this coming week to be thankful to God for being with me every day of those 7 years. He is forever faithful.
God,
Thank You for being with me last week, especially on Wednesday! I'm so grateful to You that it went smoothly, no problems. Thank You! Thanks for the rain this morning, for the sunshine this afternoon. Thanks for my dinner date with my true love last night. Thank You for all the sweet ways You walk with me everyday. Thank You most of all, for loving me. Thanks. Because of that love, I can walk forward, unafraid of the days ahead. I know that no matter what will happen, You will not walk away from me. That brings incredible peace that I could never just muster up...it's from You.
With much, much love,
your daughter Lisa
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Appointments, Sweet Moments and Victory
One week ago on Monday, my doctor diagnosed that my right foot had celluitis. So, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I received antibiotics by IV to attack the infection. On Wednesday my doctor said that it had improved enough that I could begin the antibiotics orally at home, instead of coming into Little Rock and being hospitalized. That was great news! I also received fluids that day, as she thought I may have been dehydrated. I think she was right because Thursday I woke up feeling so much better! Really, I felt great Thursday on...just felt stronger, no nausea. Yay God!
I also had a short visit from our oldest child, Jesse over the weekend. That is always great medicine! He and his friend Peyton came over to film the musical I wrote about the Biblical story of the prodigal son, called Prodigals. They began filming Sunday afternoon about 1:30 and finished around 9 pm! I was SO grateful to God that I felt well enough to sit and watch the production work. I didn't stay the whole time, but I stayed a lot longer than I thought I could. It really was exciting! Jesse and Peyton did a great job and the cast was SO wonderful, SO talented. The whole day was touching to me because I felt like I was watching a dream of my heart coming true. God is moving forward with the music of Prodigals, and I can truly say it has happened by His hand. The Holy Spirit has quietly moved other people to have the same heart desire, the same vision that I have had for years...and they are making it happen. Wow. God is so good.
I went to the doctor yesterday, Monday, and she examined my foot again. It was declared "improved", which is a word I always like hearing. My blood count number was low, so she wanted me to get another blood transfusion. I received IV fluids yesterday. Today I am going in to get the transfusion. I believe this may be my fourth one this year.
Wednesday is a day I'd really like your prayers. I will have outpatient surgery to remove and replace stents that are in the ureters, from the kidney to the bladder. They have to be replaced every 2 months. Yes, every two months. Sounds like a lot, but...the alternative is to have blocked kidneys that do not function. I'll take the surgery.
I think that's about it. God continues to hold us up week after week. Some of the sweet highlights of last week...
*a visit from a dear young girlfriend from Nashville, Ashley
*a meal brought from dear friends at our church
*a greatly needed haircut from another dear friend, who comes to my house and cuts
my hair
*more food from another family we love at our church
*drop in visits from our grown up college girl, Mary
*Jamie's weekend visit
*Betsy's gift of taking me to appointments
*two precious young visitors for Sunday lunch...Miss Naomi and Miss Olivia (and
their daddy too) :-)
*Jesse's visit and gift of filming Prodigals
*our small group at church came over to our home and shared communion and
loving conversation with us
*lots of texts and calls
*and...always...the tender support of my true love, Tommy Carr
All of this is like the story of Moses needing his arms held up, literally. The Israelites would have victory as long as his arms were up. So men began to support them, so he wouldn't weary. (Exodus 17:8-13) They sat Moses on a rock and then they held up his hands. At the end of the day, God had defeated their enemies. Victory.
Dear Father,
That is such an amazing story. Lord, I'm not Moses, but I know You love all of us as much as You loved him. We all get weary. I'm tired of all of this. I know there are others that have big issues that they are tired of too. Thank You, Father, for sending help, for sending people to hold up our arms.
Let me focus on the sweet moments of each day, and not dwell on the hard moments. I do praise You! Thank You for faithfully and lovingly holding me up day after day, week after week. I could NOT move forward through even one day without You. I love You and will continue to love You all of my days.
Your daughter forever,
Lisa
I also had a short visit from our oldest child, Jesse over the weekend. That is always great medicine! He and his friend Peyton came over to film the musical I wrote about the Biblical story of the prodigal son, called Prodigals. They began filming Sunday afternoon about 1:30 and finished around 9 pm! I was SO grateful to God that I felt well enough to sit and watch the production work. I didn't stay the whole time, but I stayed a lot longer than I thought I could. It really was exciting! Jesse and Peyton did a great job and the cast was SO wonderful, SO talented. The whole day was touching to me because I felt like I was watching a dream of my heart coming true. God is moving forward with the music of Prodigals, and I can truly say it has happened by His hand. The Holy Spirit has quietly moved other people to have the same heart desire, the same vision that I have had for years...and they are making it happen. Wow. God is so good.
I went to the doctor yesterday, Monday, and she examined my foot again. It was declared "improved", which is a word I always like hearing. My blood count number was low, so she wanted me to get another blood transfusion. I received IV fluids yesterday. Today I am going in to get the transfusion. I believe this may be my fourth one this year.
Wednesday is a day I'd really like your prayers. I will have outpatient surgery to remove and replace stents that are in the ureters, from the kidney to the bladder. They have to be replaced every 2 months. Yes, every two months. Sounds like a lot, but...the alternative is to have blocked kidneys that do not function. I'll take the surgery.
I think that's about it. God continues to hold us up week after week. Some of the sweet highlights of last week...
*a visit from a dear young girlfriend from Nashville, Ashley
*a meal brought from dear friends at our church
*a greatly needed haircut from another dear friend, who comes to my house and cuts
my hair
*more food from another family we love at our church
*drop in visits from our grown up college girl, Mary
*Jamie's weekend visit
*Betsy's gift of taking me to appointments
*two precious young visitors for Sunday lunch...Miss Naomi and Miss Olivia (and
their daddy too) :-)
*Jesse's visit and gift of filming Prodigals
*our small group at church came over to our home and shared communion and
loving conversation with us
*lots of texts and calls
*and...always...the tender support of my true love, Tommy Carr
All of this is like the story of Moses needing his arms held up, literally. The Israelites would have victory as long as his arms were up. So men began to support them, so he wouldn't weary. (Exodus 17:8-13) They sat Moses on a rock and then they held up his hands. At the end of the day, God had defeated their enemies. Victory.
Dear Father,
That is such an amazing story. Lord, I'm not Moses, but I know You love all of us as much as You loved him. We all get weary. I'm tired of all of this. I know there are others that have big issues that they are tired of too. Thank You, Father, for sending help, for sending people to hold up our arms.
Let me focus on the sweet moments of each day, and not dwell on the hard moments. I do praise You! Thank You for faithfully and lovingly holding me up day after day, week after week. I could NOT move forward through even one day without You. I love You and will continue to love You all of my days.
Your daughter forever,
Lisa
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Little Rock Trips
Yesterday, Monday Sept. 30th, Tom and I went to see my doctor in Little Rock. I found out that I have celluitis in my right foot now. A couple of weeks ago it was across my lower abdomen, but that cleared that up with antibiotics. Now, for some reason unknown, it moved to my foot.
I received an IV antibiotic yesterday and I'm going in today for more. Then, on Wednesday they will evaluate whether it has improved. If so, I'll just finish out the antibiotic with pills at home. If not, then I will probably have to go into the hospital to get bigger antibiotics, given throughout the day.
Please pray for the foot to heal quickly and for God to bless me with healing from head to toe.
Thanks for praying!
I received an IV antibiotic yesterday and I'm going in today for more. Then, on Wednesday they will evaluate whether it has improved. If so, I'll just finish out the antibiotic with pills at home. If not, then I will probably have to go into the hospital to get bigger antibiotics, given throughout the day.
Please pray for the foot to heal quickly and for God to bless me with healing from head to toe.
Thanks for praying!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Beautiful Fall Days in Arkansas
Today was a beautiful day in Arkansas! It appears that fall has arrived and the weather has cooled down to such a comfortable temperature. This is truly my favorite time of year! I'm SO thankful to God for the beauty of this season and that He has blessed us day by day.
It really has been more than a month since I've written. I apologize for such a big gap between posts. I didn't really intend to go that long, but time just seems to go so quickly. I can't believe the month of September is almost done! Let me go back to August to catch up.
Monday, August 19th, Blood lab showed low counts and calcium up to 13 (10 is normal). I received IV fluids and steroids for the calcium problem. Tuesday...received another blood transfusion, 2 units. Wednesday, my counts were all better, so I was able to receive the new chemo, Gemzar. (Just a side note, when I get low doses of steroids it is sort of a blessing. I get a boost of energy and in my appetite.) I was told that this chemo had mild side effects, for the most part. Maybe some nausea and fatigue, but no loss of hair. (Amazingly, I have not lost my hair once on any of the different chemos I've received since this began in April 2012. Our daughter Betsy prayed specifically that I wouldn't lose my hair, and I thank God for this answered prayer!)
So... I went home that Wednesday hoping the side effects were going to be lighter, like they told me. I did well Wednesday and most of Thursday. Even went to lunch with some dear friends who came to visit from Tennessee. But Thursday night some of the side effects showed up, mostly nausea and some pain issues. We got on top of it by Friday, and by Saturday morning I was feeling fairly normal again (well, the "new" normal.)
That same weekend, when I started feeling better, I talked with my parents and my sister Diane, who all live in Franklin, Tennessee. They had been wanting to come visit me, but were waiting for the right week. Diane would be the designated driver and they would just take the trip slowly and carefully. I was thrilled with the idea since I had not seen my parents since the first week of January. The chemo is an "every two weeks" treatment, so I basically had a full week off until the next treatment. We discussed the trip...and they decided to come! What a blessing!
They came on Monday, August 26th, and left Saturday morning. the 31st. We had a wonderful time, really just hanging out. It was wonderful just to spend time together, talking, sharing, and praying with each other. All three of them were a beautiful dose of "good medicine" for me. We were also blessed with a visit from our dear friends Dr. Zik and Ory from the country of Nigeria. We also had prayer time with them that was very encouraging. I was SO thankful that the week that my parents came here I was feeling strong and well. It really worked out to be perfectly timed.
The week of September 2- 9... On Wednesday my blood counts were good, so I was able to get the second chemo treatment, which was great. I did fine on Wednesday, which happened to be a special day... our precious Betsy's birthday. I felt well all evening and I was grateful to get to celebrate. But, just like the first treatment, I started feeling symptoms Thursday evening...nausea, pain, fever, etc. I felt better on Friday, but the fever continued on and off over the weekend. I noticed that I had some redness and swelling across my stomach, very red. Didn't know what that was about, so Monday morning I called my doctor and the nurse said to come into Little Rock so they could see it.
Tom and I hurried there Monday afternoon. The diagnosis was cellulitis, a skin infection on my tummy, totally unrelated to chemo or cancer, just an... infection! SO...Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I went to LR to get antibiotics by IV. The infection did improve enough that they said I could finish the antibiotic at home with a pill. I went to LR AGAIN Thursday morning to get another blood transfusion. (My counts were low again, so I got the blood to strengthen my body so that, hopefully, I can get the third treatment this coming Wednesday.) When Friday arrived, I was so happy to stay home and rest!
Monday Sept. 16th I went to LR in order for my doctor to check the skin infection. It was better! Yay God!!! The whole remainder of that week was appointment free! SO glad. That weekend our family, including Jesse who drove over from Nashville, and Jamie who came from Jonesboro, and his girlfriend Natalie...we ALL gathered at Kevin's family lake house, from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. We had a wonderful weekend!!! Beautiful weather, incredible views of the lake, family talk time, great food (thanks Betsy) and plenty of joy. God blessed us with a great, great time.
Which brings me up to this past week. I went into Little Rock on Wednesday and received another treatment. Wednesday also happened to be our sweet Jamie's birthday! (We had celebrated it Saturday night when we were up at the lake.) Today is Thursday and so far I'm feeling fine, which is a huge blessing. (Hooray!) History so far has been that I start to feel bad Thursday night, but hoping and praying that this round will look different.
And THAT'S the update!!! Lots of procedures, treatments, etc. but also lots of joyful events along the way.
All throughout the past few weeks God has sent His encouragement to me in so many ways. Delicious meals that were (and continue to be) brought to our home 2 days a week from dear church families, my parents and sister's visit, phone calls, text messages and prayers, Facebook messages, an evening with our church small group friends, nice family-gathering Sunday lunches, Betsy's incredible muscadine sorbet (made with fruit juice only), visits from long distance friends from Nigeria, Florida, Tennessee and Michigan, flower arrangements, a ticket to a play, a journal book, and SO MUCH MORE I truly cannot name them all. That's just been in the last couple months! We especially are grateful for your prayers! Thank you that you continued to pray even when I stopped writing and you weren't sure what was going on. Thank you for that faithfulness. God has sent His manna, His spiritual food down to bless and encourage our family...and He uses your hands and hearts to do that.
We're so grateful.
I hope to write in my blog more often, although I won't make any promises. It will be by God's grace and help. I can trust Him with anything that is in my life. One day at a time is our motto. Really, it is more like one moment at a time. God is completely faithful to walk with us every moment that we live. What a wonderful God!
Oh God,
This past month has been hard. Blood transfusions, chemo treatments, side effects. But along the way, you have shown us Your loving Presence in many ways, ways that have made the journey lighter. Thank You...for friends that came long distances to say hello and to hug us and pray with us. Thank You for the visit from my family, such a joy to see them and laugh with them again. Thank you for our weekend vacation, making sweet memories with our family. Thank You God for bringing light into darkness. I trust and love You always.
Please give me strength for the days ahead. Please encourage and strengthen Tom and the children and our families as they also face difficult days. We need You and believe that You will come in all circumstances. Thank You for never leaving us!
Your daughter,
Lisa
It really has been more than a month since I've written. I apologize for such a big gap between posts. I didn't really intend to go that long, but time just seems to go so quickly. I can't believe the month of September is almost done! Let me go back to August to catch up.
Monday, August 19th, Blood lab showed low counts and calcium up to 13 (10 is normal). I received IV fluids and steroids for the calcium problem. Tuesday...received another blood transfusion, 2 units. Wednesday, my counts were all better, so I was able to receive the new chemo, Gemzar. (Just a side note, when I get low doses of steroids it is sort of a blessing. I get a boost of energy and in my appetite.) I was told that this chemo had mild side effects, for the most part. Maybe some nausea and fatigue, but no loss of hair. (Amazingly, I have not lost my hair once on any of the different chemos I've received since this began in April 2012. Our daughter Betsy prayed specifically that I wouldn't lose my hair, and I thank God for this answered prayer!)
So... I went home that Wednesday hoping the side effects were going to be lighter, like they told me. I did well Wednesday and most of Thursday. Even went to lunch with some dear friends who came to visit from Tennessee. But Thursday night some of the side effects showed up, mostly nausea and some pain issues. We got on top of it by Friday, and by Saturday morning I was feeling fairly normal again (well, the "new" normal.)
That same weekend, when I started feeling better, I talked with my parents and my sister Diane, who all live in Franklin, Tennessee. They had been wanting to come visit me, but were waiting for the right week. Diane would be the designated driver and they would just take the trip slowly and carefully. I was thrilled with the idea since I had not seen my parents since the first week of January. The chemo is an "every two weeks" treatment, so I basically had a full week off until the next treatment. We discussed the trip...and they decided to come! What a blessing!
They came on Monday, August 26th, and left Saturday morning. the 31st. We had a wonderful time, really just hanging out. It was wonderful just to spend time together, talking, sharing, and praying with each other. All three of them were a beautiful dose of "good medicine" for me. We were also blessed with a visit from our dear friends Dr. Zik and Ory from the country of Nigeria. We also had prayer time with them that was very encouraging. I was SO thankful that the week that my parents came here I was feeling strong and well. It really worked out to be perfectly timed.
The week of September 2- 9... On Wednesday my blood counts were good, so I was able to get the second chemo treatment, which was great. I did fine on Wednesday, which happened to be a special day... our precious Betsy's birthday. I felt well all evening and I was grateful to get to celebrate. But, just like the first treatment, I started feeling symptoms Thursday evening...nausea, pain, fever, etc. I felt better on Friday, but the fever continued on and off over the weekend. I noticed that I had some redness and swelling across my stomach, very red. Didn't know what that was about, so Monday morning I called my doctor and the nurse said to come into Little Rock so they could see it.
Tom and I hurried there Monday afternoon. The diagnosis was cellulitis, a skin infection on my tummy, totally unrelated to chemo or cancer, just an... infection! SO...Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I went to LR to get antibiotics by IV. The infection did improve enough that they said I could finish the antibiotic at home with a pill. I went to LR AGAIN Thursday morning to get another blood transfusion. (My counts were low again, so I got the blood to strengthen my body so that, hopefully, I can get the third treatment this coming Wednesday.) When Friday arrived, I was so happy to stay home and rest!
Monday Sept. 16th I went to LR in order for my doctor to check the skin infection. It was better! Yay God!!! The whole remainder of that week was appointment free! SO glad. That weekend our family, including Jesse who drove over from Nashville, and Jamie who came from Jonesboro, and his girlfriend Natalie...we ALL gathered at Kevin's family lake house, from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. We had a wonderful weekend!!! Beautiful weather, incredible views of the lake, family talk time, great food (thanks Betsy) and plenty of joy. God blessed us with a great, great time.
Which brings me up to this past week. I went into Little Rock on Wednesday and received another treatment. Wednesday also happened to be our sweet Jamie's birthday! (We had celebrated it Saturday night when we were up at the lake.) Today is Thursday and so far I'm feeling fine, which is a huge blessing. (Hooray!) History so far has been that I start to feel bad Thursday night, but hoping and praying that this round will look different.
And THAT'S the update!!! Lots of procedures, treatments, etc. but also lots of joyful events along the way.
All throughout the past few weeks God has sent His encouragement to me in so many ways. Delicious meals that were (and continue to be) brought to our home 2 days a week from dear church families, my parents and sister's visit, phone calls, text messages and prayers, Facebook messages, an evening with our church small group friends, nice family-gathering Sunday lunches, Betsy's incredible muscadine sorbet (made with fruit juice only), visits from long distance friends from Nigeria, Florida, Tennessee and Michigan, flower arrangements, a ticket to a play, a journal book, and SO MUCH MORE I truly cannot name them all. That's just been in the last couple months! We especially are grateful for your prayers! Thank you that you continued to pray even when I stopped writing and you weren't sure what was going on. Thank you for that faithfulness. God has sent His manna, His spiritual food down to bless and encourage our family...and He uses your hands and hearts to do that.
We're so grateful.
I hope to write in my blog more often, although I won't make any promises. It will be by God's grace and help. I can trust Him with anything that is in my life. One day at a time is our motto. Really, it is more like one moment at a time. God is completely faithful to walk with us every moment that we live. What a wonderful God!
Oh God,
This past month has been hard. Blood transfusions, chemo treatments, side effects. But along the way, you have shown us Your loving Presence in many ways, ways that have made the journey lighter. Thank You...for friends that came long distances to say hello and to hug us and pray with us. Thank You for the visit from my family, such a joy to see them and laugh with them again. Thank you for our weekend vacation, making sweet memories with our family. Thank You God for bringing light into darkness. I trust and love You always.
Please give me strength for the days ahead. Please encourage and strengthen Tom and the children and our families as they also face difficult days. We need You and believe that You will come in all circumstances. Thank You for never leaving us!
Your daughter,
Lisa
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Peace of God
I went to the oncologist two days ago, Monday. My red blood counts were low...SO...she decided to have me sit out another week to try to get those numbers up. I didn't get chemo but we will try again next Monday. If my counts are not up, then I will get a blood transfusion, and then the chemo.
Today I went to a follow up appointment with the urologist that did the stent surgery in July. He said that the stents need to be removed in 2 months from when they were put in, which will be about the first week of October. It will be outpatient this time, since I'm not going in with a emergency situation. I'm glad.
This week I'm back to taking things slow and resting. Please pray for my night time hours...I'm not sleeping so well and I'm not sure why.
Overall, my heart is full of peace and I know that is from the Lord and from so many prayers. We only take one day at a time, which is more than enough.
Today was a special day in our family...our youngest moved her things into Harding's dorm! Tomorrow she will officially spend her first night in the dorm. Pretty exciting! :-) And...tomorrow night Tom and I will officially be empty nesters. That's exciting too. Although, I have to say, we are grateful that our daughter is attending a college in the same city...so we are happy we will get to see her a lot. At least every couple of weeks for laundry days. :-) Yay!
Thank you VERY much for your prayers. The peace and hope that I feel is certainly not just stirred up by my own will, but instead is the Holy Spirit coming to fill my heart with God's perfect peace, peace that our whole family needs. Thank you.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, that passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil.4:4,6,7
God,
I am thankful for today. Good appointment, no problems. Rejoicing in this new milestone that Mary is beginning! Thank you for the peace and hope that You've put in our hearts. We know You are watching and caring for us, day by day. We are all thankful for Your faithful and loving care.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Today I went to a follow up appointment with the urologist that did the stent surgery in July. He said that the stents need to be removed in 2 months from when they were put in, which will be about the first week of October. It will be outpatient this time, since I'm not going in with a emergency situation. I'm glad.
This week I'm back to taking things slow and resting. Please pray for my night time hours...I'm not sleeping so well and I'm not sure why.
Overall, my heart is full of peace and I know that is from the Lord and from so many prayers. We only take one day at a time, which is more than enough.
Today was a special day in our family...our youngest moved her things into Harding's dorm! Tomorrow she will officially spend her first night in the dorm. Pretty exciting! :-) And...tomorrow night Tom and I will officially be empty nesters. That's exciting too. Although, I have to say, we are grateful that our daughter is attending a college in the same city...so we are happy we will get to see her a lot. At least every couple of weeks for laundry days. :-) Yay!
Thank you VERY much for your prayers. The peace and hope that I feel is certainly not just stirred up by my own will, but instead is the Holy Spirit coming to fill my heart with God's perfect peace, peace that our whole family needs. Thank you.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, that passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil.4:4,6,7
God,
I am thankful for today. Good appointment, no problems. Rejoicing in this new milestone that Mary is beginning! Thank you for the peace and hope that You've put in our hearts. We know You are watching and caring for us, day by day. We are all thankful for Your faithful and loving care.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Trusting Him with all your Heart
A lot has happened since I last wrote.
The last blog left off with my doctor telling me to take a break, get rest and to skip the chemo this time. Well, five days later I was admitted into the hospital. All that week (my "week off") I had tried to keep my daily routine very simple, staying at home and resting often. But as the week went by, I just wasn't feeling so well. The Friday of that week I was having some physical problems and Tom asked me to call the oncologist. To be honest, I thought "well, it's not so bad" and delayed making the call. But about 4 pm the Lord reminded me to "call the doctor". I did it, not because I thought I needed to but because Tom had asked me to. (This was a clear example of wives needing to listen to their husbands. God has used Tom over and over to speak truth to me, wrapped in love. By God's Spirit prompting me, I finally did obey.)
SO...I called and got the oncology nurse. She referred me to the LR urologist who had done the stent surgery in June. But according to the clock, it was already "the weekend" and I knew his office would send me to the ER. Didn't want to go through ER. Instead, I called our family doctor who is local and also a dear friend of ours. He stepped into the situation graciously and admitted me into the hospital Friday evening to get some tests done. Right away, we found out that my kidneys were not functioning because of internal blockage. Neither kidney. Not good. On Saturday they ran some more tests and my doctor decided to call in two specialists, a urologist and a nephrologist. The urologist said this was renal failure and both kidneys needed stents now. Saturday night I received 2 units of blood (some of my counts were low again). Then Sunday morning I went in for the surgery at about 11 am. The urologist removed the stent in my right kidney, which had become blocked....and then he put in a new one there and in the left kidney as well. The doctor used special stents designed especially for cancer patients that were stronger. I spent the next few days in recovery and finally went home Wed. July 31st.
I was pretty thankful that I listened to Tom and to the Lord and made that call on Friday afternoon. I had no idea how serious things were at that point, but as the weekend unfolded, it was clear...I'd been rescued by God one more time.
That Wednesday that I got out of the hospital, I was SO thankful to be home! The staff, doctors and nurses were all wonderful but I was there 5 nights, but I just needed to get out! I needed to get back to my own bed and look out our windows to see the birds and bunnies, to see my family and to see the day and the night. It felt like everyday was night...my nights and days were mixed up.
When I returned, we had a special evening that night because our son Jesse from Nashville came over for a quick visit, plus Jamie came over from Jonesboro for a short visit as well. There is NO medicine as wonderful as seeing our children, and hugging and holding them. Pure delight.
They all returned to their homes on Thursday and Mary went to Nashville for a weekend trip. Tom and I were at home, alone, no children. It was quiet but it was okay. A good recovery weekend after the hospital stay.
We went to the oncologist the following Monday. My blood counts were very good, probably because of the 2 units of blood I received the previous weekend. Even thought the counts were good, she decided I would not get chemo. There were two reasons...one, she thought I was still not completely recovered from the surgery and needed more time for rest and pain management to settle into a good routine. Second, she said they could already tell this chemo was not working. I had only started it in June and really only had about 3 treatments, but they said the whole crisis with the kidneys was also an indication that the chemo was not stopping the blockage in that area. I do not have cancer IN the kidneys, but there is cancerous tissue outside the organs in that area that are pressing and blocking normal function. The stents corrected the problem, but her point was the chemo was not reducing the cancer in that area. SO...this coming Monday I will go back to LR and she will discuss a different chemo to try. Then, I will start again.
All of these events...the kidney blockage and failure, the surgery and hospital stay, then the news about changing chemo again has been hard...in all kinds of ways. Difficult news is not something new to us...but the level of seriousness this time was certainly new territory to face.
How DO you keep hoping for complete healing when the medical information all shows the cancer has not been stopped, just the opposite, it is progressing? Is it denial to continue to hope in the midst of difficult news?
The truth is this...to stop hoping is NOT where I want to live day by day. I HAVE to hope. Joshua told all the Israelites in his great speech that they all could do whatever they wanted to but "as for me and my house, I choose life!" I will choose life and hope and perseverance and joy along this road until the LORD makes it clear that my time has come to go to Him. Whether that is in weeks or months or years, I don't know. But then....neither do you. Only God knows the number of our days. Do I wish He'd let me know that too? Yes! But...I don't know. SO...I will take each day and live it as fully to His glory as I'm able. One hour, one day at a time. And He has faithfully been with me every hour of every day.
I continue to try to figure out all these questions...that do not have quick answers. It's like when our children were little....so many questions! They were free to ask, but sometimes they didn't get a clear explanation. They were expected to trust us, even when they didn't understand. The verses in Proverbs 3:5-7 are as follows:
I choose life. I choose to trust Him all of my days on earth. And then, to joyfully trust Him when it is time to go Home. I trust Him. Period.
O God,
I love You. This is so hard. Not loving You, that's not the hard part. The suffering, the unanswered questions, the waiting to see Your mighty hand. I see the quiet action of Your Presence in my life and in our home everyday...and I am SO grateful. But I'd like to ask for something crazy big...like Daniel being saved from the lions or young David going up against Goliath. Something that would show how glorious and crazy big You are! Come, O God. Rescue me and so many others like me that cry out each day. We praise Your holy Name. We trust You...no matter what happens, BUT we all long to see Your hand do what seems impossible. Nothing, we know, is impossible with You.
I trust You. I love You. Forever.
Your daughter,
Lisa
The last blog left off with my doctor telling me to take a break, get rest and to skip the chemo this time. Well, five days later I was admitted into the hospital. All that week (my "week off") I had tried to keep my daily routine very simple, staying at home and resting often. But as the week went by, I just wasn't feeling so well. The Friday of that week I was having some physical problems and Tom asked me to call the oncologist. To be honest, I thought "well, it's not so bad" and delayed making the call. But about 4 pm the Lord reminded me to "call the doctor". I did it, not because I thought I needed to but because Tom had asked me to. (This was a clear example of wives needing to listen to their husbands. God has used Tom over and over to speak truth to me, wrapped in love. By God's Spirit prompting me, I finally did obey.)
SO...I called and got the oncology nurse. She referred me to the LR urologist who had done the stent surgery in June. But according to the clock, it was already "the weekend" and I knew his office would send me to the ER. Didn't want to go through ER. Instead, I called our family doctor who is local and also a dear friend of ours. He stepped into the situation graciously and admitted me into the hospital Friday evening to get some tests done. Right away, we found out that my kidneys were not functioning because of internal blockage. Neither kidney. Not good. On Saturday they ran some more tests and my doctor decided to call in two specialists, a urologist and a nephrologist. The urologist said this was renal failure and both kidneys needed stents now. Saturday night I received 2 units of blood (some of my counts were low again). Then Sunday morning I went in for the surgery at about 11 am. The urologist removed the stent in my right kidney, which had become blocked....and then he put in a new one there and in the left kidney as well. The doctor used special stents designed especially for cancer patients that were stronger. I spent the next few days in recovery and finally went home Wed. July 31st.
I was pretty thankful that I listened to Tom and to the Lord and made that call on Friday afternoon. I had no idea how serious things were at that point, but as the weekend unfolded, it was clear...I'd been rescued by God one more time.
That Wednesday that I got out of the hospital, I was SO thankful to be home! The staff, doctors and nurses were all wonderful but I was there 5 nights, but I just needed to get out! I needed to get back to my own bed and look out our windows to see the birds and bunnies, to see my family and to see the day and the night. It felt like everyday was night...my nights and days were mixed up.
When I returned, we had a special evening that night because our son Jesse from Nashville came over for a quick visit, plus Jamie came over from Jonesboro for a short visit as well. There is NO medicine as wonderful as seeing our children, and hugging and holding them. Pure delight.
They all returned to their homes on Thursday and Mary went to Nashville for a weekend trip. Tom and I were at home, alone, no children. It was quiet but it was okay. A good recovery weekend after the hospital stay.
We went to the oncologist the following Monday. My blood counts were very good, probably because of the 2 units of blood I received the previous weekend. Even thought the counts were good, she decided I would not get chemo. There were two reasons...one, she thought I was still not completely recovered from the surgery and needed more time for rest and pain management to settle into a good routine. Second, she said they could already tell this chemo was not working. I had only started it in June and really only had about 3 treatments, but they said the whole crisis with the kidneys was also an indication that the chemo was not stopping the blockage in that area. I do not have cancer IN the kidneys, but there is cancerous tissue outside the organs in that area that are pressing and blocking normal function. The stents corrected the problem, but her point was the chemo was not reducing the cancer in that area. SO...this coming Monday I will go back to LR and she will discuss a different chemo to try. Then, I will start again.
All of these events...the kidney blockage and failure, the surgery and hospital stay, then the news about changing chemo again has been hard...in all kinds of ways. Difficult news is not something new to us...but the level of seriousness this time was certainly new territory to face.
How DO you keep hoping for complete healing when the medical information all shows the cancer has not been stopped, just the opposite, it is progressing? Is it denial to continue to hope in the midst of difficult news?
The truth is this...to stop hoping is NOT where I want to live day by day. I HAVE to hope. Joshua told all the Israelites in his great speech that they all could do whatever they wanted to but "as for me and my house, I choose life!" I will choose life and hope and perseverance and joy along this road until the LORD makes it clear that my time has come to go to Him. Whether that is in weeks or months or years, I don't know. But then....neither do you. Only God knows the number of our days. Do I wish He'd let me know that too? Yes! But...I don't know. SO...I will take each day and live it as fully to His glory as I'm able. One hour, one day at a time. And He has faithfully been with me every hour of every day.
I continue to try to figure out all these questions...that do not have quick answers. It's like when our children were little....so many questions! They were free to ask, but sometimes they didn't get a clear explanation. They were expected to trust us, even when they didn't understand. The verses in Proverbs 3:5-7 are as follows:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.How could that be? Well...I do understand the part about trusting God's plan versus trusting my understanding. I would rather trust Him than me. His ways are perfect, full of love, His plan for forgiveness and redemption, His patient understanding about everything, is MUCH more trustworthy than my simple, flesh supported ways. He is God. I am not. So...we choose to follow and trust Him.
I choose life. I choose to trust Him all of my days on earth. And then, to joyfully trust Him when it is time to go Home. I trust Him. Period.
O God,
I love You. This is so hard. Not loving You, that's not the hard part. The suffering, the unanswered questions, the waiting to see Your mighty hand. I see the quiet action of Your Presence in my life and in our home everyday...and I am SO grateful. But I'd like to ask for something crazy big...like Daniel being saved from the lions or young David going up against Goliath. Something that would show how glorious and crazy big You are! Come, O God. Rescue me and so many others like me that cry out each day. We praise Your holy Name. We trust You...no matter what happens, BUT we all long to see Your hand do what seems impossible. Nothing, we know, is impossible with You.
I trust You. I love You. Forever.
Your daughter,
Lisa
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
A Week Off
Yesterday my sister-in-law, Susan, took me to Little Rock for my appointment. They took my blood samples and the lab showed that the white blood count was too low.
No chemo.
I'm really fine with that and even suspected that might be what happened. Tom and I prayed over the weekend that God would decide what's best with the outcome of the lab. And we believe He was working through all these things for His purposes. I think taking a week off will allow me to rest and to rebuild my strength, with God's help.
SO...that's where I am...at home...resting. And asking God to restore my strength day by day. And thanking Him for taking care of each step of this journey.
Thanks so much for your prayers.
No chemo.
I'm really fine with that and even suspected that might be what happened. Tom and I prayed over the weekend that God would decide what's best with the outcome of the lab. And we believe He was working through all these things for His purposes. I think taking a week off will allow me to rest and to rebuild my strength, with God's help.
SO...that's where I am...at home...resting. And asking God to restore my strength day by day. And thanking Him for taking care of each step of this journey.
Thanks so much for your prayers.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Just Being Honest
Just being honest...this past week I haven't felt so well.
Since I'm receiving chemo treatments, it makes sense that my feeling bad probably has to do with the side effects of the chemo. I have had some nausea this week, I've felt very tired, but there has been some pain creeping in that I don't like, nor do I want.
The question is what is the pain about? Is it the chemo attacking the cancer? It's kind of like a war is going on inside my body chemically and medically. Or... is the pain the cancer progressing? Anyone who's fought cancer will tell you that those are the kind of questions you ask yourself. Yes, this battle is very physical, but it is also a battle of the mind, a battle of perspective. As I live day by day, hope can quickly be diminished when I physically don't feel well. I have to regain perspective to regain hope, mostly by going to the Word of God, reading His perspective one more time, and then choosing to hope in His Words as truth.
“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. from Mark 11
It is hard to read this all inclusive "whatever you ask" statement and not think about those who prayed with every ounce of faith possible, and their prayer was not answered as they had hoped. The Scriptures bring me back to where I have landed in my heart, mind, soul over and over again. I do not understand all that is happening, or the why behind it....but I choose to trust God and love Him even when I don't see or understand it all.
I'll continue to take one day at a time...and sometimes, it is more like one hour at a time. When I start to lose hope, He comes and restores it. How? Different ways. Sometimes I just start to feel better, more hopeful...and I know His Spirit has come to rescue me again. Sometimes it is a timely phone call from a friend. They listen, we pray, and my heart is restored. Sometimes it is a verse in the Bible that comes to life and comforts me in a new way. Sometimes it is the arms of my sweet husband who surround me and his strength somehow transfers into my heart, and hope is revived. Sometimes it is my children, who stop and sit and share all their latest news of everyday life, and it encourages my heart to hear that they are doing well and living life fully.
"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears. He reached from on high, he took me, he drew me out of deep waters. It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
from Psalm 18: 6, 16, 32
Good morning Lord!
Thank You for a new day, fresh with Your mercies. Thank You for coming to rescue me over and over...and for renewing my heart with hope. Please bless my appointment tomorrow...that my blood counts will be high enough to receive the chemo treatment...IF that's what You want for me. Please order my steps today and let this day be to Your praise and glory.
With my love forever,
Lisa
Since I'm receiving chemo treatments, it makes sense that my feeling bad probably has to do with the side effects of the chemo. I have had some nausea this week, I've felt very tired, but there has been some pain creeping in that I don't like, nor do I want.
The question is what is the pain about? Is it the chemo attacking the cancer? It's kind of like a war is going on inside my body chemically and medically. Or... is the pain the cancer progressing? Anyone who's fought cancer will tell you that those are the kind of questions you ask yourself. Yes, this battle is very physical, but it is also a battle of the mind, a battle of perspective. As I live day by day, hope can quickly be diminished when I physically don't feel well. I have to regain perspective to regain hope, mostly by going to the Word of God, reading His perspective one more time, and then choosing to hope in His Words as truth.
“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. from Mark 11
It is hard to read this all inclusive "whatever you ask" statement and not think about those who prayed with every ounce of faith possible, and their prayer was not answered as they had hoped. The Scriptures bring me back to where I have landed in my heart, mind, soul over and over again. I do not understand all that is happening, or the why behind it....but I choose to trust God and love Him even when I don't see or understand it all.
I'll continue to take one day at a time...and sometimes, it is more like one hour at a time. When I start to lose hope, He comes and restores it. How? Different ways. Sometimes I just start to feel better, more hopeful...and I know His Spirit has come to rescue me again. Sometimes it is a timely phone call from a friend. They listen, we pray, and my heart is restored. Sometimes it is a verse in the Bible that comes to life and comforts me in a new way. Sometimes it is the arms of my sweet husband who surround me and his strength somehow transfers into my heart, and hope is revived. Sometimes it is my children, who stop and sit and share all their latest news of everyday life, and it encourages my heart to hear that they are doing well and living life fully.
"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears. He reached from on high, he took me, he drew me out of deep waters. It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
from Psalm 18: 6, 16, 32
Good morning Lord!
Thank You for a new day, fresh with Your mercies. Thank You for coming to rescue me over and over...and for renewing my heart with hope. Please bless my appointment tomorrow...that my blood counts will be high enough to receive the chemo treatment...IF that's what You want for me. Please order my steps today and let this day be to Your praise and glory.
With my love forever,
Lisa
Monday, July 15, 2013
Treatment #3
YAY...my blood counts were high enough that I DID get chemo today! Thank You, God!!! Got there about 9 am, they took the blood and said they weren't as high as last week but they were good enough to get treatment. Very thankful! Thanks so much for your prayers. They are truly felt.
His Strength in our Weakness
The stent surgery on June 14th went well. It was outpatient, so Tom and I left early Friday morning and returned about 6 pm Friday night. I spent the weekend resting, recovering from the procedure.
That Monday, June 17th, we went in to see my oncologist for the results from the PET scan. Overall, they were not good. The scan showed that there were some spots that had gotten better, one being the tumors on the liver had reduced in size. But...there were lots of places that the cancer had progressed...in the pelvic area, some of the spots on the vertebrae, ribs and various spots. Not good news. We had already discussed with her possible options if this was the case, so she named yet another chemo for me to begin (something that I haven't tried yet). She wanted me to start it immediately. I went on into the chemo room and received treatment that day. This chemo, she said, needs to be given once a week, if my counts are high enough. That was the new plan.
Once again we had received disappointing news and once again we had to call family and friends to tell them the cancer had spread. In one way, it is very, very hard to make those phone calls. But in another way, we have faced this same difficult news many times in the past year and have become experienced in it. Not that it makes it easier, just that we don't feel as frozen in shock. We hear it, our hearts grieve, then we cry out and pray, asking the Lord to revive our hope one more time. And He does. Truly, in our weakness, we become strong, because of Him. When I'm completely without strength, He comes to the rescue. Hope is revived one more time as we take a deep breath and look into His eyes. It is a path we know well.
All that week Tom and Mary prepared for their trip to West Africa. My two Tennessee sisters arrived on Thursday to take care of me for one week while Tom and Mary were gone. On June 21st, Tom and Mary left for Ghana. That weekend, I started not feeling so well. I was having quite a bit of pain in my lower back and sides so I thought maybe something was wrong with the new stent in the right kidney. We hung in there over the weekend by taking extra pain meds. On Monday I had another test to check the kidneys. On Wednesday morning, the stent doctor said everything was fine, so it wasn't the stent. That afternoon I saw my oncologist and she said my blood counts were pretty low plus some other problems and she decided I needed to be admitted to the hospital.
I wasn't expecting that. I hadn't packed a bag or anything. My sister and I went on to the hospital and I stayed until Friday. My daughter brought some of my personal things from home that night. (She also brought a whole lot of party food, balanced of course with grapes.) :-) I received two units of blood on Thursday and Friday, IV fluids, etc. Seems like I was put in for a sort of medical "tune up". On Thursday, my dear friend Carol flew in from Texas. She and my sisters swapped duties. Diane and Judy went home on Friday and Carol stayed at the hospital with me. We went home from the hospital on Friday. Carol was my caregiver for the second week. I wasn't exactly at a spunky-party level, but Carol and I had a restful time together as I needed to recover from all the hospital events of the previous weeks.
Finally...Tom and Mary got home on July 5th! I was SO thankful for their incredible adventure and safe return! God really watched over the two weeks...over them AND over me at home!
Which brings me to this past week. I went in on Monday and my blood counts were the best they had been in a long, long time! Praise to God!!! I was given the second chemo treatment. I did not have severe side effects this week, but I had some nausea and especially noticed fatigue. I've tried to spend my days quietly at home, getting a few things done, but mostly trying to be restful. I go back this morning at 9 am. If the counts are good, I'll get another treatment. If not, then I will wait a week and try again. One main prayer request is that my blood levels would stay strong enough to get the chemo each week. Bottom line, I need to get the chemo to stop the progression and growth.
My heart and mind have had a lot to process over the past month, as well as just all the physical things I've gone through. When I heard that the PET scan showed the cancer had progressed...again...my heart was sad. Another treatment had failed. The cancer is spreading? Lord? What does this all mean? Do I get ready to go home (death and then rising to see Jesus) OR does He mean for me to keep fighting? What does God want me to do in all of this?
After praying and crying out to the Lord, the words I heard from Him were "keep your eyes on Me". That took me back to when I was first diagnosed and God had me look at the story from Scripture of Peter walking on the water. The waves were crashing and the water was deep enough to drown in. Peter was doing fine, walking miraculously on the water, as long as he kept looking at Jesus and walking toward Him. But Peter looked down. It is the natural response, I believe. Relating that to my life...my natural response is to pay attention to all the medical tests and scans. But if I do, then sinking occurs quickly. I need to look up, to look into Jesus' eyes and remember His words "nothing is impossible with God".
The waves really are crashing, and the waters seem to have gotten deeper and deeper. What I am finding is that the more impossible this looks...the more I surrender. I cannot pull myself out of the water. I can't. If I'm going to be rescued, then it will be by Jesus' intervention. Just like Peter. My job is to keep my eyes on Jesus...and to put my trust in Him. Whatever the outcome. And I do mean that...whatever.
My prayer requests: for this treatment to work, for the cancer to die, for my body to be healed of disease...all by God's mighty hand and His merciful love. And, of course, always, for God to take care of my precious family and give them strength for each day.
God,
Thank You for sustaining our family's strength day by day. You have never left us alone on this journey. AND, You've shown us how to walk this road...one day, one hour at a time. It is all we can do. You were right when You told us to live that way...one day, one hour at a time. I give You thanks and praise, forever and ever. And.... one more thing....I love You, O God.
Your daughter,
Lisa
That Monday, June 17th, we went in to see my oncologist for the results from the PET scan. Overall, they were not good. The scan showed that there were some spots that had gotten better, one being the tumors on the liver had reduced in size. But...there were lots of places that the cancer had progressed...in the pelvic area, some of the spots on the vertebrae, ribs and various spots. Not good news. We had already discussed with her possible options if this was the case, so she named yet another chemo for me to begin (something that I haven't tried yet). She wanted me to start it immediately. I went on into the chemo room and received treatment that day. This chemo, she said, needs to be given once a week, if my counts are high enough. That was the new plan.
Once again we had received disappointing news and once again we had to call family and friends to tell them the cancer had spread. In one way, it is very, very hard to make those phone calls. But in another way, we have faced this same difficult news many times in the past year and have become experienced in it. Not that it makes it easier, just that we don't feel as frozen in shock. We hear it, our hearts grieve, then we cry out and pray, asking the Lord to revive our hope one more time. And He does. Truly, in our weakness, we become strong, because of Him. When I'm completely without strength, He comes to the rescue. Hope is revived one more time as we take a deep breath and look into His eyes. It is a path we know well.
All that week Tom and Mary prepared for their trip to West Africa. My two Tennessee sisters arrived on Thursday to take care of me for one week while Tom and Mary were gone. On June 21st, Tom and Mary left for Ghana. That weekend, I started not feeling so well. I was having quite a bit of pain in my lower back and sides so I thought maybe something was wrong with the new stent in the right kidney. We hung in there over the weekend by taking extra pain meds. On Monday I had another test to check the kidneys. On Wednesday morning, the stent doctor said everything was fine, so it wasn't the stent. That afternoon I saw my oncologist and she said my blood counts were pretty low plus some other problems and she decided I needed to be admitted to the hospital.
I wasn't expecting that. I hadn't packed a bag or anything. My sister and I went on to the hospital and I stayed until Friday. My daughter brought some of my personal things from home that night. (She also brought a whole lot of party food, balanced of course with grapes.) :-) I received two units of blood on Thursday and Friday, IV fluids, etc. Seems like I was put in for a sort of medical "tune up". On Thursday, my dear friend Carol flew in from Texas. She and my sisters swapped duties. Diane and Judy went home on Friday and Carol stayed at the hospital with me. We went home from the hospital on Friday. Carol was my caregiver for the second week. I wasn't exactly at a spunky-party level, but Carol and I had a restful time together as I needed to recover from all the hospital events of the previous weeks.
Finally...Tom and Mary got home on July 5th! I was SO thankful for their incredible adventure and safe return! God really watched over the two weeks...over them AND over me at home!
Which brings me to this past week. I went in on Monday and my blood counts were the best they had been in a long, long time! Praise to God!!! I was given the second chemo treatment. I did not have severe side effects this week, but I had some nausea and especially noticed fatigue. I've tried to spend my days quietly at home, getting a few things done, but mostly trying to be restful. I go back this morning at 9 am. If the counts are good, I'll get another treatment. If not, then I will wait a week and try again. One main prayer request is that my blood levels would stay strong enough to get the chemo each week. Bottom line, I need to get the chemo to stop the progression and growth.
My heart and mind have had a lot to process over the past month, as well as just all the physical things I've gone through. When I heard that the PET scan showed the cancer had progressed...again...my heart was sad. Another treatment had failed. The cancer is spreading? Lord? What does this all mean? Do I get ready to go home (death and then rising to see Jesus) OR does He mean for me to keep fighting? What does God want me to do in all of this?
After praying and crying out to the Lord, the words I heard from Him were "keep your eyes on Me". That took me back to when I was first diagnosed and God had me look at the story from Scripture of Peter walking on the water. The waves were crashing and the water was deep enough to drown in. Peter was doing fine, walking miraculously on the water, as long as he kept looking at Jesus and walking toward Him. But Peter looked down. It is the natural response, I believe. Relating that to my life...my natural response is to pay attention to all the medical tests and scans. But if I do, then sinking occurs quickly. I need to look up, to look into Jesus' eyes and remember His words "nothing is impossible with God".
The waves really are crashing, and the waters seem to have gotten deeper and deeper. What I am finding is that the more impossible this looks...the more I surrender. I cannot pull myself out of the water. I can't. If I'm going to be rescued, then it will be by Jesus' intervention. Just like Peter. My job is to keep my eyes on Jesus...and to put my trust in Him. Whatever the outcome. And I do mean that...whatever.
My prayer requests: for this treatment to work, for the cancer to die, for my body to be healed of disease...all by God's mighty hand and His merciful love. And, of course, always, for God to take care of my precious family and give them strength for each day.
God,
Thank You for sustaining our family's strength day by day. You have never left us alone on this journey. AND, You've shown us how to walk this road...one day, one hour at a time. It is all we can do. You were right when You told us to live that way...one day, one hour at a time. I give You thanks and praise, forever and ever. And.... one more thing....I love You, O God.
Your daughter,
Lisa
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