This past week was wonderful and very full. Mary's birthday was on Saturday, turning 12. I can't believe she's 12! Then Sunday night our family opened gifts to each other (the six of us) as we traditionally do on Christmas Eve. We had such a sweet time together. Monday, Christmas Day, we got up and had our stocking time...digging in the stockings, seeing what was in them. Then I made cranberry sauce, mashed sweet potatoes and a big salad to take over to Jim and Susan's for Christmas dinner. I was very thankful to feel well enough to hustle around and make those things. We had a very nice time with all the extended family. Tuesday was a quiet day, cleaning up some of the celebrations. Then Wednesday was Jesse's birthday...23 years old! We had dinner at home. I even made my mother's famous Danish meringue birthday cake for Jess, although I still have a long way to go before it tastes like hers. Wed. was also a day of getting Jesse packed up to leave for Nashville. Thursday Tommy took off with the girls to Nashville in the morning. Then Jesse finished packing around noon...and Jamie and I said goodbye to him.
That was hard. This is a first...a child going off, leaving home. Even though I know it's time and he is ready, it doesn't make it easy to let go.
So by Thursday afternoon Jamie and I were the only ones here. We've had a quiet time, cleaning up more of Christmas, watching some movies, making big trips to Hastings or Big Lots (we know how to have fun). Quiet time. He is being so sweet and helpful...I'm glad he ended up staying here with me. I thought maybe I would like the alone time, with everyone gone. But I think the Lord knew I needed someone here, or it would have been too quiet.
I'm approaching the fourth treatment...Jan. 2. I'm learning the pattern. Right about when I start to feel normal, health-wise, it's time to go back and start all over. I am eating normal, sleeping normal. The only symptom in the past week is just mild fatigue. The physical part is fine during this third week. As I approach the next treatment I have to deal with the emotional part...the dread of going in. One part of me knows that the chemo is a good thing...it's the medicine that attacks the evil cancer cells. But another part of me has to face the truth of knowing I'm about to feel sick all over again. I don't know what else to do except to take one day at a time, ask the Lord to hold me up...I mean, really, hold me up, so I will walk forward, and not retreat....even though forward is hard. When the Israelites were in the wilderness He was a cloud by day and a fire by night...so they were never without His light. I love that part of their story. Maybe when I get at the end of this whole thing I'll look down and realize my shoes never wore out. But, for right now, I can't look down. I have to keep looking forward. One day at a time, one step at a time.
Thank You, Holy God, for being with all the huge life events of the past few weeks. Thank You for all the ways You show Yourself in the middle of this time in my life. You continue to show me You are here, with me. I still have some questions...the how question and the why question, but I don't have to have the answers. Not now or even in this lifetime. I know eventually You'll explain it. I just pray that I can be faithful, to trust You no matter what comes my way. I choose to trust You, O Lord. In Jesus' Name.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Mary's Birthday
Life is pretty full at our house right now. Last week Jesse graduated; this week Mary turned 12 years old. Then we celebrate Christmas, then Jesse's birthday (23) and then he moves to Nashville. Whew. Lots of joyful celebration, but also lots of life transition. I've never been very good with change. One thing I do know is that change doesn't wait around for my approval. It keeps happening anyway.
As far as my health status...this week went from Sunday being a very bad day to Wednesday beginning to feel better again. I just wasn't expecting this treatment to be any different than the other two...and it was. I had much more nausea this time. But I woke up Wednesday morning and I could just tell I felt better and could eat. I asked Tommy to take me out for breakfast. We headed down to Bobby's and I had 2 pancakes, a piece of bacon and two eggs! It was so wonderful to eat a nice full meal and feel good afterward. I was ( and still am) very grateful that I have felt good coming into the weekend.
Jamie got out of school on Wed and Mary got out Thursday. Tommy had Friday off so Friday felt like a Saturday with everyone home...which was great!
Today, Saturday, was focused on Mary. We had a stay-at-home day. She wanted to make her own birthday cake, so she worked on that in the afternoon. She chose to make a white cake with chocolate Cool Whip as the frosting. Then she wrote "Happy Birthy Mary" in food gel pen. Yes...Happy Birthy. :-) We decided to erase the y and so it said Happy Birth! :-) It all worked out. Tonight her family, grandparents, Uncle, Aunt and cousin all properly sang, gave presents and celebrated her into her status as a dozen years old.
I am thankful...
For a 23 year old son that is sweet and loves the Lord. For a 12 year old that is wonderful and also loves the Lord. For a season when we think about our dear Jesus's arrival and celebrate His gift of coming to save us. For a family that is loving and strong and well knit together. And for more friends than any one person should be blessed with!
I am so thankful.
One day at a time. Today is almost done, and the Lord was a part of this whole day. He is ever present and continually faithful to hold me up. My chin went down this past week, but He gently took His hand, tenderly cupped my chin , lifted it back up, so once again I could look into His eyes.
I am very, very thankful.
As far as my health status...this week went from Sunday being a very bad day to Wednesday beginning to feel better again. I just wasn't expecting this treatment to be any different than the other two...and it was. I had much more nausea this time. But I woke up Wednesday morning and I could just tell I felt better and could eat. I asked Tommy to take me out for breakfast. We headed down to Bobby's and I had 2 pancakes, a piece of bacon and two eggs! It was so wonderful to eat a nice full meal and feel good afterward. I was ( and still am) very grateful that I have felt good coming into the weekend.
Jamie got out of school on Wed and Mary got out Thursday. Tommy had Friday off so Friday felt like a Saturday with everyone home...which was great!
Today, Saturday, was focused on Mary. We had a stay-at-home day. She wanted to make her own birthday cake, so she worked on that in the afternoon. She chose to make a white cake with chocolate Cool Whip as the frosting. Then she wrote "Happy Birthy Mary" in food gel pen. Yes...Happy Birthy. :-) We decided to erase the y and so it said Happy Birth! :-) It all worked out. Tonight her family, grandparents, Uncle, Aunt and cousin all properly sang, gave presents and celebrated her into her status as a dozen years old.
I am thankful...
For a 23 year old son that is sweet and loves the Lord. For a 12 year old that is wonderful and also loves the Lord. For a season when we think about our dear Jesus's arrival and celebrate His gift of coming to save us. For a family that is loving and strong and well knit together. And for more friends than any one person should be blessed with!
I am so thankful.
One day at a time. Today is almost done, and the Lord was a part of this whole day. He is ever present and continually faithful to hold me up. My chin went down this past week, but He gently took His hand, tenderly cupped my chin , lifted it back up, so once again I could look into His eyes.
I am very, very thankful.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Graduation Weekend
He did it! Our first born graduated! Yeah! We watched him walk across and heard his name spoken...they started to say it wrong and then said it right. The program said he was from Bluefield, Virginia. Nevertheless...he graduated.
We were going to go to Little Rock to eat somewhere nice, but Jesse said he wasn't feeling that well. So we ate fast food and Tom took him to the walk-in clinic. He has bronchitis. Sad. A college grad with bronchitis. We got the drugs and he's hopefully getting better hour by hour.
Physically, I'm still not bouncing back. I don't feel well. This treatment definitely seems different. I am very tired and feel sick. Food is still at the question mark stage...never sure what is going to sound good or taste good. Today (Sunday) I went to church but I was so tired I asked Tom to take me home and skip class. I was exhausted. I have slept on and off most of the day. Maybe tomorrow I'll get stronger.
We were going to go to Little Rock to eat somewhere nice, but Jesse said he wasn't feeling that well. So we ate fast food and Tom took him to the walk-in clinic. He has bronchitis. Sad. A college grad with bronchitis. We got the drugs and he's hopefully getting better hour by hour.
Physically, I'm still not bouncing back. I don't feel well. This treatment definitely seems different. I am very tired and feel sick. Food is still at the question mark stage...never sure what is going to sound good or taste good. Today (Sunday) I went to church but I was so tired I asked Tom to take me home and skip class. I was exhausted. I have slept on and off most of the day. Maybe tomorrow I'll get stronger.
Friday, December 15, 2006
3rd Treatment
Monday (Dec.11) I had my third treatment. The way it goes on treatment day is that you see the oncologist first, talk, get examined and then evaluate whether there should be any changes. Well, my doctor did all that and decided that the tumor had only gone down a little, but not enough. SO...she changed one of the chemo drugs. That was discouraging for two reasons...one, the tumor hadn't shrunk very much and two, I've been doing so well on the other 3 that changing meant possibly having a different response. The other part of this was that this new drug took longer to go in.
SO...Monday I spent 10-11 am. on the office visit, then from 11-3:00 sitting in my Lazy-Boy chair getting all the medicines. It was my longest treatment. First, there's an anti-nausea drug, then a steroid, then chemo #1, chemo #2, chemo #3, then some Benadryl, then some iron (to boost red blood cells)....with saline water in between every one of them. I also got a shot at the end of everything for red blood booster. Long process.
BUT...the good news was Betsy was with me. She was wonderful! Very good at this. Cheerful and sweet and comforting. I was so thankful to have her there. She was with me during the doctor time, but then when I was getting the drugs she was only allowed in for about 10 minutes per hour. She would go off and then pop back in cheerfully. One time she had brought a little gift to pass out to the others in the room (there are 10 of us at the same time). She took two candycanes and tied them together to make a pink breast cancer ribbon. (My craft girl!) It was cute and everyone liked it and her.
On the treatment day I don't usually feel so bad. My theory is my body is so confused with all the drugs that it doesn't know what to do on the first day. Tuesday I started feeling the fatigue, but still okay. Then Wednesday afternoon the nausea started. This time was definitely different than the other two. I felt heavy fatigue but also very nauseous. I was hungry but there was NOTHING that I could think of that I could eat. Thursday was the same but more severe. I wasn't eating...but I knew I needed to eat. I just couldn't do it. We tried lots of stuff. Protein shakes, plain toast, applesauce, rice, etc. Finally, Thurs night Tommy brought home some catfish from the restaurant they went to and that sounded good, so I nibbled a tiny test bite and it worked. I ate a piece and had some mashed potatoes. Yeah! Food! Who would have thought catfish was the answer!
Today was much better. I got up, ate cereal for breakfast, showered, did laundry and even ironed. All those were done with "sitting a spell" in between, but I still did it. It was a much better day.
Every day has it's calling. Tomorrow my focus is on Jesse....he's graduating! If I feel like I did this morning, I'll be fine and able to attend.
It's been a long, hard week, but I made it, with the Lord's strength.
O Lord, I want so much to skip these weeks of physical sickness and weakness. But, for whatever reason, that is what is before me. Give me strength to press on...to listen to You...to trust You, in sickness or in health...to be Yours, no matter what. I believe and I trust You.
In Jesus' Name.
SO...Monday I spent 10-11 am. on the office visit, then from 11-3:00 sitting in my Lazy-Boy chair getting all the medicines. It was my longest treatment. First, there's an anti-nausea drug, then a steroid, then chemo #1, chemo #2, chemo #3, then some Benadryl, then some iron (to boost red blood cells)....with saline water in between every one of them. I also got a shot at the end of everything for red blood booster. Long process.
BUT...the good news was Betsy was with me. She was wonderful! Very good at this. Cheerful and sweet and comforting. I was so thankful to have her there. She was with me during the doctor time, but then when I was getting the drugs she was only allowed in for about 10 minutes per hour. She would go off and then pop back in cheerfully. One time she had brought a little gift to pass out to the others in the room (there are 10 of us at the same time). She took two candycanes and tied them together to make a pink breast cancer ribbon. (My craft girl!) It was cute and everyone liked it and her.
On the treatment day I don't usually feel so bad. My theory is my body is so confused with all the drugs that it doesn't know what to do on the first day. Tuesday I started feeling the fatigue, but still okay. Then Wednesday afternoon the nausea started. This time was definitely different than the other two. I felt heavy fatigue but also very nauseous. I was hungry but there was NOTHING that I could think of that I could eat. Thursday was the same but more severe. I wasn't eating...but I knew I needed to eat. I just couldn't do it. We tried lots of stuff. Protein shakes, plain toast, applesauce, rice, etc. Finally, Thurs night Tommy brought home some catfish from the restaurant they went to and that sounded good, so I nibbled a tiny test bite and it worked. I ate a piece and had some mashed potatoes. Yeah! Food! Who would have thought catfish was the answer!
Today was much better. I got up, ate cereal for breakfast, showered, did laundry and even ironed. All those were done with "sitting a spell" in between, but I still did it. It was a much better day.
Every day has it's calling. Tomorrow my focus is on Jesse....he's graduating! If I feel like I did this morning, I'll be fine and able to attend.
It's been a long, hard week, but I made it, with the Lord's strength.
O Lord, I want so much to skip these weeks of physical sickness and weakness. But, for whatever reason, that is what is before me. Give me strength to press on...to listen to You...to trust You, in sickness or in health...to be Yours, no matter what. I believe and I trust You.
In Jesus' Name.
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Betsy's Home!
Yeah! Our Betsy girl is home! We picked her up in Little Rock last night (Wed. night) around 8:30. She flew from Paris to Amsterdam to Memphis to Little Rock. We are SO glad to have her here and back in our arms. She was ready and excited to be home.
Medically, this has been a quiet week. I went in Monday for my blood labs and they said I needed another red blood cell booster shot, so I got that. It's supposed to help with my anemia. My third treatment is Monday, December 11.
Other than that we have all just been focused on Betsy's return this week.
Thank you to so many of you who have been praying for Betsy this fall. She said she has felt so much peace throughout the semester, and knew it was the Lord taking care of her. Thanks for your prayers!!!
Medically, this has been a quiet week. I went in Monday for my blood labs and they said I needed another red blood cell booster shot, so I got that. It's supposed to help with my anemia. My third treatment is Monday, December 11.
Other than that we have all just been focused on Betsy's return this week.
Thank you to so many of you who have been praying for Betsy this fall. She said she has felt so much peace throughout the semester, and knew it was the Lord taking care of her. Thanks for your prayers!!!
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