Tuesday, December 28, 2010

December 28th

We've had a busy week. Mary turned 16 on the 23rd, then Christmas Eve we opened presents with our family, then Christmas Day...more family time and more food and even fit in time to play Settlers of Catan. Then yesterday was Jesse's golden birthday! 27 on the 27th...another great day of celebration. Lots of good, sweet family time together.

Sunday was a very good day. The elders at our church prayed for me and anointed me with oil, praying very boldly for complete healing and no cancer. I am grateful for their prayers and all the church's love and concern.

Tomorrow is my PET scan. I go in at 12:45. It will take 2 or 3 hours and I will not get the results back until next week. That's really okay with me.

I feel lots of peace. Once again, I KNOW that is from prayers. God has been faithful to give me little moments of encouragement along the way. He shows me in little ways that He is ever present and going before me, yes, going ahead of me to take care of everything. My job is to trust Him...to truly trust Him with my life.

So...that's what I going to do. Trust Him.

Thanks so much for your prayers and your love.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve

Yesterday was a big day! First and foremost...it was Mary's birthday! Sweet, sweet sixteen. I can hardly stand to say it out loud...16. WOW. She is such a blessing to our home and a delight to all who know her. Tom and I are very proud of who she has become in the Lord Jesus Christ, just a beautiful, young Christian woman.

Yesterday was also a medical test day for me. Tom and I spent Wednesday night in Little Rock so it would be easier to get to my 7:00 am appointment. I went in and had a CT scan of my head, my chest and pelvic areas. Then 2 hours later I went in for a bone scan from head to toe. Immediately following we went in to see my oncologist for the report on all these tests.

My doctor said that there were 2 small spots on my spine that concerned them enough to give them "suspicious" status on the report. She said she wants me to come in for a PET scan this coming Wed, Dec. 29th to look at it closer. She discussed the fact that these were showing up, plus my tumor marker being elevated concerned her, so she wants to check it all out further. She also took me off of Tamoxifen and put me on Arimidex, another type of hormonal therapy.

We left the office feeling okay. It would have been nice to have heard "we did not see anything at all, Mrs. Carr"...but we didn't hear anything definite either. SO Tom and I took a deep breath and looked on the hopeful side of this. It looks very much like what happened to me 3 years ago. They saw a lesion in my humerus bone and my scapula. It wasn't until 5 weeks later when they did the biopsy that they were confident that it was not cancer. I guess I am holding lots of hope in my heart because of that experience having a good ending.

THEN...something great happened about 4:00 in the afternoon. The nurse called and she said that they rechecked the tumor marker. It had gone DOWN from 42 to 31, with 30 being normal!!!! WOW...that was incredible. In one week it dropped almost to normal. She was very surprised herself but glad. She said "we will still continue with the plan to do the PET scan on Wed.". Fine. That's fine. Good plan.

That news shifted the whole picture. If the tumor marker is down, that means the presence of cancer is lessened in their medical perspective. I truly believe that it was God who stepped in. SO many people are praying...and I'm very grateful! We ask for mountains to move and when we see the mountain shift, we can't write it off to coincidence. I want to give Him the glory and the credit.

So...

Thank You, God, for shifting the mountain. Thank You, O Lord, for those numbers going down. Thank You for hearing our cries. Thank You for stepping in. Thank You for blessing Mary's special day with a joyful celebration. Thank You for Your faithfulness and Your love. AND, on this glorious Christmas Eve, I thank You for coming to earth as a innocent baby, both holy and human. Thank You for Your life and for Your death and Your resurrection! My heart is full of gratefulness for this day of life that You have given to me. I praise Your Name!!!
In Jesus I pray, Amen.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

December 21, 2010

In November I went in to my regularly scheduled checkup with my oncologist. (I go every 4 months and get scans every 8 months.) She said that everything looked fine. But...2 weeks later I got a call from the nurse and she said that one of the tests, a tumor marker, was elevated. The protocol is to come back in 2 weeks and take my blood again.

SO...I went back this past Thursday and they took my blood. On Friday they called and said that the numbers were actually a little higher...so, they wanted to set up a scan day. That is this coming Thursday, December 23rd...which also happens to be Mary's birthday. I will get CT scans of my head, chest and pelvic areas and then see my oncologist to discuss the results.

Those are the medical facts but there is always the spiritual side to hear as well.

Spiritually...I believe that this is a spiritual battle over something physical, my body and wellness. When all this started up, I felt like the Lord wanted me to re-memorize the Scriptures from Ephesians 6. I love these verses because they paint a picture of what we cannot see...a battle. Good vs. evil. God vs. the enemy Satan. Sounds simplistic and maybe old fashioned, but it is what it is...truth. Yet, another very important truth is... "greater is He who is in you than the one who is in the world". Our God is victorious and I am leaning on that spiritual fact.

"Finally, brothers, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God so that you may be able to stand against the tricks of the devil. For we are not struggling with flesh and blood...but with powers, with the principalities, with world rulers of this present darkness and with the spiritual army of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore...take the whole armor of God so that you can stand in the day of evil and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist and with the breastplate of righteousness in its place. Besides all these, taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions, with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert, and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people."

That's where my heart is right now. To stand. Therefore, stand. Take my stand. I am taking a stand in my heart to trust the Lord, to pray boldly for no cancer and to stand back and see the Lord go before me. I am walking by faith, not by sight. I've actually had this happen before...3 years ago...in the month of December. They looked me in the eye and said "you have bone cancer" and 5 weeks later they declared that I did not have it after all. I have experienced God moving mountains.

I do not know what will happen Thursday...but I DO know that there is NOTHING that can happen that God is not involved in. He is my God. He loves me. I love Him. He is faithful and good and will walk before me and with me on every path of my life. I choose hope. I choose love. I choose faith. I choose Jesus.

Sounds like a good song. :-)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Lori

My sweet friend Lori, fellow cancer warrior and sister in Jesus Christ died today. Too young to go Home...but that is where she is today. Home.
Home with God.

I don't believe that it is a coincidence that Lori passed away on Veteran's Day...a day that we honor people who bravely have fought in wars for our country. She was a brave warrior. Lori fought very hard, not in a military war but in the war against this horrible disease, cancer. And now she is a victorious warrior. The battle against cancer was lost, but the war has been won already for life everlasting. Death is not the victor. Life is the victor! She has Life and Victory because of the Lamb of God.

O death, where is thy sting? Swallowed up in victory!

Lori did not enlist as a volunteer in this war. This war is different. When you are diagnosed, you are called up into the battle. Basically...drafted. Lori and I were drafted the same year, 2006. She was diagnosed in August, I was diagnosed in October. We did not know each other at all before all this happened to us. We attended the same church. We were both on every prayer list at the churches in our town. We knew of each other, but did not know each other. Then one Sunday morning... we met. We decided to skip Sunday school and we found a quiet corner and talked for a whole hour. It was so good to talk to someone who knew exactly what I was going through. She was quick to tell me some of what she had already experienced since she was 2 months ahead of me, teaching and encouraging me as I stepped onto this battlefield. She was focused and strong in her will to fight for her life. We shared a lot that first year, talking, praying together, sharing moments of tears and rejoicing in the small steps of victory along the way.

But our stories took different paths after that. Her cancer returned and her battle started over again. As a friend and fellow survivor I cheered her on, but this time not alongside her. She began new treatments and tried new options available for her case. With each new road she bravely would try again and fight hard again. She was determined to fight hard for every day on this earth that she could gain. She was amazingly courageous, trusting the Lord through every valley she walked through. My prayers, along with thousands of others, flowed to the throne of God for her body to be healed.

It is healed now. She is healed. No more cancer. No more. Healed.

I am grieving the loss of this precious child of God and sister in Jesus. I know she is Home, I know she is victorious and I know she is healed and at peace. I know, I know, I know. But...I just wasn't ready for her to go home. Just being honest. My heart hurts to lose one more friend to this disease. I am absolutely tired of it...and even angry at the enemy's desire to "steal, kill and destroy". Satan does come at us with all kinds of weapons but we are the victors, ALWAYS. He wins the battles here and there, but he ALWAYS loses the war. We are the victors, in Christ Jesus.

My prayers will continue to go to the throne of God for Lori's family. May the Lord give them strength and comfort and peace in the days and weeks and even years ahead. God is faithful to walk with us through everything.


Thank You, O God, for my precious friend...for the legacy of strength and courage she has left to us all. Please, comfort all who are grieving and let us truly find our strength in the Joy of You, O Lord. You are our Hope, You are our Savior. In life or in death, O God, we will praise You. You alone are God Most High.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Four Years Ago

Today is the fourth anniversary of my being diagnosed with breast cancer - Oct. 18, 2006. It was a Wednesday...a Wednesday that changed my life. So much has happened in the past four years. Looking back I can see now that God redeemed the sickness, but the year that it happened I could not have said that. Now I can see so many things that I learned and ways I've changed since going through cancer. God is a Redeemer...bringing beauty from ashes.

There are four things I want to do on this day. One, I want to praise Him and thank Him for His mercy and love. I don't want to live without Him, not even for one day. I am grateful for this day, one more day that I have been given to use for His glory. Thank You, God, for this day.

Second, I want to say THANK YOU to all the precious family and friends who went along beside me and encouraged and prayed for me during that time of my life. All of you were God's messengers of love and encouragement. I was so blessed. I am still blessed. There are many who still encourage and pray for me even now. Thank you dear family and friends!

Third, I am mindful of a huge group of people who are still fighting this fight. They are truly brave and mighty warriors! Some people may not like my military terms...war, fighting, battles, etc. but it is a great metaphor. It IS a war that we fight against this disease. I want to be an encourager and a prayer warrior for those still going through this valley. I continue to pray for them and love them deeply.

And fourth, today I will remember by name those who have lost the battle but won the war. They are not fighting anymore. They are home. Home with God and resting sweetly. Thank you, O God, for their lives and for the way they bravely went through this valley of the shadow of death, trusting in You the whole way, even to death. They are missed by us all.

Okay...that's it for my pink anniversary.

Thank You, God, for these four years. I truly do not know what the future holds...none of us do. I just say thank You for all my yesterdays and thank You for today. I consider each new day a gift from You...one gift at a time. To You be all glory and praise! In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Tribute to my Friend

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
1 Thessalonians 4:13,14,18




Well...another dear friend and sister in the Lord died yesterday. She was 80 years old and was diagnosed with breast cancer about 18 years ago. The cancer came back about one year ago, first in her lung, then other various places in her body. She was such a strong warrior...living life to the fullest until she had to slow down physically. The last couple of months were difficult, but she was amazing and brave. What an incredible woman of God. She's home...with Him.

I loved her. (You know, I just realized that after someone dies it is very hard to change your words to the past tense. We want to keep speaking in present tense, but they are not here anymore. One of the adjustments to losing our loved ones.) She was so full of energy and enthusiasm for the Lord. She worked at various ministries around town and was a loving wife and helper to her husband in his ministry. She found joy in serving the Lord will all her heart. I will miss her so much. I really don't like saying goodbye this way.

Some of you may be thinking..."she was 80 years old, she's had a good, full life". True. Eighty is certainly a great number to reach. BUT...my heart is sad that she had to leave in such a difficult way. This is something that I wrestle with theologically...you know, the "Why?" question. Why, Lord? Why this loved one or that friend? Why the suffering? Why tragic deaths and sickness?

These are very old questions. And there are many, many answers. Lots of people have written books with their conclusions and their answers. I, too, have an answer that I hang on to when the questions start to pile up.

Here it is... I don't know. I don't know why. I really don't know all the answers to this sickness and suffering question. There are so many things I don't understand and yet... I have come to the conclusion that I do not have to have all the answers. I just don't. I can look to God and say "I don't get it, but I trust You and I love You. I give these unanswered questions to You, Lord. I will love You, even when I don't understand. I choose You."


"Where,O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?...But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
I Corinthians 15:55,57

Friday, October 1, 2010

The Month of Pink

It's been awhile since I've written anything on here...but as a way of giving some honor to the month of October, which is breast cancer awareness month, I decided to step back into sharing my heart on this blog all through the month. So...here I go.

October is the month when everywhere we turn we see pink ribbons. They are really, really everywhere. I recently saw a pink ribbon on large bags of horse feed at a farm supply store. :-) Yes...they are everywhere. Breast cancer is the disease that seems to get the most attention and public support. Why is that? Quite honestly, I'm not really sure.

As a breast cancer survivor myself, I have mixed feelings about The Month of Pink. I am grateful for all the support and fund raising that goes on for the cause of stopping breast cancer. But...I have to say, I wonder about my fellow survivors who have fought leukemia, lung cancer, prostate cancer, ovarian cancer, colon cancer, bone cancer, brain cancer, uterine and on and on and on. SO many other cancers are out there that don't get a special month where the world stops and encourages them.

Yes...I sound a little grumbly. Sorry.

I am in a club. We call it "the club no one ever wanted to join". We are Cancer Survivors. I felt like I needed to say something about remembering all the other non-pink survivors and their battle. They don't get the attention, but their fight is just as hard and just as real.

So...during this Month of Pink...I thank you deeply for your support to fight breast cancer, but I ask you to be mindful of so many others that are fighting or have fought this battle. Please, remember ALL of them in your hearts and in your prayers.

Thanks.