Last Thursday was test day, again. I went in for morning appointments...first, a CT scan over my chest and abdomen, and then a bone scan from head to toe. I actually went by myself to the appointments. I had some people offer to go with me, but I wanted to go alone this time. Every time is different...sometimes I have a friend go with me, sometimes I go by myself. I wasn't really alone, the Lord was with me.
When I finally saw my doctor around 2:30 pm. she said the scans were clear! No cancer detected. YEAH God!!! Woohoo again!!!
They could still see the lesions on my humerus bone and scapula, but they were still unchanged and remained stable, and the report again said "benign". That was GREAT news!!!
There were a couple of other issues that came up. My oncologist wants to change my medicine, from Tamoxifen to Arimidex. I told her that I didn't want to change right now but that I'd think about it. That sounds so assertive...and I guess it was. But after two years of seeing SO many doctors and having SO many tests I guess I have come to a place of speaking out more boldly. She said it was fine for me to think about this and was very understanding...and that it WAS my decision ultimately. They both are estrogen blockers, but work in different ways.
The other thing was my iron level...low iron, again. BUT...if that's my big problem, then, hey, I'm happy. That can be fixed with some supplements and black strap molasses. :-)
God continues to teach me and gently walk me through all of this. I've learned so much and have watched His faithfulness through the valleys and the mountaintops.
So...why do I still get anxious before a test day? Because I'm just human and still look at the storm and the waves, instead of keeping my eyes on Jesus. I recently read in Mark 15 the story of Jesus being on the cross. Even He had a hard time, struggling to understand it all. "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?" I read that with different eyes this time. He really is asking His Father an emotional question. It's a comfort to know that I can wonder and ask the Lord these questions. Usually just expressing it helps...and I move on to trusting Him with the unknown.
I'd like to get to the point that I just keep my eyes on Him and NEVER get distracted by the fears (the storm and the high waves crashing).That's what I want to do...only look at Him. I figure that's a lifetime lesson.
Well, it was exactly one year ago that I heard them say "you have metastatic bone cancer".
And one year later I am praising the Lord for His mighty healing hand in my body and in my life. Oh God, thank You! Praise to the LORD God Most High for His loving mercy and kindness!
I am very, very thankful for each one of you. Tom and I are so blessed with wonderful friends and a strong, wonderful family. May the Lord BLESS you all during this Thanksgiving season. I hope you have safe travel and good food and great conversations with loved ones. Have a GREAT THANKSGIVING!!!!!
