Twenty Five Days Ago

I left off telling you about my first medical treatment on Feb. 1st. Last Tuesday I got my second treatment, but it was only the shots (Faslodex). I did not get the flu-like symptoms this time, which makes me believe that it is the other med, Zometa, that had the flu side effects. I will go one week from today for my third treatment and it will be both meds again. I will also see the doctor that day and get blood/labwork done as well. The plan is to be on the meds for about 3 months and then do a scan to see how the lesion looks. The hope is that it will be smaller, which means the meds are working.

Hope.

It has taken awhile for my heart to move back to a position of Hope. Twenty five days ago when I got the phone call that said the spot on my spine was cancer, my heart sank...it was not what I thought would happen. Since that call I have had a progression of emotions...initial shock, then sadness, questions and, yes, fears... processing the whole thing over and over and over in my mind.

After 3 plus weeks, I think that I have come back to where I have been standing for the last 4 years...that ALL things are possible with God.
ALL THINGS. I've been sharing that message, praying it, writing songs about it, declaring it over and over again, that God STILL moves mountains.

I know He does...because I have seen Him do big, big things in my own life and in other people's lives. When I go back and take the time to recount all His amazing works, then I once again get filled up with hope that He will do it again.

I was healed from cancer in 2006-2007...stage 3 breast cancer. The Lord used modern, conventional medicine to accomplish that healing. It was a long, hard road...but God healed me through it.

I was healed a second time from cancer in 2007...stage 4 metastatic cancer in my humerus and scapula. God made the lesion non-cancerous. The biopsy said the lesion was benign. Pretty wonderful.

I am believing for a third healing from cancer...stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in my spine. I don't know yet how He will do it, with medicine, with alternative options, or with a real-live modern day miracle. I don't know. I'm also well aware of the fact that healing sometimes does not happen here, on earth, but it comes when someone dies. We've all known many loved ones that did not get healed until they went home to God. But this is not the healing that I'm praying for at this point of my journey. There are SO many scriptures in the Bible that present Hope and Healing...

"Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven." Matthew 18:19

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:27

"You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." John 14:14

This is where I take my stand, to walk in hope, to stand on solid ground. Which brings me to my theme song.

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus' Name.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

Amen.

February 1st Dr. appt.

On Tuesday, Tom and I went to Little Rock for the follow-up appointment after the biopsy. I thought it was going to be a discussion of plans, then we'd go home and talk about the options. It was that...and more.

My oncologist said the path report said that the cells looked like the same original cancer from four years ago. The report does not actually say "breast cancer", but it says the cells appear to look the same as the cells from 2006. (Small distinction, but one she corrected from what I heard said last week.) She was very quick to say that it was small and that we caught this very early, which was great, of course. In December she had switched my med to Arimidex, an estrogen blocker taken orally. The original breast cancer was estrogen positive, which means, it feeds and grows from any available estrogen. Now, she wanted to switch me to another blocker, but one you can't use until you've been diagnosed with recurrence. It is called Faslodex. They administer it in 2 shots, once a month. The other med she prescribed was Zometa, a bone strengthener. It is administered by IV. I'll receive that once a month as well.

Then she said "I want you to start today".

I thought "what?"

I was not mentally prepared to do that. I'm the kind of person who likes to know things in advance. Tom is Mr. Flexible, Mr. Spontaneous. I am not. Just the opposite. I had to adjust to the idea of starting something immediately. Then...she said "we have you scheduled to go upstairs to the third floor, the Chemotherapy Suite, and they will administer it there right away."

Did she say Chemotherapy Suite?!

Immediately, a flood of emotions poured into my mind and heart. I really, really, really, really didn't want to walk in there. Period. I knew that this was not "chemo", but it was just going to be hard to step into that room. But... with the gentle counsel and love of my sweet Tommy, he patiently coaxed my thoughts towards accepting it emotionally. Then...we went upstairs to the third floor. I took a deep breath, walked in and began greeting the nurses that I knew from past visits. First I got the IV put in my right hand, then they gave me the Zometa. It didn't take long...saline flush, med, saline flush...all done in about 30 minutes. Got the shots. Got the next appointments. We were out of there. We went to eat a late lunch and then headed home.

Long, hard day.

The next day, Wednesday, I didn't do so well. Achey, fever, chills... yadda, yadda, yadda. Another long day.

This morning...hope reappeared. I woke up feeling physically SO much better and my heart felt restored again.

On Tuesday...hard day...God was there.
On Wednesday...hard day...God was there.
On Thursday...nice day...God was there.

I do not know what tomorrow will be.
But I do know this...God WILL be there.

He is faithful. He is faithful. He is faithful.

O God Most High,
Thank You for Your love and faithfulness.
Thank You for this day.
And I know, when the sun rises tomorrow, You WILL be there.
Thank You.
In the Name of Jesus.