What an exciting month at the Carr home !!! Two weeks ago today we were watching the weather reports constantly. Our original plan was for our daughter Betsy to have a beautiful outdoor wedding. But...rain came on June 1st and so the wedding moved inside, into Cone Chapel at Harding University. The change did not diminish the celebration at all. In fact, when we were all reflecting on the events the next day, we all agreed...it was even BETTER inside! God took what looked like a problem situation and He totally blessed every glorious detail! That's what He does and who He is. It was SOOO beautiful. She was SO beautiful and her groom was SO handsome. They really did seem to beam with joy! Many friends came to share the day with us... it felt like a family reunion. Every little part was perfect...and we give God all the glory for an amazing day!
One of the sweetest moments of the wedding was when the audience sang the song "The Lord Bless You and Keep You". It was Kevin and Betsy's idea to have the audience sing to them, thus speaking blessings and a prayer over them with each word sung. They stood at the front, facing the audience, as we sang to them... "The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord lift His countenance upon you...and give you peace. The Lord make His face to shine upon you....and be gracious unto you. Amen." It seemed as though the words were traveling from our hearts, to our voices and then to their ears and into their hearts. I just loved it. It was really a holy moment in time.
How can we live one day without His blessing? Or try to go through one day without His beautiful face shining upon us to give us peace? Or how... how can we walk through one day without His grace?
There were a lot of things going on in many hearts as we witnessed their vows. One thing that was sweet was that they kept the old fashioned sentence "in sickness and in health". I couldn't help but turn my head to my own beloved Tommy and think how humbly and faithfully he has fulfilled that vow in our own marriage. To love someone through valleys and mountain tops and everything in between is what love is about. God has loved me that way, and so has my Tommy. As we sat together on the front row watching our daughter get married, we witnessed this huge image of love, painted in front of our eyes. Kevin and Betsy looked at each other with a deep love, filled with fresh hope for their years ahead and overflowing with the blessings of loved ones rejoicing with them and for them. It is the picture God wants us to understand about His love for us, His hope for us and the joy of walking through life with loved ones. It was so....beautiful. Thank You, God.
During the month of May my medical situation continued behind the scenes, even while we were ordering food and cake and flowers. But, honestly, there was so much joy in the process that it was easy to set aside the hard medical days I was going through, and focus on the joy of the wedding. I didn't want to be distracted by the "not fun" medical road and miss out on the "fun" of planning Betsy's big day. And I feel like I didn't miss anything. That's a great gift.
One week before the wedding I had a CT scan to find out why there was swelling in my right leg. The scan showed that my kidney was not draining completely as it should. There was blockage around the right kidney's ureter and that was causing some other troubles in the area, including my leg being inflammed. SO...my doctor sent me to see a urologist, who sent me to get a renal gram. That showed my kidney wasn't draining. (Didn't I just say the CT scan told us that? Yes, I did. I guess they were "being sure".) I went back to the urologist Wednesday and he said "yes, the kidney is about 40% blocked". He scheduled surgery for today, Friday, to put a stent in the ureter to open up the blockage. The stent stays there for awhile until the blockage problem gets resolved. SO...yes, I'm having surgery this morning. Tom and I get there about 8:30 and surgery will be about 10:30am. If all goes well, I'll go home in the afternoon.
I also got a PET scan Wednesday. This is the test that shows radioactive "uptake" to areas that are cancerous. I've been getting chemo treatments since January and they want to see the effect of the chemo...if it's stopping the cancer growth. I meet with my oncologist on Monday to find out the results.
Two days before the wedding (Thursday May 30th) my doctor ordered a blood transfusion. I'd never had one before but my blood counts had been consistently lower than they should have been, so she thought that would give me a boost for the wedding weekend...and of course, just life in general. I went in that day and spent the entire day in a room in Baptist hospital with my dear friend Gloria, who had flown in for the wedding the day before. We didn't know I was going to get the transfusion on that Thursday, but it all worked out perfectly. I had a quiet day, full of rest before the excitement of the weekend. Gloria spent most of the time hand-sewing Betsy's veil with lace from my original veil. A true labor of love! The whole day was a sweet quiet time before the wedding celebration. God had orchestrated the whole thing. The transfusion has been a blessing! I can definitely tell my energy level took a step back to normal for me. I was hesitant to do it, but it really was the right thing to do. My counts went up and my strength increased.
SO...where am I with all of this stuff?
My heart is good and full of peace. My mind is not filled with fear but with a peace that can only be from God. So many dear friends (you all) are praying for me and for our whole family...and we can feel it! The wedding was a huge, huge outpouring of joy and love. That is great medicine! I had a small group of friends come over Tuesday night to pray over me before Wednesday' scan...and the outcome was more peace. The prayer continues to be "God, please heal me." As I go in today for the surgery, I do have peace knowing that He is in control, directing the events and decisions through the hands of the doctors and nurses. As I wait for the PET scan results, there are only a couple of responses to choose. (I've done this before.) I can worry and be filled with all kinds of fear....or I can step back and surrender the whole thing to God, and wait to see what will unfold. I've done the worry response many times. It doesn't help anything. So, I guess I've learned something through the years of experience I've walked through...to surrender the whole thing to God works out a lot better. That's where I am this morning, Friday June 14th.
"Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:25,26
"Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
Psalm 42:10-11
"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him." Psalm 62:4-6
I am still walking in hope. Not by my own strength. It is from God. It is from people praying for me. Thank you for walking with me and praying faithfully. I cannot imagine this road without the fellow travelers God has given to our family. Your support has sustained us over and over.
Dear God,
Good morning. Another day has arrived. Thank You for another day...and I will rejoice in it. You have been so good to me and to my whole family, watching over us night and day. You've blessed us with a loving world of family and friends...thank You! I trust You to do what You did yesterday and the day before and the day before that....to never leave us. You are holy and faithful and good, O God. I surrender this day to You...the surgery, the doctor's and nurses' hands and minds, the recovery, the return home and evening. Today is enough for today and I will not go ahead of You, but will wait on You to take care of my life...today.
I love You, God. Today and forever.
Your daughter,
Lisa
