Yesterday my sister-in-law, Susan, took me to Little Rock for my appointment. They took my blood samples and the lab showed that the white blood count was too low.
No chemo.
I'm really fine with that and even suspected that might be what happened. Tom and I prayed over the weekend that God would decide what's best with the outcome of the lab. And we believe He was working through all these things for His purposes. I think taking a week off will allow me to rest and to rebuild my strength, with God's help.
SO...that's where I am...at home...resting. And asking God to restore my strength day by day. And thanking Him for taking care of each step of this journey.
Thanks so much for your prayers.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Just Being Honest
Just being honest...this past week I haven't felt so well.
Since I'm receiving chemo treatments, it makes sense that my feeling bad probably has to do with the side effects of the chemo. I have had some nausea this week, I've felt very tired, but there has been some pain creeping in that I don't like, nor do I want.
The question is what is the pain about? Is it the chemo attacking the cancer? It's kind of like a war is going on inside my body chemically and medically. Or... is the pain the cancer progressing? Anyone who's fought cancer will tell you that those are the kind of questions you ask yourself. Yes, this battle is very physical, but it is also a battle of the mind, a battle of perspective. As I live day by day, hope can quickly be diminished when I physically don't feel well. I have to regain perspective to regain hope, mostly by going to the Word of God, reading His perspective one more time, and then choosing to hope in His Words as truth.
“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. from Mark 11
It is hard to read this all inclusive "whatever you ask" statement and not think about those who prayed with every ounce of faith possible, and their prayer was not answered as they had hoped. The Scriptures bring me back to where I have landed in my heart, mind, soul over and over again. I do not understand all that is happening, or the why behind it....but I choose to trust God and love Him even when I don't see or understand it all.
I'll continue to take one day at a time...and sometimes, it is more like one hour at a time. When I start to lose hope, He comes and restores it. How? Different ways. Sometimes I just start to feel better, more hopeful...and I know His Spirit has come to rescue me again. Sometimes it is a timely phone call from a friend. They listen, we pray, and my heart is restored. Sometimes it is a verse in the Bible that comes to life and comforts me in a new way. Sometimes it is the arms of my sweet husband who surround me and his strength somehow transfers into my heart, and hope is revived. Sometimes it is my children, who stop and sit and share all their latest news of everyday life, and it encourages my heart to hear that they are doing well and living life fully.
"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears. He reached from on high, he took me, he drew me out of deep waters. It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
from Psalm 18: 6, 16, 32
Good morning Lord!
Thank You for a new day, fresh with Your mercies. Thank You for coming to rescue me over and over...and for renewing my heart with hope. Please bless my appointment tomorrow...that my blood counts will be high enough to receive the chemo treatment...IF that's what You want for me. Please order my steps today and let this day be to Your praise and glory.
With my love forever,
Lisa
Since I'm receiving chemo treatments, it makes sense that my feeling bad probably has to do with the side effects of the chemo. I have had some nausea this week, I've felt very tired, but there has been some pain creeping in that I don't like, nor do I want.
The question is what is the pain about? Is it the chemo attacking the cancer? It's kind of like a war is going on inside my body chemically and medically. Or... is the pain the cancer progressing? Anyone who's fought cancer will tell you that those are the kind of questions you ask yourself. Yes, this battle is very physical, but it is also a battle of the mind, a battle of perspective. As I live day by day, hope can quickly be diminished when I physically don't feel well. I have to regain perspective to regain hope, mostly by going to the Word of God, reading His perspective one more time, and then choosing to hope in His Words as truth.
“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore, I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. from Mark 11
It is hard to read this all inclusive "whatever you ask" statement and not think about those who prayed with every ounce of faith possible, and their prayer was not answered as they had hoped. The Scriptures bring me back to where I have landed in my heart, mind, soul over and over again. I do not understand all that is happening, or the why behind it....but I choose to trust God and love Him even when I don't see or understand it all.
I'll continue to take one day at a time...and sometimes, it is more like one hour at a time. When I start to lose hope, He comes and restores it. How? Different ways. Sometimes I just start to feel better, more hopeful...and I know His Spirit has come to rescue me again. Sometimes it is a timely phone call from a friend. They listen, we pray, and my heart is restored. Sometimes it is a verse in the Bible that comes to life and comforts me in a new way. Sometimes it is the arms of my sweet husband who surround me and his strength somehow transfers into my heart, and hope is revived. Sometimes it is my children, who stop and sit and share all their latest news of everyday life, and it encourages my heart to hear that they are doing well and living life fully.
"In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears. He reached from on high, he took me, he drew me out of deep waters. It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
from Psalm 18: 6, 16, 32
Good morning Lord!
Thank You for a new day, fresh with Your mercies. Thank You for coming to rescue me over and over...and for renewing my heart with hope. Please bless my appointment tomorrow...that my blood counts will be high enough to receive the chemo treatment...IF that's what You want for me. Please order my steps today and let this day be to Your praise and glory.
With my love forever,
Lisa
Monday, July 15, 2013
Treatment #3
YAY...my blood counts were high enough that I DID get chemo today! Thank You, God!!! Got there about 9 am, they took the blood and said they weren't as high as last week but they were good enough to get treatment. Very thankful! Thanks so much for your prayers. They are truly felt.
His Strength in our Weakness
The stent surgery on June 14th went well. It was outpatient, so Tom and I left early Friday morning and returned about 6 pm Friday night. I spent the weekend resting, recovering from the procedure.
That Monday, June 17th, we went in to see my oncologist for the results from the PET scan. Overall, they were not good. The scan showed that there were some spots that had gotten better, one being the tumors on the liver had reduced in size. But...there were lots of places that the cancer had progressed...in the pelvic area, some of the spots on the vertebrae, ribs and various spots. Not good news. We had already discussed with her possible options if this was the case, so she named yet another chemo for me to begin (something that I haven't tried yet). She wanted me to start it immediately. I went on into the chemo room and received treatment that day. This chemo, she said, needs to be given once a week, if my counts are high enough. That was the new plan.
Once again we had received disappointing news and once again we had to call family and friends to tell them the cancer had spread. In one way, it is very, very hard to make those phone calls. But in another way, we have faced this same difficult news many times in the past year and have become experienced in it. Not that it makes it easier, just that we don't feel as frozen in shock. We hear it, our hearts grieve, then we cry out and pray, asking the Lord to revive our hope one more time. And He does. Truly, in our weakness, we become strong, because of Him. When I'm completely without strength, He comes to the rescue. Hope is revived one more time as we take a deep breath and look into His eyes. It is a path we know well.
All that week Tom and Mary prepared for their trip to West Africa. My two Tennessee sisters arrived on Thursday to take care of me for one week while Tom and Mary were gone. On June 21st, Tom and Mary left for Ghana. That weekend, I started not feeling so well. I was having quite a bit of pain in my lower back and sides so I thought maybe something was wrong with the new stent in the right kidney. We hung in there over the weekend by taking extra pain meds. On Monday I had another test to check the kidneys. On Wednesday morning, the stent doctor said everything was fine, so it wasn't the stent. That afternoon I saw my oncologist and she said my blood counts were pretty low plus some other problems and she decided I needed to be admitted to the hospital.
I wasn't expecting that. I hadn't packed a bag or anything. My sister and I went on to the hospital and I stayed until Friday. My daughter brought some of my personal things from home that night. (She also brought a whole lot of party food, balanced of course with grapes.) :-) I received two units of blood on Thursday and Friday, IV fluids, etc. Seems like I was put in for a sort of medical "tune up". On Thursday, my dear friend Carol flew in from Texas. She and my sisters swapped duties. Diane and Judy went home on Friday and Carol stayed at the hospital with me. We went home from the hospital on Friday. Carol was my caregiver for the second week. I wasn't exactly at a spunky-party level, but Carol and I had a restful time together as I needed to recover from all the hospital events of the previous weeks.
Finally...Tom and Mary got home on July 5th! I was SO thankful for their incredible adventure and safe return! God really watched over the two weeks...over them AND over me at home!
Which brings me to this past week. I went in on Monday and my blood counts were the best they had been in a long, long time! Praise to God!!! I was given the second chemo treatment. I did not have severe side effects this week, but I had some nausea and especially noticed fatigue. I've tried to spend my days quietly at home, getting a few things done, but mostly trying to be restful. I go back this morning at 9 am. If the counts are good, I'll get another treatment. If not, then I will wait a week and try again. One main prayer request is that my blood levels would stay strong enough to get the chemo each week. Bottom line, I need to get the chemo to stop the progression and growth.
My heart and mind have had a lot to process over the past month, as well as just all the physical things I've gone through. When I heard that the PET scan showed the cancer had progressed...again...my heart was sad. Another treatment had failed. The cancer is spreading? Lord? What does this all mean? Do I get ready to go home (death and then rising to see Jesus) OR does He mean for me to keep fighting? What does God want me to do in all of this?
After praying and crying out to the Lord, the words I heard from Him were "keep your eyes on Me". That took me back to when I was first diagnosed and God had me look at the story from Scripture of Peter walking on the water. The waves were crashing and the water was deep enough to drown in. Peter was doing fine, walking miraculously on the water, as long as he kept looking at Jesus and walking toward Him. But Peter looked down. It is the natural response, I believe. Relating that to my life...my natural response is to pay attention to all the medical tests and scans. But if I do, then sinking occurs quickly. I need to look up, to look into Jesus' eyes and remember His words "nothing is impossible with God".
The waves really are crashing, and the waters seem to have gotten deeper and deeper. What I am finding is that the more impossible this looks...the more I surrender. I cannot pull myself out of the water. I can't. If I'm going to be rescued, then it will be by Jesus' intervention. Just like Peter. My job is to keep my eyes on Jesus...and to put my trust in Him. Whatever the outcome. And I do mean that...whatever.
My prayer requests: for this treatment to work, for the cancer to die, for my body to be healed of disease...all by God's mighty hand and His merciful love. And, of course, always, for God to take care of my precious family and give them strength for each day.
God,
Thank You for sustaining our family's strength day by day. You have never left us alone on this journey. AND, You've shown us how to walk this road...one day, one hour at a time. It is all we can do. You were right when You told us to live that way...one day, one hour at a time. I give You thanks and praise, forever and ever. And.... one more thing....I love You, O God.
Your daughter,
Lisa
That Monday, June 17th, we went in to see my oncologist for the results from the PET scan. Overall, they were not good. The scan showed that there were some spots that had gotten better, one being the tumors on the liver had reduced in size. But...there were lots of places that the cancer had progressed...in the pelvic area, some of the spots on the vertebrae, ribs and various spots. Not good news. We had already discussed with her possible options if this was the case, so she named yet another chemo for me to begin (something that I haven't tried yet). She wanted me to start it immediately. I went on into the chemo room and received treatment that day. This chemo, she said, needs to be given once a week, if my counts are high enough. That was the new plan.
Once again we had received disappointing news and once again we had to call family and friends to tell them the cancer had spread. In one way, it is very, very hard to make those phone calls. But in another way, we have faced this same difficult news many times in the past year and have become experienced in it. Not that it makes it easier, just that we don't feel as frozen in shock. We hear it, our hearts grieve, then we cry out and pray, asking the Lord to revive our hope one more time. And He does. Truly, in our weakness, we become strong, because of Him. When I'm completely without strength, He comes to the rescue. Hope is revived one more time as we take a deep breath and look into His eyes. It is a path we know well.
All that week Tom and Mary prepared for their trip to West Africa. My two Tennessee sisters arrived on Thursday to take care of me for one week while Tom and Mary were gone. On June 21st, Tom and Mary left for Ghana. That weekend, I started not feeling so well. I was having quite a bit of pain in my lower back and sides so I thought maybe something was wrong with the new stent in the right kidney. We hung in there over the weekend by taking extra pain meds. On Monday I had another test to check the kidneys. On Wednesday morning, the stent doctor said everything was fine, so it wasn't the stent. That afternoon I saw my oncologist and she said my blood counts were pretty low plus some other problems and she decided I needed to be admitted to the hospital.
I wasn't expecting that. I hadn't packed a bag or anything. My sister and I went on to the hospital and I stayed until Friday. My daughter brought some of my personal things from home that night. (She also brought a whole lot of party food, balanced of course with grapes.) :-) I received two units of blood on Thursday and Friday, IV fluids, etc. Seems like I was put in for a sort of medical "tune up". On Thursday, my dear friend Carol flew in from Texas. She and my sisters swapped duties. Diane and Judy went home on Friday and Carol stayed at the hospital with me. We went home from the hospital on Friday. Carol was my caregiver for the second week. I wasn't exactly at a spunky-party level, but Carol and I had a restful time together as I needed to recover from all the hospital events of the previous weeks.
Finally...Tom and Mary got home on July 5th! I was SO thankful for their incredible adventure and safe return! God really watched over the two weeks...over them AND over me at home!
Which brings me to this past week. I went in on Monday and my blood counts were the best they had been in a long, long time! Praise to God!!! I was given the second chemo treatment. I did not have severe side effects this week, but I had some nausea and especially noticed fatigue. I've tried to spend my days quietly at home, getting a few things done, but mostly trying to be restful. I go back this morning at 9 am. If the counts are good, I'll get another treatment. If not, then I will wait a week and try again. One main prayer request is that my blood levels would stay strong enough to get the chemo each week. Bottom line, I need to get the chemo to stop the progression and growth.
My heart and mind have had a lot to process over the past month, as well as just all the physical things I've gone through. When I heard that the PET scan showed the cancer had progressed...again...my heart was sad. Another treatment had failed. The cancer is spreading? Lord? What does this all mean? Do I get ready to go home (death and then rising to see Jesus) OR does He mean for me to keep fighting? What does God want me to do in all of this?
After praying and crying out to the Lord, the words I heard from Him were "keep your eyes on Me". That took me back to when I was first diagnosed and God had me look at the story from Scripture of Peter walking on the water. The waves were crashing and the water was deep enough to drown in. Peter was doing fine, walking miraculously on the water, as long as he kept looking at Jesus and walking toward Him. But Peter looked down. It is the natural response, I believe. Relating that to my life...my natural response is to pay attention to all the medical tests and scans. But if I do, then sinking occurs quickly. I need to look up, to look into Jesus' eyes and remember His words "nothing is impossible with God".
The waves really are crashing, and the waters seem to have gotten deeper and deeper. What I am finding is that the more impossible this looks...the more I surrender. I cannot pull myself out of the water. I can't. If I'm going to be rescued, then it will be by Jesus' intervention. Just like Peter. My job is to keep my eyes on Jesus...and to put my trust in Him. Whatever the outcome. And I do mean that...whatever.
My prayer requests: for this treatment to work, for the cancer to die, for my body to be healed of disease...all by God's mighty hand and His merciful love. And, of course, always, for God to take care of my precious family and give them strength for each day.
God,
Thank You for sustaining our family's strength day by day. You have never left us alone on this journey. AND, You've shown us how to walk this road...one day, one hour at a time. It is all we can do. You were right when You told us to live that way...one day, one hour at a time. I give You thanks and praise, forever and ever. And.... one more thing....I love You, O God.
Your daughter,
Lisa
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