Mustard Seed Faith

I've been pretty slow about writing this blog...with reason.  Not because I could not tell you medical details, but because I don't know quite how to share my heart this time.

On Monday, November 4th,  I went to LR with our daughter Betsy to get scans.  First, I received CT scans of my head, chest, abdomen, and pelvic areas.  Then I also received a bone scan from head to toe.  We were told we would hear the results the next day or two.

Finally I did hear the results on Wednesday morning, November 6th .  The summary of both the CT and the bone scans were not good.  The summary was "progression".  Again.

The CT scans all showed progression (growth) of the cancer in various places.  Most were in places we already knew had cancer, some were new spots.  There were two new spots on my liver, small but new.  Then the bone scan showed progression as well. some in the old areas, but a couple of new spots were found on the skull. (Not in the brain, but the bone which is the skull.)  There are more details, but certainly that is enough for you to see overall my body has metastatic, progressive breast cancer.

Our hearts were very sad when we hung up with the oncology nurse. That is NOT what we were all praying for, but totally the opposite of our request before God. So many questions for the Lord.  And lots of tears dropping off my face. Since we heard the scan results, we have been going through a continual time of processing this in our hearts and our minds. We are trying to think what to do next, or do we stop "doing" things. What does our doctor, who, by the way, I've been with for 7 years now and totally trust, what does she think at this point? There's a boat load of questions swirling around in our thoughts.  All of these leading to the main question..."How long O Lord?  How many more days, weeks, years of life do I have O God?"

 King David was asking the same question.   Psalm 39:4  "Lord, let me know my end, and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting life is!" 

We have been leaning into the Word of God, which has always been our source of truth, knowledge, understanding. and comfort.  We are leaning on the Scriptures that say "Nothing is impossible with God.", and "All things are possible with God."   We don't need a perfect dose or a huge truckload of faith.  We only need faith the size of a mustard seed.  I know Tom and I have that much, by God's grace and love.

How am I doing?  Okay.  Just talking to God daily and OFTEN.  One day at a time.  I don't know my future, but I am all about trusting Him with each day.

Tomorrow I go to get a blood transfusion.  Takes about 5 hours from arrival to departure.  Then on Wednesday morning I will see the radiation oncologist here in Searcy to see if she can zap a few of spots. This should help with pain in those areas.  Then Wednesday afternoon I see my oncologist to discuss radiation and other treatment choices.

O Father in heaven,
Your Name is holy and You are so wonderful.  Thank You for walking me through this day.  It certainly was You that helped keep my heart strong, the tears tucked away for now.  Please restore my strength. Please wash away all side effects from fighting this disease for so long. And,  please completely come and rescue me from this battle.  I love You, Father. Forever and always.
Your daughter,
Lisa

 


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Prayers for Monday

Sunday. It's the beginning of a new week.  Beautiful fall colors are outside.  The air has become chilly and crisp, but it warms up in the afternoon. Blue skies. Just lovely.  Another day of life.
Thank You God!

I left off telling you about October 18th, my 7th year milestone, which was a Friday.  The week that followed started out simple, one appointment.  I saw my oncologist on Wednesday and she decided my counts were strong enough to get chemo, so I did. Which was great. No side effects Thursday or Friday.  Great again.  But then... around midnight Friday night I started having severe stomach pain and also began getting sick (throwing up), continuing all night long. Tom  I went to the ER Saturday morning at 8 am, then checked into the hospital.  The problem was dehydration, low potassium, nausea and other troubles.  I finally got home Monday night about 8.  Yay! Home again, home again.

Tuesday I found out that I was going to have scans Monday, November 4th. (That's tomorrow.)  You know...I'm not sure how many times I've been through this kind of a day... getting scans.  I realize that there seems to be a pattern to my emotions.  When I first find out, my heart sinks. Sad. It's thinking "oh no...what will happen this time?"  Then a day or so goes by, with prayer and processing with my personal counselor, Tom Carr, and the Lord lifts me up again, restoring hope.  This past week I asked our elders to pray about the tests.  On Thursday I felt a huge dose of peace.  Prayer really does work.

I spent the rest of the week resting.  My heart feels sustained and prepared for tomorrow...for the most part.  Then, something will surprise me emotionally, and the tears start to fall.  Today I heard a song that touched me. The lyrics had to do with "don't forget this (whatever it was)when I'm gone."   Oh dear. Tears came.

My thought progression starts..."SO...am I going home Lord? What IS ahead? God, please, help me."  Then I try to "take every thought captive".  I remember to go back to the only safe battle plan I know...to look to God and say over and over "I trust You and I love You.  I trust You and I love You, with all my heart.  I give this to you, again."

Have you noticed that when you have something BIG in your life that is going to be a difficult event, that the closer you get to it there seems to be this surrender of control.  The truth is our control really is gone or limited anyway, but for awhile we think we still have some control.  We don't.  So as it approaches, the more we say "I give this to You God.  I surrender all of it. I trust and love You.. Amen."

I go in tomorrow at 11 am.  Please pray for healing, for strength and for peace from the Living God.

Father, This is a simple prayer.  Please come and heal my body.  Restore my body and my heart.  I know ALL things are possible with You.  I trust and love You, always and forever.
In Jesus' Holy Name,  Amen.    Your daughter, Lisa Carol