One year ago today...

This has been quite a month.

I really meant to write all the way through this month, but I have been so busy, so I'll try to catch you up.

The 2nd weekend in Oct. I went to the Faith Support Ministry 5K Race and Survivor Luncheon in Cabot, AR Our family and some close friends from Tennessee all went to the day's events. I walked 2 of the 3+ miles, which I was thankful to do. All the rest of them did the whole 5K...they were great. The highlight for me that day was to meet the women face to face who had prayed for me and written to me through the year, especially Elaine and Marilyn. They were both such amazing women of God. Also that day I sang 3 songs at the luncheon. One of the songs is a new song that I wrote called "Run This Race". Since the room was mostly filled with survivors it was a song they seemed to connect to. The words are from Isaiah 40.
Here are my song lyrics:
"I'm going to run this race, I'm going to fight this fight,
Not with my strength, but with all of Your might.
I'm going to press ahead,
running towards the finish line
I'm going to run this race with Your strength not mine.

With Your strength, I will rise like the eagle
With Your strength, I will walk and not faint
With Your strength, I will run and not grow weary
As I wait, O Lord, renew this heart of mine."

During the month of October I worked on a recording of this song. The Lord blessed me with a place to record right here in town. So when I went to the 5K race I had some CD copies and actually sold some! That was exciting.

The following week came up on my diagnosis anniversary, Oct. 18th. I went to the breast clinic on the 19th for a one year mammogram. That was very surreal. It was exactly one year to the day that I had been there last. My sister Diane came with me. Emotionally I was doing just fine until the technician came in and said hello and "do you remember me?" I slowly did remember her, but as I followed the same brain trail back to her... my mind also went back to the whole day. I did remember. Tears came to my eyes as I remembered all the shock of those first few days. She was sweet and hugged me and we talked about the past year. Another person the Lord put in just the right place for the right moment.

I went on to have the exam and the doctor came in soon after and said it was GOOD.
WOOHOO!!! I asked a bunch of questions, but she said it all looked fine. That was great news!!!!

That was Oct 19th. Then on Oct. 20th I went to my first Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Little Rock. It was unbelievable. 45,000 women. It was amazing. Tom, Jamie and my sister Diane were on the sidelines at the beginning, then they ran to see us at the finish line. Betsy and Mary walked with me the whole way. The three of us were holding hands for most the way. The race was like being in a river of people...you just kind of walk with the current. So amazing. And there were lots of people on the sides cheering us on, mostly men. They call them the "Three Miles of Men". The shirts for survivors were pink and everyone else had on white. I was amazed at how many white shirts were there, women who had not had breast cancer but cared enough to come. They often had messages on the backs of their shirts like "for my Mom, a 5 year survivor" or one was "for my next door neighbor who died last week after a 3 year battle". I had women walk past me and say "How many years?" I'd say "one." "Well, hang in there, my sister is celebrating 7 years. If she can do it, you can do it!" It was pretty touching and overwhelming.

After the Komen race Tom and I drove to Petit Jean Mountain for a breast cancer survivor's couples retreat. It was free overnight retreat offered by CARTI, the place I went for my radiation treatments. We had great discussion sessions, some great meals, met new friends and had some lighter moments too. The main conference room that we were meeting in had a beautiful grand piano. So tempting. :-) SO...I offered to the director of the retreat to play a couple of songs for everyone if she thought it'd be okay. She accepted the offer. Sunday, after the lecture time, I sang "Run This Race" and Ginny Owens "If You Want Me To". There have been years of my life when I would have NEVER volunteered to sing and play like that, but this whole year has definitely made me more courageous in the music category. Maybe in other categories too. I was just thankful to share with those fellow survivors anything that might touch their hearts. I think it did.

The planners of the retreat asked me if I would come sing at CARTI's Auxillary Meeting in LR. I accepted. I did that yesterday. There were about 40 women at the luncheon. These are the women that raise money with fundraisers that benefit the cancer patients that go to CARTI, like me. A friend from my prayer group went with me. I just sang one song - "Run This Race". It went well...which was a huge answer to prayer.

After the luncheon I was asked if I would sing at another luncheon, a fashion show/fundraiser in LR , that will have about 400 people. I accepted.

I really don't know where all this is going but I can say that the Lord has definitely opened up the door for me to share my music with others, which has always been something I've wanted to do. My heart is very thankful.

Which brings me to today. One year ago today I sat down in a chair and got my first chemo treatment. Oct. 30th. It was the day that I realized there wasn't going to be a fast miracle...something that I could wake up and realize it was all gone. When I sat there, I knew the Lord had called me to the longer road.

It has been a long, long year. A long, winding road.

One year later I am alive and thankful for this day. Each day, each hour, each minute is a gift of life to me. I don't know about next week or next year...I just know that I am called to follow God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and with all my strength. He is my God. He has been SO faithful and loving and tender and amazing through each mile of this long road.

Today I am going to bed with a heart that is grateful and full of joy.

O God, my heart is full! Thank You for Your forever love, even in the valley and through the shadows of death, You have been with me. Thank You. In Jesus' Name.

My hair

I went to my hairdresser today. Last time I saw her was the first week of November, eleven months ago. I had just had my first chemo treatment on Oct. 30. They said I had about 2 weeks before my hair would come out. So I went to her to get a very short, short haircut for the in between stage, explaining what was going on. I also explained it would be awhile before I'd be back in.

So here I was, eleven months later...walking in and of course feeling a little emotional. Just showed up and greeted her and caught her up briefly on the past year. Then I got my hair cut. Just a little here and there.

My hair is now 1-2 inches grown out. The color is kind of dark brownish/black in the back, but all around my ears and face I have tons of gray or white hair. Salt and pepper, heavy on the salt. :-) SO...I can't decide if I should color it or leave it natural.

The picture here is of me with my wig, just a couple of weeks ago in Abilene, TX. My wig has served me well all year. I was thankful to have a wig that I felt comfortable in. Actually I have two matching wigs...one I wear plain and one I wear under my baseball caps. But now I'm tired of them. So I'm kind of going back and forth. Sometimes I wear a wig, sometimes I just go out with my short salt and pepper hairstyle. One part of me wants to keep the natural look...even though it is radically different and I do look older. But then I think...I AM older and I am different. I am not the same person I was one year ago. My whole life perspective has changed, so why not look different. But the other part of me thinks maybe I should go ahead and color it, get the highlights in, step back into some sort of normal look again. Can't decide.

I do know one thing. I am just glad to have hair again. Thankful to the Lord.

Gotta go to bed. Another good day. The Lord's mercy poured over me and went with me all day long. Thank You, Lord.

October - National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October.

When I used to hear the word October I would picture beautiful colored leaves, cooler temperatures, and think about heading to the store to buy some bright mums. Those things still come to mind, but along with the golds, yellows, deep reds and oranges I will now add the color pink.

Pink. Specifically, pink ribbons.

They used to symbolize little girls with pigtails and ribbons in their hair. Or anything sweet and little girlish. Now...pink is everywhere in my coming and going. There are hats and socks and T-shirts and jewelry. I saw a curling iron that was "pink ribboned". I recently bought kitchen scissors that were pink, and the purchase helped the cause. Even cans of vegetables.

Of course, life has changed in one year. Dramatically. I was actually diagnosed on October 18th, but I think the whole month will be focused on celebrating this milestone. Yes, celebrating. I am celebrating! So thankful to have survived this past year. So thankful to God for holding my hand day after day after day. So thankful to my precious husband for all of his love and support. Plus, my sweet family...our children, our parents, all our many relatives. Many friends all over the world! I am so thankful.

I'll talk more about the past year in another post. I'll just tell you now how I'll be celebrating. On October 13th our family will be going to the Faith Support Ministry's 5K Race. This is a very amazing ministry that encourages all cancer patients by 1) sending them a blanket with their name and a Scripture on it and some other gifts and 2) sending notes of encouragement. Someone from Mary's school gave them my name last fall and out of the blue I received this box with a beautiful blanket. I couldn't believe that people that I didn't know at all had committed to pray for my healing. I received letters all year from many of their church members...but especially one person. Her name is Marilyn. She has faithfully written me again and again and reminded me that the Lord is near and she was still praying. SO...on Oct. 13th I will get to meet all these people at the race. Also, they are having a survivor's luncheon and I'm going to be playing and singing 3 songs for that occasion. You can see/read about all this at www.fsm5K.org. Click on the survivor's luncheon and you'll see my picture. I'm excited and grateful to be a part of this event.

I will also go to my very first Race for the Cure event in Little Rock, AR. Our whole family will be going this year. My sister Diane is also coming over to be with us for that weekend. It is supposed to be an amazing event...about 40,000 women plus their families. That is on Oct. 20th.

I'll tell you more...but I need to go to bed. Today is October 1st and I'm grateful to the Lord for celebrating this day. This was a good day.