Biopsy results

Thursday I got the call I had been waiting for since Tuesday. They called late in the afternoon. The nurse said that it was cancer, and said it was "breast cancer from the primary source", which means it appears to be the same lobular cancer from the very beginning diagnosis in 2006. Which means metastasis. Which means Stage 4. She said the protocol is to change hormone therapy and we already did that in December when I switched to Arimidex. They will watch my blood tests, looking at the tumor markers to see if they go back to normal levels, 30 and below. (The last check was 32, which was good.) And then I will have scans done again in a couple of months. I go to see my oncologist this Tuesday to talk about all of this.

Obviously, this is not what we wanted to hear, nor what we had asked everyone to pray for. Specifically, we were praying that the spot would not even be there when they looked for it during the biopsy.

I think I was expecting a replay of my story from 3 years ago...when the biopsy was the joyful answer to our prayers...no cancer seen under their microscopes! But the Lord often does not repeat His answers in our lives in the exact same way. He is a Creative God, ready to show His children all the various ways that He can move.

I've had a couple of days to process this news. The first hour after the phone call was basically shock...just wasn't expecting to hear it. The second hour had lots of tears. Then...I started moving to a swirl of emotions and thoughts: solid faith (God can still move mountains!); lots of questions (Lord? What are You doing here?, etc); concerns for my husband, my children, my family and friends and how this was affecting them; analysis of every possible piece of information that was spoken to me; Scriptures that pointed me to hope...and on and on and on. Serious swirling. I will share some of those thoughts on future blogs. But today...I just will share one that came to my mind yesterday.

I was reading Psalm 40.

Psalm 40:1-3 says I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

I have waited on the Lord. He has heard my cry and the prayers of so many others as well. He has lifted me from many pits. He has set my feet on the solid Rock. He has given me songs to praise Him. And I hope I've encouraged others to "put their trust in the Lord"... to trust this Living Hope, Jesus. God has faithfully answered these words of David in my own life. Praise God for His gracious love and mercy!!!

Then I thought about King David.

God did not just rescue David once. God set a precedent for David's life when he rescued him from the lions and the bears. David knew He was the God who rescues us over and over...and that's why he was not afraid of the giant, Goliath. We see in the Word how God continued to come to David's rescue even after the victory over his enemy Goliath.

Why do we think there is a quota in these heavenly matters? Like... "this is all, you've hit the max, sorry...no more rescues." There is not one psalm that says "O God...I know You rescued me that glorious day from the mighty Goliath, so I don't want to bother You with anymore requests."

I don't see that in the Word of God. Just the opposite. Our God is compassionate and loving and wants to rescue and bless us everyday.

Matthew 14:14 says "When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick." His compassion is real...and still a part of Who He is.

I have been rescued twice from the disease cancer. The first time...I cried out. He rescued me by using medical treatments. The second time...I cried out again. He rescued me quickly, just took away the disease, snatched me from the fire. I didn't know there would be a third time...but here I am, again. I believe I will be rescued. He is The Healer. He will show me day by day how to walk out His story for my life. My job is to simply trust Him.

So...
Lord, here I am. Raw and honest...this is not what I thought would happen. With every cell of my body...I surrender. To You. To Your plan. Not mine. BUT...I will not surrender to the enemy's plan to "steal, kill and destroy". I will resist the enemy and run to You, O Lord, to rescue me once again from this fire. You are my God, and I am Your daughter.
I trust You.
I praise You.
I love You.

In the Name of Jesus, the Compassionate One,
Amen.

Biopsy Day

Yesterday Tom and I went to Little Rock for the biopsy. Got there about 9 to check in, had a 10 am appointment, but finally got wheeled back about 11. They took me into the large CT imaging room, as they use the CT to guide the biopsy. Big room. Big machine. People buzzing all around me. Cold temperature. That's about all I remember...then I was "out".

There is a 2 hour recovery after the biopsy. While I was in the recovery room the doctor came back to talk to us. He said that he did not feel like the biopsy was a good sample because of the angle of the spot. He asked if we could go ahead and do it again, immediately, since I was already there, instead of coming back in a week or so.

Hmmm...we had not expected that question to be asked! Do it again? Well.....

Tom and I both agreed that was fine.

So at 3 pm I was wheeled back AGAIN. (Drugs are certainly a lovely thing, in this particular situation.) They did the second biopsy, waited the 2 hours recovery time again and then we headed home...finally. Got home around 6. They said we would hear the results in 48 hours. My oncologist will call us.

This is The Waiting Mode. Anyone who has had lots of medical hoops to jump through knows it is just a part of the system. I say that very casually as if I am used to it. Yes, I am used to it, but I don't think anyone ever becomes really "good" at waiting. Three years ago, in December 2007, when I was waiting on my bone biopsy I found the wonderful verse in Psalm 130:5 that was a comfort to me.

"I will wait on You, Lord, my soul shall wait. And in Your word I will put my hope."

I love that verse! I will wait on the Lord. Yes, I'm waiting on doctors and phone calls and protocols and bandages to come off and strength to return....all that is swirling around me physically. But... my soul will wait ON THE LORD and my hope will be in Him and His words. They are solid and true. He is faithful and trustworthy.

So...I wrote a song in 2007 with that verse, "I Will Wait".

I will wait on You, Lord, my soul shall wait. I will wait on You, Lord, my soul shall wait. And in Your Word I will put my hope, yes, in Your Word I will put my hope. I will wait."

O Holy God,
Here I am again...waiting. All through the Scriptures Lord there were SO many times when your children were in a situation that they needed You to come. And, in Your perfect timing, You came. I cannot orchestrate all this, Lord. You alone are God. Your ways are not my ways...and I am grateful for that. Your ways are always trustworthy and good. I trust You. I trust You with today. I trust You with tomorrow. I am not afraid of outcomes and results. I would only be afraid if You were not going ahead of me and going with me. I gladly choose to wait on You, O Lord. And yes, I will put my hope in You. Where else could I go? You alone are the one true living God.
In the Name of Jesus,
Amen.

Plan B

When I saw my oncologist on January 4th she said that we were not going to do a biopsy. But about one week later, she called with Plan B. She had another radiologist read the PET scan and he felt that we should go ahead and find out exactly what the "spot" is.

SO...next week I will have a biopsy done on my T12 vertebrae of my spine. They will sedate me, but not a full anesthesia. It is outpatient surgery.

I am feeling LOTS of peace. Again, I do not know what God is going to do or what the biopsy will show...but I DO know that God is with me and taking care of every detail. I choose to walk by faith and to trust Him...completely. I know this peace that I have is definitely from so many people praying. I literally can feel the prayers. I have no anxiety. That HAS to be from God. Praise His Name!

I do ask for your continued prayers and I thank you all for going along with me and for all your love.

To be continued...

PET scan report

Quick review...two weeks ago I had CT and bone scans and they found 2 spots on my spine that they considered "suspicious" for cancer. So, the next step was to take a different look with the PET scan, which shows any rapid activity throughout my body. Last Wednesday I went in for the PET scan and then got the results today.

She said that there were no signs of uptake anywhere else in my body except one of the spots that they saw on the CT scan. The L3 that showed a spot on the CT was normal! No uptake! The T12 showed some uptake. (For all you medical folks, 2.1 is base and it was 4.3). BUT they said that it was very, very small...too small to reach for a biopsy.

So...the plan is this: 1) they changed my endocrine treatment from Tamoxifen to Arimidex, which they believe is a better estrogen blocker for me 2) they will call tomorrow to tell me the tumor marker level from my blood today and they will continue to watch my blood levels 3) they will have another radiologist read the scans to double check and will call me Friday with his report 4) I go back to see her in one month and she will re-evaluate everything.

WOW!!! I was SO happy! I AM so happy! Praising God!!! One of the spots...gone??? That is incredible and I give God the glory! I truly believe the other one is in the process of healing. Smaller, smaller, gone. I'm believing that before it happens.

SO Thankful!!!! Praise God for His mercy and His love and for going before me. I have been in a whirlwind for 4 weeks, but it all slowed down to a gentle breeze again. God is so good.

Oh God, thank You once again for healing me! Thank You for hearing our cries. Thank You for the L3 spot just being gone! Crazy...and amazing! Thank YOU!!! And thank You, for healing the other spot. I trust You Lord with every cell, every drop of blood, every breath. I know this is a gift. I have not earned any, ANYthing. Thank You for this gift of today. In Jesus' Name. Amen.