Progression

Yesterday Tom and I went to see my doctor and it was not good news.

Her first words were "Well...we have progression..."

The PET scan results showed 6 new areas that lit up. What that actually means is that there is rapid cell growth in those areas. The "uptake" is measured by the degree of intensity that it lights up. And from the standards they use to measure all of this...it looks like cancer. With the additional facts that my tumor markers have been elevated and that I'm experiencing severe pain...all this adds up to cancer. BUT...other things do make the uptake happen...trauma to the area or infection. So, to be sure...she has ordered a biopsy of the new spots, as well as an MRI to get greater detailed images. The areas that lit up are: the clavicle head, rib #1 and rib #6 on my left back, and L1, L3 and L5 vertebrae on my lower back. The vertebrae are the ones causing my lower back and right leg pain.

First, she addressed the pain. She changed my med from percoset to a pain patch that stays on for 3 days, plus a different pill for any breakthrough pain. Second...she suggested that I go for radiation on these hot spots. The radiation will kill the cancer cells in those spots and that will relieve the pain. Then, something needs to be done to attack the systemic issue of cancer cells still roaming around. That will probably be chemotherapy. She wants Tom and I to go to a cancer center to discuss a new game plan. She suggested, of course, MD Anderson, but also Vanderbilt in Nashville, or any other ones we are interested in. We will continue to use her office as our "home base" but she wants us to find out all possible avenues that are available and knows the cancer centers will have that information. We went to Vanderbilt in 2007 for my post treatment plan after the original breast cancer treatment was finished, and had a very good experience there. Since so much of our family is in that area, geographically it is a better choice but we will still think about which is the best choice for us.

I asked why my CT scan and bone scan were so good and this has all happened in 2 months. She said it was probably developing but did not "register" yet on that type of scan, but the PET scan detect any unusual rapid cell growth.

I guess that is all the information about the report.

What about my mind, heart and soul report?

Of course...it was devastating to hear once again that the cancer was back...but I've been down this road before. I am not a rookie. I know there are lots of responses to choose. I think this time I went through them all in about 2 hours.

The "no, no, no...not again!" feeling.
The questions..."but how? but what about this or that? But..."
The ticked off anger feeling for a bit. Then I thought "who am I angry with?" I adamantly believe that God did NOT give this to me. He is good. Period. I decided the anger thing is a waste of time and energy and set it aside quickly.
Then I was just sad...sad to have to step back into the World of Medicine again. And very sad for all my family and friends, especially my immediate family, for having to help bear this load...again.

There were lots of other emotions swirling in my mind and heart...but I think I landed last night on this passage from Romans 8.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

He loves me. I love Him. Nothing will separate us.

Here's my game plan...
* take one day at a time
* keep my heart pure and faithful to my God
* trust Him with my heart, soul, mind and even my body
* "lean not on my own understanding"
* receive His generous support and manna from His children with a grateful heart
* and continue fighting with God in me, beside me, before me and behind me.


Oh Father,
I will praise You today and always. That's it. I'm not budging.
My hope is in You. I praise You God for being my shelter and my strength. Where else would I go?

With all my love,
Lisa

Pet Scan day

Had my PET scan this morning. I will not hear the results for 24-48 hours, so I will post something when I know something.

I felt lots of peace. Just need to wait now.

Thank you SO much for your prayers and loving messages!

Psalm 23

One week has gone by since I saw my doctor. I have been learning how to carefully take the pain medication. It says to take 1 to 2 pills every 4-6 hours. On Wednesday I was really hurting so I tried 2 at 1pm and at 6pm. Too much for my body. I was so, so nauseous and dizzy. Now I am taking 2 ibuprofen and half a pill of the pain med every 4 hours, and that's working.

Saturday I called a church in CA that has a prayer ministry that uses Skype to pray with people. I've called there many other times and they are always encouraging. While speaking with them they prayed "Lord, please give Lisa a picture of what you want to give to her." So I closed my eyes and prayed with them and the image of a lamb came to my mind's eye. Of course, a lamb. The Lamb. He's already been given to us all. The perfect Lamb, Jesus, also is the Perfect Shepherd.
They also suggested that I read Psalm 23 in the amplified version and to meditate on it often. So, I did. It reads a little different than the King James version that is in my memory.

Psalm 23

A Psalm of David.

The LORD is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack.
He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures;
He leads me beside the still and restful waters.
He refreshes and restores my life (my self);
He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him--not for my earning it, but] for His name's sake.
Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my [brimming] cup runs over.
Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place.

Tomorrow is my PET scan. 9 am. I don't really love going to all these tests, but I know that He'll be with me in that room with the giant machine. I will walk through today, tomorrow and all my days knowing deep in my heart that I have a faithful Shepherd who deeply loves me. Praise God for His goodness and mercy that follows me all the days of my life.

I praise You, O God, for Your love and mercy over me each day. You have blessed our family so much, protecting us through valleys and difficult situations. You are gracious and kind and good!Today...please give our family peace and comfort and confidence that You are with us through all the paths of life...valleys or mountains. I trust You and love you today and forever.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

P.S. I have to add this link. It is one of my all time favorite YouTube videos

Regroup

I saw my oncologist today. Told her about all my list of concerns. She said "let's regroup". She took me off Faslodex and Zometa for now. (I was scheduled to get both today and they were cancelled.) She said all the pain could possibly be from those meds, totally side effects. She said she wants me to get a PET scan next Tuesday to check for cancer in these areas. If everything is clear, then we will change the game plan. Possibly start an oral estrogen blocker, like Femara or Arimidex. We'll see. First the PET scan. I also talked to my nurse and then to the doctor about being emotionally weary. They both said "we can't have that". She also gave me a prescription for the pain, which will be good. She thought it could be inflammation from the meds and that just getting on top of it will calm things down. Sounds good. Overall...I felt very great about the appointment.

Thanks so much for all your prayers!

SO..."regrouping" has begun. I will go on January 23rd for a PET scan...which is the best type of imaging for detecting cancer. My last one was one year ago exactly.

Thank you again and again for holding up my arms! I went in with a little fear and lots of peace. I know it could have been just the opposite without the prayer support. Tonight I am certainly feeling peace. I am SO happy to be off the meds!

I guess if I were praying big, mountains-moving-into-the-sea big, I would pray for this next PET scan to have absolutely NO sign of cancer. None. Anywhere. My scans in November were clear of cancer, except the small spot of cancer on the T10 and it had stabilized and not grown in one year. That was wonderful! But I'm talking radical mountains moving...NO spots. NO signs of damage. Nothing.

Why not pray that big? David did not say "Oh God, please...just help this little stone to at least make it to the giant."

So little expectation.

I want to hope for more. I want to see more.
I want it gone.For me. For everyone else fighting this disease.
So please continue to pray. Not just for me, but for everyone who is fighting.
You are essential to the battle.

God,
Thank You SO much for today. Thank You for going with me. Thank You for the Arm Holders! I praise You for answering our specific prayers...for wisdom and discernment to be given to my doctor. She is such a blessing. Please bless her Lord in the load she carries everyday with cancer patients. Give her strength and wisdom for each patient. Thank You for Your faithful love and the peace You poured into my mind and heart today. One day at a time. One rescue at a time. You are so good and so awesome. Thank You!
With a grateful heart FULL of love,
Lisa

Dear Arm Holders...

It's been a month since my last blog. The month of December is SO busy and I just didn't sit down and write. So, let me try to catch up.

During the month of December my lower back and right hip started hurting. The pain had slowly increased week by week until finally I went to see my family doctor last Wednesday and he took x-rays of my back. He didn't see any lesions on the bones but did notice that my rib was exactly the same as it was in October when he first diagnosed it as fractured. No healing. Hmmm. I started thinking about it and I think maybe the fact that the rib has not healed may have something to do with the med Zometa that I have been on for one year.

Today I am going in to see my oncologist. This was my monthly appointment to get treatment, but I called and requested to see my doctor before the treatment. I am scheduled to get Zometa, the bone strengthener, which I have not had since Oct. (the treatment that messed up my right wrist with tendinitis) and also to get Faslodex, the estrogen blocker. I want to talk to her about both of these meds. I'd like to get off of Zometa. It seems that the way it works actually stops normal regrowth of bone and that may be why my rib is not healing. And the Faslodex...well, they are shots...big deal shots...take almost 2 minutes to push. It hurts...bruises, nerves touched, etc. I want off of it. They have pills that are estrogen blockers and I want to go back to those.

So TODAY at 1 pm Tom and I are going to talk to her about the pain in my back and hip, all these changes in the meds, and to discuss the unhealed broken rib. Please pray for this visit...for our conversation to be covered by the Lord, for His wisdom and discernment to prevail about what to do next.

Quite honestly...I am tired. Tired of doctor's appointments. Tired of hurting. Tired of meds. Tired of all of it. But I also know that I can't get tired. Fighting means staying vigilant and focused. So...the truth is I do need your support and prayers.

There's a story in the Old Testament, in Exodus 17:8-13, when the Israelites were leaving Egypt and had a battle with the Amalekites. Joshua was the general on the ground, fighting the battle...but Moses' role was to hold up his hands to heaven. When his hand was up, they would be winning. When his hand was down, they'd start losing ground. There was a problem.

"But Moses' hands grew weary; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat upon it, and Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; so his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. And Joshua mowed down the Amalek and his people with the edge of the sword."

They won.

Okay...the picture here is when we, the children of God, grow weary, we need help. I am not saying I'm like Moses...such a great figure in the Scriptures. I am saying we are all like Moses at some time in our lives. This story shows in a literal way how we all need support when we grow weary. We need someone else to come help us, to hold up our hands and to tell us to sit down on the rock.

So...one more time...I'm asking for prayers.
For my hands to be held up to heaven.
For a nice rock to sit down on so I can watch the victory with my own eyes.


O God,
Thank You for all the past victories You have given to me. I am so grateful. I praise You this morning and give you all the glory. I do not want to be quick to forget how You have rescued me time and time again. Thank You! But I do want to remind You that I continue to stand in need before Your holy throne. Here I am, Your child. Come. Take away this pain. Restore my strength and my mind and my heart. You alone are able to do this...and so I come to You. I trust You Lord with today and forever.
Your daughter,
Lisa


P.S. My right wrist where the tendinitis was found is slowly improving. THAT is a wonderful thing! Praise God!