I've been pretty slow about writing this blog...with reason. Not because I could not tell you medical details, but because I don't know quite how to share my heart this time.
On Monday, November 4th, I went to LR with our daughter Betsy to get scans. First, I received CT scans of my head, chest, abdomen, and pelvic areas. Then I also received a bone scan from head to toe. We were told we would hear the results the next day or two.
Finally I did hear the results on Wednesday morning, November 6th . The summary of both the CT and the bone scans were not good. The summary was "progression". Again.
The CT scans all showed progression (growth) of the cancer in various places. Most were in places we already knew had cancer, some were new spots. There were two new spots on my liver, small but new. Then the bone scan showed progression as well. some in the old areas, but a couple of new spots were found on the skull. (Not in the brain, but the bone which is the skull.) There are more details, but certainly that is enough for you to see overall my body has metastatic, progressive breast cancer.
Our hearts were very sad when we hung up with the oncology nurse. That is NOT what we were all praying for, but totally the opposite of our request before God. So many questions for the Lord. And lots of tears dropping off my face. Since we heard the scan results, we have been going through a continual time of processing this in our hearts and our minds. We are trying to think what to do next, or do we stop "doing" things. What does our doctor, who, by the way, I've been with for 7 years now and totally trust, what does she think at this point? There's a boat load of questions swirling around in our thoughts. All of these leading to the main question..."How long O Lord? How many more days, weeks, years of life do I have O God?"
King David was asking the same question. Psalm 39:4 "Lord, let me know my end, and what is the measure of my days; let me know how fleeting life is!"
We have been leaning into the Word of God, which has always been our source of truth, knowledge, understanding. and comfort. We are leaning on the Scriptures that say "Nothing is impossible with God.", and "All things are possible with God." We don't need a perfect dose or a huge truckload of faith. We only need faith the size of a mustard seed. I know Tom and I have that much, by God's grace and love.
How am I doing? Okay. Just talking to God daily and OFTEN. One day at a time. I don't know my future, but I am all about trusting Him with each day.
Tomorrow I go to get a blood transfusion. Takes about 5 hours from arrival to departure. Then on Wednesday morning I will see the radiation oncologist here in Searcy to see if she can zap a few of spots. This should help with pain in those areas. Then Wednesday afternoon I see my oncologist to discuss radiation and other treatment choices.
O Father in heaven,
Your Name is holy and You are so wonderful. Thank You for walking me through this day. It certainly was You that helped keep my heart strong, the tears tucked away for now. Please restore my strength. Please wash away all side effects from fighting this disease for so long. And, please completely come and rescue me from this battle. I love You, Father. Forever and always.
Your daughter,
Lisa
Monday, November 18, 2013
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Prayers for Monday
Sunday. It's the beginning of a new week. Beautiful fall colors are outside. The air has become chilly and crisp, but it warms up in the afternoon. Blue skies. Just lovely. Another day of life.
Thank You God!
I left off telling you about October 18th, my 7th year milestone, which was a Friday. The week that followed started out simple, one appointment. I saw my oncologist on Wednesday and she decided my counts were strong enough to get chemo, so I did. Which was great. No side effects Thursday or Friday. Great again. But then... around midnight Friday night I started having severe stomach pain and also began getting sick (throwing up), continuing all night long. Tom I went to the ER Saturday morning at 8 am, then checked into the hospital. The problem was dehydration, low potassium, nausea and other troubles. I finally got home Monday night about 8. Yay! Home again, home again.
Tuesday I found out that I was going to have scans Monday, November 4th. (That's tomorrow.) You know...I'm not sure how many times I've been through this kind of a day... getting scans. I realize that there seems to be a pattern to my emotions. When I first find out, my heart sinks. Sad. It's thinking "oh no...what will happen this time?" Then a day or so goes by, with prayer and processing with my personal counselor, Tom Carr, and the Lord lifts me up again, restoring hope. This past week I asked our elders to pray about the tests. On Thursday I felt a huge dose of peace. Prayer really does work.
I spent the rest of the week resting. My heart feels sustained and prepared for tomorrow...for the most part. Then, something will surprise me emotionally, and the tears start to fall. Today I heard a song that touched me. The lyrics had to do with "don't forget this (whatever it was)when I'm gone." Oh dear. Tears came.
My thought progression starts..."SO...am I going home Lord? What IS ahead? God, please, help me." Then I try to "take every thought captive". I remember to go back to the only safe battle plan I know...to look to God and say over and over "I trust You and I love You. I trust You and I love You, with all my heart. I give this to you, again."
Have you noticed that when you have something BIG in your life that is going to be a difficult event, that the closer you get to it there seems to be this surrender of control. The truth is our control really is gone or limited anyway, but for awhile we think we still have some control. We don't. So as it approaches, the more we say "I give this to You God. I surrender all of it. I trust and love You.. Amen."
I go in tomorrow at 11 am. Please pray for healing, for strength and for peace from the Living God.
Father, This is a simple prayer. Please come and heal my body. Restore my body and my heart. I know ALL things are possible with You. I trust and love You, always and forever.
In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen. Your daughter, Lisa Carol
Thank You God!
I left off telling you about October 18th, my 7th year milestone, which was a Friday. The week that followed started out simple, one appointment. I saw my oncologist on Wednesday and she decided my counts were strong enough to get chemo, so I did. Which was great. No side effects Thursday or Friday. Great again. But then... around midnight Friday night I started having severe stomach pain and also began getting sick (throwing up), continuing all night long. Tom I went to the ER Saturday morning at 8 am, then checked into the hospital. The problem was dehydration, low potassium, nausea and other troubles. I finally got home Monday night about 8. Yay! Home again, home again.
Tuesday I found out that I was going to have scans Monday, November 4th. (That's tomorrow.) You know...I'm not sure how many times I've been through this kind of a day... getting scans. I realize that there seems to be a pattern to my emotions. When I first find out, my heart sinks. Sad. It's thinking "oh no...what will happen this time?" Then a day or so goes by, with prayer and processing with my personal counselor, Tom Carr, and the Lord lifts me up again, restoring hope. This past week I asked our elders to pray about the tests. On Thursday I felt a huge dose of peace. Prayer really does work.
I spent the rest of the week resting. My heart feels sustained and prepared for tomorrow...for the most part. Then, something will surprise me emotionally, and the tears start to fall. Today I heard a song that touched me. The lyrics had to do with "don't forget this (whatever it was)when I'm gone." Oh dear. Tears came.
My thought progression starts..."SO...am I going home Lord? What IS ahead? God, please, help me." Then I try to "take every thought captive". I remember to go back to the only safe battle plan I know...to look to God and say over and over "I trust You and I love You. I trust You and I love You, with all my heart. I give this to you, again."
Have you noticed that when you have something BIG in your life that is going to be a difficult event, that the closer you get to it there seems to be this surrender of control. The truth is our control really is gone or limited anyway, but for awhile we think we still have some control. We don't. So as it approaches, the more we say "I give this to You God. I surrender all of it. I trust and love You.. Amen."
I go in tomorrow at 11 am. Please pray for healing, for strength and for peace from the Living God.
Father, This is a simple prayer. Please come and heal my body. Restore my body and my heart. I know ALL things are possible with You. I trust and love You, always and forever.
In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen. Your daughter, Lisa Carol
Friday, October 18, 2013
Seven Years
Seven years ago today, October 18th, 2006, I was diagnosed with lobular breast cancer, advanced stage 3. I went to the appointment in Little Rock by myself because Tom and I didn't think anything would happen at that appointment. We knew I was seeing the breast cancer surgeon, but we thought that she would say something like "yes, I can feel something but let's get some scans to be sure." She was sure enough to tell me right then and there, last appointment of her day, that she was sure it was cancer. I was in shock. (The next day the scans, biopsy and general testing began hurriedly.) It was the last time that I went to doctors alone. I could barely drive home, going about 45 miles per hour from Baptist hospital area through North Little Rock and on to Searcy. I got off on the exit for Cabot, pulled into the parking lot for Home Depot, called Tom with tears falling off my face. He said he would come get me in Cabot, but I said "no" and kept going. I made it home.
Seven years ago I was shocked with this news. Tears were plentiful.
But today...there were some tears in the first part of the morning, but as the day went on, God lifted my heart. Tom encouraged me, prayed with me, and took me to get mums and pumpkins for decoration. A sister called to check on me, to lovingly listen one more time. Then, a dear friend came to sit and visit with me, quietly listening to me talk and gently sharing her encouraging words as we sat outside in the sunshine. While we were sitting there another friend delivered a beautiful bouquet of flowers from another friend who lives in Fayetteville, AR. Perfect timing. Then we went out to eat with Jamie and Natalie...nice visit time! All the quiet, precious moments. In those seven years I learned that every action of love...listening, phone calls, flowers, gifts, pumpkins, hugs, and much, much more are all Jesus showing up in my day. His Presence is felt. I believe it is God, not random acts of kindness, but purposeful acts of love. Thank You God!
The seven years have been hard, full of opportunities to learn life lessons and to receive lots of strength from God. Here I am seven years later...not knowing what I have to face next week, or the next week, much less next month or year. I am walking in trust and hope and faith...one day at a time. That's the biggest lesson I have learned...to live ONE DAY AT A TIME.
"Don't be anxious about tomorrow. Tomorrow's anxious for itself. Today's own troubles are enough for today. And put away all your yesterdays. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you."
Seven years. I am grateful for every one of them. God has blessed me so much to witness important milestones. I've lost friends in those years, not understanding all the questions of why. I miss them. I don't wear pink ribbons or bracelets except in the month of October. I'm wearing them this month, as a remembrance of those that lost their battle but won the war. And I thank God over and over for this gift called life.
Tomorrow is October19th. Life will continue. I will awaken and slowly get going for the day. The words "thank You God for another day" are prayed in the first hour of the day. I'll look for the sweetness of God in the quiet events of my quiet but full life. I'm thankful for this day and I thank God for October 19th as well.
God,
This has been a day of remembering but not lingering over the past. I do not want to "remember" all the difficult milestones. They are too much. BUT I do want to celebrate today! Life is from You, and I am thankful for today. Please continue to hold us up with Your amazing love. Please give us strength and joy as our family, together, fights this battle. Pour hope into our minds. I do not want to lose hope, O God. You alone are the source of that hope. Thank You! I love You, forever, dear God. I am trusting You to cover me with Your powerful Love.
In the Name of Your Son, Jesus,
Amen.
Lisa
Seven years ago I was shocked with this news. Tears were plentiful.
But today...there were some tears in the first part of the morning, but as the day went on, God lifted my heart. Tom encouraged me, prayed with me, and took me to get mums and pumpkins for decoration. A sister called to check on me, to lovingly listen one more time. Then, a dear friend came to sit and visit with me, quietly listening to me talk and gently sharing her encouraging words as we sat outside in the sunshine. While we were sitting there another friend delivered a beautiful bouquet of flowers from another friend who lives in Fayetteville, AR. Perfect timing. Then we went out to eat with Jamie and Natalie...nice visit time! All the quiet, precious moments. In those seven years I learned that every action of love...listening, phone calls, flowers, gifts, pumpkins, hugs, and much, much more are all Jesus showing up in my day. His Presence is felt. I believe it is God, not random acts of kindness, but purposeful acts of love. Thank You God!
The seven years have been hard, full of opportunities to learn life lessons and to receive lots of strength from God. Here I am seven years later...not knowing what I have to face next week, or the next week, much less next month or year. I am walking in trust and hope and faith...one day at a time. That's the biggest lesson I have learned...to live ONE DAY AT A TIME.
"Don't be anxious about tomorrow. Tomorrow's anxious for itself. Today's own troubles are enough for today. And put away all your yesterdays. Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you."
Seven years. I am grateful for every one of them. God has blessed me so much to witness important milestones. I've lost friends in those years, not understanding all the questions of why. I miss them. I don't wear pink ribbons or bracelets except in the month of October. I'm wearing them this month, as a remembrance of those that lost their battle but won the war. And I thank God over and over for this gift called life.
Tomorrow is October19th. Life will continue. I will awaken and slowly get going for the day. The words "thank You God for another day" are prayed in the first hour of the day. I'll look for the sweetness of God in the quiet events of my quiet but full life. I'm thankful for this day and I thank God for October 19th as well.
God,
This has been a day of remembering but not lingering over the past. I do not want to "remember" all the difficult milestones. They are too much. BUT I do want to celebrate today! Life is from You, and I am thankful for today. Please continue to hold us up with Your amazing love. Please give us strength and joy as our family, together, fights this battle. Pour hope into our minds. I do not want to lose hope, O God. You alone are the source of that hope. Thank You! I love You, forever, dear God. I am trusting You to cover me with Your powerful Love.
In the Name of Your Son, Jesus,
Amen.
Lisa
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