Sunday Night Syndrome

Today is treatment day.

Easter has always been my favorite holiday of the year. I am so grateful for the gift of grace, mercy and forgiveness that came because of Jesus's death and resurrection. What a great gift to celebrate!

In the midst of a really special, spiritual week, I've had a difficult time. Physically, I have had more side effects this past month than in previous months. The fatigue level has increased, general achey-ness in my body, and my throat has been sore on and off. It is not as bad as the chemo days, but I just haven't felt that great. When I don't feel as well physically, I get discouraged in my mind and my heart. I don't want to get down, and I try to fight it, but it happens. Saturday night I had asked our elder, (who is also a dear friend), David, to pray with me. He and his wife did pray over me, with love and tenderness. I physically felt better the next morning... Easter Sunday.

But, as the day went on, the discouragement crept up in my heart to the point that I was just flat out sad. Tears kept welling up over everything. It finally dawned on me...it wasn't just the aches and pains I was facing. It was Sunday night...the night before treatment. I was dreading Monday.

Five years ago when this battle started and I began chemo treatments, my treatment days were almost always on Mondays. It took me a few times to realize that Sunday night was an issue. The emotions would peak out...fear, sadness, sometimes anger. My prayers would intensify. "Oh God...help me!" Well...last night I was there again. Sunday night. Lots of tears, feeling fatigue at facing the whole battle. Just tired of it. "God...come, please, come."

And He did.

Two young women, college student friends of mine, prayed with me last night. We were at a meeting for something else (a club ring ceremony on campus) but when they spoke to me I told them, direct and to the point, that I needed prayer. I have lost any guardedness or pride about asking for prayer. I knew I needed someone else to pray over me. So I asked these two young women and they said "yes!".

We found a quiet place, the prayer chapel on campus, and they prayed over me. They prayed with tears and they prayed with confidence. Boldness and tenderness were in their words. They prayed for the Lord to come and lift my heart up from the heaviness I felt and to fill me with His strength again. They prayed for the treatment appointment. They prayed for my husband and each one of our children by name. They were mighty intercessors...asking God to come.

And He did.

He came.

The Comforter came and poured out His love and healing over me. My heart and my mind were renewed in that very room. In one hour of prayer my heart went from being overwhelmed with sorrow to feeling strong with hope...one...more...time.

THAT is the work of the Holy Spirit. The Comforter.

He is just one of the gifts we were given because of Jesus' resurrection. Jesus said He had to go so that the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, would come and be with us...even be IN us. Because He died and rose again, we have the Spirit of God living in us everyday. THAT is huge.

Then I will ask the Father to send you the Holy Spirit who will help you and always be with you. The Spirit will show you what is true. The people of this world cannot accept the Spirit, because they don't see or know him. But you know the Spirit, who is with you and will keep on living in you. But I tell you that I am going to do what is best for you. That is why I am going away. The Holy Spirit cannot come to help you until I leave. But after I am gone, I will send the Spirit to you.

John 14:16,17 and John 16:7

When Jesus came to save us, He didn't just come 2,000 years ago and that was it. He still comes to us NOW...today...this day. He comes in real time, real life. Now it's His Spirit, the Holy Spirit, here moving among us in the real stuff of life here on earth. Wow. It's amazing.


O God,
Thank You...for coming to this earth 2,000 years ago, for living and moving and healing and loving... and then dying for us. Thank You for Your great love, love that went to the cross for the whole world. And I thank You for the resurrection, which brought all the promises fulfilled in one moment of history...when You walked out of the tomb. Thank You for sending Your Spirit, just like You promised...to comfort and teach us, to live inside of us. Your Presence actually living in us!Wow... it's amazing. Thank You for last night...these two friends and their prayers, Your Comfort pouring into me...thank You. I was rescued once again, pulled out of the water when I was sinking, like Peter. I'm looking at You again. This morning I feel Your hope and strength in my heart. Go with me, before me, inside of me, O God, as I go for treatment today. I trust You. I love You.
In the glorious Name of the Resurrected One, Jesus!
Amen.

Glass Half Full

Yesterday, the appointment started out hard. Usually the first thing they do is take blood for tests, then I see the doctor, then I get my treatment. That means two needle sticks. SO...I thought...why not just get the I.V. and they can draw the blood for the lab from the I.V., so I'll have one stick instead of two. Good idea. I did it last month...and it went well. I was so proud of my idea. :-)

But yesterday... it did not work. I went in to get the I.V. and the nurse (who I really like and totally trust her abilities) had a very hard time finding a vein to use.

Veins are tricky. They actually have a mind of their own. They try to dodge needles, roll over, run away...very independent body parts. She tried twice and the veins "blew"...which, is a horrible way to say the vein broke and leaked internally. So they sent me back to the lab. (The lab doesn't start I.V.s, so they can get the blood easier. The I.V. has to thread deeper into the vein.) Okay...now I'm up to 3 sticks.

Next, saw the doctor. She said things looked good...I was staying on course well. I will have one more treatment in April, then I'll have scans in May to see how these are working.

Then, went back to the chemo room to try to start the I.V. again. She had another unsuccessful try on the top of my hand. Finally, on try #4, she got the I.V. in. I got the Zometa, took about 30 minutes. Then I got the 2 shots of Faslodex.

All together...7 sticks.

By the time I left the doctor's office...I was...hmmmm...VERY happy to see the out of doors.

My friend and I were driving to get lunch and then... I got a call on my cell phone.

"Mrs. Carr?"
"Yes."
"This is Julie. We got your tumor marker test results back already. Last month your number was 37, with 31 as normal. You've gone down to 32!" WOW...that is great news, really great news!!! I was SO glad to hear the progress in the healing department.

When I got home, I analyzed the day. In John 10:10 it says that Satan's job is to "steal, kill and destroy". I thought...you know...he totally wanted to take away the joy of the day, which was the improved test results. The morning needle troubles were hard and certainly discouraging BUT the highlight of the day was the improved tumor marker results.

I do not want to look at yesterday and remember that it was a hard lab day. I choose to remember that yesterday I found out GREAT news...my tumor marker test was almost normal. THAT is the summary of the day. Satan would like for me to stay focused on the negative...then would he would be victorious at "stealing" my joy.

I will not give him any victory.

Psalm 71:14,15
But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of Your righteousness, of Your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.

O God Most High,
You are so good. When the things around me look difficult, I will look to You...for You are faithful to walk with me through anything and everything. I am, by nature, a glass half empty person...but by Your Spirit, you fill me up with hope and peace, so that I see the glass half full. Not by my own nature, but by Your Spirit living in me. All praise to You. I love You. I trust You. I thank You, O God.
In Jesus', Amen.

Springtime Hope

Last week was a good week! It was such a blessing to see some buttercups along the road in Searcy on the way to Mary's school. Yes...hope is certainly an important part of this battle. God is filling me up day by day with His peace and hope.

It comes in small ways, like buttercups peaking out. It also comes in the form of little touches of encouragement that loved ones send my way. Notes, texts, facebook hellos, snail mail, phone calls, food delivered...and much more! God has blessed our family with continual love and encouragement. It is really His love, expressed through others. I'm so, so thankful! It really does carry me through the day.

Medically...I went yesterday to get my third treatment...2 shots of Faslodex and the I.V. bone strengthener. Some of you have asked me about these meds, but they are NOT chemo, and I'm not doing radiation. These are meds that are taken to stop the growth of the tumor and to strengthen the bones. It went well. A dear friend took me and after I was finished we enjoyed a nice lunch together in North Little Rock.

Last month I did not feel so well the next day. So I was kind of holding my breath to see how I'd feel when I woke up this morning. But TODAY...I'm doing fine! I have been praising God for this day and for sparing me of the flu-like symptoms. It's been a great day.

Hosea 6:3
Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.”

O Lord God,
We DO acknowledge You! You alone are our God, the One and Only. Thank You for the ways that You appear to us everyday. You are faithful and good. Rain on us, O God, to give us Your Spirit. Increase our hearts with hope and peace. We give You the praise for this day. Thank You.
In Jesus' Name. Amen.