Monday morning I drove myself to Little Rock for my fifth treatment. I got up early that morning and had plenty of time for getting ready. I also had time to read my Bible, pray and prepare my heart for the day ahead. By the time I left the house I felt very much at peace and my spirits were strong and ready.
When I arrived I was still feeling very sure and peaceful as I was about to step back into the whole treatment world. I went on back for my doctor's visit first. When she came in she started going over my path report from the surgery. First she told me that I would continue on with the same chemo that she used on treatments 3 and 4...(TAC for those of you who know their names). Then, I heard the difficult news. She said that I would need to have more chemo treatments beyond these 4. When I finish out my next treatments I will have to begin oral chemo at home...pills that I take daily for 2 weeks and then off 1 week. I'll do that for a couple of months. She said that we needed to continue the chemo because of the lymph nodes (which all had cancer in them).
My sureness and peace sort of crumbled. Of course, my immediate response was sadness. Since last October, when I was first given a gameplan, I have been looking at 4 treatments, surgery, 4 more treatments and then radiation. It was a very precisely measured finish line. So I have been imagining this marathon with that specific line in my mind. When she said I needed more, I felt like the finish line had been moved. A longer distance to run.
Now it is pushed into the summer further, maybe August. Maybe not.
I don't really know...because now I realize that the whole finish line thing can change again, and maybe again.
I have been forced AGAIN to realize this is not so much a long distance race (although it still is) as much as it is a daily finish line. "Today is the day that the Lord has made." "Today's own troubles are enough for today." Today, today, today. I don't think I really can look at next month or the summer. I need to see about this day and running the race today.
Did I run well today? Did I reach the finish line today? Did I thank the Lord today, even in the middle of sorrow or suffering? Did I choose to trust and wait on Him today?
Tommy is leaving for Africa on Friday. He'll be gone for 2 weeks, but the Lord has sent helpers again. My friend Gloria is coming over the weekend, then my sister Diane will be here for 1 week, and then my parents. I am so grateful for all the help!
Please pray for Tommy and his brother John, for safe travel and blessings. Please pray for the chemo to be victorious as it battles in my body. And I ask for you to pray for my heart to not be discouraged with this extension, but to trust the Lord with all my heart. Thank you so much for all your faithful prayers.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Yesterday I went to the surgeon's office for a checkup. (It has been three weeks since my surgery.) She said I was healing great and again, was very pleased.
She released me to go ahead and begin my chemo treatments. So I called my oncologist and I'll begin my fifth treatment this Monday. I see the doctor at 9:00am and then I'll start around 10.
It's been six weeks since my last treatment. Even though the surgery was in the middle of the six weeks, it has been a nice break to not be in the treatment cycle. But the reality is...I know I need the chemo to finish off this battle against the cancer.
SO...here I go. Starting Monday.
Tom and I got to go off together for an overnight trip on Valentine's Day. He spoke at a church last night up near Mountain Home, AR. I was so glad to get to go with him. I haven't left this county since October, so it was nice to even get away for one night with my Valentine. He has been such an incredible husband throughout this whole thing. Recently I saw some list that was like "Top Ten things that a husband should do to help a wife with cancer". He had done all of them, plus more that were not on the list. No one told him there was a list. It's just his nature to be kind and loving and encouraging. Over and over he has spoken just the right words that I needed to hear at just the right time. He's held me, wiped away tears, made me laugh out loud, changed my outlook by giving wise advice, cleaned up the kitchen one more time, and prayed over me again and again. I am so grateful for my sweet Tommy.
She released me to go ahead and begin my chemo treatments. So I called my oncologist and I'll begin my fifth treatment this Monday. I see the doctor at 9:00am and then I'll start around 10.
It's been six weeks since my last treatment. Even though the surgery was in the middle of the six weeks, it has been a nice break to not be in the treatment cycle. But the reality is...I know I need the chemo to finish off this battle against the cancer.
SO...here I go. Starting Monday.
Tom and I got to go off together for an overnight trip on Valentine's Day. He spoke at a church last night up near Mountain Home, AR. I was so glad to get to go with him. I haven't left this county since October, so it was nice to even get away for one night with my Valentine. He has been such an incredible husband throughout this whole thing. Recently I saw some list that was like "Top Ten things that a husband should do to help a wife with cancer". He had done all of them, plus more that were not on the list. No one told him there was a list. It's just his nature to be kind and loving and encouraging. Over and over he has spoken just the right words that I needed to hear at just the right time. He's held me, wiped away tears, made me laugh out loud, changed my outlook by giving wise advice, cleaned up the kitchen one more time, and prayed over me again and again. I am so grateful for my sweet Tommy.
Friday, February 9, 2007
A very good week
Quick update. This has been a good week. Day by day I could feel myself getting stronger. Last week I was still in my jamas when everyone was leaving for the day. This week I've been dressed and ready to go in the mornings, taking Mary to school all week...plus a few other outings. In the middle of recovery, this week we have been remodeling the laundry room (also our unofficial foyer) :-) We had painters for a couple of days. Today we are getting new vinyl flooring and a new hot water heater installed. (All this started because our old hot water heater was leaking.) What a wonderful blessing to get this done in the middle of the winter.
Lots of encouraging words were sent my way. I'm so grateful for all of them.
Some of my scriptures for this week:
* "Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like the eagle. They shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
* "Nothing can hinder the LORD from saving, whether by many or by few."
I Samuel 14:6
* "I am the LORD, who heals you." Ex. 15:26
* "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16
It's been a good week!
Lots of encouraging words were sent my way. I'm so grateful for all of them.
Some of my scriptures for this week:
* "Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like the eagle. They shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31
* "Nothing can hinder the LORD from saving, whether by many or by few."
I Samuel 14:6
* "I am the LORD, who heals you." Ex. 15:26
* "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16
It's been a good week!
Monday, February 5, 2007
Renewed Hope
Last Monday I woke up and had a hard time getting out of bed. The path report we heard from the doctor on Wednesday was still on my mind. The report had grown bigger in my heart than the hope that I had there before I heard it.
But the Lord changed that. As the day went on God sent encouragement in different forms. The first one was a friend that lives here. She listened to me and then stepped in to fight the battle. She prayed with me over the phone and said when we got off she'd begin praying for my heart to be encouraged again and for Satan to go away. Spiritual warfare. I know she did pray because by the end of the day my heart had completely turned around and was once again filled with hope.
After her call, I got another call from my friend Debbie and she said "Lisa, here's your verse for today." Okay. She said to look up Deut. 20:1. So I did after we hung up. It said...
"When you go forth to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army that is bigger than your own, you shall not be afraid of them; for the Lord your God is with you, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. And when you draw near to the battle the priest shall come forward and speak to the people, and shall say to them, "Hear, O Israel, you draw near this day to battle against your enemies: let not your heart faint; do not fear or tremble or be in dread of them; for the Lord your God is He who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory." Deuteronomy 20:1-4.
Wow. What a relief! I was reminded by those verses that the Lord is fighting this battle. The cancer seems like "an army bigger than your own". Ultimately, He is in charge of the final victory. I don't know the end of this war...I just don't. But I can rest in the fact that He is fighting this battle for me. The Lord is WITH me and goes BEFORE me and SURROUNDS me. As my friend Lisa says often "You are covered, girl, covered!"
Lord, thank you for renewing my heart with hope that can only come from You. Thank you for sending troops again...with prayers, scripture, flowers and food, all in one day. Thank you Lord, so much, for your continued tender care day by day. All praise to Your mighty and holy Name!
But the Lord changed that. As the day went on God sent encouragement in different forms. The first one was a friend that lives here. She listened to me and then stepped in to fight the battle. She prayed with me over the phone and said when we got off she'd begin praying for my heart to be encouraged again and for Satan to go away. Spiritual warfare. I know she did pray because by the end of the day my heart had completely turned around and was once again filled with hope.
After her call, I got another call from my friend Debbie and she said "Lisa, here's your verse for today." Okay. She said to look up Deut. 20:1. So I did after we hung up. It said...
"When you go forth to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army that is bigger than your own, you shall not be afraid of them; for the Lord your God is with you, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. And when you draw near to the battle the priest shall come forward and speak to the people, and shall say to them, "Hear, O Israel, you draw near this day to battle against your enemies: let not your heart faint; do not fear or tremble or be in dread of them; for the Lord your God is He who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory." Deuteronomy 20:1-4.
Wow. What a relief! I was reminded by those verses that the Lord is fighting this battle. The cancer seems like "an army bigger than your own". Ultimately, He is in charge of the final victory. I don't know the end of this war...I just don't. But I can rest in the fact that He is fighting this battle for me. The Lord is WITH me and goes BEFORE me and SURROUNDS me. As my friend Lisa says often "You are covered, girl, covered!"
Lord, thank you for renewing my heart with hope that can only come from You. Thank you for sending troops again...with prayers, scripture, flowers and food, all in one day. Thank you Lord, so much, for your continued tender care day by day. All praise to Your mighty and holy Name!
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