Monday morning I drove myself to Little Rock for my fifth treatment. I got up early that morning and had plenty of time for getting ready. I also had time to read my Bible, pray and prepare my heart for the day ahead. By the time I left the house I felt very much at peace and my spirits were strong and ready.
When I arrived I was still feeling very sure and peaceful as I was about to step back into the whole treatment world. I went on back for my doctor's visit first. When she came in she started going over my path report from the surgery. First she told me that I would continue on with the same chemo that she used on treatments 3 and 4...(TAC for those of you who know their names). Then, I heard the difficult news. She said that I would need to have more chemo treatments beyond these 4. When I finish out my next treatments I will have to begin oral chemo at home...pills that I take daily for 2 weeks and then off 1 week. I'll do that for a couple of months. She said that we needed to continue the chemo because of the lymph nodes (which all had cancer in them).
My sureness and peace sort of crumbled. Of course, my immediate response was sadness. Since last October, when I was first given a gameplan, I have been looking at 4 treatments, surgery, 4 more treatments and then radiation. It was a very precisely measured finish line. So I have been imagining this marathon with that specific line in my mind. When she said I needed more, I felt like the finish line had been moved. A longer distance to run.
Now it is pushed into the summer further, maybe August. Maybe not.
I don't really know...because now I realize that the whole finish line thing can change again, and maybe again.
I have been forced AGAIN to realize this is not so much a long distance race (although it still is) as much as it is a daily finish line. "Today is the day that the Lord has made." "Today's own troubles are enough for today." Today, today, today. I don't think I really can look at next month or the summer. I need to see about this day and running the race today.
Did I run well today? Did I reach the finish line today? Did I thank the Lord today, even in the middle of sorrow or suffering? Did I choose to trust and wait on Him today?
Tommy is leaving for Africa on Friday. He'll be gone for 2 weeks, but the Lord has sent helpers again. My friend Gloria is coming over the weekend, then my sister Diane will be here for 1 week, and then my parents. I am so grateful for all the help!
Please pray for Tommy and his brother John, for safe travel and blessings. Please pray for the chemo to be victorious as it battles in my body. And I ask for you to pray for my heart to not be discouraged with this extension, but to trust the Lord with all my heart. Thank you so much for all your faithful prayers.
1 comment:
Dear Lisa,
(This is from Sheila Hooten - my e-mail address doesn't show my name)
Thank you again for sharing this walk with me thru the blog. You identify the feelings you have in such a way that I really feel like I understand your thinking and am able to "walk" beside you. Even though I am not there - please know I check in often and am encouraged. I know the "finish line" has moved - but I love your view of every day being a "finish line".
I received this today - it is long for this e-mail .... but I love it and love the message he shares.
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You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having "wealth" from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, "Purpose Driven Life " author and pastor of Saddleback
Church in California
In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said : People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond : In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity.
We were made to last forever, and God want s us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body -- but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up
act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.
We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems : Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting
ready to go into another one.The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort.
God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.We can be reasonably
happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.
I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop,
back and forth. I don't believe that anymore..
Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness,"which is my problem, my issues, my pain."
But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to
heal Kay or make it easy for her.
It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden,
when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money
or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money,notoriety and influence. He gave me two different
passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders,
assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves : Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's
purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD. Difficult moments, SEEK GOD. Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD. Painful moments, TRUST GOD. Every moment, THANK GOD.
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