I'M DONE!!!!

HOORAY!!!!! I finished number 33 today at 8:30 am. PRAISE GOD!!!!

Tom came with me. I brought my camera and took pictures of the therapists, the machine, the dressing room, my older friend Liz who started one day after me, etc.
The treatment was normal and short. I had imagined for quite some time now that I would stand up on the table and jump off like a superhero and proclaim my joy. I didn't. (Aren't you glad?) Instead, I asked the 3 women therapists to pray with me. We were all teary together. I was done, really done.

We went home, got Mary and Jamie and headed over to Lion Stadium, Jamie's high school football stadium and track. Tommy and I walked around the track and then I ran the last stretch, with Mary and Jamie holding an orange tape stretched out for me to break through at the finish line (Tommy thought of that). We all hugged and prayed, thanking God for His faithfulness.

O Lord, my Strength,
How is it that You should be so mighty and glorious
and yet, so tender and loving,
that You show me Your love
day after day, hour after hour?
You are my God, my life, my hope, and my strength,
my Savior, my Friend,
my Bread and Water of Life.
You are my All.
I love You O Lord
and praise Your glorious Name,
The Name
The Name Above All Names
And it is in that Name
that I thank You
on this wonderful day,
thank You, again and again,
in Jesus Christ,
Amen.

Thursday

Today I walked out of the Carti building and got teary as I headed to the car. I just cannot believe it. Only one more radiation treatment.

First, let me say that there is a race that will continue on past tomorrow. I have an appointment on Monday with my oncologist in Little Rock. We'll be discussing what happens next...Xeloda or Arimedex or Tamoxifen. I'll be taking something. I also have decided that I want to get a second and maybe third opinion about this next phase before I start anything. There is treatment beyond tomorrow.

BUT...it is important to celebrate milestones and this is a MAJOR milestone in my life!!! I just can't believe it. I started Oct. 18th, so it will have been 8 months and 11 days.

Yes, I am going to celebrate!!! Tom is coming with me to my last treatment. Then we are going to the local football stadium that has a track around it and I am going to walk a victory lap. Just a symbolic walk/run.

Then, we're planning on going out to eat catfish tomorrow night with family. Catfish has been a faithful food. :-) Then Jesse gets in very late Friday night, which is great. Saturday night I'm going to have a time of praise and worship at the house with my prayer group and some other guests. I just want to thank the Lord over and over for His love and faithfulness!

Then on July 8th Tom and I are going to Missouri to a vacation house that someone has offered to us to use for a week. Once again, God has blessed us and provided for us. This time He has provided a place of rest. I am very grateful and excited. I imagine Tommy fishing and me reading. What fun! We also are going to get to see another college roommate, Lenore and her husband Rick. We haven't seen each other in 15 years. That will be a great reunion.

When we come back Tommy heads to Africa for 3 or 4 weeks...to Nigeria and Tanzania.

Those are the plans.

The number is ONE.
Wow.


"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits,
who forgives all your sins, who heals all your diseases,
who redeems you life from the Pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good as long as you live
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
Psalm 103:1-5

Wednesday

Two more.

Tuesday

I've been blessed with some visitors this week, which has been wonderful! Last Monday and then yesterday my college roommate from Harding, Rosalinda, came through with her husband to visit us. What a great and sweet gift of their time! We've had some good catching up time. She and her husband are such a joy to be around...it has been an encouragement to my heart to see her again.

ALSO...Betsy is in town this week! She brought kids from her youth group to attend Harding's Uplift program, so she arrived Saturday and will leave Thursday. We've been catching an hour here and there with her in between her time on campus. We're happy to get to see her this week!

AND ALSO...Jesse is coming in on Thursday this week. Yeah! He was here last about 5 weeks ago for Mother's Day. I'm thrilled that he will be here for my last treatment celebration.

It's so cool to have these precious friends and my children be here this week. The whole week is flying by...filled with joy. Praise God!

Three, just three left.

Monday

Four.

Sunday

Only five left...Monday through Friday.

You would think that it's like coasting downhill at this point. Coming into the final stretch and seeing the finish line ahead, running across with ease.

But something happened Friday and Saturday to me. It was a major attack from Satan. Once again, the physical is so connected to the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of my body. Up until last week the radiation hasn't been too hard. I'm not saying it was easy, but it was not as physically taxing until last week. Last week my skin really reached the "sunburned" level everyone talks about. Plus, I was just tired, so tired. By Friday afternoon I was pretty teary. Then I woke up Saturday morning with tears ready to fall. They sprinkled on and off through the morning. Then about 1:30, there was a downpour.

Tommy came in to check on me, I was lying down on the bed. He asked how I was doing and I just started sobbing. Tired of all of this. So tired. I felt hopeless and discouraged. I just felt dark and sad and completely weary. I asked him to pray over me, which he did... he prayed for peace to pour over me and for Satan to leave. He kept praying and immediately I calmed down and felt all the heaviness lift. I felt completely different. Life was light again. Peace did pour over me. It was amazing and very much from the Lord.

Why such an overt enemy attack at this point in the race? I imagine someone sticking their foot out and tripping the runner right before they cross the finish line. They are so close to victory something drastic has to be done to stop them! I got tripped, but I didn't get stopped. Once again, it was my sweet husband that the Lord used to come to my rescue, to intercede in prayer, and send me forward again. I am so, so thankful for my husband. I'm moving forward again.

And I as so grateful to God. Over and over again He has rescued me, getting me back on my feet to run. "I love you, O Lord, my strength". Psalms 18:1

There is the big question that everyone wonders...if He is such an awesome and loving God, why did He let this happen in the first place? Honestly...I don't know. I really don't. I have some ideas why but since I'm not God, I do not really know why. What I do know is that He is in control of all things. I believe that, for some reason, He allowed this cancer to grow in my body. Not that He wanted me to suffer, but that He allowed it for His own reasons. I can't see the big picture, all I see is today. I also know that He loves me and has called me to trust Him day by day. I love Him so much...enough that I do trust Him, even with my life and my body. SO...even though I don't know the "why", I am okay not knowing. The things that I do know are enough for me to follow Jesus. Suffering seems to be a part of the discipleship of being a Christian. I haven't had much of it in the other 49 years, but now I have a piece of understanding that aspect of discipleship. There are many others I know who have had more than a piece; they've suffered for the Lord years and years and years and still praise His holy name. I'm just learning. I still have plenty to learn.

"Finally be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. (not mine)
Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the tricks of the devil. For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:10-12

Thursday

Six.

Wednesday

One more done, 7 to go.

Today...today two things happened at treatment. One was that I found out they were done treating the lymph nodes at my collar bone and on my back. So...today I only had two places treated, instead of the four I have been getting. That was great.

The other thing was when they began my treatment I just started to get very teary and emotional. I don't know why. The tears rolled off my cheek as my head stayed frozen. I couldn't wipe them away, because I couldn't move. I could hear Fernando Ortega singing the hymn in the background. When the therapists came back one of them said, "are you all right?" I said "I don't know why, I'm just teary today." They said that's okay, some days are like that...handed me a Kleenex. They left, then the treatment continued. I slowly got composed. The women came back and I was done. Hopped off the table.

I guess there's something emotional about coming to an end. I've been at this so long. I don't know. I'll keep thinking about this...one day at a time.

God is still so near. Breathing calm into my very heart as I laid there with tears falling down. So real.

Thank You, Jesus...You are tender and faithful to me.


Seven's the number for today.

Tuesday

Eight.

Countdown

Nine. Nine left.

I haven't really described radiation.

I go in and sit in the lobby until they call my name. Then the PA system says "Mrs. Carr". So I go back to a changing room, put a gown on from the waist up and sit again in the back hall. There is one radiation room that we all rotate in and out of. So someone comes out, passes by me in their little gown and then they call my name.

I march in to THE room. When I go in they ask me which CD I want to hear. When I first started it took me 3 treatments to realize that Aretha Franklin was NOT on the radio, but they were playing a CD. She kept singing "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" at exactly the same time everyday. :-) (I'm a little slow.) So I asked if I could bring in my own CD's and they said yes. I started by listening to Twila Paris. The cool thing is that my nurses all really like my CD's and they keep them on, so the other patients after me also hear them. My treatment usually lasts for 3-4 songs, then I'm done. So they put in the CD and I go lie down on the table, face up.

My hands go above my head, holding a bar. The radiation machine moves toward me and gets up close enough that I can feel its heat...about 8 inches. VERY carefully they align the machines lights to the lines on my body, which are all marked in red and black. Once the 4 women technicians are satisfied that it is perfectly lined up, then they leave the room, and a huge lead door shuts. I am totally alone in the room. They can see me from a monitor room. The machine makes some preliminary hums and then there is a loud buzz and some clicking sounds. That means the radiation is on. The buzz lasts about 20 seconds for the first area they treat. All this time I can hear Twila singing in the background "God is in Control", "We will glorify", "the Joy of the Lord will be my strength" or some others. I try to focus totally on the song and my thoughts and prayers.

The women come back in, reset the lines and the machine, leave, and then I get zapped again. They do this four times...my chest, under my arm, near my collar bone (lymph nodes) and on my back (lymph nodes again from another angle.) Then, after the fourth one, I'm done...I can put my arms down. So I sit up, hop off the table and leave the room, greeting the next patient as I pass them by. That's it. Change back to my clothes. Drive home.


Nine to go.
Not that I'm counting or anything.

With wings like eagles

Back in the winter a young college friend of ours, Lorrie, told me that she wanted to run a race in my honor this summer. I couldn't believe that she would do that and felt very touched. She asked to meet with me about once a week to discuss our races and share with each other. So we did.

When we would meet, we would share different aspects of our races. She was in preparation for a half-triathlon, so she was running, swimming and biking all the time. My three events were surgery, chemo and radiation. We would talk about our physical, emotional and spiritual status through it all. We would always close with a prayer time.

Well...last weekend Lorrie ran her race. She drove from Arkansas to Michigan. She had a huge crisis on the way...her bike flew off of her car! But she got it back at a police station in Memphis. Then, she had to get it repaired in Nashville. She kept going on and got to Monroe, MI on Lake Erie on Sat.

Sunday arrived, and she ran and swam and biked. She said she really enjoyed the whole race. Lorrie came in FIRST in her age division for women!!! YEAH!!!

First of all...let me thank her again here in writing. THANK YOU Lorrie...for this huge honor. What an incredible expression of support and love. It will always, always be remembered. Thank you!

Second, there were many parallels for us, but there were also lots of ways that our races have been different. The most obvious is that mine is still going on. And, actually, will continue on some level for the rest of my life. Life IS a marathon race. I intend to keep running hard and hopefully more focused than I would have 8 months ago. My finish line is not just to get over all these treatments which, thankfully, are coming to an end. But I want very much to run this Life Race with joy and hope and a loving heart and selflessness and, I could go on and on.

I will be running this race with clearer vision, more focused on the Life Giver, Jesus. He is Life. I love Him. I just want to love Him more.

Two weeks left. Ten more treatments. Then we'll see what's next.


"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might...He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; BUT...those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

Past the Half-Way Mark

Last Thursday I reached the half-way point in my radiation treatment. Today was Day #20 out of 33 total.

Last week I did finally start having some of the radiation symptoms...my skin is red and dry, but it is not bad. I use a prescription wound gel that really heals the skin quickly. My throat feels kind of weird because they are zapping near my collar bone (getting the lymph nodes that are there). They said that the radiation is probably just irritating the esophagus, so it feels kind of swollen. The fatigue hasn't really hit yet...or at least I haven't noticed it. Glad about that.

One big thing that I decided to do that is a different...while I am lying there getting the treatment I usually pray and ask the Lord to heal me and to get all the right areas and protect my body. I decided last week to not ASK all those things, but instead to go ahead and thank God for them. That may sound very obvious to some of you...but it was a step of faith for me. To go ahead and thank God, as if it has already happened. So now I thank Him for my healing and thank Him for getting all the right cells. All present or past tense...that it is happening, and I trust that it is happening, or that it has already happened.

Why the change? The scripture that says "whatever you ask for in prayer believe that you have already received it and it is yours " from Mark 11:24. And "Don't worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6

Those verses are ones I've heard all my life. But now...they have to do WITH my life. Choosing to look at words and truly believe they are breathed from God. I do believe in Scripture...so I will take action and verbalize my grateful heart. I have chosen to thank God for the healing. Healing that I cannot truly know yet.

It's funny. I wrote my high school senior term paper on faith and healing. I remember I got a B. Not enough evidence. (funny stuff)

Today is done. Today is today and the Lord was faithful today, as always, going with me through the whole day.

First week of June

Summer is in full swing now, which is wonderful. I am glad the kids are home! It just slows down all the busyness and gives us more time together.

Friday night,July 1, Tommy, Jamie, Mary and I went to our very first cancer event. It was the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. Lots of organizations had signed up to raise money for the event...banks, churches, office groups, businesses, and some families I think.

We went to the city park and there were booths set up in a circle in the middle grassy area. We headed to the pavilion and got in line for a nice dinner prepared for survivors and their families. (You are considered a "survivor" from the first day that you're diagnosed. I found that out last fall.) So... I am a 7 month survivor. I filled out the paper and they handed me a purple T-shirt...the front had "Relay for Life" and the back had in bold letters SURVIVOR. I felt like I was entering new territory, wearing a huge shirt that proclaimed in print that I was a cancer survivor. I was announcing it to the world somehow. Tommy helped me pull it on over my shirt. Then we moved on down the line and our family was served a nice picnic supper. We sat under the pavilion with lots of other purple shirts and their loved ones.

After the dinner, at 7pm all the folks under the pavilion moved to a starting line on the park walking trail. It is a small walking trail, goes around in a half mile circle. All along the trail were luminaries... paper bags with sand and a candle inside. On the outside of the bag were names honoring people, those still living and those who've passed away. Someone that I had just met last week bought a luminary for me. So as we walked around we looked for my bag with my name on it. Found it. It was very moving to see the bag...which is just... a bag. But it meant a lot. It confirmed publicly that, "yes, Lisa Carr has cancer, and she is a survivor, and as a community, we are going to stand with her as she fights this disease." Wow. It was very touching.

At 7:00 all the survivors lined up and starting walking this simple trail. The kids had left to go to a church youth party, so it was just Tommy and me, and all the other survivors too. All along the way there were groups of people standing on the edge of the trail. These were all the other people who had come to the event, the ones supporting all the activities. Those lined-up-people were all clapping.

Clapping for us.

Cheering us on.

We walked around the whole circle. We'd turn a little corner and there was another group, and another group, all clapping. It was very, very emotional and touching. Both of us were teary as we crossed the finish line.

People, once again...people that I don't even know, helping me fight this fight. Raising money for the sole purpose of stopping this disease, that I happen to have.
I am so humbled by their love and giving hearts. It was quite an incredible mile marker on this marathon that I'm running.

I came home and looked at my purple shirt.

I am forever in this club, the club no one wants to join. Once you're in it though, you are devoted to each other for life. Complete strangers are bonded. We understand each other and the road we have walked down.



Jesus, thank You that I went that night.
Thank You for all the ways You have faithfully sent encouragement along this road.
Thank You for all the people that have blessed me in the past 7 months. And...

thank You for my purple shirt.

In Your Name. Amen.