My Right Arm

Back in October I noticed that my right wrist was starting to hurt in certain positions that I used it in. When I thought about when it had started, I realized it started after my treatment that month. They put the IV into the vein in my wrist that month. I guess the needle disturbed the area and inflammation got into my tendons. I saw my family doctor in October, who did diagnose it as tendinitis. He gave me some advice and a wrist wrap and said we'll watch and see if these things help.

Well, it has slowly become worse. So I went to a specialist today. He confirmed it is tendinitis, gave me a steroid shot into the wrist and then I got fitted for a more stabilizing wrist/hand brace. I'm supposed to wear it all day and night, (except in the shower), for 2 weeks and see how it improves.

So...I'm asking for prayers for a whole new "spot". The pain in my wrist was increasing week by week...so please just pray for this to decrease and the healing to be complete.

When I waited for the doctor to come in to give the shot, tears started to well up in my eyes. Lots of tears. I was kind of surprised and began thinking about "why am I so teary?" I realized that my mind was racing to other moments that I had held out my right hand, offering it to a medical professional to get some procedure done. Thus... the tears. My right arm has been a faithful soldier in this battle for life. It has received blood draws for tests, IV's for chemo and other meds, and shots. If I could give my right arm a Purple Heart Medal, I would. It has played a supporting role, now it needs support.

So please pray for healing. Hands and feet. Arms and legs. Spine and bones. Blood. You know, head to toe healing.

Oh God,
Thank You for today. Thank You for yesterday. Thank You for tomorrow.
I will keep my eyes on You day by day...and continue to watch Your love for me in this journey. I will trust Your loving arm to hold me, to lead me and to rescue me. I love You.
Your daughter,
Lisa

"It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory; it was your right hand, your arm, and the light of your face, for you loved them."
Psalm 44:3

So Thankful !!!!

Great news! The scans showed that there was no new cancer anywhere in my body! The real concern was whether the rib area was compromised and possible a new place where the cancer had gone. But the rib area was clear and reported as "benign" of cancer on the report. That was huge. Also...the small spot in my T10 vertebrae that was found in January was reported "stable". That is great. Yet, I always want to say "well...is it gone? Is the cancer gone from that spot?" Let me explain that spot a little more.

My nurse always says "it's like a moth that has eaten into some cloth". Cancer cells attacked the vertebrae, but it is not like a tumor that can be removed. The idea was to stop the growth. One year ago we could see that cancer had attacked that vertebrae. But one year later they are saying...it has not advanced. Today they used the word "stable", unchanged.

And my doctor felt that it was stable enough to reduce my I.V.injections of Zometa to every 3 months instead of one month! That is a big, big deal to me. In the big picture, it means there was enough healing to decrease medical intervention vs. an increase. That makes me so happy.

Some people have said "SO...are you cancer-free?" I can't say yes to that. That's a very guarded status to use when you are a survivor. You have to be cautious for a long, long time before that is declared. They did not say that to me. They hold back because they don't know if there might be a cancer cell here or there that still might try to attack. They DID say..."today we did not see any areas of cancer, except the spot that we saw attacked last year, and it has not changed!" If it continues unchanged for a long time, eventually they will say it is "benign". The idea is that we are winning...with each report that says "we do not see any new areas of metastasis".

Tom was telling someone that if you carry out the idea that this is a war... you might have a day where you have two opposing armies, each with 1,000 soldiers. They fight the day's battle and at the end of the day the good guys capture 950 soldiers and take over the town...victory! But there are still 50 soldiers that were unaccounted for, not sure if they're dead or if they got away. We just don't know. So, we have to continue to be diligent to make sure they don't return and attack the village again. But, yes, there was victory today!

I am SO thankful to God! And to all of you who stepped into this battle. Lots of you were praying and fasting...and I literally felt FULL of peace and courage and a sense that it was all going to be okay. That came over me on Saturday afternoon...just a peace. And I know that was from God.

Next step...I go next Monday for the Faslodex shots but not the Zometa. That's great.

Thank you so much for all your prayers!

"He (God) reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support."
Psalm 18:16-18

Oh God! Again, You have pulled me out of deep waters and rescued me from my powerful enemy. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You for Your mercy and healing over me. Thank You! You did cover me with Your loving hand. Thank You! I praise Your Name and give You all the glory!
In Jesus. Amen.


P.S. The 6th rib was fractured but the report said "minimal fracture". I like the word "minimal". Thank You Lord.

Scan Day

Last week I had some pain in my back and in my wrist and finally decided to go to my family doctor to check on them. He took some x-rays and said my right wrist was not broken but seemed to have tendinitis. Then he said the x-rays of my back showed a fractured rib! I remembered about 3 days earlier that I had bent over to put something away in the kitchen and I suddenly felt a sharp pain. That may have been when it broke, I don't really know.

Anyway, my family doctor said to contact my oncologist. She said just to be on the cautious side "let's go ahead and do your scans one month early". So now I am having them done this Monday, November 7th. They will do CT scans and a bone scan from head to toe. I start early at 6:50 am. Then I'll see my doctor about 11:30. I should get the results that same day.

The significance of all of this is that they are checking the rib area to see if it has been compromised or weakened from anything. The upside is that I am having the scans done one month early, which I'm thankful for because we can see the progress of healing in my vertebrae as well.

My prayer request is this... no cancer anywhere. Complete healing.

So...please join with our family in prayer, and maybe even fasting...if you feel called to do that.

Physically, I'm doing fine. I take ibuprofen every once in awhile. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually...God has filled up my heart with peace. That's good.

Thanks again for your prayers and love and encouragement. I consider them gifts of love from you and from the Lord.

O God,
Another test. I'm okay. Just keeping my focus on You. You are my Strength, my Hope and my Healer. Where else would I go but to You, O God? You are my Redeemer.
In Your Name, Jesus.
Amen.

The Five Year Mark

Five years ago today, October 18th,2006, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 lobular breast cancer. Not what I wanted to hear. Not what I had prayed for. Not what I wanted to fight. Survivors call it " getting in the club that no one really wanted to join".

Five years. Wow.

There's SO much more I could say...but, really, it comes down to this...
...I am very grateful.

Thankful for one more day. Thankful to God for His mercy and love that is 24/7. I'm thankful for my precious husband, the true modern day Barnabus. I'm thankful for our beautiful children and their strength over the past five years. I'm thankful for my parents, sisters, mother-in-law, brothers and sisters-in-law, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews and...SO many friends scattered near and far (and I mean far!) all around the world. Even strangers, people I've never ever met have written and told me that they've prayed for me. So much love and so much support...it has been incredible!

SO...today, this October 18th, I choose to celebrate this five year mark with a grateful heart. It is a day to celebrate the way God redeems all the hard, difficult days and brings good from them somehow. God has faithfully walked with me hour by hour, minute by minute. Today...I will celebrate and praise His Name all day long.


Thank You, O God, thank You!
I'm still here. The battle is still going on but I know that You will not leave my side. Whatever is ahead, I trust You, Lord, to teach me and to go with me.
Thank You for today. This is the day that You have made and I will rejoice in it!
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Faith is...

Here's the update... I got my lab results back, some on Monday, some yesterday.

First, the CBC numbers:

WBC - 3.7 (sept) to 4.0 (oct) (normal 4.10-10.9)
HGB - 11.2 (sept) to 11.6 (oct) (normal 12-18)
HCT - 33.9 (sept) to 34.1 (oct) (normal 37-51)
Platelets - 158 (sept) to 169 (oct) (normal 140-440)

All 4 of them improved! Praise God!!! Platelets were in normal range last time, but improved. The other 3 moved up. SO...that's great!

Second, I heard about the tumor marker results yesterday afternoon. In September the number had elevated to 40 (normal range of 0-31). They said "let's just check it again in October." Well, it stayed at 40. The nurse that called sounded very encouraged. I said "this doesn't sound good, right?" and she said "No, this is good. We are pleased with the marker staying the same. Something has happened to stabilize your body, and there has been no increase, so we are fine with that number." Okay.

Something stabilized it? I suspect Someone stabilized it. I thought "Lord, I'm glad it has stabilized but I had hoped that it all would be in the normal range. That's what we were praying for...specifically." (last blog)

But I thought about the story of Jesus healing the blind man, in Mark 8:22-25

They came to Bethsaida, and some people brought a blind man and begged Jesus to touch him. He took the blind man by the hand and led him outside the village. When he had spit on the man’s eyes and put his hands on him, Jesus asked, “Do you see anything?” He looked up and said, “I see people; they look like trees walking around.” Once more Jesus put his hands on the man’s eyes. Then his eyes were opened, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.

This is an amazing story! Jesus, the Son of God, stopped to heal the blind man...but it didn't happen immediately on round number one. How could that be?! Then Jesus "once more put his hands on the man's eyes" ... they were opened. Why did it take Jesus TWO tries? I don't know. But what I learn from this story is that it is possible to be "in the process of healing". The blind man could see partially, not completely. Then Jesus completed the healing with the second laying on of His hands.

Sometimes healing comes immediately. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes healing has to be pursued. It may be a process. Whether it is minutes, hours, days, weeks...that's God's call, not mine. I can tell you honestly...I always prefer "immediate,let's-see-it-today" prayer answers. But...I know that if I am truly trusting the Lord to heal me, then I have to trust Him with how and when. That is His call.

SO...I am thankful and praising Him for Monday! The CBC numbers are moving up and one is already normal. The tumor marker is "stabilized". A friend of mine said "Lisa, 40 is a very biblical number! Let's just pray for 7 next time." :-) I love that.

"Faith is the assurance of what we hope for and the certainty of what we do not see". Hebrews 11:1

Total restoration and healing haven't come yet...but I see the process of healing happening. So...I keep walking in faith for the part that I cannot see...until my eyes see what my heart has hoped for all along.

"Now this I know:
The LORD gives victory to his anointed. He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." Psalm 20:6,7

O God,
I surrender my time agenda for healing to You. Thank You for the good results from Monday and for Your continued faithfulness to walk me through this journey. I love You. I put my trust in You more than I put my trust in numbers ...or chariots. :-) I've never ridden in a chariot, but I guess they must have felt powerful and invincible. You alone are the Powerful and Invincible One.
I will trust in You.

Your daughter,
Lisa

Praying Specifically

Monday, October 10th, I will go again for treatment. (That means...bone strengthener, Zometa, and the anti-estrogen med Faslodex.) I do not see the doctor Monday, but I will have lab work done. They are checking my regular CBC counts but they are also checking a tumor marker test.

This is my prayer request...that all who are praying will ask for my blood to be in the normal range. There are 5 areas I know they will check on Monday...maybe there's more, but these are the ones I know for sure:

White Blood Cells (normal range 4.10 - 10.9)

Hemoglobin (normal range 12-18)

Hematocrit (normal range 37-51)

Platelets (normal range 140-440)

Tumor marker (normal range 0-31)


Normal...that would be wonderful.


Holy God,
We are Your children. You said "let the little children come unto me".
So, here we are, coming to You with our hearts and with our requests.
We love you, O God, and we thank You for listening to our hearts. We are anxious to see Your mighty works.
In Jesus we pray,
Amen.

Honey from the rock

Yesterday's appointment went fine. First I got my lab drawn (blood samples to check my counts). Next, I headed to see the doctor. I was thankful to get my favorite nurse ...caught up with her, found out how her girls were doing, etc. Then I saw the doctor. I asked her how many more treatments she thought I needed to do and she said that we would do the scans in December and then re-evaluate. After visiting with her, I went to the chemo room. I was so thankful for the "first try" IV stick! I asked the nurse if they kept stats about how many sticks it takes for each patient and she said no, not really. So I asked the woman next to me (a very scientific poll) and she had only one stick as well. Yay! (I know some of you were praying for the whole room. Thanks!!!) Then I got my meds and left before noon. Overall, a very good appointment. God certainly was with me throughout the whole morning!

A week or so ago I was reading my Bible and came across this verse in the old Testament that was talking about how God had given good things to Israel. He wanted to bless them. Then there was this verse:

"He made him (Israel) ride on the heights of the land
and fed him with the fruits of the fields.
He nourished him with honey from the rock
and with oil from the flinty crag"
Deuteronomy 32:13

I thought about that third line.

Honey from a rock?

Yes...that's what God does. When life situations look very hard and difficult, maybe as if they are never going to change or move or bend...He still brings sweet things out of them. Honey out of a rock.

Yep.


O God,
Thank You for being with me yesterday. Thank You for Your strength and goodness and love, even in the middle of things I don't want to do. You are faithful to walk with me through all the hard, difficult paths. But I know, I KNOW, You will always redeem it with Your sweetness and love. I trust in You today. I trust in You.
In Jesus', Amen.

Cancer and Theology

I went in for another treatment last month. The nurse successfully got the I.V. started on the first attempt, which was wonderful! I specifically have asked people to pray for "first try" success with the IV, that the needle would get in easily. It DID get in on the first try...so I told my nurse "Yay...that's an answer to prayer! I asked people to pray for you to get it in on the first try". Then she said something very interesting.

"That's good...maybe they could pray for everyone in the room so that everyone would get it on the first try."

Hmmm....

She wasn't being smarty. She sincerely was asking for help for all the others in the room who, maybe, didn't have a team of prayer warriors praying for them.

Great idea! Why not pray for everyone to have easy IV's? I have been selfishly praying for my own arm to not get poked multiple times. Why not pray for the whole room of patients (that's about 12 people)? Ask the Lord for all of them to have an easy time getting their IV's started. And while we are at it...why not pray for the whole room for the whole day? And while we are praying, why not pray for more than that. For cancer to just .... be gone! For everyone to be healed. Everyone. That's what I want. No more cancer.

The thing about cancer is that it seems so overwhelming because there are SO MANY fighting this battle. It seems like there is no end to this ever flowing river of diagnosed people. On a continual basis I hear of one more person who has a tumor or a spot or is getting tests and scans, or maybe starting their first treatment. Sometimes it just seems overwhelming.

When I was getting the last treatment I saw a young woman (I'd guess to be about 25 years old) walking into the chemo room. Her young husband was close behind her, trying to help her get settled into the lazy boy chair for her treatment. She had a cute hat covering up her loss of hair. I looked at them and I thought "God, I hate this! She is so young!"

Sometimes I start to think... "God, how could you let this keep happening?" If I think that though, I am essentially believing that God sent the cancer. I do not believe that. I just don't. I don't see anywhere in the life of Jesus where He sent bad things to the people around him. Did He ever GIVE someone sickness? No! Did He ever send suffering to anyone? No! He came to heal the sick, to love the wounded, to feed the hungry, to speak life and truth and hope to all mankind. That is the God who I follow, the God of love.

SO...what about the young woman? And what about me?

Because of what happened way back in the garden of Eden...sin entered the world. With sin came bad stuff...sickness, sorrow, murder, jealousy, the deterioration of the earth, hatred... evil in general. This is not heaven. This is earth. And it's a fallen world. The enemy Satan has very clear plans...to do as much damage to the earth and the people here in the remaining time he has before Jesus comes back.

That's why Jesus came...to change the atmosphere of this fallen world. He came to bring life and hope and light back into the world and into our hearts. To save us, no matter what happens to these earthly bodies. To save us beyond this earth.

Maybe this sounds too simplistic or fundamental.
Good vs. evil.
Light vs. darkness.
God vs. Satan.
Sorry...but it's where I am taking my stand. Simple theology.
God is good. Satan is bad. I love God. I choose Jesus.

What about those who fought this battle but died? Where's the theology for that?
I consider them brave warriors that lost this earthly battle but, praise God, were victorious in death. Ultimately, they won the war. They are incredible heroes of the faith, in my opinion. Courageous veterans who gave their lives in battle. Not a very common perspective, but one that I have come to believe after lots of thought and prayer.

When I hear about one more person getting cancer...this is what I do. My initial response is that I am sad for them. Then I move to an indignation that says..."NO, NOT AGAIN. The enemy must be stopped." I add them to my own prayers and begin praying with boldness for the healing of Jesus to come to them, for He alone is the Healer.

A friend sent a great verse to me recently...Jeremiah 32:17

Oh Sovereign God, You made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you!

I go back for treatment this Monday, Sept. 12th.
My request? Please pray for everyone that walks into that room to have "first try" IV's. Please pray for everyone that walks into that room to be filled with the strength and courage of the Lord. Please pray for everyone that walks into that room ... to be healed.

O God,
Praise to You, O God. You are full of goodness and love and mercy and grace! Thank You. Thanks for redeeming all the difficult moments of my life. Thanks for being the Redeemer of everything. What the enemy intended for evil, O Lord, You redeem it somehow. Thank You, Lord. This is my prayer...that You would heal the sick. Strengthen and hold us up and restore our health. It's a big request...but nothing is too hard for You.
In Jesus' beautiful and powerful Name,
Amen.

Trip to Europe - Part 3

LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND

Many, many years ago, back when I was in the fifth grade, there was a family at our church that moved away to become missionaries. They moved to Switzerland! Their daughter, Becky, was my close friend, and after they moved we wrote letters back and forth through the years. I always thought "SOMEDAY...I want to go see Switzerland...". Well, my friend married and ended up living in Michigan. (We are still dear friends.)Her younger sister,Stephanie, eventually became a missionary herself with her husband Brady and children in the very city she grew up in as a child -Lausanne, Switzerland. When Tom and I found out we were going to Switzerland, we made plans to visit Stephanie and her family in Lausanne. She picked us up at the train station...and it was such an amazing moment in my heart. I couldn't believe that I was actually in Lausanne! Stephanie made us a delicious Swiss dinner, raclette, and a birthday cake! She is a wonderful cook and baker. What a memorable day. I celebrated my birthday twice in one week...in Switzerland! Life is good. :-)















Some things we saw in Lausanne...Lake Geneva (also called Lake Leman), hackysack with a net, The Olympic Museum and World Headquarters

Trip To Europe Part 2

We flew into Basel, Switzerland first, arriving late on a Sunday night. The next day was....my BIRTHDAY! Woohoo! I could not believe that I was IN Switzerland on my birthday!!! We spent Monday exploring Basel...which was really an interesting city. At the end of the day Tommy said "we should find a little cake or something for your birthday." We went into a nice grocery store, and I walked and walked around and decided to opt for a jar of Nutella and some awesome bread. :-) Happy birthday to me.


Tuesday was a day trip riding a train through Germany.



We rode through the region of the Black Forests...beautiful. We got off at a couple of small towns and just walked around exploring.


One place was a small museum in St. Georgen that had clocks and phonographs and other historical recording devices. Kind of random, but very interesting.





















Wednesday we took another train trip to Interlaken, Switzerland. There were so many beautiful spots there!


Hiking beside the lakes















Downtown Interlaken
A yodeler statue ...yep! It's true.














Jungfrau, one of the highest mountains in the Swiss Alps, as seen from the city of Interlaken.






13,462 ft. high.
No...we didn't climb it. :-) Maybe next time...







To be continued Thursday....

Trip to Europe - part 1

I am going to talk about something different in this journal...not medical appointments, scans or tests. I wanted to share with you about our great adventure. I'll post this in a few blogs because...well, we got to do so many things, I just need to spread it out a little.
A retired couple, who are friends of ours, called Tom in March and told him that they wanted to give us a gift...a trip to Europe! We could NOT believe it! They said they wanted to just bless us with this trip. WOW...we, of course, were shocked...but in a very good way! What a surprise!

SO...we quickly planned a trip to Europe and left in the last part of May and early June (2 weeks). We decided to focus on Switzerland and France, seeing as much as we could see in that time! What a wonderful trip we had! So many experiences and sights to take in. Really, the trip was an extraordinary adventure for both of us. We agreed that it was the best trip we had ever been on in our lives. Our friends' generosity was truly a gift from God.

Okay...so here are some of the photos. Hope you enjoy them!





The hills are alive...ahhhhhh
Interlaken, Switzerland!





The Rhine River in Basel, Switzerland






Walking along the lakes in Interlaken, Switzerland





Basel Munster, a magnificent cathedral built between 1019-1500,
Basel, Switzerland










We LOVED riding the trains everywhere!






Spalentor, ancient city gate in Basel, Switzerland

End of the Spear

Today was treatment day for July and I just wanted to give a report. I walked in at 9:01 and left at 10:06. WOW...one hour and 5 minutes! It only took one stick to get the IV started, which has not happened since this started in January. The treatment was short and very ordinary, which is just fine with me! Yay God!

I've started a routine now that on the day of treatment I post something on my Facebook status to ask people to pray about the day. I also text a few people on my phone as well. Some may think I don't need to always ask month after month to pray for me. But after doing this now for 4+ years, I believe I do. No, I know I do. I really do need other people's support for this continued battle for my life. God has blessed me so much with a long list of people coming alongside and being encouragers and prayer warriors. I am so thankful to God for each person's loving support.

A dear friend of mine, whose family was in the U.S. military, told me that there is an expression used in the military that refers to this idea of support. She said "Lisa, you are at the pointy 'end of the spear'. You are the one on the frontline, fighting day after day. But the spear is backed up by many other people at home or nearby the fighting zone that are in support roles that make it possible for the soldier to be out there."

Wow! I loved that whole picture. Yes...I DO feel like I'm on the frontline but I KNOW that I am able to do it because of all the support behind me. And I also know I don't want to go into battle, especially on medical appointments days, without alerting my support system. They are all warriors as well! They pray, asking God to cover me with His protection and love and peace. And it always comes.

Today...physically, I went by myself. But, in every other way, I was NOT alone.

God is so good and faithful to me.

The LORD is my strength and my song;
He has become my salvation.
He is my God and I will praise Him,
my father's God, and I will exalt Him.
The LORD is a warrior; the LORD is His Name.
Exodus 15:2,3

O God, thank You, again, for Your mercy over this day. Thank You for all the ways You walk with me through this battle. And thank You God for each loving friend and family that brings my name to Your throne. I am so grateful to You. You are my God, and I am Your child. I love You, O God!
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

One Hour and 18 Minutes

Today was treatment day and it went very well. Got there at 9:00am and I was actually walking out one hour and 18 minutes later. That was certainly a record! Woohoo!!!

This morning I had SO much peace about going in there. And even my usual Sunday night feelings of "I-don't-want-to-go-tomorrow" did not really show up. I'm pretty sure why. It's because of my great report on Thursday. So much of the battle has to do with my thoughts, with my mind. Now...I am thinking "it is working". And that makes me think "so the treatments are good". And that makes me think "I can do this". My mind is convincing my heart.

But ALL of that...the change of thinking, the hope-filled heart...I think comes from God. The prayers of SO many people effect the things around me and especially...effect me.



Dear God,
Thank You again for being with me today. It was fast and uneventful....thank You, Lord. I do believe You walk in there with me and surround me with Your Presence and love. I praise You and trust You with every day of this journey. What a loving God You are!
In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Hooray!!!

This was a BIG day. I've been doing the treatments of Faslodex and Zometa since January and today was the day to evaluate the effectiveness of the past six months.

Got there about 10am, did my CT scans first, then had a lunch break and came back for the bone scan at 1. Finally saw my Dr. around 3.

She said "It looks good, these are good! The CT scans look fine, no new areas or concerns. And the spots that we are watching, the L3 and the T10 are healing. This is good...it is healing." (The T10 is the vertebrae that had a small spot of cancer; the L3 was being watched closely.)

WOOHOO!!!! I asked her if the cancerous spot on the T10 was smaller. She said that's not how it works with cancer on the bone. If it was on an organ, we would want the tumor to get smaller. But in this case we want the bone to grow bigger and restore the area...and that's what is happening. The bone is being restored.

Wow...SO, SO, SO happy!!! I feel like this is a major shift back to healing and wellness. I will continue with the treatments...I go back on Monday, but the main thing we know now is that this is working! I would have loved to have heard her say "We just don't see any sign of cancer at all". But there are different ways to heal...sometimes instantly, sometimes a process. I am "in process". That's totally fine with me. :-)

My heart is FULL of thankfulness as I head to bed tonight. Thankful to God for this great report and thankful to so many who are praying continuously for me.
Praise to God Most High for His love and mercy and healing in my life. I am SO grateful!

YAY GOD!!!

But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise You more and more.
My mouth will tell of Your righteousness,
of Your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure."
Psalm 71:14,15

Tomorrow

Tom and I have been traveling on and off since the first week of May...and all of it has been wonderful! I want to write about our travel adventures... going to Pepperdine University in CA, then to our Betsy's graduation in Texas and then on a 2 week trip to Switzerland and France. We've been busy! All of it was really incredible. I will write more about our travels in the near future.

Today I just wanted to let you know that my test day is tomorrow,
Thursday, June 9th. I will go in the morning and have CT and bone scans
from head to toe. I'll see my doctor and get the results in the afternoon.
Bottom line..they want to see if the treatments have worked or not.

SO...I would love your prayers...for continued peace, for good results and to praise God for His faithfulness and love in all of this.

Thanks so much for your continued support and prayers.
It is not a small thing.
It really is a sustaining thought
and an encouragement to my heart
that somewhere
out in the world
at random moments
there are people praying for me.
I'm always humbled by the thought,
and completely,
with-all-my-heart
grateful.

Thank you.

Again and Again and Again

Monday, April 25th was treatment day. I decided to go by myself. Sometimes I go with a friend or with Tom, but I felt fine going alone this time. The prayers, once again, were felt that day. The whole treatment day went better than it did in March. I had my lab blood drawn first and then they put the I.V. in, this time 2 sticks, not 4. Yay! Got the Zometa, then had the shots of Faslodex. I was out in about 1 and a half hours. Very good!

For the most part, I've been physically doing okay. But this time I noticed that some of the side effects were increasing...some muscle and bone aches and fatigue. When I noticed the physical symptoms increasing, it seems that the emotional and mental battle increased as well. I started to feel discouraged. Is the treatment really working? Why is it increasing? What are all these symptoms about? Healing or... maybe not?

The following Sunday after my treatment was a teary day. The sweet loving concern of my spiritual family, greetings, Scriptures, songs....all of it added up until tears were there. Once again, the Lord provided encouragement. An elder prayed with me during the prayer time. Then when church was done and most everyone had left, four dear friends, strong women of God, stepped in to minister. They listened to my heart, processed it, advised me, and then... prayed with me. Also, another elder walked over to us and prayed over me. So much support and love from the church, God's beloved children.

I felt restored. I felt rescued. I felt grateful.

Again.

How many times will I repeat this pattern? Tears and discouragement... then just the right person or group of people arrive to pray with me...restoring me with encouragement till I stand up strong again?

I don't know...but I suspect...again and again and again.

It's what He does for all of us. That's just what He does. And Who He is.

Praise God that He is limitless in His love to help us up one more time.

O God, thank You that Your love for us is SO amazing.
Limitless.
Lord, thank You for sending Your children to encourage me and lift me up.
I am so grateful.
Thank You...
again and again and again.

Your daughter,
Lisa

Sunday Night Syndrome

Today is treatment day.

Easter has always been my favorite holiday of the year. I am so grateful for the gift of grace, mercy and forgiveness that came because of Jesus's death and resurrection. What a great gift to celebrate!

In the midst of a really special, spiritual week, I've had a difficult time. Physically, I have had more side effects this past month than in previous months. The fatigue level has increased, general achey-ness in my body, and my throat has been sore on and off. It is not as bad as the chemo days, but I just haven't felt that great. When I don't feel as well physically, I get discouraged in my mind and my heart. I don't want to get down, and I try to fight it, but it happens. Saturday night I had asked our elder, (who is also a dear friend), David, to pray with me. He and his wife did pray over me, with love and tenderness. I physically felt better the next morning... Easter Sunday.

But, as the day went on, the discouragement crept up in my heart to the point that I was just flat out sad. Tears kept welling up over everything. It finally dawned on me...it wasn't just the aches and pains I was facing. It was Sunday night...the night before treatment. I was dreading Monday.

Five years ago when this battle started and I began chemo treatments, my treatment days were almost always on Mondays. It took me a few times to realize that Sunday night was an issue. The emotions would peak out...fear, sadness, sometimes anger. My prayers would intensify. "Oh God...help me!" Well...last night I was there again. Sunday night. Lots of tears, feeling fatigue at facing the whole battle. Just tired of it. "God...come, please, come."

And He did.

Two young women, college student friends of mine, prayed with me last night. We were at a meeting for something else (a club ring ceremony on campus) but when they spoke to me I told them, direct and to the point, that I needed prayer. I have lost any guardedness or pride about asking for prayer. I knew I needed someone else to pray over me. So I asked these two young women and they said "yes!".

We found a quiet place, the prayer chapel on campus, and they prayed over me. They prayed with tears and they prayed with confidence. Boldness and tenderness were in their words. They prayed for the Lord to come and lift my heart up from the heaviness I felt and to fill me with His strength again. They prayed for the treatment appointment. They prayed for my husband and each one of our children by name. They were mighty intercessors...asking God to come.

And He did.

He came.

The Comforter came and poured out His love and healing over me. My heart and my mind were renewed in that very room. In one hour of prayer my heart went from being overwhelmed with sorrow to feeling strong with hope...one...more...time.

THAT is the work of the Holy Spirit. The Comforter.

He is just one of the gifts we were given because of Jesus' resurrection. Jesus said He had to go so that the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, would come and be with us...even be IN us. Because He died and rose again, we have the Spirit of God living in us everyday. THAT is huge.

Then I will ask the Father to send you the Holy Spirit who will help you and always be with you. The Spirit will show you what is true. The people of this world cannot accept the Spirit, because they don't see or know him. But you know the Spirit, who is with you and will keep on living in you. But I tell you that I am going to do what is best for you. That is why I am going away. The Holy Spirit cannot come to help you until I leave. But after I am gone, I will send the Spirit to you.

John 14:16,17 and John 16:7

When Jesus came to save us, He didn't just come 2,000 years ago and that was it. He still comes to us NOW...today...this day. He comes in real time, real life. Now it's His Spirit, the Holy Spirit, here moving among us in the real stuff of life here on earth. Wow. It's amazing.


O God,
Thank You...for coming to this earth 2,000 years ago, for living and moving and healing and loving... and then dying for us. Thank You for Your great love, love that went to the cross for the whole world. And I thank You for the resurrection, which brought all the promises fulfilled in one moment of history...when You walked out of the tomb. Thank You for sending Your Spirit, just like You promised...to comfort and teach us, to live inside of us. Your Presence actually living in us!Wow... it's amazing. Thank You for last night...these two friends and their prayers, Your Comfort pouring into me...thank You. I was rescued once again, pulled out of the water when I was sinking, like Peter. I'm looking at You again. This morning I feel Your hope and strength in my heart. Go with me, before me, inside of me, O God, as I go for treatment today. I trust You. I love You.
In the glorious Name of the Resurrected One, Jesus!
Amen.

Glass Half Full

Yesterday, the appointment started out hard. Usually the first thing they do is take blood for tests, then I see the doctor, then I get my treatment. That means two needle sticks. SO...I thought...why not just get the I.V. and they can draw the blood for the lab from the I.V., so I'll have one stick instead of two. Good idea. I did it last month...and it went well. I was so proud of my idea. :-)

But yesterday... it did not work. I went in to get the I.V. and the nurse (who I really like and totally trust her abilities) had a very hard time finding a vein to use.

Veins are tricky. They actually have a mind of their own. They try to dodge needles, roll over, run away...very independent body parts. She tried twice and the veins "blew"...which, is a horrible way to say the vein broke and leaked internally. So they sent me back to the lab. (The lab doesn't start I.V.s, so they can get the blood easier. The I.V. has to thread deeper into the vein.) Okay...now I'm up to 3 sticks.

Next, saw the doctor. She said things looked good...I was staying on course well. I will have one more treatment in April, then I'll have scans in May to see how these are working.

Then, went back to the chemo room to try to start the I.V. again. She had another unsuccessful try on the top of my hand. Finally, on try #4, she got the I.V. in. I got the Zometa, took about 30 minutes. Then I got the 2 shots of Faslodex.

All together...7 sticks.

By the time I left the doctor's office...I was...hmmmm...VERY happy to see the out of doors.

My friend and I were driving to get lunch and then... I got a call on my cell phone.

"Mrs. Carr?"
"Yes."
"This is Julie. We got your tumor marker test results back already. Last month your number was 37, with 31 as normal. You've gone down to 32!" WOW...that is great news, really great news!!! I was SO glad to hear the progress in the healing department.

When I got home, I analyzed the day. In John 10:10 it says that Satan's job is to "steal, kill and destroy". I thought...you know...he totally wanted to take away the joy of the day, which was the improved test results. The morning needle troubles were hard and certainly discouraging BUT the highlight of the day was the improved tumor marker results.

I do not want to look at yesterday and remember that it was a hard lab day. I choose to remember that yesterday I found out GREAT news...my tumor marker test was almost normal. THAT is the summary of the day. Satan would like for me to stay focused on the negative...then would he would be victorious at "stealing" my joy.

I will not give him any victory.

Psalm 71:14,15
But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of Your righteousness, of Your salvation all day long, though I know not its measure.

O God Most High,
You are so good. When the things around me look difficult, I will look to You...for You are faithful to walk with me through anything and everything. I am, by nature, a glass half empty person...but by Your Spirit, you fill me up with hope and peace, so that I see the glass half full. Not by my own nature, but by Your Spirit living in me. All praise to You. I love You. I trust You. I thank You, O God.
In Jesus', Amen.

Springtime Hope

Last week was a good week! It was such a blessing to see some buttercups along the road in Searcy on the way to Mary's school. Yes...hope is certainly an important part of this battle. God is filling me up day by day with His peace and hope.

It comes in small ways, like buttercups peaking out. It also comes in the form of little touches of encouragement that loved ones send my way. Notes, texts, facebook hellos, snail mail, phone calls, food delivered...and much more! God has blessed our family with continual love and encouragement. It is really His love, expressed through others. I'm so, so thankful! It really does carry me through the day.

Medically...I went yesterday to get my third treatment...2 shots of Faslodex and the I.V. bone strengthener. Some of you have asked me about these meds, but they are NOT chemo, and I'm not doing radiation. These are meds that are taken to stop the growth of the tumor and to strengthen the bones. It went well. A dear friend took me and after I was finished we enjoyed a nice lunch together in North Little Rock.

Last month I did not feel so well the next day. So I was kind of holding my breath to see how I'd feel when I woke up this morning. But TODAY...I'm doing fine! I have been praising God for this day and for sparing me of the flu-like symptoms. It's been a great day.

Hosea 6:3
Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.”

O Lord God,
We DO acknowledge You! You alone are our God, the One and Only. Thank You for the ways that You appear to us everyday. You are faithful and good. Rain on us, O God, to give us Your Spirit. Increase our hearts with hope and peace. We give You the praise for this day. Thank You.
In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Twenty Five Days Ago

I left off telling you about my first medical treatment on Feb. 1st. Last Tuesday I got my second treatment, but it was only the shots (Faslodex). I did not get the flu-like symptoms this time, which makes me believe that it is the other med, Zometa, that had the flu side effects. I will go one week from today for my third treatment and it will be both meds again. I will also see the doctor that day and get blood/labwork done as well. The plan is to be on the meds for about 3 months and then do a scan to see how the lesion looks. The hope is that it will be smaller, which means the meds are working.

Hope.

It has taken awhile for my heart to move back to a position of Hope. Twenty five days ago when I got the phone call that said the spot on my spine was cancer, my heart sank...it was not what I thought would happen. Since that call I have had a progression of emotions...initial shock, then sadness, questions and, yes, fears... processing the whole thing over and over and over in my mind.

After 3 plus weeks, I think that I have come back to where I have been standing for the last 4 years...that ALL things are possible with God.
ALL THINGS. I've been sharing that message, praying it, writing songs about it, declaring it over and over again, that God STILL moves mountains.

I know He does...because I have seen Him do big, big things in my own life and in other people's lives. When I go back and take the time to recount all His amazing works, then I once again get filled up with hope that He will do it again.

I was healed from cancer in 2006-2007...stage 3 breast cancer. The Lord used modern, conventional medicine to accomplish that healing. It was a long, hard road...but God healed me through it.

I was healed a second time from cancer in 2007...stage 4 metastatic cancer in my humerus and scapula. God made the lesion non-cancerous. The biopsy said the lesion was benign. Pretty wonderful.

I am believing for a third healing from cancer...stage 4 metastatic breast cancer in my spine. I don't know yet how He will do it, with medicine, with alternative options, or with a real-live modern day miracle. I don't know. I'm also well aware of the fact that healing sometimes does not happen here, on earth, but it comes when someone dies. We've all known many loved ones that did not get healed until they went home to God. But this is not the healing that I'm praying for at this point of my journey. There are SO many scriptures in the Bible that present Hope and Healing...

"Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven." Matthew 18:19

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” Mark 10:27

"You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." John 14:14

This is where I take my stand, to walk in hope, to stand on solid ground. Which brings me to my theme song.

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus' Name.
On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.
All other ground is sinking sand.

Amen.

February 1st Dr. appt.

On Tuesday, Tom and I went to Little Rock for the follow-up appointment after the biopsy. I thought it was going to be a discussion of plans, then we'd go home and talk about the options. It was that...and more.

My oncologist said the path report said that the cells looked like the same original cancer from four years ago. The report does not actually say "breast cancer", but it says the cells appear to look the same as the cells from 2006. (Small distinction, but one she corrected from what I heard said last week.) She was very quick to say that it was small and that we caught this very early, which was great, of course. In December she had switched my med to Arimidex, an estrogen blocker taken orally. The original breast cancer was estrogen positive, which means, it feeds and grows from any available estrogen. Now, she wanted to switch me to another blocker, but one you can't use until you've been diagnosed with recurrence. It is called Faslodex. They administer it in 2 shots, once a month. The other med she prescribed was Zometa, a bone strengthener. It is administered by IV. I'll receive that once a month as well.

Then she said "I want you to start today".

I thought "what?"

I was not mentally prepared to do that. I'm the kind of person who likes to know things in advance. Tom is Mr. Flexible, Mr. Spontaneous. I am not. Just the opposite. I had to adjust to the idea of starting something immediately. Then...she said "we have you scheduled to go upstairs to the third floor, the Chemotherapy Suite, and they will administer it there right away."

Did she say Chemotherapy Suite?!

Immediately, a flood of emotions poured into my mind and heart. I really, really, really, really didn't want to walk in there. Period. I knew that this was not "chemo", but it was just going to be hard to step into that room. But... with the gentle counsel and love of my sweet Tommy, he patiently coaxed my thoughts towards accepting it emotionally. Then...we went upstairs to the third floor. I took a deep breath, walked in and began greeting the nurses that I knew from past visits. First I got the IV put in my right hand, then they gave me the Zometa. It didn't take long...saline flush, med, saline flush...all done in about 30 minutes. Got the shots. Got the next appointments. We were out of there. We went to eat a late lunch and then headed home.

Long, hard day.

The next day, Wednesday, I didn't do so well. Achey, fever, chills... yadda, yadda, yadda. Another long day.

This morning...hope reappeared. I woke up feeling physically SO much better and my heart felt restored again.

On Tuesday...hard day...God was there.
On Wednesday...hard day...God was there.
On Thursday...nice day...God was there.

I do not know what tomorrow will be.
But I do know this...God WILL be there.

He is faithful. He is faithful. He is faithful.

O God Most High,
Thank You for Your love and faithfulness.
Thank You for this day.
And I know, when the sun rises tomorrow, You WILL be there.
Thank You.
In the Name of Jesus.

Biopsy results

Thursday I got the call I had been waiting for since Tuesday. They called late in the afternoon. The nurse said that it was cancer, and said it was "breast cancer from the primary source", which means it appears to be the same lobular cancer from the very beginning diagnosis in 2006. Which means metastasis. Which means Stage 4. She said the protocol is to change hormone therapy and we already did that in December when I switched to Arimidex. They will watch my blood tests, looking at the tumor markers to see if they go back to normal levels, 30 and below. (The last check was 32, which was good.) And then I will have scans done again in a couple of months. I go to see my oncologist this Tuesday to talk about all of this.

Obviously, this is not what we wanted to hear, nor what we had asked everyone to pray for. Specifically, we were praying that the spot would not even be there when they looked for it during the biopsy.

I think I was expecting a replay of my story from 3 years ago...when the biopsy was the joyful answer to our prayers...no cancer seen under their microscopes! But the Lord often does not repeat His answers in our lives in the exact same way. He is a Creative God, ready to show His children all the various ways that He can move.

I've had a couple of days to process this news. The first hour after the phone call was basically shock...just wasn't expecting to hear it. The second hour had lots of tears. Then...I started moving to a swirl of emotions and thoughts: solid faith (God can still move mountains!); lots of questions (Lord? What are You doing here?, etc); concerns for my husband, my children, my family and friends and how this was affecting them; analysis of every possible piece of information that was spoken to me; Scriptures that pointed me to hope...and on and on and on. Serious swirling. I will share some of those thoughts on future blogs. But today...I just will share one that came to my mind yesterday.

I was reading Psalm 40.

Psalm 40:1-3 says I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.

I have waited on the Lord. He has heard my cry and the prayers of so many others as well. He has lifted me from many pits. He has set my feet on the solid Rock. He has given me songs to praise Him. And I hope I've encouraged others to "put their trust in the Lord"... to trust this Living Hope, Jesus. God has faithfully answered these words of David in my own life. Praise God for His gracious love and mercy!!!

Then I thought about King David.

God did not just rescue David once. God set a precedent for David's life when he rescued him from the lions and the bears. David knew He was the God who rescues us over and over...and that's why he was not afraid of the giant, Goliath. We see in the Word how God continued to come to David's rescue even after the victory over his enemy Goliath.

Why do we think there is a quota in these heavenly matters? Like... "this is all, you've hit the max, sorry...no more rescues." There is not one psalm that says "O God...I know You rescued me that glorious day from the mighty Goliath, so I don't want to bother You with anymore requests."

I don't see that in the Word of God. Just the opposite. Our God is compassionate and loving and wants to rescue and bless us everyday.

Matthew 14:14 says "When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick." His compassion is real...and still a part of Who He is.

I have been rescued twice from the disease cancer. The first time...I cried out. He rescued me by using medical treatments. The second time...I cried out again. He rescued me quickly, just took away the disease, snatched me from the fire. I didn't know there would be a third time...but here I am, again. I believe I will be rescued. He is The Healer. He will show me day by day how to walk out His story for my life. My job is to simply trust Him.

So...
Lord, here I am. Raw and honest...this is not what I thought would happen. With every cell of my body...I surrender. To You. To Your plan. Not mine. BUT...I will not surrender to the enemy's plan to "steal, kill and destroy". I will resist the enemy and run to You, O Lord, to rescue me once again from this fire. You are my God, and I am Your daughter.
I trust You.
I praise You.
I love You.

In the Name of Jesus, the Compassionate One,
Amen.

Biopsy Day

Yesterday Tom and I went to Little Rock for the biopsy. Got there about 9 to check in, had a 10 am appointment, but finally got wheeled back about 11. They took me into the large CT imaging room, as they use the CT to guide the biopsy. Big room. Big machine. People buzzing all around me. Cold temperature. That's about all I remember...then I was "out".

There is a 2 hour recovery after the biopsy. While I was in the recovery room the doctor came back to talk to us. He said that he did not feel like the biopsy was a good sample because of the angle of the spot. He asked if we could go ahead and do it again, immediately, since I was already there, instead of coming back in a week or so.

Hmmm...we had not expected that question to be asked! Do it again? Well.....

Tom and I both agreed that was fine.

So at 3 pm I was wheeled back AGAIN. (Drugs are certainly a lovely thing, in this particular situation.) They did the second biopsy, waited the 2 hours recovery time again and then we headed home...finally. Got home around 6. They said we would hear the results in 48 hours. My oncologist will call us.

This is The Waiting Mode. Anyone who has had lots of medical hoops to jump through knows it is just a part of the system. I say that very casually as if I am used to it. Yes, I am used to it, but I don't think anyone ever becomes really "good" at waiting. Three years ago, in December 2007, when I was waiting on my bone biopsy I found the wonderful verse in Psalm 130:5 that was a comfort to me.

"I will wait on You, Lord, my soul shall wait. And in Your word I will put my hope."

I love that verse! I will wait on the Lord. Yes, I'm waiting on doctors and phone calls and protocols and bandages to come off and strength to return....all that is swirling around me physically. But... my soul will wait ON THE LORD and my hope will be in Him and His words. They are solid and true. He is faithful and trustworthy.

So...I wrote a song in 2007 with that verse, "I Will Wait".

I will wait on You, Lord, my soul shall wait. I will wait on You, Lord, my soul shall wait. And in Your Word I will put my hope, yes, in Your Word I will put my hope. I will wait."

O Holy God,
Here I am again...waiting. All through the Scriptures Lord there were SO many times when your children were in a situation that they needed You to come. And, in Your perfect timing, You came. I cannot orchestrate all this, Lord. You alone are God. Your ways are not my ways...and I am grateful for that. Your ways are always trustworthy and good. I trust You. I trust You with today. I trust You with tomorrow. I am not afraid of outcomes and results. I would only be afraid if You were not going ahead of me and going with me. I gladly choose to wait on You, O Lord. And yes, I will put my hope in You. Where else could I go? You alone are the one true living God.
In the Name of Jesus,
Amen.

Plan B

When I saw my oncologist on January 4th she said that we were not going to do a biopsy. But about one week later, she called with Plan B. She had another radiologist read the PET scan and he felt that we should go ahead and find out exactly what the "spot" is.

SO...next week I will have a biopsy done on my T12 vertebrae of my spine. They will sedate me, but not a full anesthesia. It is outpatient surgery.

I am feeling LOTS of peace. Again, I do not know what God is going to do or what the biopsy will show...but I DO know that God is with me and taking care of every detail. I choose to walk by faith and to trust Him...completely. I know this peace that I have is definitely from so many people praying. I literally can feel the prayers. I have no anxiety. That HAS to be from God. Praise His Name!

I do ask for your continued prayers and I thank you all for going along with me and for all your love.

To be continued...

PET scan report

Quick review...two weeks ago I had CT and bone scans and they found 2 spots on my spine that they considered "suspicious" for cancer. So, the next step was to take a different look with the PET scan, which shows any rapid activity throughout my body. Last Wednesday I went in for the PET scan and then got the results today.

She said that there were no signs of uptake anywhere else in my body except one of the spots that they saw on the CT scan. The L3 that showed a spot on the CT was normal! No uptake! The T12 showed some uptake. (For all you medical folks, 2.1 is base and it was 4.3). BUT they said that it was very, very small...too small to reach for a biopsy.

So...the plan is this: 1) they changed my endocrine treatment from Tamoxifen to Arimidex, which they believe is a better estrogen blocker for me 2) they will call tomorrow to tell me the tumor marker level from my blood today and they will continue to watch my blood levels 3) they will have another radiologist read the scans to double check and will call me Friday with his report 4) I go back to see her in one month and she will re-evaluate everything.

WOW!!! I was SO happy! I AM so happy! Praising God!!! One of the spots...gone??? That is incredible and I give God the glory! I truly believe the other one is in the process of healing. Smaller, smaller, gone. I'm believing that before it happens.

SO Thankful!!!! Praise God for His mercy and His love and for going before me. I have been in a whirlwind for 4 weeks, but it all slowed down to a gentle breeze again. God is so good.

Oh God, thank You once again for healing me! Thank You for hearing our cries. Thank You for the L3 spot just being gone! Crazy...and amazing! Thank YOU!!! And thank You, for healing the other spot. I trust You Lord with every cell, every drop of blood, every breath. I know this is a gift. I have not earned any, ANYthing. Thank You for this gift of today. In Jesus' Name. Amen.