Today I went in for the second treatment of chemo. My first stop in the office is always to go to the lab so they can draw some blood. That stop was MUCH easier today because they used my new port...yay! (I had a port put in one week ago.) They accessed the port, got the blood for the lab work, then I walked into the chemo room. Usually they have to find another vein other than the lab, which is not fun. But TODAY...no problems. She started the process right away. My nurse and I were both happy! :-) Thank You, God! I started around 11 am and finished up about 2 pm. It sounds super long but I bring things to do and really, the time goes by quickly, which I'm thankful for! I was feeling kind of down on the ride there, but once I got there the Lord really took care of me and lifted my heart. I felt hope and peace the whole time I sat there.
I want to back up a little about last week. I haven't really had physical side effects that I've noticed are new...from the chemo. I still deal with pain and take meds for that. I've done much better about food and nausea. Today they gave me some lab results, the basic CBC counts. They were a little low but not low enough that I had to have some shots that they give when your white blood count goes down. I'm thankful for that. I should hear about the calcium tomorrow.
But last week I did struggle with emotional ups and downs. When I get "down", the tears come quickly and my thoughts slide into discouragement. I don't want to do that...and I do lots of things to make the shift. I get help from reading the Word, listening to praise and worship music, calling people to pray with me and especially talking to my husband and friends. And, of course, all the encouragement that comes to me in all different forms...emails, letters, FB, etc. The Lord uses all kinds of things to help me everyday. I know so well the Scripture from 2 Corinthians 10:5 that says "take every thought captive". It's just hard. I think the emotional struggle last week was a combination of the side effects of the pain medicine and some things that were going on. My sister Judy is doing better from her car accident...thanks for praying for her. My mother-in-law had a very difficult week last week, and we are all concerned about her. She did leave the hospital on Friday and went back to her apartment. We were all thankful that she was "home" again, although there are still big medical issues we continue to pray about. Both of them have been on my heart and in my mind. Also, a young man that attended our church passed away on Friday. He was 23 years old and died of cancer. So heartbreaking. I did not know him, but our whole church had been praying for his healing...which did not come here on earth. Now he is Home with Jesus and healed.
God has been SO faithful to hold me up and love me in this valley. I want to focus on His goodness and love...not the suffering or difficulties. My prayer requests continue to be that I would be healed...that this treatment would stop the growth of cancer completely. I continue to ask for prayers to cover my family... my precious husband, who does so much to bless and care for me, and our wonderful children as they deal with this issue each day. Please pray for my emotions to stay up. I need to stay hope-filled to continue fighting and I know that only God can fill me up with His Hope. He has done it over and over again. That's what I want to remember and write on my heart. Thank you SO much for your prayers! We are leaning on them each and everyday.
O God,
THANK YOU...for being with me today. You lifted my heart. You took me through each hour with Your tender love. You ARE Love....and I'm thankful. I thank You for all the prayer warriors that cover our family with their prayers and support. I thank You for this medicine ....and I will thank You even now for the healing it is doing. I trust in You, O God. Whatever each day brings...I will continue to love You and trust You. I will praise Your Name always and forever. Goodnight, Father. Thank You for being the God Who doesn't sleep...but watches over Your children all night.
In the Name that has saved me,
the Name that is my Friend,
the Name that brings joy to my heart because
He is my everything....
Jesus.
Amen.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
Normal
This has been a wonderful, wonderful day!!!
Tom and I went to LR this morning for the outpatient surgery. All went well. My surgeon was going to put in a regular small port, a standard size for women. But then she suggested a different port called a Power Port that can be used for other situations besides getting chemo, like scans, etc. We said "Sure!" So I got a Power Port. (Doesn't that sound like I have superpowers or something? ha.) After the surgery and recovery, Tom took me upstairs to my oncologist's office to get lab drawn to check on my calcium. After that...home sweet home. We were home by noon.
And then...and then...(woohoo) got a call from my oncology nurse. She said "CALCIUM IS NORMAL. It is at 10." WOOHOO!!! Great news. That is SO, SO awesome! We are thanking God for this great news!!! SO THANKFUL!!!
O God, Thank You Lord! Thank You. You took me through this morning's procedure and then surprised me with this news. Normal. Yay...that's so wonderful. God...to You I give the glory and praise. THANK YOU. I continue to look to You, O God, as my Healer and Friend. I love You. Thank You. In Jesus Name I rejoice, Amen.
"I will sing of the LORD's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself." Psalm 89:1,2
O God, Thank You Lord! Thank You. You took me through this morning's procedure and then surprised me with this news. Normal. Yay...that's so wonderful. God...to You I give the glory and praise. THANK YOU. I continue to look to You, O God, as my Healer and Friend. I love You. Thank You. In Jesus Name I rejoice, Amen.
"I will sing of the LORD's great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself." Psalm 89:1,2
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Thankful Heart
This past week has been a very good week. I got the chemo treatments last Monday and asked for prayers that I would not have side effects or difficulty with the new treatment. God REALLY blessed me and answered our prayers.
I really could not tell any big difference in my physical symptoms all week. That is a huge praise! Thank You God! YAY...Lots of thanksgiving this past week to Him.
This is a short post, as I need to get to bed...but tomorrow morning I will go for the outpatient surgery to get a port put in. Early surgery time...8 am. Please pray for the whole procedure to go well. Please pray that God would be with the doctor and nurses, with me, that there would be no problems or complications. I'm just trusting God to take care of it through their hands and gifts as medical professionals. He is so good and faithful.
Thanks so much again for all your love and prayers!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Peace and Hope
Yesterday, Monday the 16th, was really a good day! I KNOW it was God's presence carrying me through, and I KNOW that was from answered prayers from so many loved ones. Let me right away say thank you!
Tom brought me, which I am always thankful for his loving presence and that we do this together. He is amazing! First, they took a lab sample to check the calcium. Then, we talked to my oncologist. She reviewed what we were doing today...starting Avastin and Gemzar. I will receive these 2 drugs every 2 weeks, plus still Zometa once a month. They will monitor this closely with lab work and if she sees problems, she will change it to once a week. So I go again in 2 weeks for chemo.
She told me that the lung procedure last week showed NO cancer in the fluids!!! This was great news ! All the tests were negative. YAY GOD!!! We were very grateful to hear that news!
She decided to phase out the oral steroid and to stop the nosespray again. These were being taken for the calcium level but she said we wanted to stop for now. I did find out today (Tues) that the calcium had gone up again...from 12.6 to 12.7. This really needs to come down...so please pray about that. I'm trying not to focus on that...but just trust God and praise Him for all the good we are seeing!
We discussed getting my port (IV access thing..."thing" is the medical term, I believe.):-) I now have an appointment for this coming Monday, April 23 early at 8 am. Another thing to pray about... :-)
Then...I started my treatment about noon. It really went fine. I'm thankful for the team of nurses in that room. I've been going there now, on and off, since 2006, so they know me, care about me. Wonderful women. It is really a blessing to have such great medical team. I got done in about 3 hours and we headed home!
They did discuss some possible side effects, like nosebleeds, high blood pressure, my blood counts could go down, etc. but I am asking you all to pray against that. We are praying for no side effects, just healing!
Today I've felt really about the same as a typical day for me. I'm walking around at home, doing things, sitting down to rest when I need it. The Lord is here...walking around with me...and I am so thankful. My heart is filled with peace and hope...which is from Him, not me.
That's what I want to do.
God,
Thank You for all Your love and mercy. Thanks for yesterday, taking care of details and even decisions. Thank You that today has been restful and good...thank You. I praise Your glorious Name and I trust You with all these things. To Your glory and praise...Father, Jesus and Spirit.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Tom brought me, which I am always thankful for his loving presence and that we do this together. He is amazing! First, they took a lab sample to check the calcium. Then, we talked to my oncologist. She reviewed what we were doing today...starting Avastin and Gemzar. I will receive these 2 drugs every 2 weeks, plus still Zometa once a month. They will monitor this closely with lab work and if she sees problems, she will change it to once a week. So I go again in 2 weeks for chemo.
She told me that the lung procedure last week showed NO cancer in the fluids!!! This was great news ! All the tests were negative. YAY GOD!!! We were very grateful to hear that news!
She decided to phase out the oral steroid and to stop the nosespray again. These were being taken for the calcium level but she said we wanted to stop for now. I did find out today (Tues) that the calcium had gone up again...from 12.6 to 12.7. This really needs to come down...so please pray about that. I'm trying not to focus on that...but just trust God and praise Him for all the good we are seeing!
We discussed getting my port (IV access thing..."thing" is the medical term, I believe.):-) I now have an appointment for this coming Monday, April 23 early at 8 am. Another thing to pray about... :-)
Then...I started my treatment about noon. It really went fine. I'm thankful for the team of nurses in that room. I've been going there now, on and off, since 2006, so they know me, care about me. Wonderful women. It is really a blessing to have such great medical team. I got done in about 3 hours and we headed home!
They did discuss some possible side effects, like nosebleeds, high blood pressure, my blood counts could go down, etc. but I am asking you all to pray against that. We are praying for no side effects, just healing!
Today I've felt really about the same as a typical day for me. I'm walking around at home, doing things, sitting down to rest when I need it. The Lord is here...walking around with me...and I am so thankful. My heart is filled with peace and hope...which is from Him, not me.
"Rejoice always,
Pray constantly,
Give thanks in all circumstances...
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
That's what I want to do.
God,
Thank You for all Your love and mercy. Thanks for yesterday, taking care of details and even decisions. Thank You that today has been restful and good...thank You. I praise Your glorious Name and I trust You with all these things. To Your glory and praise...Father, Jesus and Spirit.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Waiting in Hope
Friday morning I went in at 7:45 am. They wanted me to come early so I could get results back that morning. They took the sample then my friend Wilma and I went to Target while the lab was testing. I shopped in the go-cart buggy :-)...which is kind of fun to shop like that. Found a few things I'd been needing.
They called me while I was shopping and said that the calcium stayed the same. Not what I was hoping but thank You God that it didn't go up. I went back and got one bag of fluids and then I was done by 11:30 am !!!
The biggest news really of all this past week is that I will go in Monday morning at 10 am for a "see the doctor" appt. and then I will begin chemo. This is the sit down, IV chemo...NOT the oral chemo I've mentioned before. I'm glad this is what we are doing AND I'm ready. I want to get something in my blood that will jump in and fight a new way....so it's good. The meds are Avastin and Gemzar. The Avastin cuts off food supply to cancer cells and the Gemzar goes into the bloodstream to destroy the cancer cells. Our prayers are that they target the bad and that God will protect the rest of my body cells. I probably will get a port put in next week so that they are not accessing my veins every time with my arms. It is hard on the veins and hard on me to keep getting "accessed" so getting the port is a good idea. I had one in 2006, then had it removed about 3 years later. Another thing I'd rather not do, but I want to fight with all the tools that are available, and the port is kind of like another tool for me personally.
All weekend the Lord has POURED his manna out to our family. He is so, so sweet. Thursday dear friends from Nigeria stopped by to bless and encourage us. Friday I had beautiful flowers to arrive, a friend to visit, calls and cards. Saturday some dear friends from Tennessee, (Wally and Brenda for those of you who know them) stopped by on their way home from Branson and that was a sweet gift. Our Betsy was here this weekend and I'm always grateful to hold my "far away babies". :-) Food brought by, some help with laundry, birds and critters playing in the yard just to delight my eyes. God is EVER faithful to lift our hearts! I praise Him and give Him my thanks all day.
A friend sent these verses recently...thought I'd share them.
God,
All praise to You. In this valley I continue to lift up my eyes....no...YOU lift up my eyes and my heart day by day. Thank You O God! I'm ready to go Monday for I know I will not be alone. Your Presence is ever in me and with me. I am not alone also Lord because of so many that are praying and going beside me. Thank You, thank You!
My hope is in You. It is not in these medicines. You may use them, O God. But You are the Healer. You alone are my Healer and Friend and Rescuer. I trust You with this day and with my days ahead. May ALL praise and glory be Yours.
In the Name that is sweet and ALL powerful,
Jesus Christ. Amen.
They called me while I was shopping and said that the calcium stayed the same. Not what I was hoping but thank You God that it didn't go up. I went back and got one bag of fluids and then I was done by 11:30 am !!!
The biggest news really of all this past week is that I will go in Monday morning at 10 am for a "see the doctor" appt. and then I will begin chemo. This is the sit down, IV chemo...NOT the oral chemo I've mentioned before. I'm glad this is what we are doing AND I'm ready. I want to get something in my blood that will jump in and fight a new way....so it's good. The meds are Avastin and Gemzar. The Avastin cuts off food supply to cancer cells and the Gemzar goes into the bloodstream to destroy the cancer cells. Our prayers are that they target the bad and that God will protect the rest of my body cells. I probably will get a port put in next week so that they are not accessing my veins every time with my arms. It is hard on the veins and hard on me to keep getting "accessed" so getting the port is a good idea. I had one in 2006, then had it removed about 3 years later. Another thing I'd rather not do, but I want to fight with all the tools that are available, and the port is kind of like another tool for me personally.
All weekend the Lord has POURED his manna out to our family. He is so, so sweet. Thursday dear friends from Nigeria stopped by to bless and encourage us. Friday I had beautiful flowers to arrive, a friend to visit, calls and cards. Saturday some dear friends from Tennessee, (Wally and Brenda for those of you who know them) stopped by on their way home from Branson and that was a sweet gift. Our Betsy was here this weekend and I'm always grateful to hold my "far away babies". :-) Food brought by, some help with laundry, birds and critters playing in the yard just to delight my eyes. God is EVER faithful to lift our hearts! I praise Him and give Him my thanks all day.
A friend sent these verses recently...thought I'd share them.
In Him (God) we live and move and have our being.
Acts 17:28
We wait in hope for the Lord;
He is our help and our shield.
In Him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in His holy Name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in You.
Psalm 33:20-22
God,
All praise to You. In this valley I continue to lift up my eyes....no...YOU lift up my eyes and my heart day by day. Thank You O God! I'm ready to go Monday for I know I will not be alone. Your Presence is ever in me and with me. I am not alone also Lord because of so many that are praying and going beside me. Thank You, thank You!
My hope is in You. It is not in these medicines. You may use them, O God. But You are the Healer. You alone are my Healer and Friend and Rescuer. I trust You with this day and with my days ahead. May ALL praise and glory be Yours.
In the Name that is sweet and ALL powerful,
Jesus Christ. Amen.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Thursday Morning
Well, a lot happened yesterday when I went to get the fluids. Sat down in the recliner. Didn't have to get my IV put in because they had saved it from Tuesday. (An IV can be used 3 days in a row. They just wrap it up carefully and I go home with it there. I will use it again today.) I was set up with one liter bag of fluids.
But half way through my onc.nurse came and said "let's talk". First, my calcium went up from 12.3 to 12.6. So my dr. ordered another bag for right then. Okay. She also wanted me to start the nosespray and the prednisone again. I said I'm fine with the nosespray but I really, really did not want to get on prednisone again. I asked if I could use Decadron. She later went and asked the dr. and she approved the Decadron. YAY. The other big thing she brought is was a change in the chemo plan. There is a drug called Avaston she wants to use but if we start with Xeloda, the oral drug, our insurance will not pay for it after I already used Xeloda. So she wants to start with Avaston and another chemo called Gemzar, both drugs given by IV. That is fine with me. I was hesitant about Xeloda and its side effects so I am ready to start this other plan.
I spoke this morning with the doctor in Nashville. He thought is all sounded like a great plan. I loved getting to talk to him this morning just to hear his "blessing" on it before we tell my doctor yes, let not do Xeloda and go with the other.
SO...I go in today for 2 bags of fluid. One of my sweet college girlfriends is going to take me today. She had called early in week to ask me how she could help and that she had Thursday open. It worked out perfect, because I needed a ride. God is so good.
Gotta go. Keep praying for the calcium to come down! I love you all so much. God continues to renew my heart day by day. I woke up this morning with lots of hope! Praise God!!!
But half way through my onc.nurse came and said "let's talk". First, my calcium went up from 12.3 to 12.6. So my dr. ordered another bag for right then. Okay. She also wanted me to start the nosespray and the prednisone again. I said I'm fine with the nosespray but I really, really did not want to get on prednisone again. I asked if I could use Decadron. She later went and asked the dr. and she approved the Decadron. YAY. The other big thing she brought is was a change in the chemo plan. There is a drug called Avaston she wants to use but if we start with Xeloda, the oral drug, our insurance will not pay for it after I already used Xeloda. So she wants to start with Avaston and another chemo called Gemzar, both drugs given by IV. That is fine with me. I was hesitant about Xeloda and its side effects so I am ready to start this other plan.
I spoke this morning with the doctor in Nashville. He thought is all sounded like a great plan. I loved getting to talk to him this morning just to hear his "blessing" on it before we tell my doctor yes, let not do Xeloda and go with the other.
SO...I go in today for 2 bags of fluid. One of my sweet college girlfriends is going to take me today. She had called early in week to ask me how she could help and that she had Thursday open. It worked out perfect, because I needed a ride. God is so good.
Gotta go. Keep praying for the calcium to come down! I love you all so much. God continues to renew my heart day by day. I woke up this morning with lots of hope! Praise God!!!
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Wednesday
Quick update...
Yesterday my doctor's office called and said the my calcium was down (YAY!) from 13.6 to 12.3. They wanted me to come for more fluids. SO, since we were going to LR for the lung drainage thing I went ahead and got fluids in the morning. Then about 2 Tom and I went to the hospital and they took a needle and drained the fluid around my left lung. I thought I would be out...but I wasn't. They numbed it locally and I sat there awake through the procedure. Not so fun, but Jesus was in the room. The blessing (God is so good to take care of us) is that our post op nurse was someone who knows our two oldest children well and went to Harding with them. Her name was Laura and she was so sweet and attentive to me and to Tom!
I go back this morning for more fluids. One bag takes 2 hours. They will also get blood to see how the calcium is doing.
Gotta get going, but wanted you to hear the calcium was coming down. THANK YOU for your continued hope and loving prayers!
Yesterday my doctor's office called and said the my calcium was down (YAY!) from 13.6 to 12.3. They wanted me to come for more fluids. SO, since we were going to LR for the lung drainage thing I went ahead and got fluids in the morning. Then about 2 Tom and I went to the hospital and they took a needle and drained the fluid around my left lung. I thought I would be out...but I wasn't. They numbed it locally and I sat there awake through the procedure. Not so fun, but Jesus was in the room. The blessing (God is so good to take care of us) is that our post op nurse was someone who knows our two oldest children well and went to Harding with them. Her name was Laura and she was so sweet and attentive to me and to Tom!
I go back this morning for more fluids. One bag takes 2 hours. They will also get blood to see how the calcium is doing.
Gotta get going, but wanted you to hear the calcium was coming down. THANK YOU for your continued hope and loving prayers!
Monday, April 9, 2012
Out Patient surgery
Today I went in to Little Rock to get IV fluids. I haven't heard the results about the calcium levels yet. (They took blood today to check.)
Tomorrow...is out patient surgery day. They saw some fluid near one of my lungs on the PET scan. My doctor said it could be a lot of different things, but cancer is one of them. SO...they want to check and just be sure about what is going on there.
It is at 2:00 pm. They will put a large needle into my back to get a sample. (Yes, I'm hoping I'm sedated for all this.)
Today I also talked to someone about the Xeloda oral chemo, a social worker who works in my oncologist's office. They special ordered it and it may possibly arrive in the next couple of days. Which means I will probably start it this week. I take 3 pills a day for 7 days and then I'm off for 7 days. Then I start the cycle again.
That's about it for tonight. Tired again. Tired.
Thank you all for being tireless prayer warriors. I am so grateful!
Jesus,
Thank You for today...for walking me through it. I love You. Again ..I trust You.
I give You praise for holding me up for another day.
In Your Powerful and Sweet Name,
Lisa
Tomorrow...is out patient surgery day. They saw some fluid near one of my lungs on the PET scan. My doctor said it could be a lot of different things, but cancer is one of them. SO...they want to check and just be sure about what is going on there.
It is at 2:00 pm. They will put a large needle into my back to get a sample. (Yes, I'm hoping I'm sedated for all this.)
Today I also talked to someone about the Xeloda oral chemo, a social worker who works in my oncologist's office. They special ordered it and it may possibly arrive in the next couple of days. Which means I will probably start it this week. I take 3 pills a day for 7 days and then I'm off for 7 days. Then I start the cycle again.
That's about it for tonight. Tired again. Tired.
Thank you all for being tireless prayer warriors. I am so grateful!
Jesus,
Thank You for today...for walking me through it. I love You. Again ..I trust You.
I give You praise for holding me up for another day.
In Your Powerful and Sweet Name,
Lisa
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Renewed Hope
Since Thursday and the heavy news of that day, God has been working in my mind, heart, body and soul. I grieved on and off throughout Thursday until the last task of putting my head on my pillow. But "His mercies are new EVERY morning"...Thank You O God!!! I DID wake up with a different outlook. The spirit of heaviness was sent away by The Spirit of God, which I feel was an answer to many prayers. I had a good day.
Because my calcium spiked again (13.6) they wanted me to get the fluids again. Three sticks for the IV and 3 hours later...I was out of there and back in the sunshine. The day went on to include some sweet visitors in the afternoon. One was a family from our church that stopped by to give us a lovely Easter bunny cake that their granddaughter had made. (Thanks Bailey!) Our daughter Betsy came in that night for the weekend. I made it through the day feeling renewed Hope.
Today...Saturday...has been good too. Had a few more visitors that brought encouragement on their visit. A few teary moments have broken through but they didn't stay. I am trying to take myself back to the place I've been standing on since I was diagnosed in 2006.
"All things are possible to him who believes." Mark 9:23
Jesus looked at them and said "With men it is impossible, but not with God, for all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it already, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24
Father,
Thank You for another day of life. Tonight I am tired and I look forward to the morning when hope returns and Your mercy and love restore me one more time. You are so faithful and ever loving. Tomorrow...Oh, God...tomorrow...we celebrate the greatest joy of all...that Your Son rose from the grave and was fully resurrected! Thank You for what that means to us, Your children. Saved by the blood of the perfect Lamb, Jesus. Thank You! I love You.
Your daughter,
Lisa
Because my calcium spiked again (13.6) they wanted me to get the fluids again. Three sticks for the IV and 3 hours later...I was out of there and back in the sunshine. The day went on to include some sweet visitors in the afternoon. One was a family from our church that stopped by to give us a lovely Easter bunny cake that their granddaughter had made. (Thanks Bailey!) Our daughter Betsy came in that night for the weekend. I made it through the day feeling renewed Hope.
Today...Saturday...has been good too. Had a few more visitors that brought encouragement on their visit. A few teary moments have broken through but they didn't stay. I am trying to take myself back to the place I've been standing on since I was diagnosed in 2006.
"All things are possible to him who believes." Mark 9:23
Jesus looked at them and said "With men it is impossible, but not with God, for all things are possible with God." Mark 10:27
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it already, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24
Father,
Thank You for another day of life. Tonight I am tired and I look forward to the morning when hope returns and Your mercy and love restore me one more time. You are so faithful and ever loving. Tomorrow...Oh, God...tomorrow...we celebrate the greatest joy of all...that Your Son rose from the grave and was fully resurrected! Thank You for what that means to us, Your children. Saved by the blood of the perfect Lamb, Jesus. Thank You! I love You.
Your daughter,
Lisa
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Hard Day
This has been a hard day.
Tom and I went to the doctor's appointment this morning to hear the results. The PET scan showed that the cancer has spread to new places. Progression. It has moved to my right ribs, right top humerus bone, some more spots in the T vertebrae and honestly, I can't remember every place right now because I was listening with a heavy heart. About 6 new places. All of it was in the bone, none in soft tissues like organs. They did see a pocket of fluid near a lung. She (my doctor) said that could be a lot of different possibilities, but she wanted to get a fluid extraction sample done to be sure it was not cancer. Also, I found out on the way home my calcium is up again...13 something. Didn't want to hear that.
Of course, we sat there ...sad. Not what I wanted to hear. The plan is to begin an oral chemo, Xeloda, that I take 7 days a week and then I'm off for 7 days. This plan was what the Vanderbilt doctor recommended and as well as what she recommends. She said that Xeloda is a very good drug for stopping the spread of cancer and they've seen lots of success with it. It has some rough side effects, but everyone reacts differently, so maybe I won't have them. I go in tomorrow and Monday for fluids to try to get the calcium down. The calcium is an indicator of the cancer, which I didn't really understand until today. When it goes down it means things have stabilized with cancer. Tuesday I will go for the outpatient surgery of drawing the fluid sample near my lung.
I have an wonderful oncologist. With tears falling off my face, she stopped and held my hand and just listened to my grieving words. She also spoke to me about spiritual things...(she's a Christian). She said "bottom line is we just don't get to know all the answers to our why questions, but to keep looking to God through the suffering." I agree.
She told me to stop the Femara (estrogen blocker) immediately and that we would continue to get the Zometa. The Xeloda has to be special ordered, so as soon as it's all approved then I'll start, which will be soon.
I left her office and went to the chemo room and sat down for the Zometa. It takes about 30 minutes. Tears flowed on and off for the whole 30 minutes. Then Tom and I got something to eat and headed home.
What can I say except this is not what I wanted or what I was praying for...or what so many others were praying for. I really don't understand. But... I know God loves me. I know He is not ignoring all this. I know He is good. And I know that I will love Him forever.
I don't know what the future holds. But...none of us really do. In Psalms 139 it says He knew the number of my days even before I was born. He knows that number. I do not. But I want that number to be large, to go into my old age.
My doctor made it clear that we were not at the end of our options at all. She talked about some other chemo treatments that were very good options. So,we are trying to renew our hearts and our minds and my body to get ready for another battle.
You know, the thing about faith is that it means believing for the unseen. I haven't seen what I have been believing for, healing, but it doesn't mean that it can't still come. It means it didn't happen like I thought it might happen. I am trying so hard to release my mind from trying to figure all of this out and just saying "I will trust Jesus". No matter what...I'm His.
O God,
The song "I Surrender All" is in my mind.
"I surrender all, I surrender all, all to Thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all."
I love You.
Please wipe away these tears so I can look at You better. I want to keep them on You.
Your child,
Lisa
Tom and I went to the doctor's appointment this morning to hear the results. The PET scan showed that the cancer has spread to new places. Progression. It has moved to my right ribs, right top humerus bone, some more spots in the T vertebrae and honestly, I can't remember every place right now because I was listening with a heavy heart. About 6 new places. All of it was in the bone, none in soft tissues like organs. They did see a pocket of fluid near a lung. She (my doctor) said that could be a lot of different possibilities, but she wanted to get a fluid extraction sample done to be sure it was not cancer. Also, I found out on the way home my calcium is up again...13 something. Didn't want to hear that.
Of course, we sat there ...sad. Not what I wanted to hear. The plan is to begin an oral chemo, Xeloda, that I take 7 days a week and then I'm off for 7 days. This plan was what the Vanderbilt doctor recommended and as well as what she recommends. She said that Xeloda is a very good drug for stopping the spread of cancer and they've seen lots of success with it. It has some rough side effects, but everyone reacts differently, so maybe I won't have them. I go in tomorrow and Monday for fluids to try to get the calcium down. The calcium is an indicator of the cancer, which I didn't really understand until today. When it goes down it means things have stabilized with cancer. Tuesday I will go for the outpatient surgery of drawing the fluid sample near my lung.
I have an wonderful oncologist. With tears falling off my face, she stopped and held my hand and just listened to my grieving words. She also spoke to me about spiritual things...(she's a Christian). She said "bottom line is we just don't get to know all the answers to our why questions, but to keep looking to God through the suffering." I agree.
She told me to stop the Femara (estrogen blocker) immediately and that we would continue to get the Zometa. The Xeloda has to be special ordered, so as soon as it's all approved then I'll start, which will be soon.
I left her office and went to the chemo room and sat down for the Zometa. It takes about 30 minutes. Tears flowed on and off for the whole 30 minutes. Then Tom and I got something to eat and headed home.
What can I say except this is not what I wanted or what I was praying for...or what so many others were praying for. I really don't understand. But... I know God loves me. I know He is not ignoring all this. I know He is good. And I know that I will love Him forever.
I don't know what the future holds. But...none of us really do. In Psalms 139 it says He knew the number of my days even before I was born. He knows that number. I do not. But I want that number to be large, to go into my old age.
My doctor made it clear that we were not at the end of our options at all. She talked about some other chemo treatments that were very good options. So,we are trying to renew our hearts and our minds and my body to get ready for another battle.
You know, the thing about faith is that it means believing for the unseen. I haven't seen what I have been believing for, healing, but it doesn't mean that it can't still come. It means it didn't happen like I thought it might happen. I am trying so hard to release my mind from trying to figure all of this out and just saying "I will trust Jesus". No matter what...I'm His.
O God,
The song "I Surrender All" is in my mind.
"I surrender all, I surrender all, all to Thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all."
I love You.
Please wipe away these tears so I can look at You better. I want to keep them on You.
Your child,
Lisa
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Scan Day yesterday
Yesterday I went in for the Petscan, got there about noon. I guess they were behind schedule from the start because the day ended up dragging out longer than I had expected. They had a hard time getting my IV started (4 sticks). Then the resting time, when I sit quietly as the meds circulate through my body. Then I had the scan. Finally got out about 3:30.
I was SO hungry because I'd been on a no carb diet for 24 hrs for the test and really, really had not eaten much at all. When we got out my friend that took me drove me to Whole Foods to get some light and healthy food into me - quickly! THAT was wonderful. Just grapes, some lettuce, avocado sushi and a smoothee. I didn't eat it all but had some of all it and felt revived! :-)
There was no report yesterday. I will hear something possibly late this afternoon or in the morning we will see the Dr. at about 9:30.
I'm in the waiting mode. I wrote a song about that from Psalm 130..."I will wait on you, Lord, my soul shall wait". (I would post it here but I haven't figured out how to post a song). Anyway...I'm waiting. There's lots of peace and some fear that wonders what's next. Trying to cancel the fear and keep my mind on hope.
Thank you for ALL your prayers. And I know that some of you also fasted about this...and I thank you for that. I am walking through each day with the Lord's strength sustaining me. I KNOW it is all these prayers...and that you pray for our whole family...THANK YOU. Also, my sister is doing a little better each day. She got a cast put on yesterday. She has a dr. appt Thursday about various changes to her health needs. My mother-in-law is getting a little stronger and may actually be going back to her home today. Please keep them in your prayers too. So many of you know them that I just wanted to ask for prayers for them. Both are precious women of God.
Lord,
We've been here before. I'm waiting. I will whisper to You throughout this day to please hold me. I can feel Your peace Jesus. Thank You. For being with me yesterday and giving me hope even through this day.
With all my love,
Lisa
I was SO hungry because I'd been on a no carb diet for 24 hrs for the test and really, really had not eaten much at all. When we got out my friend that took me drove me to Whole Foods to get some light and healthy food into me - quickly! THAT was wonderful. Just grapes, some lettuce, avocado sushi and a smoothee. I didn't eat it all but had some of all it and felt revived! :-)
There was no report yesterday. I will hear something possibly late this afternoon or in the morning we will see the Dr. at about 9:30.
I'm in the waiting mode. I wrote a song about that from Psalm 130..."I will wait on you, Lord, my soul shall wait". (I would post it here but I haven't figured out how to post a song). Anyway...I'm waiting. There's lots of peace and some fear that wonders what's next. Trying to cancel the fear and keep my mind on hope.
Thank you for ALL your prayers. And I know that some of you also fasted about this...and I thank you for that. I am walking through each day with the Lord's strength sustaining me. I KNOW it is all these prayers...and that you pray for our whole family...THANK YOU. Also, my sister is doing a little better each day. She got a cast put on yesterday. She has a dr. appt Thursday about various changes to her health needs. My mother-in-law is getting a little stronger and may actually be going back to her home today. Please keep them in your prayers too. So many of you know them that I just wanted to ask for prayers for them. Both are precious women of God.
Lord,
We've been here before. I'm waiting. I will whisper to You throughout this day to please hold me. I can feel Your peace Jesus. Thank You. For being with me yesterday and giving me hope even through this day.
With all my love,
Lisa
Monday, April 2, 2012
The last few days have been good. I got to go to church yesterday for the first time in a long while. We didn't stay for the whole service but went to our Bible class, sang some worship songs and then we headed home. My energy is limited, but it was so good to go and to see sweet friends.
I thank you all for your prayers about tomorrow. I am mostly peace filled, but sometimes the questions and worry creep in, which I know is just real. I have been reading the Word and other things that keep saying "just trust in Me". Today's verse has been the following:
It says "lean not on your own understanding". I am there. There is so much I do not understand. I am just repeating over and over "I trust You, Jesus" and when I do that, it is an acknowledgement of my lack of ability to understand or fix this or solve it. It is a surrender to God that says "I'm yours...no matter what".
I've had 2 friends come to stay with me today, which was a blessing. This evening some of our church elders/shepherds are coming over at 7 to pray for me. Then some more friends, who have just arrived from Nigeria, are coming over to also pray for me. Tomorrow morning some women friends are coming at about 9 to pray for me. Friends have called or sent texts. I have been so blessed with many, many prayers.
I'd like to add on some other prayer requests on this post. My sister Judy was in a car accident Saturday night. Overall she was okay, but did break her arm. My 90 year old mother-in-law fell Friday night about midnight and is now in the hospital. She had a small fracture in her facial bone but did not break anything else. I just hate that they had the accidents and are having to suffer at all. Please pray for both of them to heal and to regain their strength from the Lord.
I guess that's all. The scan is Tuesday at noon. I'll hear the results either Wed. or Thursday. I truly thank you for your prayers and love. Forever grateful.
Jesus,
Please hold me close to You tonight and tomorrow. Send Your Holy Spirit to comfort and give me hope minute by minute. That's all...I will trust You O God. And I ask, one more time, please...no cancer.
In Your powerful and holy Name,
Amen.
I thank you all for your prayers about tomorrow. I am mostly peace filled, but sometimes the questions and worry creep in, which I know is just real. I have been reading the Word and other things that keep saying "just trust in Me". Today's verse has been the following:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5,6
It says "lean not on your own understanding". I am there. There is so much I do not understand. I am just repeating over and over "I trust You, Jesus" and when I do that, it is an acknowledgement of my lack of ability to understand or fix this or solve it. It is a surrender to God that says "I'm yours...no matter what".
I've had 2 friends come to stay with me today, which was a blessing. This evening some of our church elders/shepherds are coming over at 7 to pray for me. Then some more friends, who have just arrived from Nigeria, are coming over to also pray for me. Tomorrow morning some women friends are coming at about 9 to pray for me. Friends have called or sent texts. I have been so blessed with many, many prayers.
I'd like to add on some other prayer requests on this post. My sister Judy was in a car accident Saturday night. Overall she was okay, but did break her arm. My 90 year old mother-in-law fell Friday night about midnight and is now in the hospital. She had a small fracture in her facial bone but did not break anything else. I just hate that they had the accidents and are having to suffer at all. Please pray for both of them to heal and to regain their strength from the Lord.
I guess that's all. The scan is Tuesday at noon. I'll hear the results either Wed. or Thursday. I truly thank you for your prayers and love. Forever grateful.
Jesus,
Please hold me close to You tonight and tomorrow. Send Your Holy Spirit to comfort and give me hope minute by minute. That's all...I will trust You O God. And I ask, one more time, please...no cancer.
In Your powerful and holy Name,
Amen.
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