GLORY TO GOD !!!

Praise God! Praise His holy, magnificent and wonderful Name!

Yesterday I talked to the nurse from my oncologist's office around 4:30 pm. She said "Mrs. Carr, the report came in today. The results were all negative. There were no malignant cells. There is no cancer!" YEAH GOD !!!!!!

I immediately called my Tommy and told him the news. We cried together on the phone and then he prayed over the phone thanking God, thanking God for this healing. From there I walked out of the bedroom at my parents house and told my parents and Betsy and Mary the good news. We all huddled together and Daddy prayed, praising God for this answer to all our pleas! We went on over to my sister's house where I poured out my news with joy and tears, and all of them rejoicing with me! It kept going...the joy, the tears, the thanks to God on through the night. I played some songs on my sister's piano and praised God with my family all singing and rejoicing with me. I could hardly get to sleep...then I woke up at 5 am, once again, with waves of joy flooding over me. I fell back to sleep and got up around 7 and both my sisters were up, so we processed it all some more.

This is so, so big. I can't even begin to explain to you all the depth of this news. And for right now I won't go into all the details of this healing story. For now I will say, like the blind man in the New Testament, "all I know is this"...in November they looked me in the eye and said "you have metastatic bone cancer"...and now, it is gone! I hope to get copies of all the reports and scans. I want to understand more and more...but, at this point, all I know is this... I have been rescued by the hand of the Lord God of all Creation. I am FULL...FULL of gratefulness and joy...the kind that overflows, just overflows. Praise to my God, who "by His wounds" has healed me.

O dear God...how can I thank You enough? I will thank You and praise Your holy Name all the days of my life, which I believe will be long, O Lord. Thank You for Your mercy and love and healing and salvation. You are an awesome God, awesome. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!!

Biopsy update

The biopsy went well today. I had kind of hoped that somehow I would bypass even having to have the biopsy at all, but the Lord is in charge of this whole thing, so I am trusting Him with each step.

The surgeon went into 2 places: one needle went into my humerus bone at the socket and they took out some bone marrow, plus some cells from the surface of the bone; the other place was a sample on the scapula, from the surface of that bone. They didn't cut anything. There were just large needle holes and 2 band-aids left when it was all done.

I did fine, or so I was told. I don't remember too much. I woke up around noon and we left by 1. I slept ALL afternoon, but started coming back to alertness around 5 or 6 pm.

They told us I should probably hear the path results on Monday. SO...the drama continues.

Last week I wrote a new song...not surprising, the main topic of the song is "waiting on the LORD." :-) So, I will wait.

In the meantime we are heading to Nashville tomorrow to continue Christmas celebrations with my family. We are looking forward to that!


Psalm 130:5 "I will wait on You, Lord, my soul shall wait; and in Your Word I will put my hope."

Tomorrow

Christmas was wonderful and will continue on Friday when I go to Tennessee to see my family there.

But...tomorrow is my biopsy. 9:00 am.

Thank you for your prayers and love and cover. The LORD is in control! Praise His holy Name, for He is my Strength and Shield and Fortress. Praise His Name.

Got my appointment

I finally got my appointment for the biopsy! They called Wednesday afternoon and said that the earliest time they could schedule it was December 27th at 9:00 am.
I had very much hoped that we could get it done BEFORE Christmas...which meant on Thursday or Friday. But she said the surgeon couldn't do it this week. So it is set... next Thursday morning.

There are lots of interesting things about this date. First of all...it was not what I thought would happen. I imagined and thoroughly planned out in my head that I would go in Thursday or Friday before Christmas. But, once again, God has His plan in motion, not my plan. Next Thursday will be just fine. Second...December 27th is Jesse's birthday, our oldest child. He will be 24 years old next Thursday. He will also actually be IN Arkansas for his birthday, and now for my biopsy. I am thankful Jesse will be around for this event. I think we will still be able to celebrate his birthday that evening, hopefully. The biopsy is outpatient, although I will be sedated that morning.

In my past blogs I mentioned some of the groups that have prayed over me, but I don't think I've even listed all the gatherings that have happened in the past 4 weeks. I have been soaked with prayer. PLUS...continously people say to me or write to me that they are praying. I've had SO many prayers!!!. The faith and hope in my heart has been filling up and even overflowing. Thank you so much for your prayers, thank you! Please continue to pray and especially mark your calendars for next Thursday. I am walking by faith, not by sight, with hope that the Lord will bless and heal me.

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1. The dictionary says faith is believing something without proof.
Wow. We are praying with faith for healing.

update

I talked to the doctor's office Friday afternoon and asked about my appointment. She said the doctor was already gone and the nurse who handled my file was not there, so someone should call me Monday and let me know when I'll have the needle biopsy done.
She apologized a lot...but honestly, I'm fine with the delay. I totally trust God's timing on all of this, so it will go according to His plan.

Still waiting.

Tuesday

Right now I am in waiting mode, which is something I've accepted and learned to do over the last year. I'm waiting to hear from my oncology office. They are the ones who will make the next appointment for the needle biopsy. I should hear something today.

I wanted to update you all on my father-in-law. He went home on Thursday. He had been in the hospital 6 nights. He's doing much better, but the doctor wants him to stay in their apartment for 2 weeks with very limited visitation. The cough is improving but still there. He is 94 years old...but has kept the pace of a much younger man. This will slow down his schedule some, but it has not stopped him. The Lord is blessing him with healing...and we're grateful for that.

Tommy got the tree up last night and Mary and I worked on decorating it. Jamie helped drape the lights and put our homemade, traditional star at the top. We left a lot of ornaments for Betsy to hang. She will finish her finals today and be off until January from school.

That's all for now.

Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like the eagle. They shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not faint.

Waiting.

The Orthopaedic Surgeon

I've been waiting for this appointment for 2 weeks. Tom and I went down to Little Rock this afternoon. When I walked in they wanted me to get an X-ray...which I thought was interesting since I already had the MRI and CT scan results with me.

I got the X-ray...praying the whole time.

Then the doctor came in. First he asked a few questions including "have you heard what the radiology report said?" I said yes, that the report said metastatic bone cancer. Then he looked and looked at the X-ray...didn't say anything for a long time. Then he said "Did you bring some other scans?" I said yes...and he went out to go look at them. He came back and said that it was hard to tell still what we are looking at and he thought that I needed to get a needle biopsy that is guided with a CT or MRI machine so they know exactly where to go in.

We told him my oncologist wanted him to try to determine the depth of the lesion but also to try and see if the arm is stable or does it need a pin to strengthen it. He said the arm did NOT need any pins...that is was very stable and fine.

This is all AMAZING. There was a question mark in his voice as he looked and discussed things...but he never said much. We felt very good about him. We'd been told by a friend that works in this area that he is one of the best in LR. He took plenty of time with us and was very thorough.

SO-O-O-O....the next step is on Monday my doctor will set up a biopsy appointment. The drama continues...

WOW. We are praising God! There are so many people who have been praying and even fasting for me. I am GRATEFUL and excited because I believe God is doing something really amazing. Our family is just taking one day at a time to see what God is doing and what His plan is about all of this.

Praise God!!! What a great day this has been! I am going to bed tonight with a joyful and hopeful heart...our God can do ANYTHING. I believe it.

Wednesday

Quick update...

My father-in-law is doing better, but still in the hospital. I have been staying with him in his room each night, which I am glad and thankful to get to do. I arrive around 9:30 pm and leave in the morning around 8:30 am when I tag team with some family members. Keep praying for him, please.

Tomorrow I go to meet with a lymphadema doctor who will evaluate my surgery arm and teach me how to be careful with it so I won't get lymphadema. I consider it an educational doctor's visit.

Then Friday is Pearl Harbor Day...Dec. 7th. It is also the day I go to the orthopaedic surgeon for his evaluation about my bones. I am not nervous...but ready to hear what he has to say. The Lord continues to pour His love over me and His peace. Yesterday was "gift day", gifts from the Lord delivered by the hands of others. I am so blessed.

I got another robe (I think the message is "you are covered, Lisa"), a loaf of poppyseed bread, more bananas, a stack of homemade get well cards from the Harding Academy 7th grade girls, 2 long distance calls from dear friends and 2 cards in the mail.

I am spoiled with encouragement and love from the Lord. What a sweet and awesome God we serve!

That's all for today. God is great...I am praising His Name!!!

Monday December 3rd

Wow! What a week! In one week's time so much has happened.

I left off with telling about my doctor's appointment last Monday. The way it was left with her was that she wanted me to see the surgeon so he could look at the scans and determine what is next. So we got an appointment with an orthopaedic surgeon this Friday, December 7th at 3:00 in Little Rock. He will consult with us and analyze the scans. Possibly he will want to do a biopsy of some sort to determine what we're looking at.

That's the medical update. On the prayer front (battle talk) I have been on an amazing adventure. Since last weekend I've had someone call about coming to pray over me almost everyday. It just keeps coming up or someone calls the house or stops by. I think the Lord is sending prayer reinforcements to boost our family right now with hope and peace and faith. It's working. I feel SO full of peace that it surprises people when they see me. That is not me, that is God taking over inside my heart.

Tuesday night my friend Lisa stopped by to visit and pray with me. She also told me she had a friend named Tracy that was at a prayer and healing conference in Texas and that she might call me from there. Well, later that night, she did call. I've never met Tracy but she said she'd been praying for me all last year, so she knew who I was. She said the conference has a prayer time at the end, after the speaker finishes talking and that they also pray over cell phones for people...would I like to do that? I said "Yes!" I feel wide open to anything and anyone who wants to pray for me...but this sounded new and exciting.

So around 11 pm she called me back and said they were gathered around the phone and praying for me. I could hear noisy talking but not anything in particular. It was so humbling to have people in Texas praying for me in such a bold manner before the Lord! I definitely felt moved by the Spirit while they were praying...it was very sweet.

Then...Wednesday Harvey came back and 4 of my college age friends with him. They came over to the house at noon and prayed with me. As they were leaving a man that goes to our church that has had some difficulties in his life and is without a job right now stopped by to deliver food from my neighbor. I asked him how he was doing he said not well...feeling very down. So I asked him if my friends and I could pray for him and he said yes. He came on in and we all gathered around him and prayed. It was so interesting that he had just stopped by.

Wednesday night I went to the church building to talk to our elders about something else (they meet on Wed nights). After I spoke, they said "Can we pray for you again Lisa?" I said "Yes, of course." So all 16 or so men gathered around me and prayed for me...which was so wonderful...again.

Thursday was a day off. :-) I don't know why...but no one came or stopped by.

Then early Friday morning we got a phone call around 5:30am. Tommy's dad was in the emergency room at the hospital with respiratory problems. Tom went on over quickly. His brother Jim was there. They got him in a room and did tests and found some pneumonia in his lung. So I went over and stayed with my mother-in-law in the morning until around 11:30.

At 1:30 three women came over to the house to pray with me. It was interesting how that came about but I won't tell the long version. Bottom line is there was a woman named Cindy who felt the Lord leading her to come and pray for me. So I said "yes".
They prayed with me awhile...and it was a very amazing time of powerful prayer.

That evening all the kids were gone. I have to tell you about Mary. Mary is a BIG Hannah Montana fan...BIG. Well...a few months ago tickets went on sale for a concert in Little Rock with Hannah Montana. They were sold out in like an hour and it was a big mess. Lots more people wanted tickets than got them. Then about 2 weeks ago they opened up the sales one more time and they were snatched up again. We thought about trying to get it on the second time but we were a little preoccupied with all my medical news so just set it aside. In the meantime, Mary had been praying that somehow she could go to this concert. She never told us that, or we might have felt pressure to answer her prayer somehow. Last weekend we got a call from her school friend Hannah. Hannah's parents DID get 4 tickets and Hannah asked Mary to come with her!!! SHE WAS ECSTATIC! We were pretty blown away too. After Hannah asked her she said told us that she had prayed a long time ago that she could go. WOW! Isn't God SWEET???? And good? And tenderhearted! YEAH GOD! So she was gone Friday night and all day Saturday with her friend Hannah.

Friday night Tom and I had such a nice night, no kids home, watched videos. Life is good. Then I went to the hospital to stay with Papa, Tommy's dad, for the night shift. I insisted and totally volunteered. I told them I have a special gift of sleep (as my close friends all know :-)...if I wake up for something I can get right back easily. Tommy does NOT have that gift. :-) So I spent the night in the hospital in my father-in-law's room. My job was to help him and to pray through the night when I was awake. I felt so grateful to be able to help someone else since I have been the recipient of so much love and giving from others in the past year.

I met a nurse on the night shift that was a Christian. We somehow started talking about prayer. I told her what was going on with me, she said "Oh, I go to a special prayer meeting every Monday night in Floral (a tiny town about 40 minutes away. Can we pray for you?" And my answer was...."Yes, of course!" So, I'm covered for Monday. :-)

I'll skip to Sunday night. We went to our elder small group meeting...we were having a Christmas party. At the end the elder asked if the group could pray over me. I didn't know they were going to do that...but I said "Yes, of course!" So about 25 people there all gathered around me and prayed for me.

I'm telling you all this to tell you how AMAZING God is! He is sending mighty prayer warriors from different corners of my world here to come and pray, pray, pray over me!
PLUS...I KNOW there are hundreds, maybe thousands at this point that are all over the world praying for me, people I can't see, but I know they are doing it. I got a call last week...(maybe it was Thurs?) from a Nigerian couple, Zeke and Ory, that are our friends there. They said "Lisa, the Lord said he will heal you and that your life will be a living testimony to His love and power." That was good to hear.

What a ride! There's more but I can't go on and on.

I am beginning this week with hope and peace and anticipation to see what the Lord will do! Praise to God for His amazing love! To Him be the glory and honor in all of this!

To be continued...


"Find rest, O my soul,in God alone, my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, he is my fortress, I will not be shaken." Psalm 62:5,6

"For the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord, He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33:18-22

Monday November 26th

Tom and I went back to Little Rock today for more tests. I had a CT scan on my brain and both arms and shoulders.

Great news...my brain and my left arm were normal - no cancer!!! We are praising God about this wonderful news. Yeah. Thank You, Lord!!! I started telling people yesterday "that we have good news...they didn't find anything in my brain!" and realized I needed to reword that a little. :-)

The right shoulder and scapula still showed lesions, but my oncologist could not determine how deep it was or what kind of cancer. She said our next step is to go to an orthopedic surgeon who will read all the tests and scans and decide what is going on and what we should do about it. There was a hint of confusion and kind of a question mark in her words when she discussed the scan. She said the surgeon would be more qualified to know what the lesion is.

A lot has happened in the past 5 days. Thursday was a nice day with family and friends celebrating Thanksgiving. Friday we had a little more time with Jesse before he went back to Nashville. But then on Saturday it all hit me hard. I spent most of the day kind of numb and crying on and off. I told the family I would not stay this way but I just needed to process it or something. I was a mess, but my Tommy said there's no right or wrong way to handle our news, and that I had the freedom to figure this out however I needed to. He is incredible. Let me just say again how much I love him and how strong and supportive and wonderful he is! I am blessed!

Then about 4 in the afternoon I decided to get my Bible out and started reading the Word. I came to the story of the woman with the issue of blood. She had it for 12 years and the doctors couldn't help her. She reached out and grabbed the hem of Jesus' garment and was healed. (This story is in Matthew 9:18-26, Mark 5:25-34, and Luke 8:40-56.)
That story just encouraged me...she pushed her way to Jesus and believed He could heal her. I began reading more things and my spirits rose the more I read the Bible.

Saturday night I met with some other women, friends that I know through Mary's school. They all prayed over me, which was wonderful. One woman came to me and said "I feel like I'm supposed to remind you about the story of the woman who reached out and grabbed the hem of Jesus' garment. Keep reaching out for it. Keep reaching for Jesus."

Hmmm...amazing coincidence. :-) I told her I had just read that about 1 hour before we met with them. That is the Spirit of the Lord moving quietly.

Then Sunday we met with some other believers who prayed over me. An older man named Harvey especially has a gift of faith and talked to us about praying and walking in faith about this healing. He was very encouraging.

Sunday night I met with my precious women's prayer group . Betsy and 2 college girlfriends also came to that gathering. We read lots and lots of Scriptures, then they prayed for me. A very sweet time...they are so important to me.

By the end of the day I felt full of hope again... a much different countenance than the Saturday Lisa. I went to bed full of peace and hope.

When I read my emails from friends, 2 more people told me that they were wanting me to remember the story of the woman who reached out and touched Jesus's garment, and had prayed for me with that verse. It just keeps coming up.

SO...that's where I am today. Full of peace, full of hope in the Lord. Trying to reach out and "touch the hem of Jesus' garment". I'm not sure what that means when I can't literally touch it. But I think it means to keep reading the Scriptures and putting my hope in Him, instead of filling my heart with anxiety and despair that is fruitless. I will spend this day in praise for the good reports of yesterday and I will continue to pray for a radical miracle. At the same time I will be prepared for whatever answer the Lord gives me. I trust Him and I love Him with my life.

O God...thank You, thank You for this day. The sun is peeking through, even though the air is now turned to winter. You are such an awesome God! Thank You for my good reports yesterday and thank You for the hope and peace you have filled in my heart and in our family's hearts. We need You and lean on You for this day. Thank You for Your amazing faithfulness. I will praise You this day...this is the day that You have made.
In Jesus' Holy Name. Amen.

Thanksgiving Day

Yesterday Tom and I went to my oncologist. She told us that the MRI showed that I have metastatic bone cancer in my shoulder. It is actually in two places...my humerus bone and my scapula (the upper arm bone and the shoulder blade).

Yesterday was pretty much a roller coaster of emotions and shock. I really went in with full hope that it was NOT cancer. SO...I had not prepared my ears or heart enough I guess to hear her say that it was.

She told us that of all the places for the cancer to move to in my body this would be her first choice because bone cancer is very treatable. I didn't know that. There are a lot of good meds that work successfully in treating this cancer.

My next step is to go back on Monday for a CT scan of my shoulders and brain. The MRI showed the length of the lesion (an eating away of the bone) that was 6 cm long, but they don't know the depth of the lesion. The CT scan will show that. The brain scan is just because that is the only area they haven't scanned in the past couple of weeks...she said she doesn't expect a problem there.

She will be taking me off of Tamoxifen and I will begin a bone strengthening med plus some other endocrine med. I will be meeting with an orthopedic surgeon so he can assess the stability of my arm. In the meantime she told me not to lift anything weighty, as we don't want a break on top of everything else.

She also told us that I am now stage 4. When you have recurrence you automatically move to that stage. She also said that nowadays there are lots of people who continue to live for years in stage 4 cancer. They are managing cancer with treatments, like addressing a chronic disease. She felt hopeful that I would be a candidate for treating this successfully. We can treat it, just not cure it.

Last night after Betsy got off work we sat down in the living room with all four children and told them everything. We talked, cried, read Scriptures and prayed together. I am SO blessed to have such an incredible family. My sweet husband is, once again, amazing and strong, although he did have a hard day yesterday. When you are in prayer for all of this please remember Tommy and the children too.

Once again I am asking the Lord for a radical healing of my shoulder. He said we could ask Him anything...so let's all ask. If the miracle healing doesn't come, then I will, again, trust Him with any road he will takes me down. He is an awesome, faithful and loving God. The Scripture that says God's ways are not my ways, His thoughts are not my thoughts has been on my heart since yesterday. I do not see the "why" in this, but I trust God to see much further than my eyes can see...so I will trust in Him.

It is Thanksgiving Day. I am thankful...for my sweet husband and 4 children, for my other family members, for so, so many friends, for good doctors and caretakers, for living in a nation with great medical knowledge and care, for our home and food and the simple basics of life, for this day...today...which is the only day I'm promised, and most of all, for my wonderful God. He is Savior, Friend, Comforter, Truth and Life itself.

Today I choose to wear a "garment of praise and not a spirit of heaviness".

Today I am thankful.

Thank You, O God, thank You for all that You are and all that You have given to me!
In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Friday, November 16th

Friday was a busy day. My friend Lisa and I drove to Little Rock for a full schedule. I was very thankful to have her with me all day.

We went to the Fashion Show luncheon for CARTI at 10. They set up my keyboard on the stage and got everything ready. The room had round tables with gorgeous centerpieces that were all different, because each one was for sale. The luncheon itself was great food and very lovely. There were about 400 people there, 98% women.

They introduced the governor's wife, whom I met before the luncheon started, and then they introduced me. I talked a little and thanked them for what they were doing today (raising money) and how it had blessed my life. Then I introduced the song and said that God had been my strength in the past year and that was what the song was about. Then I sang it. I wasn't too nervous, which was great.

One fun side note was that Tommy got to come. He had to pick up something in LR anyway, so he slipped in and surprised me. I could see him standing in the back of this huge room...which was comforting and sweet!

After I sang I did have some women come up and say they were survivors and that they couldn't have done it without God either and they enjoyed the song. That's always encouraging...to feel like the song actually did bless the hearers. They gave me a standing ovation, but I don't think it was because I was so spectacular. I do think they liked the song, but mostly I think they were applauding surviving cancer and fighting cancer and I happened to be the cancer patient they could see. Whatever it was, my hope was that God was given His glory!

After the luncheon, Lisa and I went on over to Baptist hospital. I got right in for the test at 3:00. There are no shots or IV's with an MRI. They just put a blanket over you, give you some earplugs, slide you into a tube and then do the test. It's VERY LOUD!!! I could've had a nice nap if it had been just a little quieter. We left at 4:30.

I do not know any results right now. My appointment with Dr. Wilder is on Wednesday, so I will probably not hear anything until I meet with her.

Emotionally? I have moved from feelings of fear, worry, and crying out to the Lord to feeling total peace, hope and trust. I consider that a road trip from my natural response feelings to the Spirit of God taking over my feelings. The calm is Him, not me. So I know He is walking with me and inside of me, as I wait for the results. I am learning, forever learning, that the sooner I hand these heavy things over to Him, which means I say "I will trust You God with this test and what it means", verbally and mentally handing it over to God, then the peace arrives.

Thanks for your prayer cover. I am so grateful for your continued prayers. Thanks for not getting tired of me asking for them.

I'll write again when I hear some news.

Test Day

Today Tommy and I drove to Little Rock for my tests. I had a CT scan first, around 9:00am. Then they gave me a shot with some radioactive stuff. It has to circulate in my blood system for a couple of hours. So we left for a while, then came back at 11:30 for the bone scan. After that we went to lunch, then to my doctor's office at 1:30. We finally got home around 5.

My doctor said the CT scan came out fine. There were no problems in my chest area or my abdomen area. That was great news!

There was a problem with my bone scan. They found a spot on my right shoulder that was highlighted on the scan. My doctor said they can't tell from the bone scan what the spot is but they will need an MRI to identify it. She did mention that it could be arthritis or some other things besides cancer.

SO...I'm going Friday afternoon at 3 for the MRI. I would love for you all to pray for me...again. Please pray for complete healing, that whatever it is will be gone. I'm going to be praying that it's just not there AT ALL on Friday. That would be awesome and exciting. Beyond that, I'm praying for God's will to be done.

Pretty tired. Heading for bed.

O God, this is not how I thought this day would look, but You have Your own thoughts. Your thoughts are not my thoughts and Your ways are not my ways. You are holy and just and all-knowing. I am not. So I come to You and once again say that I love You and I trust You, O God. Where else would I go but to You?

In Jesus' Name. Amen.

One year ago today...

This has been quite a month.

I really meant to write all the way through this month, but I have been so busy, so I'll try to catch you up.

The 2nd weekend in Oct. I went to the Faith Support Ministry 5K Race and Survivor Luncheon in Cabot, AR Our family and some close friends from Tennessee all went to the day's events. I walked 2 of the 3+ miles, which I was thankful to do. All the rest of them did the whole 5K...they were great. The highlight for me that day was to meet the women face to face who had prayed for me and written to me through the year, especially Elaine and Marilyn. They were both such amazing women of God. Also that day I sang 3 songs at the luncheon. One of the songs is a new song that I wrote called "Run This Race". Since the room was mostly filled with survivors it was a song they seemed to connect to. The words are from Isaiah 40.
Here are my song lyrics:
"I'm going to run this race, I'm going to fight this fight,
Not with my strength, but with all of Your might.
I'm going to press ahead,
running towards the finish line
I'm going to run this race with Your strength not mine.

With Your strength, I will rise like the eagle
With Your strength, I will walk and not faint
With Your strength, I will run and not grow weary
As I wait, O Lord, renew this heart of mine."

During the month of October I worked on a recording of this song. The Lord blessed me with a place to record right here in town. So when I went to the 5K race I had some CD copies and actually sold some! That was exciting.

The following week came up on my diagnosis anniversary, Oct. 18th. I went to the breast clinic on the 19th for a one year mammogram. That was very surreal. It was exactly one year to the day that I had been there last. My sister Diane came with me. Emotionally I was doing just fine until the technician came in and said hello and "do you remember me?" I slowly did remember her, but as I followed the same brain trail back to her... my mind also went back to the whole day. I did remember. Tears came to my eyes as I remembered all the shock of those first few days. She was sweet and hugged me and we talked about the past year. Another person the Lord put in just the right place for the right moment.

I went on to have the exam and the doctor came in soon after and said it was GOOD.
WOOHOO!!! I asked a bunch of questions, but she said it all looked fine. That was great news!!!!

That was Oct 19th. Then on Oct. 20th I went to my first Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in Little Rock. It was unbelievable. 45,000 women. It was amazing. Tom, Jamie and my sister Diane were on the sidelines at the beginning, then they ran to see us at the finish line. Betsy and Mary walked with me the whole way. The three of us were holding hands for most the way. The race was like being in a river of people...you just kind of walk with the current. So amazing. And there were lots of people on the sides cheering us on, mostly men. They call them the "Three Miles of Men". The shirts for survivors were pink and everyone else had on white. I was amazed at how many white shirts were there, women who had not had breast cancer but cared enough to come. They often had messages on the backs of their shirts like "for my Mom, a 5 year survivor" or one was "for my next door neighbor who died last week after a 3 year battle". I had women walk past me and say "How many years?" I'd say "one." "Well, hang in there, my sister is celebrating 7 years. If she can do it, you can do it!" It was pretty touching and overwhelming.

After the Komen race Tom and I drove to Petit Jean Mountain for a breast cancer survivor's couples retreat. It was free overnight retreat offered by CARTI, the place I went for my radiation treatments. We had great discussion sessions, some great meals, met new friends and had some lighter moments too. The main conference room that we were meeting in had a beautiful grand piano. So tempting. :-) SO...I offered to the director of the retreat to play a couple of songs for everyone if she thought it'd be okay. She accepted the offer. Sunday, after the lecture time, I sang "Run This Race" and Ginny Owens "If You Want Me To". There have been years of my life when I would have NEVER volunteered to sing and play like that, but this whole year has definitely made me more courageous in the music category. Maybe in other categories too. I was just thankful to share with those fellow survivors anything that might touch their hearts. I think it did.

The planners of the retreat asked me if I would come sing at CARTI's Auxillary Meeting in LR. I accepted. I did that yesterday. There were about 40 women at the luncheon. These are the women that raise money with fundraisers that benefit the cancer patients that go to CARTI, like me. A friend from my prayer group went with me. I just sang one song - "Run This Race". It went well...which was a huge answer to prayer.

After the luncheon I was asked if I would sing at another luncheon, a fashion show/fundraiser in LR , that will have about 400 people. I accepted.

I really don't know where all this is going but I can say that the Lord has definitely opened up the door for me to share my music with others, which has always been something I've wanted to do. My heart is very thankful.

Which brings me to today. One year ago today I sat down in a chair and got my first chemo treatment. Oct. 30th. It was the day that I realized there wasn't going to be a fast miracle...something that I could wake up and realize it was all gone. When I sat there, I knew the Lord had called me to the longer road.

It has been a long, long year. A long, winding road.

One year later I am alive and thankful for this day. Each day, each hour, each minute is a gift of life to me. I don't know about next week or next year...I just know that I am called to follow God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and with all my strength. He is my God. He has been SO faithful and loving and tender and amazing through each mile of this long road.

Today I am going to bed with a heart that is grateful and full of joy.

O God, my heart is full! Thank You for Your forever love, even in the valley and through the shadows of death, You have been with me. Thank You. In Jesus' Name.

My hair

I went to my hairdresser today. Last time I saw her was the first week of November, eleven months ago. I had just had my first chemo treatment on Oct. 30. They said I had about 2 weeks before my hair would come out. So I went to her to get a very short, short haircut for the in between stage, explaining what was going on. I also explained it would be awhile before I'd be back in.

So here I was, eleven months later...walking in and of course feeling a little emotional. Just showed up and greeted her and caught her up briefly on the past year. Then I got my hair cut. Just a little here and there.

My hair is now 1-2 inches grown out. The color is kind of dark brownish/black in the back, but all around my ears and face I have tons of gray or white hair. Salt and pepper, heavy on the salt. :-) SO...I can't decide if I should color it or leave it natural.

The picture here is of me with my wig, just a couple of weeks ago in Abilene, TX. My wig has served me well all year. I was thankful to have a wig that I felt comfortable in. Actually I have two matching wigs...one I wear plain and one I wear under my baseball caps. But now I'm tired of them. So I'm kind of going back and forth. Sometimes I wear a wig, sometimes I just go out with my short salt and pepper hairstyle. One part of me wants to keep the natural look...even though it is radically different and I do look older. But then I think...I AM older and I am different. I am not the same person I was one year ago. My whole life perspective has changed, so why not look different. But the other part of me thinks maybe I should go ahead and color it, get the highlights in, step back into some sort of normal look again. Can't decide.

I do know one thing. I am just glad to have hair again. Thankful to the Lord.

Gotta go to bed. Another good day. The Lord's mercy poured over me and went with me all day long. Thank You, Lord.

October - National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October.

When I used to hear the word October I would picture beautiful colored leaves, cooler temperatures, and think about heading to the store to buy some bright mums. Those things still come to mind, but along with the golds, yellows, deep reds and oranges I will now add the color pink.

Pink. Specifically, pink ribbons.

They used to symbolize little girls with pigtails and ribbons in their hair. Or anything sweet and little girlish. Now...pink is everywhere in my coming and going. There are hats and socks and T-shirts and jewelry. I saw a curling iron that was "pink ribboned". I recently bought kitchen scissors that were pink, and the purchase helped the cause. Even cans of vegetables.

Of course, life has changed in one year. Dramatically. I was actually diagnosed on October 18th, but I think the whole month will be focused on celebrating this milestone. Yes, celebrating. I am celebrating! So thankful to have survived this past year. So thankful to God for holding my hand day after day after day. So thankful to my precious husband for all of his love and support. Plus, my sweet family...our children, our parents, all our many relatives. Many friends all over the world! I am so thankful.

I'll talk more about the past year in another post. I'll just tell you now how I'll be celebrating. On October 13th our family will be going to the Faith Support Ministry's 5K Race. This is a very amazing ministry that encourages all cancer patients by 1) sending them a blanket with their name and a Scripture on it and some other gifts and 2) sending notes of encouragement. Someone from Mary's school gave them my name last fall and out of the blue I received this box with a beautiful blanket. I couldn't believe that people that I didn't know at all had committed to pray for my healing. I received letters all year from many of their church members...but especially one person. Her name is Marilyn. She has faithfully written me again and again and reminded me that the Lord is near and she was still praying. SO...on Oct. 13th I will get to meet all these people at the race. Also, they are having a survivor's luncheon and I'm going to be playing and singing 3 songs for that occasion. You can see/read about all this at www.fsm5K.org. Click on the survivor's luncheon and you'll see my picture. I'm excited and grateful to be a part of this event.

I will also go to my very first Race for the Cure event in Little Rock, AR. Our whole family will be going this year. My sister Diane is also coming over to be with us for that weekend. It is supposed to be an amazing event...about 40,000 women plus their families. That is on Oct. 20th.

I'll tell you more...but I need to go to bed. Today is October 1st and I'm grateful to the Lord for celebrating this day. This was a good day.

The long, busy month of August

It's hard to believe that my last blog was over a month ago. I've had some of you write to me or I've seen you in person and you asked me to "update, update".

First, let me say thank you to those of you who have read this blog and have followed me down this road. It is very humbling to think of people taking the time to stop and read these journals. I really have no idea how many or how few are reading, but right about when I think "why am I doing this?" someone will tell me they just read it and somehow it encouraged them. I'm so glad, but it surprises me that they are encouraged, when I am the one who feels encouraged that they were reading it in the first place! Thanks again for reading along, for praying for me, for caring so much. I have been very blessed!

So...to update...August was busy. Betsy came home from Springdale, Tom got back from Africa and Bets, Jamie and Mary all started school on exactly the same day. When school started, our family's pace of busyness increased even more.

As far as my health...I left off when I visited my oncologist and she said to continue with the Tamoxifen for now. Physically, the last month has not been as difficult, like when I was doing treatment. But mentally I have had a major battle going on.

Right after that appointment I went through a time of anxiousness. All of a sudden I wasn't going to the doctor! No appointments, no treatments. I had read about this stage...a post treatment stage where you feel kind of worried because you're just going solo now. When I saw my radiation doctor about a week after that, she was great, very encouraging. She assured me that this was a normal feeling that patients go through after treatment.

I then started to move out of that immediate "no appointment" syndrome to struggling with what was going on in my body. Was it coming back? Am I really healed? My next scan to check for cancer is not until November. SO...I've been fighting this mental battle. It is a ping-pong conversation in my head...back and forth..."hooray, I'm healed, it's gone!!!" to "Is it really gone??? What if... I wonder". I have to send away the thoughts that I consider negative and instead think of words of encouragement, either from the Bible or from things people have said to me.

What IS going to happen to me in the next 6 months or 1 year or 2 years???I don't know. That is the truth, the real bottom line. I don't get to know today. So the lesson that God is teaching me is the same one He's tried to show me before over and over again, just in different ways: "Don't worry about tomorrow, today's own troubles are enough for today. Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you".

I'll write some more soon, but that's all for tonight. God has continued to hold me up and give me strength day by day. Praise to the Lord for His love and faithfulness!

The plan for now

I saw my Little Rock oncologist today. Bottom line...I'm staying on Tamoxifen. That's fine with me. Now it's just me, Tamoxifen and the Lord. A very simple maintenance program.

One thing that was a little disturbing to me was that I thought I was having scans every 3 months...so I thought I was getting a scan this month. I'm not. I go for checkups every 3 months and then have CT and PET scans every 6 months. That means, since my last PET scan was in May, I will not be checked for recurrence until November.

That sounds like a year to me.

This is a time of walking by faith, not by sight. I cannot see what is happening inside of me. I just need to trust and pray and not look down, like Peter did. Please pray for me to have peace and pure child-like trust day by day...and to keep my eyes focused on Jesus. That's my desire.

"Whatever you ask for in prayer believe that you have already received it and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

Whew...that is a hard Scripture! But that's what it says.

Lord God...thank You for all the ways that you have healed me. Please heal my moments of unbelief and replace it with faith that comes from You alone. I don't have enough in my own heart's storage. You alone are my Strength and Source of hope. In Jesus' mighty Name.

Second Opinion

Last week I went to Tennessee and got to visit with family and lots of dear friends, which was great! Mary and I drove over and stayed one week, had a busy but wonderful time.

While I was there I went to Vanderbilt University Medical Center and met with a doctor in the cancer clinic. He has worked at Vanderbilt for 29 years. My sister Diane went with me and we both liked him right away...very kind and soft spoken and professional.

I explained I wanted to get a second opinion, which he thought was very normal and fine. He had already looked over my medical records that my oncologist in Little Rock had sent. I also brought scans and path slides. SO...he had all my records there to look over.

He said that all the treatment that I had already received to this point would have been exactly what they would have done. That was nice to hear. We discussed the different options for fighting recurrence at this point. He really leaned toward using Tamoxifen only instead of some other meds called aromatose inhibitors. We talked about lots of other things also. He was not in a hurry...very patient to answer my questions. I really felt like the Lord had sent me to just the right person.

He'll send his recommendations to my doctor. This coming Monday I'll go back to see her and we'll discuss the options again and then decide. I'm already taking Tamoxifen right now, as she wanted me to "be on something" while I was going to the second doctor. All of these meds are to stop estrogen production in my body...because the cancer was estrogen-positive.

Physically...I'm still tired. I guess I just keep thinking I'm going to bounce back any day now but it is still slow progress. I walked a mile on Monday around the track, then I came home and went out to the yard to pull a few weeds for awhile. I thought it wasn't much but as the day went on I had no energy reserve left. The reserve was empty. I was so tired. So Tuesday and today I tried to slow down some, and it's been a little better. I just feel frustrated because I want to "get back to normal". I guess this is normal...for now. I'm learning to accept all the change and the limitations as part of this journey.

Spiritually...I'm working on the whole faith issue. When you get out of the active treatment stage and into the maintenance treatment time there is this huge question that no one wants to say out loud, but it's on our minds. "Is it going to come back?" There, I said it. Last week the Lord reminded me of the story of Peter walking on the water. Three points...(like any good sermon)... I need to not be afraid, I need to keep my eyes on Jesus and I need to not look down. All three are hard. I can't do it just by saying I need to do it. I need the Lord's strength to even do any of it. It will have to come from Him.


Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:
"But He said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power my rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."


I haven't quite learned the fine art of delighting in my weaknesses. But I am quite aware that I am weak and of the fact that I do not have any strength of my own. I call on the Lord, and He gives me strength for that moment in time. Hour by hour, day by day. Where else would I go for strength?

"O Lord, You are my strength!" Psalm 18:1

He always comes when I call. Holds me up one more time. What a faithful and wonderful God! Thank You, O Lord, for Your love and kindness to me! Thank You!

Great vacation

Tom and I had a wonderful time getting away last week. We went to see some dear friends in Missouri, Rick and Lenore and their son Tyler. They were so hospitable and kind...it was great being with them! Then we went to the lake condo in Bella Vista. We just relaxed and had a great time.

Medically...I am waiting to get an appt. with another doctor to get my second opinion. I've contacted Vanderbilt University and I'll hear tomorrow whether I can get in to see them next week or not. If I can't, then I'll arrange an appt. with the doctor at Univ. of AR in Little Rock. I'm just praying for the Lord to open and close these doors so I'll land where he wants me to land. In the meantime, I'm still on Tamoxifen.

Tom leaves for Africa early Friday morning. PLEASE keep him in your prayers. He will be gone for 3 and half weeks to Nigeria and Tanzania, flying through Germany and England. I will leave Sat. to go see my family in Tennessee for a week. This is my first time back to Tenn since last Oct. when I was diagnosed. Mary will be coming with me, but Jamie will stay home again because he's working.

That's all for now. The vacation was such a huge blessing. We are grateful to our friends and to the Lord! Every little part of it fell beautifully into place. To His glory!

Still rejoicing!

One week has passed since I finished my treatment. It has been a great week, one of celebration. Friday morning I did my victory lap with Tom, Jamie and Mary. Then that night our family and extra family all went to eat catfish. Late Friday night Jesse came in for the weekend. It was wonderful having him home. Also, Saturday night we had a small group of friends come over to the house to sing and praise the Lord and to thank Him for His faithfulness throughout this journey. Great celebration weekend.

As I said before, this race is not over but I wanted to celebrate this milestone with a grateful heart. Monday morning I kind of got back to the race again. Tom and I went to my oncologist in Little Rock. We discussed with her that I'd like a second opinion about what we are going to do next. I have never done that, ever, with a medical doctor, but everything I've read said that I should. I was worried that she would think I didn't trust her or something, but she said that getting a second opinion is common and she would do the exact same thing if it were her case. She is a very mature and gracious doctor. She said very directly that I shouldn't worry about staying there or not etc. but that the main thing was to go to the place that best fit my needs. For now, she wanted me to go ahead and begin Tamoxifen, an anti-estrogen drug, and then in the coming month I'll go talk to a second doctor. From there we'll decide which path to take. One place she mentioned was the UAMS in L.Rock. There is a specialist there in breast cancer oncology.

This past week I also feel like I crossed over a line when I finished my radiation. At this moment in time, they have removed as much of the cancer surgically as possible, they have systemically attacked the cancer with the chemo, and they have radiated the skin area and lymph nodes as much as possible. So...do I have cancer in my body right now? Probably somewhere, but so does everyone they say. And at this point, as far as I know, I am more cancer-free than cancer-filled. I praise God to be able to say that! The healing will continue, but I've come a long, long way. I want to continue to thank Him for the healing that He's already done, as I move forward into whatever is ahead.

Please pray for the Tamoxifen to do its job, minus the negative side effects, which include some serious things. Also, I'll ask for prayers for our family. Tom and I are traveling to the Ozarks Sunday. This is our week vacation together that we've been looking forward to! Mary will be at Camp T. for 2 weeks. Last year she went home early with strep, so please pray she'll stay well and have fun. Jamie is staying in Searcy. Bets will be on the Gulf Coast doing Katrina volunteer work with her youth group. And Jess is moving this weekend in Nashville to a house with some friends. Thank you so much for your continued prayers.

Lord, thank You for this week, another week, that You have walked with me and held me up with Your mighty hand and tender love. Thank You, again and again and again.
In Jesus' Name.

"I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free." Ps 101:32

I'M DONE!!!!

HOORAY!!!!! I finished number 33 today at 8:30 am. PRAISE GOD!!!!

Tom came with me. I brought my camera and took pictures of the therapists, the machine, the dressing room, my older friend Liz who started one day after me, etc.
The treatment was normal and short. I had imagined for quite some time now that I would stand up on the table and jump off like a superhero and proclaim my joy. I didn't. (Aren't you glad?) Instead, I asked the 3 women therapists to pray with me. We were all teary together. I was done, really done.

We went home, got Mary and Jamie and headed over to Lion Stadium, Jamie's high school football stadium and track. Tommy and I walked around the track and then I ran the last stretch, with Mary and Jamie holding an orange tape stretched out for me to break through at the finish line (Tommy thought of that). We all hugged and prayed, thanking God for His faithfulness.

O Lord, my Strength,
How is it that You should be so mighty and glorious
and yet, so tender and loving,
that You show me Your love
day after day, hour after hour?
You are my God, my life, my hope, and my strength,
my Savior, my Friend,
my Bread and Water of Life.
You are my All.
I love You O Lord
and praise Your glorious Name,
The Name
The Name Above All Names
And it is in that Name
that I thank You
on this wonderful day,
thank You, again and again,
in Jesus Christ,
Amen.

Thursday

Today I walked out of the Carti building and got teary as I headed to the car. I just cannot believe it. Only one more radiation treatment.

First, let me say that there is a race that will continue on past tomorrow. I have an appointment on Monday with my oncologist in Little Rock. We'll be discussing what happens next...Xeloda or Arimedex or Tamoxifen. I'll be taking something. I also have decided that I want to get a second and maybe third opinion about this next phase before I start anything. There is treatment beyond tomorrow.

BUT...it is important to celebrate milestones and this is a MAJOR milestone in my life!!! I just can't believe it. I started Oct. 18th, so it will have been 8 months and 11 days.

Yes, I am going to celebrate!!! Tom is coming with me to my last treatment. Then we are going to the local football stadium that has a track around it and I am going to walk a victory lap. Just a symbolic walk/run.

Then, we're planning on going out to eat catfish tomorrow night with family. Catfish has been a faithful food. :-) Then Jesse gets in very late Friday night, which is great. Saturday night I'm going to have a time of praise and worship at the house with my prayer group and some other guests. I just want to thank the Lord over and over for His love and faithfulness!

Then on July 8th Tom and I are going to Missouri to a vacation house that someone has offered to us to use for a week. Once again, God has blessed us and provided for us. This time He has provided a place of rest. I am very grateful and excited. I imagine Tommy fishing and me reading. What fun! We also are going to get to see another college roommate, Lenore and her husband Rick. We haven't seen each other in 15 years. That will be a great reunion.

When we come back Tommy heads to Africa for 3 or 4 weeks...to Nigeria and Tanzania.

Those are the plans.

The number is ONE.
Wow.


"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits,
who forgives all your sins, who heals all your diseases,
who redeems you life from the Pit,
who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
who satisfies you with good as long as you live
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
Psalm 103:1-5

Wednesday

Two more.

Tuesday

I've been blessed with some visitors this week, which has been wonderful! Last Monday and then yesterday my college roommate from Harding, Rosalinda, came through with her husband to visit us. What a great and sweet gift of their time! We've had some good catching up time. She and her husband are such a joy to be around...it has been an encouragement to my heart to see her again.

ALSO...Betsy is in town this week! She brought kids from her youth group to attend Harding's Uplift program, so she arrived Saturday and will leave Thursday. We've been catching an hour here and there with her in between her time on campus. We're happy to get to see her this week!

AND ALSO...Jesse is coming in on Thursday this week. Yeah! He was here last about 5 weeks ago for Mother's Day. I'm thrilled that he will be here for my last treatment celebration.

It's so cool to have these precious friends and my children be here this week. The whole week is flying by...filled with joy. Praise God!

Three, just three left.

Monday

Four.

Sunday

Only five left...Monday through Friday.

You would think that it's like coasting downhill at this point. Coming into the final stretch and seeing the finish line ahead, running across with ease.

But something happened Friday and Saturday to me. It was a major attack from Satan. Once again, the physical is so connected to the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of my body. Up until last week the radiation hasn't been too hard. I'm not saying it was easy, but it was not as physically taxing until last week. Last week my skin really reached the "sunburned" level everyone talks about. Plus, I was just tired, so tired. By Friday afternoon I was pretty teary. Then I woke up Saturday morning with tears ready to fall. They sprinkled on and off through the morning. Then about 1:30, there was a downpour.

Tommy came in to check on me, I was lying down on the bed. He asked how I was doing and I just started sobbing. Tired of all of this. So tired. I felt hopeless and discouraged. I just felt dark and sad and completely weary. I asked him to pray over me, which he did... he prayed for peace to pour over me and for Satan to leave. He kept praying and immediately I calmed down and felt all the heaviness lift. I felt completely different. Life was light again. Peace did pour over me. It was amazing and very much from the Lord.

Why such an overt enemy attack at this point in the race? I imagine someone sticking their foot out and tripping the runner right before they cross the finish line. They are so close to victory something drastic has to be done to stop them! I got tripped, but I didn't get stopped. Once again, it was my sweet husband that the Lord used to come to my rescue, to intercede in prayer, and send me forward again. I am so, so thankful for my husband. I'm moving forward again.

And I as so grateful to God. Over and over again He has rescued me, getting me back on my feet to run. "I love you, O Lord, my strength". Psalms 18:1

There is the big question that everyone wonders...if He is such an awesome and loving God, why did He let this happen in the first place? Honestly...I don't know. I really don't. I have some ideas why but since I'm not God, I do not really know why. What I do know is that He is in control of all things. I believe that, for some reason, He allowed this cancer to grow in my body. Not that He wanted me to suffer, but that He allowed it for His own reasons. I can't see the big picture, all I see is today. I also know that He loves me and has called me to trust Him day by day. I love Him so much...enough that I do trust Him, even with my life and my body. SO...even though I don't know the "why", I am okay not knowing. The things that I do know are enough for me to follow Jesus. Suffering seems to be a part of the discipleship of being a Christian. I haven't had much of it in the other 49 years, but now I have a piece of understanding that aspect of discipleship. There are many others I know who have had more than a piece; they've suffered for the Lord years and years and years and still praise His holy name. I'm just learning. I still have plenty to learn.

"Finally be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. (not mine)
Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the tricks of the devil. For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:10-12

Thursday

Six.

Wednesday

One more done, 7 to go.

Today...today two things happened at treatment. One was that I found out they were done treating the lymph nodes at my collar bone and on my back. So...today I only had two places treated, instead of the four I have been getting. That was great.

The other thing was when they began my treatment I just started to get very teary and emotional. I don't know why. The tears rolled off my cheek as my head stayed frozen. I couldn't wipe them away, because I couldn't move. I could hear Fernando Ortega singing the hymn in the background. When the therapists came back one of them said, "are you all right?" I said "I don't know why, I'm just teary today." They said that's okay, some days are like that...handed me a Kleenex. They left, then the treatment continued. I slowly got composed. The women came back and I was done. Hopped off the table.

I guess there's something emotional about coming to an end. I've been at this so long. I don't know. I'll keep thinking about this...one day at a time.

God is still so near. Breathing calm into my very heart as I laid there with tears falling down. So real.

Thank You, Jesus...You are tender and faithful to me.


Seven's the number for today.

Tuesday

Eight.

Countdown

Nine. Nine left.

I haven't really described radiation.

I go in and sit in the lobby until they call my name. Then the PA system says "Mrs. Carr". So I go back to a changing room, put a gown on from the waist up and sit again in the back hall. There is one radiation room that we all rotate in and out of. So someone comes out, passes by me in their little gown and then they call my name.

I march in to THE room. When I go in they ask me which CD I want to hear. When I first started it took me 3 treatments to realize that Aretha Franklin was NOT on the radio, but they were playing a CD. She kept singing "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" at exactly the same time everyday. :-) (I'm a little slow.) So I asked if I could bring in my own CD's and they said yes. I started by listening to Twila Paris. The cool thing is that my nurses all really like my CD's and they keep them on, so the other patients after me also hear them. My treatment usually lasts for 3-4 songs, then I'm done. So they put in the CD and I go lie down on the table, face up.

My hands go above my head, holding a bar. The radiation machine moves toward me and gets up close enough that I can feel its heat...about 8 inches. VERY carefully they align the machines lights to the lines on my body, which are all marked in red and black. Once the 4 women technicians are satisfied that it is perfectly lined up, then they leave the room, and a huge lead door shuts. I am totally alone in the room. They can see me from a monitor room. The machine makes some preliminary hums and then there is a loud buzz and some clicking sounds. That means the radiation is on. The buzz lasts about 20 seconds for the first area they treat. All this time I can hear Twila singing in the background "God is in Control", "We will glorify", "the Joy of the Lord will be my strength" or some others. I try to focus totally on the song and my thoughts and prayers.

The women come back in, reset the lines and the machine, leave, and then I get zapped again. They do this four times...my chest, under my arm, near my collar bone (lymph nodes) and on my back (lymph nodes again from another angle.) Then, after the fourth one, I'm done...I can put my arms down. So I sit up, hop off the table and leave the room, greeting the next patient as I pass them by. That's it. Change back to my clothes. Drive home.


Nine to go.
Not that I'm counting or anything.

With wings like eagles

Back in the winter a young college friend of ours, Lorrie, told me that she wanted to run a race in my honor this summer. I couldn't believe that she would do that and felt very touched. She asked to meet with me about once a week to discuss our races and share with each other. So we did.

When we would meet, we would share different aspects of our races. She was in preparation for a half-triathlon, so she was running, swimming and biking all the time. My three events were surgery, chemo and radiation. We would talk about our physical, emotional and spiritual status through it all. We would always close with a prayer time.

Well...last weekend Lorrie ran her race. She drove from Arkansas to Michigan. She had a huge crisis on the way...her bike flew off of her car! But she got it back at a police station in Memphis. Then, she had to get it repaired in Nashville. She kept going on and got to Monroe, MI on Lake Erie on Sat.

Sunday arrived, and she ran and swam and biked. She said she really enjoyed the whole race. Lorrie came in FIRST in her age division for women!!! YEAH!!!

First of all...let me thank her again here in writing. THANK YOU Lorrie...for this huge honor. What an incredible expression of support and love. It will always, always be remembered. Thank you!

Second, there were many parallels for us, but there were also lots of ways that our races have been different. The most obvious is that mine is still going on. And, actually, will continue on some level for the rest of my life. Life IS a marathon race. I intend to keep running hard and hopefully more focused than I would have 8 months ago. My finish line is not just to get over all these treatments which, thankfully, are coming to an end. But I want very much to run this Life Race with joy and hope and a loving heart and selflessness and, I could go on and on.

I will be running this race with clearer vision, more focused on the Life Giver, Jesus. He is Life. I love Him. I just want to love Him more.

Two weeks left. Ten more treatments. Then we'll see what's next.


"Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might...He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; BUT...those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:28-31

Past the Half-Way Mark

Last Thursday I reached the half-way point in my radiation treatment. Today was Day #20 out of 33 total.

Last week I did finally start having some of the radiation symptoms...my skin is red and dry, but it is not bad. I use a prescription wound gel that really heals the skin quickly. My throat feels kind of weird because they are zapping near my collar bone (getting the lymph nodes that are there). They said that the radiation is probably just irritating the esophagus, so it feels kind of swollen. The fatigue hasn't really hit yet...or at least I haven't noticed it. Glad about that.

One big thing that I decided to do that is a different...while I am lying there getting the treatment I usually pray and ask the Lord to heal me and to get all the right areas and protect my body. I decided last week to not ASK all those things, but instead to go ahead and thank God for them. That may sound very obvious to some of you...but it was a step of faith for me. To go ahead and thank God, as if it has already happened. So now I thank Him for my healing and thank Him for getting all the right cells. All present or past tense...that it is happening, and I trust that it is happening, or that it has already happened.

Why the change? The scripture that says "whatever you ask for in prayer believe that you have already received it and it is yours " from Mark 11:24. And "Don't worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6

Those verses are ones I've heard all my life. But now...they have to do WITH my life. Choosing to look at words and truly believe they are breathed from God. I do believe in Scripture...so I will take action and verbalize my grateful heart. I have chosen to thank God for the healing. Healing that I cannot truly know yet.

It's funny. I wrote my high school senior term paper on faith and healing. I remember I got a B. Not enough evidence. (funny stuff)

Today is done. Today is today and the Lord was faithful today, as always, going with me through the whole day.

First week of June

Summer is in full swing now, which is wonderful. I am glad the kids are home! It just slows down all the busyness and gives us more time together.

Friday night,July 1, Tommy, Jamie, Mary and I went to our very first cancer event. It was the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. Lots of organizations had signed up to raise money for the event...banks, churches, office groups, businesses, and some families I think.

We went to the city park and there were booths set up in a circle in the middle grassy area. We headed to the pavilion and got in line for a nice dinner prepared for survivors and their families. (You are considered a "survivor" from the first day that you're diagnosed. I found that out last fall.) So... I am a 7 month survivor. I filled out the paper and they handed me a purple T-shirt...the front had "Relay for Life" and the back had in bold letters SURVIVOR. I felt like I was entering new territory, wearing a huge shirt that proclaimed in print that I was a cancer survivor. I was announcing it to the world somehow. Tommy helped me pull it on over my shirt. Then we moved on down the line and our family was served a nice picnic supper. We sat under the pavilion with lots of other purple shirts and their loved ones.

After the dinner, at 7pm all the folks under the pavilion moved to a starting line on the park walking trail. It is a small walking trail, goes around in a half mile circle. All along the trail were luminaries... paper bags with sand and a candle inside. On the outside of the bag were names honoring people, those still living and those who've passed away. Someone that I had just met last week bought a luminary for me. So as we walked around we looked for my bag with my name on it. Found it. It was very moving to see the bag...which is just... a bag. But it meant a lot. It confirmed publicly that, "yes, Lisa Carr has cancer, and she is a survivor, and as a community, we are going to stand with her as she fights this disease." Wow. It was very touching.

At 7:00 all the survivors lined up and starting walking this simple trail. The kids had left to go to a church youth party, so it was just Tommy and me, and all the other survivors too. All along the way there were groups of people standing on the edge of the trail. These were all the other people who had come to the event, the ones supporting all the activities. Those lined-up-people were all clapping.

Clapping for us.

Cheering us on.

We walked around the whole circle. We'd turn a little corner and there was another group, and another group, all clapping. It was very, very emotional and touching. Both of us were teary as we crossed the finish line.

People, once again...people that I don't even know, helping me fight this fight. Raising money for the sole purpose of stopping this disease, that I happen to have.
I am so humbled by their love and giving hearts. It was quite an incredible mile marker on this marathon that I'm running.

I came home and looked at my purple shirt.

I am forever in this club, the club no one wants to join. Once you're in it though, you are devoted to each other for life. Complete strangers are bonded. We understand each other and the road we have walked down.



Jesus, thank You that I went that night.
Thank You for all the ways You have faithfully sent encouragement along this road.
Thank You for all the people that have blessed me in the past 7 months. And...

thank You for my purple shirt.

In Your Name. Amen.

End of May

Wow! May just flew by...don't you think? I can't believe it's already going to be June.

I had a wonderful birthday. No big fireworks or parades or surprise parties. We had a family lunch gathering for the actual birthday meal. A total of 8 at the party. Frog-more Stew was the main course (which is shrimp, potatoes, corn on the cob, and sausage all boiled in Crab Boil flavorings), watermelon and banana pudding for my "cake". Delicious! And, I really did most of the cooking, which is a major sign that I must be feeling better and getting stronger, because I couldn't have done that 6 weeks ago. Very nice gathering. Great birthday party.

Then Tommy and I went to Little Rock that night to go to an Arkansas Travelers baseball game. This was my idea, not his. I love baseball...what a great sporting event. You can sit back, chill out, talk, watch, look at people, and catch up on the game every once in awhile. The Travelers have a brand new stadium. It was such a lovely evening - cool weather and no bugs. Life is good.

Before the game I told Tommy I wanted to walk across the new walking trail bridge in Little Rock. When we got to the stadium someone told us it was not downtown, but about 10 miles away. SO...we walked across the bridge right by the stadium instead. It is a nice, old bridge (not TOO old) that had a sidewalk for pedestrians. We walked over and back, looking at the Arkansas River and a sunset slowly arriving. Very nice. I guess I wanted to cross the bridge to symbolically cross over to my 50's. New stage of life. Definitely a new outlook on life.

Fifty feels fine. Not scary or ancient, just pretty normal.

I'm thankful to be celebrating today...and everyday that the Lord gives me.

The Big 5-0 and proud of it!

Today is my birthday...WOOHOO! And I'm 50 years old!!!

Yes, I told you right out how old I am. Since I have been diagnosed with cancer, there have been changes in my thinking in many areas. And this is just one of them...that every birthday is to be celebrated wholeheartedly, fully, joyfully and with great gratitude. Praise God that I have lived 50 years...that I have been so blessed with a precious husband, beautiful children, wonderful family, and more friends than I can count. I am a grateful 50 year old woman.

Thank You, O dear Lord, for all these people in my life. Thank You, dear Lord, for You, and all that You are to me. Thank You, dear Lord...for life.
In Jesus' Name.

First Radiation Treatment

Monday I went to see my chemo doctor. She was checking on how I did with my 8th treatment. The visit went well...Betsy came with me, which was so nice. Dr. Wilder said that she wants me to come back to see her in 7 weeks, after I've finished radiation. There are some more things to do with her, but she wants to wait until that is done...which is fine with me. I really like taking one thing at a time, instead of juggling different treatments at the same time.

Tuesday Betsy came with me again but this time we didn't have to drive to Little Rock. My radiation treatment is in Searcy, just a 5 minute drive from our home. That is WONDERFUL considering I go every day, Monday through Friday. This first day was extra long because they had to take special X-rays and measurements and markings to make sure they are getting exactly the right area and angle. It is a very precise thing...moving my head or shifting my body so that it is exactly lined up. After I was all lined up I had my first radiation dosage. You can't "feel" anything, anymore than you feel an X-ray at the dentist's office. I have to not move AT ALL, which is slightly uncomfortable for long periods. I kind of "freeze". The only thing that I can move is opening and closing my eyes. So I look around some, but mostly just close my eyes and either pray, sing hymns or recite Scripture in my mind. It helps me stay calm and stay still.

Today Tom went with me for my second treatment. Today was much shorter because there was no measuring to do. I have marks all over my neck and chest. They use laser and light to line me up and then go right on with the treatment. My visits now will only be about 20 minutes total. Tom got to go in the "cockpit" area with the technicians and monitors this time so he could see what they were doing. We also met with a social worker that told us all these nice extras that they offer: massages once a week for Tommy and me, nutritional counseling, regular counseling, a 10-week exercise program at a local health club for me, retreats, etc. They were very kind and helpful.

I have some specific prayer requests for all this. I'm concerned about my left arm. Sometimes radiation causes an arm that has had lymph nodes removed (which I did) to get something called lymphedema...a chronic swelling problem. Please pray that this won't happen with me. Also, just that the radiation will target the cancer but not damage my lungs, heart, throat (& voice), etc. since it will be administered in the areas of all those things. Also, that I won't have problems with skin burning or other side effects. This all sounds so specific, but they are concerns that I have and I am sharing my heart with you all. Thank you for listening.

And thank you for your faithful prayers. It will soon be 7 months since my diagnosis. Praise God for how far He has carried me! And Praise to His Name for all the intercessors that have prayed on my behalf. I can't believe how many people are praying. I am so, so grateful!!! Thank you so much.

I feel like I am starting a new phase, so I am trying to boost my emotional stamina to keep going. I have learned the best encouragement to my heart is the Word of God... just reading the Bible. It has always been an important part of my life and a source of wisdom and truth. But now I've found how much strength there is and power in the Word. The word I want to use to describe it is "magical"...which is a secular,worldly word. I think we all picture reading the words and something all of a sudden starts to come to life. But really, it is not the right word at all...because magic is not of the Lord, and what happens when we read God's word is so much greater than the empty power of magic, which the Bible tells us to stay away from anyway. The Word of God is alive! And it does "come to life", showing up in my life hour by hour. It is Him, the Living Word, walking me through this journey. I'm trying to memorize Scripture, which I haven't done in years, so that I can keep it ready, like food, when I need it.

That's all for today. THIS is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice in it.

Thank You, Holy God, for my great report last week, for Monday's appointment going well, and for being with me with this new phase. I praise You and thank You for Your love and faithfulness. In the Name Above All Names, Jesus.

Great news!

The doctor's office called this morning and said that the PETscan test showed no cancer. YEAH!!! That means that I will still have radiation treatments (I'll start Tuesday), but that there were no new areas that the cancer had moved to at this point. That was very comforting to hear!

This is a day of praise! Thank you so much for your prayers about this!

Lord, thank You, thank You so much for this good report! All praise and glory goes to You! In Jesus' Name.

Nice weekend

This has been a sweet family weekend. Mary and I drove to Fayetteville, AR Friday afternoon. We'd never been there before. It is a beautiful part of Arkansas...nice small mountains. Not as big as Virgnina's mountains, but they were still very beautiful. We were all going there because Jamie's high school soccer team had made it to the state finals for 6A level sports in AR. Jamie went with the team, so he was already there. Then Tom flew in from CA Friday night. He'd been at the Pepperdine lectureships. I'm so glad he got to be there for the weekend events.

Saturday we went to the game and they WON!!!! State champions! Very exciting day for Searcy... and for Jamie. We were so proud of him and the whole team. We had such a nice time.

Tomorrow is my PETscan. I'll be going to White Co. hospital, so I don't have to go out of town this time. I'll meet with the doctor on Tuesday to discuss the results. She said they won't have a complete reading for 3 days, but she will have some preliminary information.

Also, my parents are here this weekend. That has been a nice side blessing!

That's all for today.

8th Treatment

It's been almost 2 weeks since I had my last treatment. I guess I imagined that because it was my last treatment it would be easier somehow. There is absolutely no logic to that!

It has been mentally better, knowing that it was the last. But physically, I've struggled. The main problem this time has been the food issue...feeling nauseous, needing to eat, but not knowing what to eat. First I have to think or see some food, then I try to imagine eating it. If it's a yes, then I proceed to tasting it. It has to pass the thinking about it and tasting it tests first before I can go on and actually eat it. I've been living on cereal and milk, corn, some soups, cereal, popcorn, cereal....you get the idea. Wacky.

I went to my new radiologist yesterday for the first time and I really, really liked her. She was kind and very knowledgable. She wants me to have a PETscan on Monday to see if there are any areas showing cancer in my body at this point. So much has happened since my last PETscan in Oct. '06. By looking at this test she will decide my radiation plan. I'll have 33 treatments. They are everyday, Mon-Fri.

I'm not worried about the radiation treatments, mostly because everyone I've talked to says that it is easier than chemo. I'm hoping that's true.

Pray needs? Please pray for Monday's test, for my body to heal from the effects of the chemo and now the radiation treatments. And...for healing overall.

I'm tired. Just being honest. But I know I have to keep going, so I'll keep pressing on.


"The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall. But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40: 28-31

Woohoo!!!

Yesterday was my 8th treatment and yesterday was my LAST treatment! Praise God!

Tom and I visited the doctor first. I was so glad to hear her say it would be my last one. She told me to properly celebrate this milestone. Then I went in for my treatment time and it was DEFINITELY an easier day knowing it was my last time to sit there. The whole treatment only lasted 3 hours, which is shorter than many of the others. We were out by 1:30! The nurses there sang "Happy Graduation Day" to me and I got a cute certificate with a purple heart on it. After hugging my other patient friends that were all still sitting down, we walked out to the sunshine and fresh air. YEAH!!! A huge victory.

Thank You, O God, for Your faithfulness to carry me through these treatments. So many people have prayed and prayed that I would be held up, and I have been. Thank You! I know it's not over, I still have more marathon miles to run, but this is a day of rejoicing and praising You. You are my loving, tender and faithful God.
Thank You again and again. In Jesus' Name.

Tomorrow

It's Sunday night. This is the 8th time I've come up on the Sunday night syndrome... "the night before chemo". I thought this time that it would not be a big deal, since I've done it seven other times! And afterall, I should be rejoicing because, Lord willing if all goes as planned, it will be my last big chemo treatment. I hope it really is my last one.

But I still find myself emotionally dreading tomorrow. Again. What am I dreading? Hmmm...it's really simple, I think. I dread sitting there, watching all the meds go into my port, one after the other. When I sit there I am physically faced with the reality that I have cancer. I know I have cancer...but at home, I'm still me. I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter,a sister, a friend. When I am there, I'm a cancer patient, sitting and talking to other cancer patients. It's a long, long day.

So I will go tomorrow...with my Tommy by my side this time. I'm so glad he is coming. I'll also go with Jesus by my side. That is not a nice, religious saying that I am throwing out. I really do depend on the fact that Jesus is going with me tomorrow. He's been there for the other seven, I know He'll be there tomorrow. I believe Him when He said " I will never leave you."

I do hope it will be my last chemo treament.

Renewal from the Lord!

Wow. I really did get to go Friday night and Saturday. Hooray!!! I felt pretty well around 4:00 on Friday so Betsy and Carissa and I all ate at Cracker Barrel and then headed to the Women of Faith conference after that. It was wonderful! I couldn't believe that I was well enough to be sitting there. Nicole Nordeman performed (which was another wow!), Sandi Patty sang one song and Patsy Clairemont spoke. They were all tremendous.

We all came back Sat am and stayed the day. We heard Luci Swindoll, Marilyn Meeburg, Allison Allen, Sheila Walsh, a comedienne named Anita Renfroe, and Thelma Wells. Sandi Patty performed in the afternoon and was absolutely incredible. ALL of it was about being free in Christ, truly free.

I am so grateful to the Lord for restoring my strength enough to be there. This weekend was like an I.V. of renewal and encouragement pouring into my heart, refreshing my spirit. I feel revived!

Thank you for praying me there! Lots of you I know were diligently interceding for me this week. Thank you. If you had seen me Wednesday you would not have thought I was going ANYWHERE for weeks. My friend Sandy Mc told me to watch for all the different miracles that God would show me along this healing road. This week was one of those miracles. He lifted me up and got me there by His love and strength and healing power.

O God, my dear Heavenly Father, I thank You! You are so good! So good. So tender to lift my heart up again just when I was feeling weary along this long road. Thank You, Faithful God! I give You the glory, You the praise! There is no one holy but You!

Better

Doing better today. I still have the cold and a new persistent cough, but my sore throat is gone.

My plan is to take it easy today and hopefully go tonight to the conference. I am just waiting to see hour by hour how I feel. Either way, Betsy and 2 college friends are going tonight and tomorrow all day. I'm so thankful she is getting to go. Hopefully I will be joining them, but if not, I'm glad they will be blessed to be there.

Thanks for your prayers. I am so much better than Wednesday! Yeah God!!!

Not doing well today. I saw our family doctor yesterday. He said my throat was very red, etc. and put me on a powerful antibiotic. Today my throat is worse, very sore. Hopefully by tomorrow I'll see some improvement.

I really hope to go to this conference this weekend...but right now I'm not sure if I'll be able to.

April 9, 2007

I had a wonderful Easter weekend. Jesse and my sister Judy came over from Tennessee. It was fun, of course, to have Jesse here. And Judy and I had not seen each other since last July! We had lots of good visiting time together.

I'm not going to write much today...I'm not feeling well. I did fine over the weekend, but Mary started feeling bad Sunday night...sore throat and congestion. I kept her home from school today. By about 10am I could feel something coming ...sore throat and my nausea. I decided to rest all day. Mary and I had to "be sick" away from each other. She was in the family room, watching Andy Griffith DVD's. I was in my bedroom. I slept a LOT today, which was good.

She's feeling better tonight. I feel about the same. My immune system probably is working its best to fight off this bug. I am asking for prayers for both of us to get well soon. Some dear friends in Tennessee have blessed me with tickets to a Woman of Faith Conference in Little Rock this Friday and Saturday. I'm pretty excited about going...now I just have to get well. Please pray that I can be there this weekend. Betsy is going with me also. I know it will be a sweet time of encouragement.

Thanks so much for your prayers!

7th Treatment

Today was treatment day. Overall, it went very well. My friend Nita, who is a 4 year cancer survivor, took me to Little Rock for the appointment. I was glad to have her company today.

When I went in for my doctor's appointment the nurse spent a good while with me, filling me in with information of what was ahead. She said that after my next treatment...which is my LAST treatment (woohoo)...that I would wait about 3 weeks before I start my radiation program. The radiation will be done in Searcy, so I will have only a 5 minute drive. It is Monday through Friday and only lasts 20 minutes for the whole appointment. I'll go for 6 weeks. I asked about
any testing. I thought they might want to test right after the chemo treatment is done. But she said they will test me 3 months from my last chemo. If any cancer would be found anywhere else, which we of course are praying that it won't, it wouldn't be growing while I'm taking so much chemo. So they wait 3 months to look for any changes. I will be checked every 3 months for 2 years, she said...which I liked hearing that because I want them to keep a close check on everything.

The doctor came in and said a lot of the same. She almost changed my treatment to something different, but reviewed my charts and kept me on the TAC chemo trio. I did not have to have a red blood cell shot or any iron supplements because my blood counts were just above the line. That was good.

The past three weeks since my last treatment looked a little different than my other ones. I had about the same nausea on the first week, but the second week I experienced much more fatigue than I had had before. Very tired. Then the third week I pulled out again. But when the nurse asked me how the last treatment had looked she asked about vomiting, diarrhea, mouth sores, tingling in my hands and feet...all of which I said "no". I did have fatigue, nausea and some acheyness. I realized how BLESSED I continue to be with my response to the chemo. I know people are praying for different things, but I've had quite a few praying specifically that my symptoms would be mild. That is an answered prayer! They looked at me with surprise that I haven't had more. I am so grateful to the Lord for His answer to those prayers! Thanks to you all who have prayed.

I'm looking forward to this week. Not to the sickness that I expect to sneak in...but to the special holiday that this is. I love Easter! I love to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. It's the whole point of His coming. I do love Christmas, but that's just the beginning, just His arrival. Easter is the celebration of WHY He came...to die for our sins on the cross so we could live...forgiven! Then the resurrection ...hooray...brings to us hope and joy of life beyond death. Praise and thanks to the Lord God who made a way for us all!!!

I'm also thankful because Jesse and my sister Judy are coming over from Tennessee for the weekend. That will be great to see them!

That's it for today.

Thank You, O Lord, for Your faithfulness for this day! Thank You Jesus for choosing to walk to Jerusalem, to the cross, to Your death. Thank You for mercy, for forgiveness that I depend on everyday of my life. Thank You most of all for Your unfailing love! I praise Your holy Name. Amen.

Details

One week ago I had my treatment. I never know when I go home what the next few days will look like. This chemo treatment, number 6, has been mild...which is great. I am so thankful to the Lord for His "going before me" again.

I did start to feel the nausea Wednesday afternoon, which really just means I start to feel this queasy stomach feeling. When most of us normally feel that way, the response is to not eat for awhile because your stomach is unsettled. But with chemo, the longer I go without eating, the worse the nausea feels...so the dilemma is needing to eat and not being able to think of what sounds good or what will taste good.

SO...Wednesday night a dear friend was bringing food for our family, but I didn't know what it was going to be. When she arrived, she walked in with poppyseed chicken casserole and some side items. I was so happy...it is one of the things I've been able to eat. It looked good, smelled good, and tasted good. Hooray!

Now, I hesitate to tell you all those details...but I wanted to because I believe the Lord takes care of details in our lives. He is a detail God. The food just "coincidentally" was just the right one for my needs that night. Amazing God... that He should love me through my friends hands and heart in that way.

Then Thursday was my bad day. I woke up achey and nauseous. I prayed that morning "Lord, please stay close to me today...let me feel Your presence, because I just can't do this without it." Everyone went off to school and work and I was there on the sofa. I could see that it was going to be a long, long day.

The doorbell rang around 9:00. It was a church friend and she was bringing fresh organic country eggs. She said "How are you doing today?" I said "kind of yukky today". She came in and sat down and talked a few minutes and prayed with me, then she was off. Just a nice short visit. Around 11:30 another friend from church called and said she was bringing supper, but wanted to deliver it around noon, if that was okay. I said yes...so she came over and brought the food and sat for about 20 minutes and talked to me. Another nice visit. Then around 2:30 another woman from our church stopped by. She is a 12 year breast cancer survivor. She had brought me a song on a CD she wanted to share with me. We talked for over an hour about lots of different things and she prayed with me also. It was such an encouraging conversation time. After she left, all the family started coming home one by one.

I looked back on the day and saw how sweetly my prayer had been answered! The Lord HAD stayed close to me. And He physically sent visible proof that He was watching over me all day long. A visitor in the morning, one at noon and one more mid-afternoon...all encouraging my heart. It definitely helped the day go by faster!
That is how the Holy Spirit moves among us, like a wind that blows the leaves. We see them moving, even if we can't see the wind itself. All those women blessed me and sustained me through a long day. The Lord God was faithful to sustain me!

The next day, Friday morning, I woke up feeling much, much better. I took Mary to school, went to Walmart, came home and did laundry and vacuumed...all by noon! The roughest part of the storm had passed.

Thank You, dear Jesus, for Your presence in our lives, for Your constant love and tenderness to the details. I do not want to live one day without You. Thank You.